Should a christian really date a non christian???

[jubilationtcornpone]

After thinking about it, I say that it depends. Are they were willing to believe what I believe? Then okay I would date them.

With all due respect, if they are merely "willing" to change their beliefs in order to date you, then their convictions are shallow. It's not true belief... certainly not the Biblical kind.

If a person changes his beliefs, it should be because they've become convinced of the truth of a claim. Nobody should ever say "I'm really attracted this person. I'll change my beliefs to match hers!" That indicates a low regard for the truth and a poor foundation for Christian conviction.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

With all due respect, if they are merely "willing" to change their beliefs in order to date you, then their convictions are shallow. It's not true belief... certainly not the Biblical kind.

If a person changes his beliefs, it should be because they've become convinced of the truth of a claim. Nobody should ever say "I'm really attracted this person. I'll change my beliefs to match hers!" That indicates a low regard for the truth and a poor foundation for Christian conviction.

Yes.
Read my post. I think it was Pea who suggested they read the thread about unequally yoked partners in the Married Forum. Or the women could check out the thread in Women who struggle titled something like "For women who want their Husband to be the Spiritual leader".

Too much pain. Never going there again.

 

[joanna1]

I think it's easy to throw stones. For ages I thought "no never ever" then got to a stage where i felt i'd been waiting for so long and hated life on my own so much that a non-christian would be better than single life - and i'm back dreaming now of a christian husband. Obviously it's the best situation. We all aspire to it - but life isn't always simple and straight-foward.

 

[simmeringabsolute]

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked with an unbeliever.... So, why? Because the Bible says so. Also because I tried it and it was horrible and now my kids have no dad in their lives. Marriage is difficult. If you don't have a shared faith you will be missing out. It's a major incompatibility and most good marriages have lots of compatibility.

So what about dating? Fine if you don't compromise your values, break their heart or your own because it can't move to marriage unless they accept Christ. How many can guarantee they won't fall in love, or that the other person won't? If they say they accept Christ you still need to see fruit to know they aren't doing it just to keep you. That was my mistake.

What she said. 'Cept dating a non-believer should NEVER happen.

 

[RonnyRulz]

What she said. 'Cept dating a non-believer should NEVER happen.

Not even if God tells you to.

Oh wait...

 

[Annova]

With all due respect, if they are merely "willing" to change their beliefs in order to date you, then their convictions are shallow. It's not true belief... certainly not the Biblical kind.

If a person changes his beliefs, it should be because they've become convinced of the truth of a claim. Nobody should ever say "I'm really attracted this person. I'll change my beliefs to match hers!" That indicates a low regard for the truth and a poor foundation for Christian conviction.

Ugh...that post makes me look stupid. Sorry I forgot to add long term for that part. Should have worded it differently. I wouldn't expect them to change right then and there with in a matter of minutes.

 

[SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle]

I'm praying for the next g/f I get to be a christian, true saint, a woman of integrity, a woman of God. My last g/f I was with was not a true christian she just said that she was. But when I saw her fruit I knew otherwise. I have ministered to her and spoken God's word over her life. But to me she seems scared and unsure whether to have a relationship with Christ right now. She told me earlier that she wanted a christian guy, but when I confronted her on that after we broke up. I asked her, "Do you want a true Christian guy or just someone who says they are a christian but is really a fake?" She wanted out of the relationship because she says we weren't compatible with each other. She wanted to do things that I didn't want to do. Such as having sex and going to parties and clubs. I wanted her to do things that she didn't want to do. Such as get saved and come to my church sometimes. One question that she asked me which I was so eager to hear was this, "Why do you have to go to that church?" My church is a church of faith, healing, prosperity according to God's word, and deliverance. She hardly ever goes to church. Well i'm not gonna go into great detail anymore. I'm just gonna wait on the Lord for my next g/f. That's all and to all people reading Trust the Lord at all times.

 

[goldenrule]

I think you should judge the person your with on compatibility alone. I believe there are many good people in the world who are not Christians. I also think there are many bad people who call themselves Christians.

If you recall Jesus himself, when he spoke to the Sadducees, he seemed sad that they didn't believe in God of the living. This isn't to say he loved them less, I believe Christ loves all who desire righteousness, which includes many non-believers.

 

[eugeneandbobo]

However, in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul recommended that we not be "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever.

the unequally yoked paul talks about here, is not just regarding believers to unbelievers, but also from a theological point of view, as well as in purpose.

all of these things are very important. its important to believe as closely as possible from a theological standpoint. this helps to be even more unified.

as far as purpose goes, i never really thought about until i heard someone say it. it makes sense. if im called to missions and shes not, it doesn't matter what she is called to. if shes on the mission field with me, then although shes doing good things for Jesus, shes out of the will of God.

so there are more implications than just believer to unbeliever, but thats definitely a starting point.

 

[junezephyr]

the unequally yoked paul talks about here, is not just regarding believers to unbelievers, but also from a theological point of view, as well as in purpose.

all of these things are very important. its important to believe as closely as possible from a theological standpoint. this helps to be even more unified.

as far as purpose goes, i never really thought about until i heard someone say it. it makes sense. if im called to missions and shes not, it doesn't matter what she is called to. if shes on the mission field with me, then although shes doing good things for Jesus, shes out of the will of God.

so there are more implications than just believer to unbeliever, but thats definitely a starting point.

Yeah, you're definitely right. I hadn't thought this far into it, but was merely using the verse to answer the OP of whether or not Christians should date NonChristians. I'm sure it has many more implications than the statement itself, as do most verses.

 

[RED that's ME]

When a person becomes a Christian they are essentially saying my life is not my own any more it belongs to God to do as He purposes.

If it's God's plan for a person to get married, then he does have certain guidelines/commands. With that being said and taken the verses that were already quoted here about being unequally yoke with unbelievers is not a suggestion but a command. 2 Corinthians 6:4-18
The concept of "yoke" gives you the key, you have to apply it yourself. A yoke was something that was put over two animals in a common enterprise, what Paul says in II Corinthians 6:14 is “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness? and what fellowship has light with darkness? And what harmony has Christ with Belial? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?” Now, what it’s saying is if you are in the same yoke, pulling the same plow down the same furrow; that is, you’re working side by side in the same goals, and you’re yoked together with an unbeliever, you’ve got problems.

A christian shouldn't even date/court a nonbeliever. Too many use the excuse I can handle it (many times NOT true) or I will use our relationship to "get them converted" which is a VERY bad idea. (missionary dating) God is the one who does the saving not a person also it is too easy to get in the relationship and get emotionally attached to the unbeliever and it becomes to hard to break up. Also again it is breaking what God told christians not to do. We've all see people who supposely made commitments to God for the wrong reason not for the right one but just to get the guy/gal.
There has been a few who has after dating or marriage became christians but on the most part not. I know several women personally who are married to unbelievers and said if they had to do it over again they wouldn't have cause it has cause too many problems in their marriage. We even have a forum for unequal marriages and it's heart breaking to read some of it. The husband is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home and if he is an unbeliever how is that going to happen? It's not.
No matter how "moral", "nice", "sweet" a person is, how can a unbeliever truly encourage a christian partner in their faith. Yes, couples will have differences but the core beliefs they should agree upon.
Marriage is a partnership that should be going in the same direction. If you have one believer and one not there will be conflict because the standard by which you operate is different.
In the old Testament, God had set his people apart and wanted it to be kept holy. That's why they couldn't marry out of Israel. God wants holy men/women who makes good decisions on who they make binding yokes/relationships with.

Too many christians first don't pray and seek God's wisdom in choosing relationships. Some thinks just because the person likes/loves them back that it's ok. Too many gets into relationships that should have NEVER happened and when problems come, wonder where God is and why he didn't stop it or do something about it. People forget that we have "free will". God doesn't force us into relationships it is our own choosing. It's sad when God gets blame for the bad decisions that we make and then we expect him to come clean up the messes that we leave because of bad decisions.



A good web article to read:
http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=1274

 

[eugeneandbobo]

When a person becomes a Christian they are essentially saying my life is not my own any more it belongs to God to do as He purposes.

If it's God's plan for a person to get married, then he does have certain guidelines/commands. With that being said and taken the verses that were already quoted here about being unequally yoke with unbelievers is not a suggestion but a command. 2 Corinthians 6:4-18
The concept of "yoke" gives you the key, you have to apply it yourself. A yoke was something that was put over two animals in a common enterprise, what Paul says in II Corinthians 6:14 is “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness? and what fellowship has light with darkness? And what harmony has Christ with Belial? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?” Now, what it’s saying is if you are in the same yoke, pulling the same plow down the same furrow; that is, you’re working side by side in the same goals, and you’re yoked together with an unbeliever, you’ve got problems.

A christian shouldn't even date/court a nonbeliever. Too many use the excuse I can handle it (many times NOT true) or I will use our relationship to "get them converted" which is a VERY bad idea. (missionary dating) God is the one who does the saving not a person also it is too easy to get in the relationship and get emotionally attached to the unbeliever and it becomes to hard to break up. Also again it is breaking what God told christians not to do. We've all see people who supposely made commitments to God for the wrong reason not for the right one but just to get the guy/gal.
There has been a few who has after dating or marriage became christians but on the most part not. I know several women personally who are married to unbelievers and said if they had to do it over again they wouldn't have cause it has cause too many problems in their marriage. We even have a forum for unequal marriages and it's heart breaking to read some of it. The husband is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home and if he is an unbeliever how is that going to happen? It's not.
No matter how "moral", "nice", "sweet" a person is, how can a unbeliever truly encourage a christian partner in their faith. Yes, couples will have differences but the core beliefs they should agree upon.
Marriage is a partnership that should be going in the same direction. If you have one believer and one not there will be conflict because the standard by which you operate is different.
In the old Testament, God had set his people apart and wanted it to be kept holy. That's why they couldn't marry out of Israel. God wants holy men/women who makes good decisions on who they make binding yokes/relationships with.

Too many christians first don't pray and seek God's wisdom in choosing relationships. Some thinks just because the person likes/loves them back that it's ok. Too many gets into relationships that should have NEVER happened and when problems come, wonder where God is and why he didn't stop it or do something about it. People forget that we have "free will". God doesn't force us into relationships it is our own choosing. It's sad when God gets blame for the bad decisions that we make and then we expect him to come clean up the messes that we leave because of bad decisions.

A good web article to read:
http://www.bible.org/page.asp?page_id=1274

good thoughts...

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I think you should judge the person your with on compatibility alone. I believe there are many good people in the world who are not Christians. I also think there are many bad people who call themselves Christians.

If you recall Jesus himself, when he spoke to the Sadducees, he seemed sad that they didn't believe in God of the living. This isn't to say he loved them less, I believe Christ loves all who desire righteousness, which includes many non-believers.

Are you saying to just disregard what the Bible says? God loving everyone, doesn't make it right to marry everyone. Compatibility should definitely be part of dating/marriage. Marrying someone who is a Christian has never been a guarantee for marital bliss. Just because there are bad Christians, doesn't somehow make it right to date a non-believer who is nicer than Ms. mean Christian. It just means to look for another Christian who is more compatible and "nice".

 

[Heaven81]

I've also gone back and forth on this same issue. Years ago I would have considered dating a non Christian because it wasn't one of the qualities I was looking for in a man. But, I have become closer to the LORD and realized that I want someone who will encourage my walk; someone whose desire is for the LORD alone. I guess it would be easier to date a non Christian because there are more non Christian men I know than Christian men. But, I figure in the long run it really isn't worth it. I would hate to say that I married a non Christian because I loved him, and then 5 years into the marriage when children are involved now realize that i've made a grave mistake.

 

[nathan82]

I think you should judge the person your with on compatibility alone. I believe there are many good people in the world who are not Christians. I also think there are many bad people who call themselves Christians.

Ahh, but there is a clear contradiction to your suggestion. Need to look at the big picture. Successful dating ultimately leads to marriage. Marriage will at some point and if everything is fine, lead to children. This is where compatibility that you mention will not work. If one parent is Christian and the other is non-christian, I don't care how much chemistry you have...you're going to have issues on how to raise them and then some.


Your outlook seems very black and white. If everything was simple, that would be pretty nice...but relationships and the things it leads to is complicated so there needs to be consideration for things outside of "chemistry" regardless of religion and all that.

 

[goldenrule]

I see exactly what you are saying. I remember my father telling me there was no God. I went to bed scared every night. Eventually I figured out that death is precisely what it was like before you were born, that being, absolutely 'nothing'. (I used to scare kids in elementary school with my discovery of what death was.)

It was unfair that my father butchered childhood for me by telling me there was no God.

 

[Im_A]

OK..I just wanted to know..should christians date non christians?Where in the Bible as in verse or verses does it say that one shouldnt?If its ok why and if its not why??

probably in the verses that talk about not being unequally yoked. but then i have heard of other ways to interpretate that beyond marriage, and then Paul tells couples who are unequally yoked to remain married unless the non-believer wants out but yet then he says to not be unequally yoked.

fun stuff eh?

 

[RED that's ME]

A couple should encourage each other in their faith and walk with God. The husband is suppose to be the spiritual leader of the home per scripture. If he isn't a christian, then that won't happen. It might not be a sin per se but it's not what God wants and really not good common sense for a Christian to do. I've heard too many older couples sadly talking who had a nonchristian or backslidden spouse and the problems it causes them trying to live a christian life. We even have a forum here just for people with nonchristian spouses to talk about the struggles they have to go through cause of it.

There's also the aspect of having children. The christian parent should want their children brought up with teaching from the Bible, going to church etc... while the nonchristian might not. Even a couple that has two different denominations, might cause serious problems in that area.

God has a *perfect* will and a *permissible* will. He's not going to come down and strike a person cause they married the wrong person. A person has to decide if they want to be in God's perfect will or his permissible will.
God wants to give us HIS best and marrying a non-christian is not allowing God to give us his best. (*Note we need to be our best too, to get God's best.)
Life & marriage is hard enough without putting factors in it, to cause more grief and problems.

 

[Weasel7711]

These threads just wont die!

 

[MarkEvan]

14Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15What accord has Christ with Belial?[b] Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

"I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty."

These threads just wont die!

Your right they don`t, but this is an important subject, as IMO to date a non-christian is disobediance towards God.
The highlighted bit of the above passage seems to me to be conditional on these people coming out from amongst the world, I accept that this means more than just relationships, but relationships are here included, and important. The other thing to remember is that beleievers should marry only in the LORD, ie other believers.

The answer IMO to the OP`s question is clearly no.

Mark