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Should dating couples really do devotions together
- Thread starter Lizzi4Christ
- Start date
Spiritual intimacy builds an attatchment and dependence on eachother. I feel praying and spirtualy one on one moments together should be avoided at all costs. Because Love is patient. It includes waiting physical and spritual intimacy. Do not awaken love before your'e not ready. Song of Solomon- Blessings as you seek God about his issue 
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f U z ! o N
I fall like a sparrow and fly like a kite
what if you are ready? as i said it only works if 2 people want to grow closer and understand the risks.
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f U z ! o N said:
That's exactly my point. Is it wise to do that when you don't know that you're going to end up marrying that person? Should a spiritual bond on that level be made when you're purely dating, with no promise of marriage?
Again, this is not directed towards engaged or married couples. There's a difference there because there's a promise of marriage. But that's not so with dating.
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Spoilt Victorian Child
Regular Member
I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea that it's unhealthy for unmarried couples to pray together and I still think it's really, really silly, and dangerous to advocate.
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okay, before i even got into the devotions thing, there's something else you said that rang warning bells in my head that i'd like to address...
this may sound harsh, but i've learned the hard way that you need to be 100% sure of it. also, the advice i have received from a number of good godly people whom i respect has been exactly what i've mentioned above.
which brings me to the devotion thing. if you're ready to marry this chap, as per the paragraph above, then you'll want to do devotions together. in fact, this might be a critical part of your and his walk with the Lord.
think about it this way, your relationship is a 3 way thing... you, your bf and God. it will strengthen your relationship with your bf, and both your relationships with God, if you do devotions together. your spiritual walks will benefit. and even if you guys don't end up marrying, then at least through him you have grown closer to God.
i think it also gives you a good indication of your bf's spiritual maturity and health too. perhaps he's going through a rough period? you could assist him there...
and what if this guy *is* gonna be your husband?
anyways, at the end of the day, the decision is yours and yours alone, and depends a lot on your situation. this is my approach to it. i think devotions are good, but then again, i'm gonna do my best to make sure that the next girl i go out with is the one i end up marrying (i'm not going out with anyone at the moment).
this is what alarmed me. you shouldn't be dating someone unless you're prepared to (from a guy's point of view) get down on your knees and propose to them. if you're not ready to marry that person then you shouldn't be dating them.
this may sound harsh, but i've learned the hard way that you need to be 100% sure of it. also, the advice i have received from a number of good godly people whom i respect has been exactly what i've mentioned above.
which brings me to the devotion thing. if you're ready to marry this chap, as per the paragraph above, then you'll want to do devotions together. in fact, this might be a critical part of your and his walk with the Lord.
think about it this way, your relationship is a 3 way thing... you, your bf and God. it will strengthen your relationship with your bf, and both your relationships with God, if you do devotions together. your spiritual walks will benefit. and even if you guys don't end up marrying, then at least through him you have grown closer to God.
i think it also gives you a good indication of your bf's spiritual maturity and health too. perhaps he's going through a rough period? you could assist him there...
and what if this guy *is* gonna be your husband?
anyways, at the end of the day, the decision is yours and yours alone, and depends a lot on your situation. this is my approach to it. i think devotions are good, but then again, i'm gonna do my best to make sure that the next girl i go out with is the one i end up marrying (i'm not going out with anyone at the moment).
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Spoilt Victorian Child said:
I didn't read the whole thread. But I agree with this person, plus several others on the last page. An unmarried couple has no business praying or doing devotions together.
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Spoilt Victorian Child
Regular Member
Leanna said:
Oops, sorry for the ambiguous post. I meant that the idea that it's unhealthy to do devotions and pray together is not a good one. I think it's caution taken to a counterproductive extreme.
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
For the past couple of years me and my boyfriend haven't done devotions together or prayed together...BIGGEST mistake for us. We both felt like something was missing and now that we have started doing devotions, reading the bible and praying together, it has really helped us as a couple and I feel so much closer to my bf and God too. I don't think that couples who aren't serious about each other should do devotions or pray together. I only wish we would have started doing them sooner. I feel that praying, doing devotions and reading the bible together is as important as doing them seperately too (what I mean is that it's as important to do that stuff together as it is to have your own personal relationship with God).
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LadyBird
Dance Me to the End of Love
I just wanted to address something...just because me and my bf aren't engaged it doesn't mean that we wont get marrried, it just means that we're not ready yet. Just like there are a million other couples who are in our situation, who have found the one, but aren't ready, for whatever reasons, to get married yet. We want to marry each other in the future...I think that counts for something.
Lizzi, I don't think that couples who aren't serious about each other and who aren't planning on getting married should do devotions together because of the closeness it brings.
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YoursTruely45
Active Member
Lizzi4Christ said:
That was never brought up. I just had voiced my opinion. I really think that in my personal relationship doing devotions has helped.
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YoursTruely45
Active Member
Lizzi4Christ said:
Even before I got my ring my boyfriend and I did devotions. We knew that we were going to get married so we just did them to make our relationship stronger...
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I think it is very important to do devotionals together. I actually was just trying to find some for me and my boyfriend to do together. I've been having a hard time figuring out what I am supposed to be doing in this relationship in regaurds to my faith. In my last relationship I thought it was important to have God in it, but it was more like He was on the outside, surrounding our relationship. I was talking with my friend who just started dating and she was having a hard time like me. We both realized that it's important to have God in the middle of the relationship.
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wow... this is actually a first for me, heh... i've never heard anyone say that you shouldn't pray or do devotionals with someone you're dating unless you're engaged/married/absolutely sure you're going to get married 
i dunno... honestly unless that is something that leads the couple to temptation, i don't see the problem. The focus should be on the Lord first and foremost and growing and encouraging one another to grow in their walks. my bf and i don't do devotionals (though i wouldn't be opposed to the idea) but we have encouraged one another in the faith, we talk about certain passages of Scripture, we pray for one another. And honestly i think that bring the Lord into your relationship like that, if you're a Christian couple, is crucial. Its building that foundation upon God as your relationship progresses. I can't see anything wrong with that.
and to appease Lizzi4Christangel, i don't believe that doing devotions or praying together automatically means a couple is going to have a blissful time together forever and ever and they'll never have any problems, and i don't think it means the couple is automatically destined to end up together. However i don't see the point in banning any and all devotion/payer time or how having that time together is somehow a promise that marriage is on the way...
i dunno... honestly unless that is something that leads the couple to temptation, i don't see the problem. The focus should be on the Lord first and foremost and growing and encouraging one another to grow in their walks. my bf and i don't do devotionals (though i wouldn't be opposed to the idea) but we have encouraged one another in the faith, we talk about certain passages of Scripture, we pray for one another. And honestly i think that bring the Lord into your relationship like that, if you're a Christian couple, is crucial. Its building that foundation upon God as your relationship progresses. I can't see anything wrong with that.
and to appease Lizzi4Christ
angel, i don't believe that doing devotions or praying together automatically means a couple is going to have a blissful time together forever and ever and they'll never have any problems, and i don't think it means the couple is automatically destined to end up together. However i don't see the point in banning any and all devotion/payer time or how having that time together is somehow a promise that marriage is on the way...
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TheTabster
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So, I'm new to this forum, and spent the morning reading through the replies in this thread. I actually found the thread through the google search I was doing on devotional books for couples... and found it quite interesting.
I definitely understand where those of you who are against doing devotions and praying as a couple are coming from, but I'm just curious, is it a stance you have taken up with God, or one that you have come to on your own? I'm not trying to condemn anyone or anything like that, so please don't get offended, I'm just trying to come to a better understanding of why you feel the way you do.
See, for me, I've never seen any point in getting involved with someone who I can't see myself marrying. Doesn't mean I haven't been blinded by the rose-coloured glasses before, as we all have, but through those failures I came to realize that there were certain things I had to be sure of before getting into a relationship with someone.
To be quite honest, as far as Christian relationships go, I have zilch experience. I've always gone straight for the non-Christian guys. Through the last 'relationship' I had though, I came to realize that I could never truly be happy if I wasn't with a Christian, because then I couldn't share my entire being and entire life with them. And then I got thinking, if they're not a Christian, there's no way I'd be marrying them, so why am I wasting my time dating non-Christians in the first place?
It seems everyone in this debate has agreed on one factor, and that is that God needs to be the centre focus of the relationship.
I think prayer and devotions together is an excellent way to achieve that. I've seen that some of the concerns were that it leads to physical intimacy. But here's the thing -- if you're really getting that close with God, then you've got to let him have everything in the relationship, including trusting in him to help you contain those feelings and to deal with them when they approach.
If you're looking at it in the way of 'well I don't think we'll get married' then is there really reason for you to be dating? The relationship I'm in now, I can see it leading to marriage. Mind you, we just got into a relationship, but it wasn't until after spending time separately in prayer that we decided to get involved. That doesn't mean I'm going to let my guard down, and be all like 'Oooh this is the man I'm soooo gonna marry' and open myself up to be liable to get hurt, but it also means that the relationship is worth pursuing because I could see myself marrying this man. And because of that, I want to start preparing ourselves for a relationship that is healthy for marriage. To me, thats what dating is about. Its about working towards marriage. And if it doesn't work out, you learned a few things on the way, things that you can correct and change in the next one.
I don't think becoming spiritually intimate ruins that. You can have a spiritual intimacy with anyone, and that doesn't mean that you're taking away from the next person that you'll share that intimacy with, or that it will be less special with the next person.
In order to keep God as the centre of your relationship, you need to spend time together with him. How you do it, varies from person to person. If becoming intimate in prayer and study together causes you issues with physical intimacy, then limit it to merely discussions. If it isn't something that causes issues, then it can be a really important device in developing your relationship. It wholly depends on you and your 'partner' so to speak. If the physical intimacy is a problem, then put yourselves in a situation that prevents it. IE, sit at the kitchen table, on opposite sides of the table, when someone else is home with you. If you don't live at home, find some place that is quiet enough that you won't be disturbed, but public enough that getting caught up in the moment won't occur.
I definitely understand where those of you who are against doing devotions and praying as a couple are coming from, but I'm just curious, is it a stance you have taken up with God, or one that you have come to on your own? I'm not trying to condemn anyone or anything like that, so please don't get offended, I'm just trying to come to a better understanding of why you feel the way you do.
See, for me, I've never seen any point in getting involved with someone who I can't see myself marrying. Doesn't mean I haven't been blinded by the rose-coloured glasses before, as we all have, but through those failures I came to realize that there were certain things I had to be sure of before getting into a relationship with someone.
To be quite honest, as far as Christian relationships go, I have zilch experience. I've always gone straight for the non-Christian guys. Through the last 'relationship' I had though, I came to realize that I could never truly be happy if I wasn't with a Christian, because then I couldn't share my entire being and entire life with them. And then I got thinking, if they're not a Christian, there's no way I'd be marrying them, so why am I wasting my time dating non-Christians in the first place?
It seems everyone in this debate has agreed on one factor, and that is that God needs to be the centre focus of the relationship.
I think prayer and devotions together is an excellent way to achieve that. I've seen that some of the concerns were that it leads to physical intimacy. But here's the thing -- if you're really getting that close with God, then you've got to let him have everything in the relationship, including trusting in him to help you contain those feelings and to deal with them when they approach.
If you're looking at it in the way of 'well I don't think we'll get married' then is there really reason for you to be dating? The relationship I'm in now, I can see it leading to marriage. Mind you, we just got into a relationship, but it wasn't until after spending time separately in prayer that we decided to get involved. That doesn't mean I'm going to let my guard down, and be all like 'Oooh this is the man I'm soooo gonna marry' and open myself up to be liable to get hurt, but it also means that the relationship is worth pursuing because I could see myself marrying this man. And because of that, I want to start preparing ourselves for a relationship that is healthy for marriage. To me, thats what dating is about. Its about working towards marriage. And if it doesn't work out, you learned a few things on the way, things that you can correct and change in the next one.
I don't think becoming spiritually intimate ruins that. You can have a spiritual intimacy with anyone, and that doesn't mean that you're taking away from the next person that you'll share that intimacy with, or that it will be less special with the next person.
In order to keep God as the centre of your relationship, you need to spend time together with him. How you do it, varies from person to person. If becoming intimate in prayer and study together causes you issues with physical intimacy, then limit it to merely discussions. If it isn't something that causes issues, then it can be a really important device in developing your relationship. It wholly depends on you and your 'partner' so to speak. If the physical intimacy is a problem, then put yourselves in a situation that prevents it. IE, sit at the kitchen table, on opposite sides of the table, when someone else is home with you. If you don't live at home, find some place that is quiet enough that you won't be disturbed, but public enough that getting caught up in the moment won't occur.
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Weasel7711
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My girlfriend and I are serious about our relationship. We've only been together for 4 months but we have a strong trust and connection and we both want very similar things out of the future and life. I think if both of you are ready for the spiritual connection, it is a good idea. We do a book called "Devotions for Dating Couples." Its really good. Each of you do a devotion duringt the week and on saturday you talk about the week and answer a bunch of questions about that week's topic together. On sunday you are encouraged to go to church together.
I think this question should be a yes after a certain point. There need to be boundaries in your relationship. My GF and I waited to say I love you until we were both ready (provided it was hard for me to wait, but we managed), we are holding off on passionate kissing until engagement, and we are holding off on prayer together until engagment as well. Once you are ready as a couple it is a good idea to do devotions together but only if you plan on marriage, otherwise why are you going to get that involved... and why are you dating for that matter??
I think this question should be a yes after a certain point. There need to be boundaries in your relationship. My GF and I waited to say I love you until we were both ready (provided it was hard for me to wait, but we managed), we are holding off on passionate kissing until engagement, and we are holding off on prayer together until engagment as well. Once you are ready as a couple it is a good idea to do devotions together but only if you plan on marriage, otherwise why are you going to get that involved... and why are you dating for that matter??
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