Should dating couples really do devotions together

[Singin4Him]

Right... but applicable to spiritual intimacy, what actions or experiences would you consider "giving part of yourself away" spiritually, and what are merely part of natural fellowship to you? (ie praying together, reading the Bible together, theology debates)

I think there's nothing wrong with a quick prayer together, especially over a meal or something. But I don't encourage dating couples to spend a long amount of time ALONE in prayer. I've heard so many stories(from friends and acquaintances) where a couple starts a bible study together or a prayer time together with completely pure intentions but those times create more intimacy between the couple which then leads to their "prayer times" becoming make-out sessions...and sometimes more. Satan will attack Christian couples by leading them down that dangerous path.

There's nothing wrong with couples (as in a group of them) having a bible study together, a couple having "debates" if they choose, discussing what God is teaching them during their personal quiet times...etc. My personal opinion is that you should never seclude yourselves to pray and read the Word for long amounts of time because it can and will turn into something more, intimacy has a tendency of doing that. As I said, prayer together as a couple is more intimate than sex, that in itself should be obvious that it should be treated very delicately. So you see it's not that by gathering together in spiritual intimacy that is giving yourself away but it can inevitably lead to that in other ways if the couple is not careful.

 

[plum]

I think there's nothing wrong with a quick prayer together, especially over a meal or something. But I don't encourage dating couples to spend a long amount of time ALONE in prayer. I've heard so many stories(from friends and acquaintances) where a couple starts a bible study together or a prayer time together with completely pure intentions but those times create more intimacy between the couple which then leads to their "prayer times" becoming make-out sessions...and sometimes more. Satan will attack Christian couples by leading them down that dangerous path.

I thought it was not about physical intimacy, but about spiritual....?
I know this situation is a story lots of people tell (I've heard it as a hypothetical situation, not a real one yet. but still, the lesson holds water).

Anyway, I guess what I'm thinking about right now is the fact that I don't think growing together spiritually is bad ONE BIT, simply by the nature of it. I didn't stress "together" just then because I don't think that should be the goal. The goal should be growth. And growth with God happens on a personal level- Him and us. One-on-one. I think the only danger with 'spiritual intimacy' comes when we focus on the significant other and not the True Groom, the True Romance. I don't think that every time a couple comes together in deep, honest prayer, that it means danger for sex or anything. I do think the warning is a great one though simply because Satan can use anything to get to us. If you are weak in this area, then by all means, take precautions! But if you are not weak here and the goal is simply and humbly Christ... then I think it's fine.

 

[Ginga]

Anyway, I guess what I'm thinking about right now is the fact that I don't think growing together spiritually is bad ONE BIT, simply by the nature of it. I didn't stress "together" just then because I don't think that should be the goal. The goal should be growth. And growth with God happens on a personal level- Him and us. One-on-one. I think the only danger with 'spiritual intimacy' comes when we focus on the significant other and not the True Groom, the True Romance. I don't think that every time a couple comes together in deep, honest prayer, that it means danger for sex or anything. I do think the warning is a great one though simply because Satan can use anything to get to us. If you are weak in this area, then by all means, take precautions! But if you are not weak here and the goal is simply and humbly Christ... then I think it's fine.

I totally agree with you on this missju

 

[sOuLifieD]

[QUOTE=KristianJ]I don't like worksheet type devotionals either - the ones where there is a question or likewise to consider is good, so that you're not just reading whatever the writer has said and trying to apply that to yourself instead of whatever the passage might be.



Depends on what level the worship is at. For example, my girlfriend and I were listening to some P+W music yesterday and singing along to it, and I quite enjoyed the chance to do that. But when you define worship in this case in terms of Romans 12:1, to me it implies that worship in the context of the relationship (ie. offering yourself to God and conducting yourself in a way that is pleasing to Him) is essential. Believing that everything you do in your life is worship means to a degree means that what you're doing when you spend time with your SO should be with a worshipful attitude, not towards them of course, but towards God.[/QUOTE]

OK, I get what you mean and totally agree with having worship as a lifestyle, so let me rephrase what I said:

I also think that intimate worship with music 1 on 1 together is in the same boat with devotionals.

You're totally right, worship should be our lifestyle...but atleast for me [which is why for me it would be unwise to have 1-on-1 musical worship time with a boyfriend and my Daddy in heaven], i feel closest to God when I use music to worship Him. It's the closest thing to my heart and even talking about it with someone, I feel closer to them. Until Im engaged and even then I should be careful so really, until I'm married, my time worshiping God thru music needs to be between Him & me and it would be hard for me to not get spiritually intimate with someone I'm romantically interested in, if I'm allowing them in on that 1-on-1 time with me and my one true Love. It will be amazing when I'm married though :]

Ahh I could talk so much about worship.

 

[Singin4Him]

I thought it was not about physical intimacy, but about spiritual....?

Any type of great amount of intimacy can and will lead to physical intimacy if allowed whether it's a good thing, I'm married so in marriage it is a great thing when my husband and I are connected intimately in every way but I do not encourage this for dating couples who have no purpose for marriage or who are too young for marriage. If we're talking about a couple who is either engaged or about to be engaged this is a different situation. But I'm talking about strictly dating only couples here.

I know this situation is a story lots of people tell (I've heard it as a hypothetical situation, not a real one yet. but still, the lesson holds water).

Anyway, I guess what I'm thinking about right now is the fact that I don't think growing together spiritually is bad ONE BIT, simply by the nature of it. I didn't stress "together" just then because I don't think that should be the goal. The goal should be growth. And growth with God happens on a personal level- Him and us. One-on-one. I think the only danger with 'spiritual intimacy' comes when we focus on the significant other and not the True Groom, the True Romance. I don't think that every time a couple comes together in deep, honest prayer, that it means danger for sex or anything. I do think the warning is a great one though simply because Satan can use anything to get to us. If you are weak in this area, then by all means, take precautions! But if you are not weak here and the goal is simply and humbly Christ... then I think it's fine.

I completely agree with most of what you said. However I do think the danger arises when you think "well only if I'm weak in this area satan is going to attack me", in most cases satan does not attack the weak he attacks those who are strong in Christ because he wants to tear them down, stopping them from doing God's work. We should always be on guard for satan's attack no matter how strong we feel we are.

 

[Terri12345]

I thought that the whole point of fellowship was that we could grow closer together with other Christians Spiritually. That we could feel a Spiritual closeness with our fellow brothers and sisters. If this is the case then i can't see how it isn't beneficial to grow together Spiritually. The only way that it wouldn't be beneficial is if you were combining this Spiritual closeness with other aspects of your relationship without guarding your heart.

What s/he said. I just met a christian guy....if the relationship goes somewhere, i'm really excited about being able to have a spiritual connection as well as an emotional one. He and i had lunch together today, he asked me to pray...... I didn't (my prayer life is not what it should be and i've actually NEVER prayed aloud before....but yeah) so he prayed, and it was just awesome to be praying w/ a christian friend.

Spiritual connections are important.

 

[trust_faith]

yes. if both of you r christians, you 2 will have to do devotions together. God will really blessed you 2. tHis is To PreVent SaTan from InVading you u 2 too...

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

Devotions and prayer are not more intimate than sex. Unless you do them, naked and cuddling...

Nothing's sure -- for all I know, a rift will open in the earth between the two of us and we will never see each other again. Does that mean we shouldn't try to grow clsoe to each other?

Furthermore, I have had some pretty intense studies and prayer time with my guy friends. Does that increase the chance I'll develop feelings for them?

I understand that improper motives for couples devotion and prayer probably happen all the time, but that doesn't mean that we should write it off altogether. Besides, it's going to be a hectic switch from dating to marriage. Why not have one good habit already instilled?

Sorry for the disjointed posts, but I'm a little distressed at some of the sentiments here...

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

yes. if both of you r christians, you 2 will have to do devotions together. God will really blessed you 2. tHis is To PreVent SaTan from InVading you u 2 too...

You don't have to do devotions together if you're just dating. I didn't. And there's no guarentee that because a couple does devotions together that God will bless the relationship. I didn't do devotions with my finacee when we were just dating. And I'm glad we didn't.

 

[Singin4Him]

Devotions and prayer are not more intimate than sex. Unless you do them, naked and cuddling...

Are you married? If not, then there is no way you can know the emotional and spiritual intimacy this brings about a couple. This does not include premarital sex because it can not be compared to that since premarital sex is not true intimacy and cannot be compared to spiritual intimacy in praying together. If you ask any many minister/pastor I can almost guarantee you they will agree, I can't tell you how many times I have heard that from pastors, youth ministers, and youth speakers.

Nothing's sure -- for all I know, a rift will open in the earth between the two of us and we will never see each other again. Does that mean we shouldn't try to grow clsoe to each other?

When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex there is a line. Should we not guard against temptation? It may not be as tough for you but for guys it is a DAILY struggle.

Furthermore, I have had some pretty intense studies and prayer time with my guy friends. Does that increase the chance I'll develop feelings for them?

It depends on what you mean by intense, if you or they had any previous feelings it is possible, and more likely for guys.

I understand that improper motives for couples devotion and prayer probably happen all the time, but that doesn't mean that we should write it off altogether. Besides, it's going to be a hectic switch from dating to marriage. Why not have one good habit already instilled?

I'm sorry but this is a very naive post. Just because you do not spend great amounts of time in deep spiritual intimacy does not mean there will be a hectic transition from dating to marriage. If you both have strong personal relationships with the Lord it should not be a problem. No one is saying you shouldn't pray or read God's Word together, but the problem can arise when you begin to spend long amounts of time secluding yourselves in spiritual intimacy. It can create an intimacy that in heated moments can make it tough to avoid temptation, it makes guarding from temptation very difficult.

Also, there is a transition between dating and marriage called engagement and during this time you should be spending much more time seeking the Lord in your relationship together. Engagement is a whole different thing, I'm merely talking about dating here. I do believe you still have to guard against temptation during engagement, but it should be a whole different level for the couple. Personally, for my husband and I during our engagement we chose to cut back on the physical aspect of our relationship to make sure we were guarding against temptation.

I would like to ask, does it not please God more to make sure that relationships is pure or that you're spending time in as you put it intense studies and prayer? Is God not just as pleased when you and your SO come to the Lord for a few minutes before a meal, before a date, praying for a friend or family member...etc? Who said spending time in "intense" prayer pleases God more? Honestly, the word "intense" IMO is a dangerous word to use relating to any relationship with the opposite sex to begin with.

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

Well, I asked my pastor and he said marital sex is more intense than devotions.

You didn't say it, but I have a feeling this is one of those issues I can't understand -- not because I'm not married, but because I'm a guy. Obviously, I would like to become physically affectionate when we're together doing devotions, but the same goes for when we're on a walk, or watching a movie, or at dinner, or pretty much everywhere. You know how it is. But for her, I can see how that emotional/spiritual intimacy could become a lot to bear before marriage.

I do expect the nature of the devotions to change after marriage, and no, I don't think devotions will magically solve my newly-wed problems, but I do think it will be nice to have that habit formed. Just like I'm trying to get in a habit of needlessly meticulous budgeting now -- I don't need to, but it will help to be in the habit when the time comes for it. I don't feel that I'm speaking ignorantly here because I have not experienced marriage. These are problems unmarried couples face, aren't they? And if my girlfriend is not being honest about a struggle with spiritual intimacy, then that is a communication problem. (And a comfort issue, since she hasn't communicated any increased desire to me yet.)

In conclusion, I guess I am not convinced that we should stop. A desire to read the Bible is such a blessing, and I don't see why we should choose to fly a kite or something when we could profit instead. Should we do it all the time? No, and we don't, but we do it some of the time and I have seen nothing but blessings from it. (We do have a homemade kite, by the way. A little wonky and unbalanced, but it works.)

Look forward to a reply.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I probably should have phrased my sentence better - what you said is totally true. I guess that I wouldn't be as enthusiastic to realise that someone was merely trying to win my friendship (in contrast to what you mentioned in the first paragraph) as opposed to balancing the two aspects you've mentioned.

Makes sense

Btw, the kitty in your avatar is absolutely adorable. My fiance and I are getting kittens as soon as we possibly can!

 

[Singin4Him]

Well, I asked my pastor and he said marital sex is more intense than devotions.

I do not have time to respond to your whole post, but I would like to ask that you read my whole post I did not say marital sex is not more intense that devotions, I said PRAYER is the most intimate thing a couple can do together, yes more intimate than sex. I mean we are coming together before our creator, should it not be more intimate than anything we do?

 

[Spoilt Victorian Child]

I do not have time to respond to your whole post, but I would like to ask that you read my whole post I did not say marital sex is not more intense that devotions, I said PRAYER is the most intimate thing a couple can do together, yes more intimate than sex. I mean we are coming together before our creator, should it not be more intimate than anything we do?

I read the post. Prayer is part of our devotions. Sorry, I thought that was assumed.

 

[f U z ! o N]

im doing devotions with my girlfriend because we BOTH want to grow closer. we both agreed on it and we want to make God the center of our relationship. we are building our relationship on our rock, Jesus Christ and by doing devotions we are coming closer not only with ourselves but with God. its a great thing to do only if you want to become closer to that person. if not, don't do it.

 

[YoursTruely45]

My boyfriend and I don't do devotions together. We talked about it and decided not to do them. Why?

Each of our relationship with God is the most important thing. Before our relationhip with each other, we need to keep that relationship with God first and foremost.

By doing devotions together, a couple becomes closer. I don't think I've seen a couple who have done them and haven't (although, there most likely have been some). Is it wise to become close like that to a person who you don't know if you'll be married to? At first, I didn't like the thought of that. I downright hated it. But as I though about it, I think it makes sense. When I get married, I want to have that spiritual closeness with my husband and only with him. I don't want to have shared that with any other guy, no matter how much I cared about him or even if I loved him.

Even though we don't do devotions together, we do talk about spiritual things and talk about beliefs and doctrine and sometimes pray together. I'm talking about actual devotions.

What do you think?

I disagree. I dont want to judge but my boyfriend/fiance and I have done them faithfully for 10 months. Our relationship together has grown not only spiritually but also together. It has assured us that we are meant to be. We have grown together in so many ways that I would never go back to not doing devotions together. We have become more stronger and our relationship has taking a 120% turn around from what we were doing.

 

[f U z ! o N]

amen to that one yourstruley45. me and my girlfriend were going through some aruging and stuff and doing devotions brought us closer. now we have only just started them this week but WOW what a feeling of doing them together. as i said, it only works when both people want to become closer. if one does it just to do it it won't really work as well. you have to mutually agree that you want to become closer. me and my girlfriend both talked it out. we asked ourselves this: do we want to become closer? and we both agreed yes. it has brought so much to our relationship allready. do them if you want too but if you think its wrong so be it. im not gonna argue with you.

 

[YoursTruely45]

amen to that one yourstruley45. me and my girlfriend were going through some aruging and stuff and doing devotions brought us closer. now we have only just started them this week but WOW what a feeling of doing them together. as i said, it only works when both people want to become closer. if one does it just to do it it won't really work as well. you have to mutually agree that you want to become closer. me and my girlfriend both talked it out. we asked ourselves this: do we want to become closer? and we both agreed yes. it has brought so much to our relationship allready. do them if you want too but if you think its wrong so be it. im not gonna argue with you.

Me and my boyfriend were argueing as well and our relationship seemed like it wasnt going up but down. At that point in our relationship we sorta knew that we would be getting married but it was still in the talks. But then when we started the devos our relationship took a turn and now we fight sometimes but not nearily to the extent that we did before hand. I would never not do a devos with him. Right now being long distance we try to do it on the phone but alot of times its through email...So its hard now but when we see each other that is what we do before we even sit down together to "snuggle" or watch a movie or something.

So I have to agree with you on this one. I think doing devos in a relationship is def a plus and something that you should do if you have time and want to. It makes your relationship so much better and it opens your eyes to more things and you will notice a stronger relationship!

 

[f U z ! o N]

i look forward eagerly to each day i see her so i can do devotions with her. its so much fun.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

What's been bothering the past few posts is that it's automatically assumed that because you're doing devotions together, then things are going to be good and if you don't, they're going to be bad. Don't assume that. Don't assume that your relationship is going to be good or is meant to be if you're doing devotions together.