Should I allow our friendship to end?

[GodIsMyJoy]

This is rather long but I'd appreciate if any women and men of God could give me some guidance.
I'm currently in a very confusing situation with regards to my friendships with my 2 closest friends.

Just some background...

I grew up in the church and officially gave my life to Jesus at age 14. I was passionate about Jesus and tried to live a godly life even while being close friends with non christians. When it was time to head to university at 18 I met a variety of different people and for the first time I felt like maybe I was missing out by refraining from drinking alcohol to excess, clubbing every weekend and being sexual with the opposite sex. My faith was not strong enough and I drifted from God and found myself drinking and doing things i thought i'd never do. My explanation at the time to my best friends was that I was 'exploring' and they believed that my behaviour was me 'coming out of my shell'. They were happy and supportive of this 'new' person. During the first two years of university I fluctuated between living a secular life and going back to God, asking for forgiveness for the lifestyle I was living. This understandably was confusing for my friends but nevertheless they stood by me in the midst of all the confusion.

There came a point where I was fed up and decided to that I wanted to wholeheartedly live for Jesus. My relationship with God was progressing and I was happier. But yet again I allowed myself to be distracted. I met a Christian man and shortly after we began a dating relationship. We seemed to be getting to know each other in a way that would be pleasing to God. The first time we met he came to visit me at university, I happened to be home alone and one thing led to another and we were intimate with each other. After this happened I felt ashamed and embarassed. I'd told my friends how I'd chosen to live a godly life and I had failed. So I kept it a secret. Any questions they would ask me about what happened I would lie and say that I was strong enough to not cross the line with the man I was dating. Shortly after the relationship ended. I felt a lot of shame and struggled to go back to God as I believed that I would never be 'good' enough. I thought I wasn't capable of living a Godly life.

I have been recently moved to study abroad and have been living in abroad for just over 3 months now. I wanted to use this opportunity to learn more about God and myself but the shame I felt held me back from putting my whole heart into following Christ. So after 2/3 weeks abroad I quickly fell back into old habits, I let more boundaries fall and became more extreme with my behaviour, I became promiscuous. I knew what I was doing was harmful to myself yet I continued the destructive behaviour. I wasn't happy, I was a living hypocrite. Back home my friends had no idea what I was doing.

A week ago I confessed to them everything I had done.They were shocked and disgusted by what I'd done. They called me a hypocrite and a fraud. They told me that I'd gone against everything I claimed to believe. They'd lost any respect they had for me. I apologised to them both.I hadn't felt so down in all my life. I cried out to God and repented for all my sinful behaviour, I promised to turn away from sin because it was killing me.

Even after a week I feel like something has changed in me. I am genuinely happier and have been seeking Gods word everyday. I am hopeful for the future, which i havent felt in years.

But the one thing that has been bothering me is my friendship with my 2 closest friends who are not christians, before I moved abroad they admitted to me that they felt like I was drifting apart from them. They thought I'd become cold and more distant. So I promised to make more of an effort with my friendship with them. But I let them down by nto communicating with them enough, hiding my sinful lifestyle, and now after my betrayal I don't think our friendship will ever be how it used to be. It's been 14 years of friendship and I feel like I've blown the relationships I had with them both. I don't know whether to end the friendship as I believe that they'd be better off without me, or to work at it and gain their trust again and hopefully help in showing them who Jesus is.

They are my only close friends so letting them go would be very heartbreaking for me.

 

[quartzy]

I think that they noticed you were getting distant from them due to your shame. Real friends seem to know when the other is keeping something from them, so yes they probably do feel betrayed by what happened. But then, true friends also forgive and if you have reached out to them and opened up it is now up to them whether to forgive you or not. You should not end a friendship just because they are not Christian. God told us to love people including non Christians. PErhaps you could state that you are again sorry and that you would not like things to get in the way of your friendship. The shame you feel is your feeling not theirs, so you need to totally acknowledge that which you say that you done. If you have I cannot see why you think that you are not a worth while friend as people do sin even Christians.

 

[LoricaLady]

Well, it is hard to let go of friends you have had for so long. However, they don't seem like such great friends as they were so judgmental and attacking when you bared your soul to them. If they keep that up, and even if they don't, I'd seek other friends. Friends forgive and are supportive and compassionate.

 

[ValleyGal]

If your friends are worth fighting for, ask to speak to both of them and then explain that just because you are a Christian, it does not make you perfect in obedience to what you say you believe. Even Paul had an issue with obedience - he said that he does what he doesn't want to do, and he doesn't do what he knows he should do. Even Christians mess up, but when we do, we know we have a God who is quick to forgive. Check out 1 John 1:9, let your friends know what it says, and let them know that you confided in them by confessing to them because you believed they also were quick to forgive. Let them know that you still treasure them as friends, and would love for them to accept you even when you mess up in practicing what you might preach. It takes a whole lifetime of work to start actually living out the Christian values that you have, and would like their support as you aim for godly standards.

ETA - also ask them to forgive you for being less than a perfect example of the God you follow...but that you follow him because he IS perfect.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

While it is good to have friends, It be good to have christian friends who
can come along side you and be supportive of you, pray with and for you,
give you godly counsel...as well as being involved in a discipleship class an or
mentoring program at church.

What happened between you and your unsaved friends isn't unusual...it
also happens when we believers find out that another believer has been
lying to us and living an ungodly lifestyle/ acting deceptive...when covers
get blown, people react accordingly...shock/surprise/disappointment etc.

Who of us can say that they instantly forgave someone for lying and deceiving?...
cause we certainly wouldn't react that way if we found out our spouse has been
lying and deceiving, you know like what goes on when they be having an affair.
This forum has many threads on cheating/deceptive spouses...same goes
for cheating/deceptive friends; Lost marriages and lost friendships.
I've yet to read one thread about somebody instantly forgiving their spouse or
lifelong friend for betraying them.

Natural reactions to lies/betrayals/ deceptions: disappointment, hurt, anger, broken trust etc.
Forgiveness doesn't come instantly when those we love deceive/lie/cheat etc.
Forgiveness is a process and it's not a one time thing...it takes time and lots of effort.
Sometimes we get forgiven and the other person wants to restore the relationship,
sometimes they forgive us but don't want to continue having a relationship with us.

What's important is that you get yourself rooted in the Lord and seek out godly counseling.
When you've hurt long time friends, it's not going to be easy to rebuild the friendships.
Since you have apologized and have confessed to them what you've done, I say let things
alone for now, give them time to sort through all this. If you do see them be kind, don't
pressure them.

You need time to work on your own issues with a counselor, there seems to
be other stuff that you be struggling with that don't have anything to do with your 2 friends.
Cause when you headed down that dark path, you done that without your two friends' knowledge and participation.

I'm also curious about your home life...what's your relationship like with your dad?
what's your relationship like with your mom?
Are you connected with other christians?
Were you in any sort of discipleship course at church?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

My long time friend of nearly 15 years one day moved 4 hours away. Heard from him once within a few weeks. After that he never contacted me again. I did try to contact him and he didn't respond. In the end I was just like "Meh". As in I didn't really care. Friends come and go so I just got over it. Life goes on. Sure, at first I felt sort of hurt that he dropped me instantly.

I've gotten used to friends coming and going. Doesn't really bug me anymore. I am married and we have a good couple that we are friends with. I will say though its great that my friend stopped talking to me because he was not a christian and wasn't good for me anyways. Once he was gone my walk with God became better. So it was a blessing that we stopped talking.

 

[Jonathan Leo]

This is rather long but I'd appreciate if any women and men of God could give me some guidance.
I'm currently in a very confusing situation with regards to my friendships with my 2 closest friends.

Just some background...

I grew up in the church and officially gave my life to Jesus at age 14. I was passionate about Jesus and tried to live a godly life even while being close friends with non christians. When it was time to head to university at 18 I met a variety of different people and for the first time I felt like maybe I was missing out by refraining from drinking alcohol to excess, clubbing every weekend and being sexual with the opposite sex. My faith was not strong enough and I drifted from God and found myself drinking and doing things i thought i'd never do. My explanation at the time to my best friends was that I was 'exploring' and they believed that my behaviour was me 'coming out of my shell'. They were happy and supportive of this 'new' person. During the first two years of university I fluctuated between living a secular life and going back to God, asking for forgiveness for the lifestyle I was living. This understandably was confusing for my friends but nevertheless they stood by me in the midst of all the confusion.

There came a point where I was fed up and decided to that I wanted to wholeheartedly live for Jesus. My relationship with God was progressing and I was happier. But yet again I allowed myself to be distracted. I met a Christian man and shortly after we began a dating relationship. We seemed to be getting to know each other in a way that would be pleasing to God. The first time we met he came to visit me at university, I happened to be home alone and one thing led to another and we were intimate with each other. After this happened I felt ashamed and embarassed. I'd told my friends how I'd chosen to live a godly life and I had failed. So I kept it a secret. Any questions they would ask me about what happened I would lie and say that I was strong enough to not cross the line with the man I was dating. Shortly after the relationship ended. I felt a lot of shame and struggled to go back to God as I believed that I would never be 'good' enough. I thought I wasn't capable of living a Godly life.

I have been recently moved to study abroad and have been living in abroad for just over 3 months now. I wanted to use this opportunity to learn more about God and myself but the shame I felt held me back from putting my whole heart into following Christ. So after 2/3 weeks abroad I quickly fell back into old habits, I let more boundaries fall and became more extreme with my behaviour, I became promiscuous. I knew what I was doing was harmful to myself yet I continued the destructive behaviour. I wasn't happy, I was a living hypocrite. Back home my friends had no idea what I was doing.

A week ago I confessed to them everything I had done.They were shocked and disgusted by what I'd done. They called me a hypocrite and a fraud. They told me that I'd gone against everything I claimed to believe. They'd lost any respect they had for me. I apologised to them both.I hadn't felt so down in all my life. I cried out to God and repented for all my sinful behaviour, I promised to turn away from sin because it was killing me.

Even after a week I feel like something has changed in me. I am genuinely happier and have been seeking Gods word everyday. I am hopeful for the future, which i havent felt in years.

But the one thing that has been bothering me is my friendship with my 2 closest friends who are not christians, before I moved abroad they admitted to me that they felt like I was drifting apart from them. They thought I'd become cold and more distant. So I promised to make more of an effort with my friendship with them. But I let them down by nto communicating with them enough, hiding my sinful lifestyle, and now after my betrayal I don't think our friendship will ever be how it used to be. It's been 14 years of friendship and I feel like I've blown the relationships I had with them both. I don't know whether to end the friendship as I believe that they'd be better off without me, or to work at it and gain their trust again and hopefully help in showing them who Jesus is.

They are my only close friends so letting them go would be very heartbreaking for me.

Hi there,
First of all telling your non Christian friends about your walk with God was foolish. We are not to cast pearls before swine. As people who are not of God, they made you feel guilty about your behaviour. It's why you felt ashamed to come back to God. That's what the devil would whisper in your ear. " You sinned now, look at you, your too dirty to go in front of God" Yet, I bet you they have done the exact same things that you did but they call you a hypocrite and other destructive words. I call these people of the devil. They don't believe in God, yet cast you down as if there was one. They are the real hypocrites. Lesson 1, keep your walk with God be it good or bad with Gods people (Christians) You can't put your relationship with God in the hands of the devil (non believers)

Lesson 2, Never ever think you are bad enough to come back to God. To keep it short and sweet, read the prodigal son. God and all the angels in heaven rejoice when a sinner comes to true repentance. How can anybody know how bad and destructive sin is, if they have never lived it. I'm not saying you should go out and be promiscuous or test everything that's against Gods word, but I'm saying in order to repent, one needs to know what their repenting off. God cannot be tempted to do evil, but He can and does allow evil to happen. Read the book of Job. How else could God chastise those He loves if everything was rosey lee in the garden. God undoubtedly will allow you to mess up your life if it means you learn from it, be it as harsh as it can get. Imagine if you got pregnant by that so called Christian man and then he left you as a single mother. God would never stop the sort but if it happened and you repented, God would still love you but I could imagine Him saying " my child, if you only adhered to my words" God hates sin but loves those who admit their sinners and repent. He died for us whilst we were still sinners. So no matter what mess you get yourself into, always come to your senses and come back to God. Not only is He waiting, He is running towards you with open arms.

Lesson 3
True and close friends are never apart. To tell you that you were drifting away is a type of manipulation. After all, you vowed to communicate more with them. Let me put it this way,
A true friend would call you even if you didn't.
A true friend will value the relationship and if you didn't call, then she would have to make sure your ok.
A true friend will never put you down for living a promiscuous life rather advise against it.
A true friend will go through hell with you.
A true friend never judges but will probably do the same
f.,.,ed up s,,t just to make the memory of a friendship.
A true friend will always apologise and a true friend will always forgive.
Let me tell you that some of my non Christian friends are better and treat me with more respect than some of my Christian ones. Isn't that ironic,but sometimes that's the way of life, circumstances make us stop being friends with certain people even if we can't see the good in it for now. Value your friends, but never forget that your well being is equally important so also value yourself. Sometimes we need to cut people out of our lives because they cause destruction rather than construction. Ask God for wisdom in such areas of your life, it's what He wants to give you anyway.

Lastly, the good news is that you are back walking with the Lord. Notice how miserable you were living for the world and yourself. Walking with God is always a pleasure but don't ever think the walk is so you have the perfect life. Jesus told us that we will be persecuted,mocked, ridiculed, abused, abanded,ignored, refused etc etc all for His names sake. My point here is, if you continue to walk with Jesus and live a life that's pleasing to Him and you get such upsets in life, count it a blessing.
Also, we humans tend to let our minds live in the past or the future. Live in the now, what you have now and what you can do now. Never worry about what was and what could happen. Just put yourself right before God. Hope this helps, Jonathan