Should a christian really date a non christian???

[crayton2004]

OK..I just wanted to know..should christians date non christians?Where in the Bible as in verse or verses does it say that one shouldnt?If its ok why and if its not why??

 

[RonnyRulz]

A Real Christian would date whoever God wanted them to date.

What matters is the Will of God, not if someone is already a christian or will become one later.

Choosing your own spouse or serious relationship is just asking for something nowhere near as good as what you could have. Only God's Will is perfect for you.

Way too many people leave God out of their relationships, and in their choosing a spouse, and in their dating life.

I know what it's like to be friends with a Christian (someone alive) and someone who isn't (someone who is dead). If God promised me that the girl would become a Christian and when she found Jesus, she'd fall in love completely with Him, then that would be fine to date a non-christian, because God doesn't lie.

If God didn't promise me that she would become Christian, and there was a good chance she wouldn't, then I'd be single for the rest of my life before being with someone who is an unbeliever.
Light has nothing to do with darkness, unless God tells you to take the darkness because He will make it into light.
The Will of God is what is important, but if I had to choose my own mate without God, I'd never even consider marrying an unbeliever. I do not believe someone with a real and serious relationship with God would be okay with marrying an unbeliever (unless it was God's Will).

To marry an unbeliever would be to ask for Satan to oppose you on every turn. For your spouse to mock you because you serve God. Anyone who doesn't have Christ is dead, and the dead cannot understand. They will only cause you great harm if outside of God's Will, and sometimes great harm even if in God's Will (Like if God wanted you to marry an unbeliever who was never going to change.)
And I'm not just quoting the Bible, saying "Light has no business with darkness." I will tell you from experiencing a deep and serious relationship with God, there is no way I would ever date an unbeliever, unless it was the Will of God, and He promised she'd be saved. And I wouldn't marry her until she fell in love with Jesus, I'd only date her. Marriage and life with an unbeliever would be absolute Hell for any true Christian. People can try and debate that all they want, but they are wrong. The reality is, light has no business with darkness, and a real christian-unbeliever marriage will suck. Of course, there are plenty of christians who marry unbelievers and their marriage isn't hell. Those christians aren't real christians though. If you're a real christian, Satan will oppose you every chance he gets, and if you have an unbeliever for a spouse, he gets A LOT more chances than he would otherwise.

There are few things in this life worse than the person closest to you mocking you for doing the Will of God, and considering you (like the rest of unbelievers) to be a complete fool and loon.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked with an unbeliever.... So, why? Because the Bible says so. Also because I tried it and it was horrible and now my kids have no dad in their lives. Marriage is difficult. If you don't have a shared faith you will be missing out. It's a major incompatibility and most good marriages have lots of compatibility.

So what about dating? Fine if you don't compromise your values, break their heart or your own because it can't move to marriage unless they accept Christ. How many can guarantee they won't fall in love, or that the other person won't? If they say they accept Christ you still need to see fruit to know they aren't doing it just to keep you. That was my mistake.

 

[junezephyr]

RonnyRulz is right in that what ultimately matters is the will of God.

However, in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Paul recommended that we not be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. This is, I believe, for our best interest as Christians. In a romantic relationship we should be able to glorify the Lord and to build the relationship up around a strong faith in God. It's hard to be spiritually connected to someone who's not a brother or sister in the family of God, not to mention who has a different worldview.

From personal experience, I was in a fairly serious relationship with an unbeliever once, and it wasn't rewarding. I felt very lonely because I couldn't connect on a spiritual level, and my attention was continually being shifted from God to the man himself. It was too difficult to reconcile our differing lifeviews. I'm really thankful now that God allowed this relationship to end, because if it had continued, I'd still be empty right now.

 

[RonnyRulz]

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked with an unbeliever.... So, why? Because the Bible says so. Also because I tried it and it was horrible and now my kids have no dad in their lives. Marriage is difficult. If you don't have a shared faith you will be missing out. It's a major incompatibility and most good marriages have lots of compatibility.

So what about dating? Fine if you don't compromise your values, break their heart or your own because it can't move to marriage unless they accept Christ. How many can guarantee they won't fall in love, or that the other person won't? If they say they accept Christ you still need to see fruit to know they aren't doing it just to keep you. That was my mistake.

preach it sister!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

A Real Christian would date whoever God wanted them to date.

What matters is the Will of God, not if someone is already a christian or will become one later.

I agree with what you wrote, but how many people get such clear words of knowledge from God? Lots of people begin their posts with...."and we both believe that God wants us to marry." We often believe just what we want to. I honestly believe that God "spoke" to me during prayer many years ago regarding my ex-h. I heard the word wait. My ex ended up telling me that he had accepted Christ and so I then believed I had God's blessing to marry.

What we should keep in mind is that God does not ask us to leave our common sense in a drawer at work. We should be applying it to our dating lives and understand that it is not God's nature to tell us to do something contrary to the Word or just plain stupid. Now if I can just keep repeating that to myself over and over.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

It's a tough one.

On one side: You sound like an elitist if you tell someone you only date Christians. A lot of people don't know who Christians are. If they learn to love you then tell them that's part of what Christianity is, and hopefully you have a covert and soon to be spouse.

On the other side, you may waste a few months or years of your life in an effort to convert someone. And to top it off, they may revert back from Christianity after the marriage.

I know it's been asked before, but what is "THE BEST WAY OF DOING IT"?!?

 

[RonnyRulz]

I agree with what you wrote, but how many people get such clear words of knowledge from God? Lots of people begin their posts with...."and we both believe that God wants us to marry." We often believe just what we want to. I honestly believe that God "spoke" to me during prayer many years ago regarding my ex-h. I heard the word wait. My ex ended up telling me that he had accepted Christ and so I then believed I had God's blessing to marry.

What we should keep in mind is that God does not ask us to leave our common sense in a drawer at work. We should be applying it to our dating lives and understand that it is not God's nature to tell us to do something contrary to the Word or just plain stupid. Now if I can just keep repeating that to myself over and over.

Yes, sadly most people don't have their spiritual ears developed enough to hear God's voice, and their spiritual knowledge developed enough to know what isn't God's Voice.

Most people don't seek the Will of God, because they don't know how to, and don't really care enough to learn. So yea, people rather think they hear God when it's just themselves, or they don't even listen for God. Sad!

But if you want the truth, then here it is:
If you aren't spiritually mature enough to both know and hear the Voice of God, then you aren't spiritually mature enough to get married.

And on top of that, if you can't go to God and ask a question for someone, and get an answer for them, or some experience of actually hearing the voice of God, then you shouldn't believe God is telling you to marry someone.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that you should already have experienced hearing God's voice, and already be able to talk to Him and hear Him BEFORE you hear Him okay your marriage. If you rarely ever hear God's voice, and you think He is telling you to marry the person, then you should reconsider such a voice.
Also, there is more than a voice to show you that you are to marry. A lot of people ask for a sign on top of the voice, because they do not believe the voice compeltely. One amazing man of God I knew was told by God, as well as the lady's grandma, that when he first saw a PICTURE of her, that she'd be his wife. Of course that wasn't enough for both of them to immeditely elope. They asked for numerous signs, and got them. The final thing was this: This amazing man of God was on an airplane, flying back to see the women who he heard God say was to be his wife. He said to God, "Okay fine God, if she's my wife, then get her to make me [a specific] pie and give it to me when I get off the plane." The thing was, the women never made a pie in her life, and wasn't one even to cook at all. This was impossible to be just mere coincidence, that someone bring a specific pie to the airport right when they get off. ESPECIALLY since she isn't a cook.
So the guy got off the airplane and saw her. She ran up to him and said, "I dunno why, and I've never made a pie before, but I made you this!" And the exact sign he asked for happened.

God is not short of telling you using His voice, nor is He short of proving it's His Voice by an impossible sign, and numerous signs.

Before two people tie the knot together, they need to have the basics down of what it means to be a friend of God. To be able to hear Him, as well as ask Him to prove it.

But of course, narrow is the road and broad the path. It is just the way it is...narrow is the road of those who hear God's voice and marry in His Will. Broad is the path of those who ignore God's voice and marry outside of His Will.

Oh well, you can't really do all that much. The final decision is always left to those with Free Will, and humans just tend to take the broad path.
As for me and any who heed my advise and turn to God, we shall follow the narrow road.

 

[RonnyRulz]

It's a tough one.

On one side: You sound like an elitist if you tell someone you only date Christians. A lot of people don't know who Christians are. If they learn to love you then tell them that's part of what Christianity is, and hopefully you have a covert and soon to be spouse.

On the other side, you may waste a few months or years of your life in an effort to convert someone. And to top it off, they may revert back from Christianity after the marriage.

I know it's been asked before, but what is "THE BEST WAY OF DOING IT"?!?

The best way of doing it is to pray to God and follow His Will. Do what God knows is best, not what you think is best.

 

[Marycita]

Well, I definitely think it's walking on - oh whatever that saying is...to marry someone who doesn't love Christ...

And I honestly don't see the point in dating someone you know you wouldn't marry...so I guess it seems kind of pointless.

 

[plum]

Well speaking as someone who "missionary dated" someone as a teen, I don't recommend it. I think by doing that I disrespected the boy (by not letting him just be himself without pressure to convert from me) and disrespected G-d who told me very clearly (through multiple means) that it was wrong to date that boy.

And I have to listen to my own advice because the man I currently have feelings for is not a believer. This grieves me deeply, but I must choose wisely despite what my feelings would naturally pursue.

It's all about our choices...

 

[Annova]

I don't see how the relationship works. That would be like me dating an athiest. Yeah that'll work well.

Someone will always have to give in because one sided won't work. It's best if both people are on the same level.

 

[TravellingGrace]

The Bible tells us we are not to be unequally yoked. It also tells us that when a man and woman become married the man leaves his family (and she leaves hers) and the two become one flesh. If you think of it in those terms... it'd be really hard to have one half of your body that believes, and the other that doesn't. It'd be like ripping yourself in half so you can go to church and the other part of you can stay home.

 

[Princess Pea]

OK..I just wanted to know..should christians date non christians?Where in the Bible as in verse or verses does it say that one shouldnt?If its ok why and if its not why??

Crayton - check out the "Unequally Yoked" subforum in the marriage ministry. It's for people in marriages where one is a believer and the other isn't. Explain that you're a single with a question, post the exact same question you posted here, and see what kind of responses you get.

 

[nathan82]

Depends. Is the non-christian open to becoming christian? Or maybe a hidden agenda? The dating witnessing route is pretty tricky. In this case that I know of personally, the girl is Christian, the guy was non-christian.

As it turned out, they guy did become Christian. From what I've seen, he's been consistent with wanting to know Christ more. Months ago, when I used to goto Bible study, I saw him there consistently moreso than most other Christians! I think the fact that he's going and putting time for that means he's on the right track. Not neccessarily dating the Christian girl b/c they're better than non-christian girls

Actually, at this point he probably goes to Bible study more consistently than myself!

 

[jubilationtcornpone]

If God promised me that the girl would become a Christian and when she found Jesus, she'd fall in love completely with Him, then that would be fine to date a non-christian, because God doesn't lie.

With all due respect, how should one conclude that God DID promise such a thing? Certainly not through "inner promptings" or other emotional experiences. The Bible warns us, after all, that the heart is deceptive above all things. Christians often say "God told me this!" when in reality, these are merely some feelings that have emerged in their hearts.

You're right in saying that God does not lie. The human heart does, however. Remember that when we falsely proclaim to have a message from God, we are turning ourselves into false prophets.

Never assume that God has told you something unless it is completely unambiguous, e.g. through an audible voice or a visible manifestation. Even then, one should make certain that this isn't just one's imagination or fevered hallucinations.

I don't mean to be harsh on anyone, BTW. I just want to urge extreme caution. It would be easy to say "God told me to marry this person!" when in reality, this is merely the desire of our own sinful hearts speaking.

 

[mina]

Well i think non christians are being pulled a different direction from Christians. So for me, it would be hard to move forward together if we don't have some common ground in such a relationship.

 

[junezephyr]

And I honestly don't see the point in dating someone you know you wouldn't marry...so I guess it seems kind of pointless.

Sometimes it's as simple as this.

 

[Annova]

After thinking about it, I say that it depends. Are they were willing to believe what I believe? Then okay I would date them.

The problem I still see is that they might try to get me to believe what he believes.

Another problem I see is if we both got together is the conflicts. For example: how kids are raised...will they be religious, etc... Stuff like that.

 

[indra_fanatic]

Go ahead, marry an unbeliever. Marry a Satanist while you're at it. Heck, have a dozen kids with him or her. Great way of showing God you are being obedient by increasing in number!