Should I change churches?

[blerg1234]

Ok, well I have been at the same church for.... hmmm... probably 8-9 years now.  Anyway, I have also been playing drums here for the latter 5 1/2 of those years.

Anyway, the leadership in this church has REALLY been starting to get to me.  It's a pentecostal church, but the music leader is how can I say?  Too stubborn.  In fact, he was trying to discourage his step-grandson from learning to play drums because there were already like 2 other people learning to play already in the church (besides myself)!  I mean seriously, that's just wrong.  He also gives me very little freedom behind the kit.  I also dislike the way the church does NOT provide very well for younger people.  The youth group consists of me (18) and a few 12-15 year olds, and basically, ALL the pressure is put on the ONE youth leader we have.  I help him out a bit when he needs it, but the fact is that outside of youth, there is no real support for the youth group.

The head pastor is a lady, and for the last year or so I have gotten NOTHING out of her sermons.  To me, they all just relate to sowing and reaping which is something that I LIVE by.

So... this is where I'm stuck.  If I wasn't playing drums for the church, I would have been out of here months ago, but since they just about NEED me (and my drumkit, since we're in a school hall and have to bring all our own gear) I have felt it would be just a selfish thing to do to just leave.  Since I try very hard not to be selfish (it's something I have always struggled with) I would rather not leave.  But the fact is that I am getting sick of hearing the same sort of sermon reworded EVERY Sunday morning service.  The other pastor who preaches in the evening services is alright though.

I also have the hots for someone in the church which is also another reason I don't want to leave

If I did leave then I would go to the church of a youth group which I go to, it's got about 50 in the youth, and the church has a couple of hundred people.  I have been asked to play drums there before (I go to the band practises for the youth, which are on at the same time as the church services), and my closest few friends go there as well.

So what do you guys think?  I probably won't leave the church, it's something I seriously think about all the time...  I suppose the only real reason I don't want to leave is because of the girl who I like...

err... yeah... opinions anyone?

 

[KnightCross]

David, if you're hoping that someone will give you an easy answer to your question, I would say that it is not up to us...you need to ask God what he wants you to do.

The main thing is to be of an open mind when you ask him, and don't put words in God's mouth. I've learned that many times the answer was not what I expected at all, and whenever I did what I *thought* God wanted (as opposed to actually listening to him) things usually went worse.

Sometimes becoming disenchanted with how things are going is not necessarily a sign that we need to move on. Sometimes it's a sign that we need to buck up and take more of the load...

Hope this helps!

Cheers and God Bless!

 

[Gerry]

If the only reason you are staying in a particular Church is for a girl. Leave.
If you are not being edified there, go where you will be fed.

 

[Serving4Christ]

David,

Ask yourself this...

Am I being fed? Is God nourishing me through the church I'm going to? Am I getting everything out of this church that God wants me to?

Search your heart, then take it to God. Ask Him to search your heart and reveal to you whether or not He wants you there! It's not up to us to answer your question, it's up to you and God.

 

[blerg1234]

Yeah I was thinking that Gerry but this girl is different..... trust me....

and I'll see about giving it a few more weeks. If things don't improve then I shall uhh casually remark to the pastor that I'm thinking of leaving and then see where things go from there...

 

[HesMyAll]

Having the "hots" for someone is not a good reason to stay where you are not being fed.
I think you have to really seek the Lord and have Him to lead you where He wants you to be.
If you are not being fed you will eventually starve to death.

 

[blerg1234]

yes I know

that's why I go to the other youth group.

And it's not simply 'the hots', I actually feel quite deeply for her ... as in... I know what I want in a person and she is absolutely perfect but yeah I know that staying just for that sort of reason isn't a good one.

I mean, who knows. Maybe I'm just being too grumpy... heh... I have depression and go through 'mood swings', and the last one I had went over last sunday (I'm over it now) and I was getting pretty frustrated in church, so I'll see how I go the next few weeks.

 

[sbbqb7n16]

You could always ask her to accompany you to another church.... it's not wrong lol

You might be able to share with her your feelings and passions about Christ as your reasons for leaving or at least visiting another church. If she doesn't seem to be following hard after Christ, then you shouldn't be following hard after her lol

Also while you're there, see what you can give to the church. From what you say, you already give a lot lol but don't let up during your decision because the church leadership is faulty.

Oh yeah... pray about it too can't leave that one out...

 

[Sharky]

Hey dave. I'm in almost the EXACT situation too. I've another church i go to but it's not my kind of church. I go there because of a friend. I'm not getting fed there which is why i had to leave. But yeah it's a good idea, see if you can get her to accompany you to another church.

But don't leave beacuse of that. Try talking to the pastor or something. I did that to my maths teacher once. His teaching methods were boring, same and old and very slow. So i just held back my temper and talked. took 30 seconds then he changed his teaching methods. These kind of people will listen you know. Just don't be rude

 

[EPHRIAM777]

Originally posted by DavidPartay [/i]

1,...The head pastor is a lady,

Eph writes...

I think I found some of the probelm right here above Dave..!!!

Dave writes...

2,...The other pastor who preaches in the evening services is alright though.

Eph says..

Here's some more...the service isn't for your entertainment Dave..! Your there to learn..which sounds to me liike it isn't happening..See the first probelm for the reason...!

Dave writes..
I also have the hots for someone in the church which is also another reason I don't want to leave

Eph says...

More problems Dave..the church service isn't your "dating game hunting grounds"...! It's the Lords house your in so you should be respectful and on your best behavior when your IN his house....except for reason number one again...!

Dave asks...
So what do you guys think?

Eph says...

Well honestly Dave...I think it stinks that you go only for the lil "hotties" and the drums and NOT to learn more about the Lord...

YOUR gettin ripped off in your wlak with Jesus..except your still too young to know it...Remember if you don't count the change in the bag..and the bag has a hole in it..You won't know how much you lost nor will you even miss it.....So since you never counted the coins...You can't know what yer missing...!

Dave closes with...

I probably won't leave the church, it's something I seriously think about all the time... I suppose the only real reason I don't want to leave is because of the girl who I like...

Eph writes...

Dave the good news is ....Jesus's church is made up of PEOPLE....So get with HIM...be as on fire for him ....as you are for that girl...and things will change..I'm sure of it...!

 

[EPHRIAM777]

Originally posted by DavidPartay [/i]
yes I know

Eph writes...

YES Dave " PARTAY "...I know too...many moons ago I was an 18 year old young male...and I know you really care for her so much..and feel so deeply for her....I did too for all the girls I knew.....

But then one day the "PARTAY" will be over Dave....then what..?

....Listen your a young guy and young in the Lord...I would encourage you to LEAVE that drum gig you have and find a fellowship where you start to learn the word...

Use EPH 4:11:12 as your prayer to God and ask him to fulfill this promise for you...When you find that MALE Pastor...that he WILL send to you ...stick with him and grow in the knowledge of the Lord...!

Till then..stay away from those "young women" who might fall for drummers or "band players"...LOL...!

Thats 25 yrs of sound advice for free...!

 

[blerg1234]

Ephraim, please learn to read.

I strongly suggest that you pay more attention. I did NOT AT ONE POINT SAY I ONLY GO BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LEARN!!! The whole point in this topic is asking people's OPINIONS on whether I should leave or not because of the exact reason that I do not believe the church is fulfilling my needs as a Christian! Yes, I do like someone there.

"More problems Dave..the church service isn't your "dating game hunting grounds"...! It's the Lords house your in so you should be respectful and on your best behavior when your IN his house....except for reason number one again...!"

AND I AM INSULTED BY THAT.

"2,...The other pastor who preaches in the evening services is alright though.

Eph says..

Here's some more...the service isn't for your entertainment Dave..! Your there to learn..which sounds to me liike it isn't happening..See the first probelm for the reason...!"

Entertainment? What are you on about?

Seriously... next time read the things I say. Kristy is a very good friend of mine and I don't go there JUST to hang out, or hunting for potential people. I go because I'm a Christian and I want to learn, but the church is barely fulfilling my needs as a Christian.

 

[Serving4Christ]

Yoda says,

One should not read into a message too much Ephriam777 or be too critical without all the information, I'm afraid.

I will have to back David on this one.

 

[Athlon4all]

Eph, and David, can we try to be loving, regardless of how nasty the other may be acting? Lets strive to be Christ like and loving!

Now David, Seek the LORD's will. This is clearly something that we need to seek His will on, and its not something that the Bible directly talks about. Read the Word some more, and Pray about it extensively. Don't "limit" the LORD if you know what I mean. What I mean is that, he may not want that church to have drums, or maybe, he will provide new drums and a new drummer.

I do understand how you aren't being fed. Your senior pastor seems to be the kind that focuses on evangilism, and while thats not bad in the right setting, if she isn't equping the body, thats not good. Do realize though that if you spend ample time in the Word and prayer, the LORD will supply all you need.

As for this girl that you like, first off, again, don't "limit" what you hear from God because of Her. God may not want you to be near her, or may want something else. Second, I would encourage you to really examine yourself to see if you are "looking at this woman to lust for her," and see if your "friendship" is really a friendship, or see if its simply on the very leading edge of romantic, which I feel is wrong unless marriage is what you are leading towards.

Again, seek God's will, not your will. Really get before the LORD and say from the bottom of your heart: "LORD, show me your will, no matter what."

 

[blerg1234]

Actually no, she is like the first person who I have NOT had lustful feelings over... as in I like her person - and even though she is physically VERY attractive, I don't think of her of an object of lust because she means a lot more to me than that. I've already asked God to only let me feel this way about her if we do have the potential to be married... because quite bluntly, I don't want to have an unsuccessful relationship (again) because I've made the wrong decision without seeking God's real advice and making myself believe I'm hearing from him when I haven't been.

On the other hand, I do consider NOT leaving a lot because when the time comes I'll be doing a bit of leading in the youth group (they're a rowdy bunch) and I'm sure the youth leader could do with a bit of help.

Anyway I've come to the conclusion that I'll only leave IF I strongly feel that God wants me to go somewhere else. Besides, leaving would probably be giving Satan victory over something because there's some woman who complains about the drums across the street, she wants them stopped (she just sounds like someone who HAS to have something to complain about) and if I did stop playing then um.... yes... can't let her win

 

[ikester7579]

Churches sometimes become stale. There are many things that can cause this. Some times the leader of the church needs this brought to their attention. The leader of the church can gradually fall into a rut and not even realize it. Bad feelings, gossip etc... can take it's toll. If you know of someone who feels the same way you do about what's going on. Get together with them and fast and pray for the church and it's leader. God says: If any two get together in my name I shall be their with them. The power of this is awsome. In fact start a seven day fast. Split it up between several in the church so that everyday shall be covered. One person fast one day and another one day etc... Also some people cannot fast for a whole day. This is fine. In the Bible a lot of people only fasted until evening. When God see's your making a sacrafice for what is right, he will move in that church. But before this can happen, someone has to start praying. 

 

[reeann]

31st January 2003 at 05:22 PM sbbqb7n16 said this in Post #8

You could always ask her to accompany you to another church.... it's not wrong lol

You might be able to share with her your feelings and passions about Christ as your reasons for leaving or at least visiting another church. If she doesn't seem to be following hard after Christ, then you shouldn't be following hard after her lol

Also while you're there, see what you can give to the church. From what you say, you already give a lot lol but don't let up during your decision because the church leadership is faulty.

Oh yeah... pray about it too can't leave that one out...

I like this response alot.  Its points out the necessity to seek God's guidance (passions and seeking of Christ, being fed and part of the body of Christ), while addressing very real issues to the person (he has very real feelings for a girl).  


All I can add to you is what God has been teaching me lately.  This verse comes to my mind all day:

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousneous.   Easier said than done.  But with obedience, comes the desires of your heart.  God promises it.  What you may find out later is that you saw God working refine you in some way.

Seek God first always...its the prescription for true peace

 

[YouthPastor]

It's a pentecostal church, but the music leader is how can I say? Too stubborn. In fact, he was trying to discourage his step-grandson from learning to play drums because there were already like 2 other people learning to play already in the church (besides myself)!

My wife is a worship leader.  let me say this - Notice the "leader" part of the title - he is the worship LEADER - It is his job to bring the people into the presence of God.  She needs to lead the way she feels lead by God.

Not letting his step son learn to play based on you have people who play is a poor excuse.  However, there may be more to it than what you are told.  who has told you he can't learn?  the step son or the worship leader?  There may be more to the story that what you are hearing.

 

He also gives me very little freedom behind the kit.

Again he is the leader.  What do you mean by freedom?  I play drums and know quite a few drummers including professional drummers that play on worship albums.

the thing about most musicians is that they tend to be creative and head strong.  As a drummer, especially in worship it is not our job to do a bunch of cool riffs and show everyone how well we play.  Our job is to keep the beat going, flow with the rest of the musicians, creating an atmosphere that does not hinder the worship.

I do not know what you are wanting to do by more freedom - but the above is general info for drumemrs.

 

The youth group consists of me (18) and a few 12-15 year olds, and basically, ALL the pressure is put on the ONE youth leader we have. I help him out a bit when he needs it, but the fact is that outside of youth, there is no real support for the youth group.

Numbers is not what church or youth group is all about.  God used 1 person to change the world (Jesus).  He used another 12 to turn the world upside down.

the woman being pastor - is she the only one?  are there others over her?

What i am seeing is a split in your affections.  You are at this church - yet you are interested in the other church.  This can effect your hearing and your view.

As far as the girl - Church is not about dating or girls - it s about God.

Are you missing your church to go to practice at the other church?

 

[blerg1234]

As far as the girl - Church is not about dating or girls - it s about God.
Didn't I already comment on people talking like this? Sorry, but it's quite annoying to have assumptions like this thrown at me.

There is another pastor, who is a guy and he's alright - like I did mention previously.

I play drums in about 3 different bands not including the church band, I also teach drums and have had a lot of good experience. I KNOW how to play for the music, and I always do my absolute best to play FOR the music - in fact I am far from overplaying or anything close.

As for the worship leader in regards to his grandson-in-law, this is actually a thing with the guy - he plays favourites, and being as stubborn as he is he has a tendency to want EVERYTHING his way, which comes into conflict with what others may view, and it's a fairly selfish outlook. I've been trying to work with the guy for 5 1/2 years, I do know what he's like.

And no, I don't miss my church to practise at the other one, I play drums every sunday both morning and evening services and besides that the band practises are on different nights of the week, but I don't go to the ones for the other church anymore anyway.

 

[reeann]

Dave: I believe God will bless your faithfulness. The church has come to rely on your being there adn just up and leaving is just plain not kewl. I appreciate people who post struggles they go through as well. It is very true, we must seek God first in all we do. I personally fall short in this department and I need alot of work (and i'm much older than you). Trusting and following GOD's way is the hardest but the more rewarding road to take. Move slowly, and I personally think its normal for a young man your age to be torn between a young woman whom you seem to like alot and the church you are at. Look at it this way, if you really like this girl, you will follow God's way, because when you do, you bless her and yourself for an example of faithfulness.

Good luck, pray and obey, and let us know how it goes!