Should a Christian Date A Non-Christian?

Tallguy88 · Jan 5, 2016

You can. I'm not sure it's a good idea. Personally, I need a wife who is a strong believer to help me with my own spiritual weaknesses. That's one of the theological reasons for marriage: for the spouses to help each other grow spiritually. I wouldn't be able to have that help from a wife who was not a Christian.

Tree of Life · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

Unfortunately you won't find much direct biblical support for any answer because the Bible does not talk about dating. Dating is a social institution that was invented long after the canon was closed. That being said, it all depends on what you mean by "dating".

If by "dating" you mean establish a committed relationship that's heading toward marriage, similar to a pseudo-engagement, then I would say that it is wrong for a Christian to date a non-Christian. This is because it's wrong for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. And if that's wrong, then it's certainly wrong to take steps toward marriage with a non-Christian. Paul says in 1 Cor 8:39 - "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." According to Paul, believers are free to marry anyone they want so long as that person is also a believer - hence "only in the Lord".

If by "dating" you mean start a relationship that's not marriage, not engagement, and includes physical and sexual interaction then I would say that it is wrong. It's even wrong to do this with a Christian. Sex is for marriage. See 1 Cor 6:12-13. Though Paul's primary subject is prostitution, his thoughts also apply to all sexual immorality, including fornication (sex without marriage).

If by "dating" you mean establishing a friendship and going out and doing fun, non-sexual things together then I don't see a problem with a Christian and a non-Christian doing this. However, there should not be any implied commitment to the person as described in the first situation above. You shouldn't use terms like "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" (implying ownership and commitment).

Hank77 · Jan 5, 2016

Tree of Life said:
If by "dating" you mean establishing a friendship and going out and doing fun, non-sexual things together then I don't see a problem with a Christian and a non-Christian doing this. However, there should not be any implied commitment to the person as described in the first situation above. You shouldn't use terms like "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" (implying ownership and commitment).

I agree, those terms imply a monogamous relationship beyond just friends.

NothingIsImpossible · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

I didn't read all the replies but its untrue and unbiblical. The bible says dating someone unequally yolked is dangerous. And its wrong to date someone in hopes to convert them. Its not impossible but you cannot force someone to change. Especially if its a relationship where you may want to takes things more serious down the road. Many have dated and even married a non-believer and regretted it later because they couldn't convert them. It makes life much harder then it should be because your conflicts on things will get in the way all the time. Especially once you have kids. And lets not forget you may be busy thinking about what you are doing to them, but you may notice what they are doing to you.

Like if they swear alot or judge alot, it may be rubbing off on you. One girl I was with had that effect on me. And even my best friend who was a hardcore atheist, I didn't realize for years that he was rubbing off on me more then I was on him. Whatever the case dating a unbeliever is dangerous.

ecco · Jan 5, 2016

dysert said:
That was done in post 25.

I went back and looked at your post #25 and indeed you and the passages do address the topic. My apologies for missing it.

CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

My aunts Christian, my uncles not. She talks about Christ. He's just not convinced. He allowed his child to go to church and Christian schools. His son believes in God and still goes to church. So that part isn't a problem. Her drinking's a big problem. Also they don't seem to have anything else in common. They been together over 20 years.

AntoineL · Jan 5, 2016

No. A Christian should not date a non-Christian.

Do not build a relationship or a household on straw. Build a relationship and household on the word of God.

William67 · Jan 5, 2016

Måns said:
Follow your heart.

Lets be honest, most people, even Christians, don't know their heart from their "lusts". Best to follow the Word of God and not date a non-believer.

SteveB28 · Jan 5, 2016

dysert said:
These examples are not "biblical standards", but man's standards. Biblical standards come from the Bible, not a denomination's tradition.

Nonsense. Those two examples I provided were justified using the same 'biblical standards' upon which this silly discussion is based - the "unequal yolking" principle. It was considered "unequal" by the Catholics for one of theirs to marry a Protestant and likewise for a black person to marry a white.

This was the exact biblical passage that was quoted by the bigots in those days as an excuse for their narrow-mindedness. Faced with growing public disapproval of such practices, the church did as it always has done - conveniently dropped that particular "biblical standard" and was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the modern era!

Locutus · Jan 5, 2016

CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN said:
My aunts Christian, my uncles not. She talks about Christ. He's just not convinced. He allowed his child to go to church and Christian schools. His son believes in God and still goes to church. So that part isn't a problem. Her drinking's a big problem. Also they don't seem to have anything else in common. They been together over 20 years.

I know a couple like this. She's devout (protestant) and he's a lapsed Hindu/atheist. She has repeatedly almost destroyed their marriage via gambling and drinking and obesity related issues. The only reason they've survived 30 years together is his loyalty and determination. She spent years trying to 'save his soul', but he saved hers. And her life, and her family, and her relationship with her kids.

Locutus · Jan 5, 2016

NothingIsImpossible said:
The bible says dating someone unequally yolked is dangerous.

And lets not forget you may be busy thinking about what you are doing to them, but you may notice what they are doing to you. Like if they swear alot or judge alot, it may be rubbing off on you. One girl I was with had that effect on me. And even my best friend who was a hardcore atheist, I didn't realize for years that he was rubbing off on me more then I was on him. Whatever the case dating a unbeliever is dangerous.

Dangerous to your faith? Could you explain how it is so easily damaged, if the mere association with non-believers rattles it?

Also, swearing a lot is your red flag? What about a non-swearing believer who is a materialistic bigot? Would that be okay?

Xalith · Jan 5, 2016

Dating is usually a prelude to Marriage, when a Man&Woman wants to come together into Marriage.

A Christian believes in God (I hope, lol), and believes that Marriage is an institution, or a gift, given by God, so that Man and Woman can become 'one flesh' as Adam and Eve became One Flesh.

A Non-Christian, probably doesn't believe in God, and doesn't believe in these things. The Bible says not to get unequally yoked (You having faith, them not). The Bible says that a married couple, where one comes to the Faith and the other does not, should stay together if they can continue to love each other and treat each other the way they should, as there's a chance they might also convert their spouse, but the Bible does say that one should not seek such a relationship.

When you marry someone, you want there to be as few disagreements between you two as possible, right? Religion should definitely NOT be something you two disagree upon.

Dating without the intent to marry is just wrong, that's a prelude to Fornication which is wholly a sin.

BeStill&Know · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

NO! DO NOT DATE... A NON-CHRISTIAN WILL SAY "ANYTHING" IF THEY WANT TO DATE YOU. THEY LIE! I GUARANTEE YOU WILL REGRET IT DOWN THE ROAD. I'LL SEE IF SOMEONE HASN'T POSTED THE VERSE, FOR THIS LATER. YOU CAN NOT CONVERT ANY ONE. THAT'S THE HOLY SPIRIT JOB, NOT YOURS.

BeStill&Know · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

2 C ORINTHIANS 6:14
New International Version
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
New Living Translation
Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

Chris B · Jan 5, 2016

LOVEthroughINTELLECT said:
Sounds like indoctrination.

Not if they're being taught to think critically about what they're being taught.

But that is harder work, so well-intentioned liberal and secular start positions can still slide into creating schools modeled on sausage factories or cloning laboratories.
"Coming out like us is good" unconsciously replacing "we're here to help individuals to grow."

davedajobauk · Jan 5, 2016

Are you not being JUDGEMENTAL

Are we not told to be friends-with (LOVE) our enemies ??

Maybe it is your calling ... to be tested via your marriage ?

Or, were you thinking of a relationship (out of wedlock) ?

keith99 · Jan 5, 2016

DTate98 said:
I am kind of confused on this. I've been told that dating a non-Christian is unbiblical with the conflicting belief systems, but I have also heard that as long as the person isn't anti-Christianity then it's okay, and you can do missionary dating, as in convince them to convert while dating. Which is really true?

Please provide biblical support for any answers.

Missionary dating is decidedly non and I would go so far se to say anti Christian. If is misleading and pretty close to an outright lie. It is dishonorably entering into a relationship and expect to reap what you sow.

That is in marked contrast to honestly dating a non-believer.

DTate98 · Jan 5, 2016

davedajobauk said:
Are you not being JUDGEMENTAL

Are we not told to be friends-with (LOVE) our enemies ??

Maybe it is your calling ... to be tested via your marriage ?

Or, were you thinking of a relationship (out of wedlock) ?

I'm not sure what you're trying to say.

dysert · Jan 5, 2016

Xalith said:
Dating without the intent to marry is just wrong, that's a prelude to Fornication which is wholly a sin.

I disagree. You can date just to get to know someone w/o the intention of marriage. You can also date as a social mechanism so that you're not lonely w/o the intention of marriage. Granted, there's the risk of falling in love and wanting to get married, but that doesn't have to be the intention at the outset.

Xalith · Jan 5, 2016

<Staff Edit>

So, you resort to insults... that's rather sad to see a Christian doing that.

Think of it this way.

How many marriages today end up in divorce, because they got together because of lust, rather than a holy loving connection to one another?

How many marriages today are unhappy, because the man and woman can't agree on anything?

Do we really need yet more marriages being founded on shaky ground to begin with? Tying the knot between a believer and unbeliever is only asking for trouble. Now, if a couple were already married, and one turns to Christ, they should in no wise divorce unless they simply cannot live together anymore without arguing and fighting.

But nowhere in the Bible does it say that believers should be seeking to marry unbelievers. Yes, we are told to love everybody as ourselves, but I can tell you that Christ did not mean that we should want to marry everybody, lol. There's the kind of love that produces marriage, and then there's brotherly love, the kind we should have for any other human being. Two entirely different kinds of love.

In fact, if you truly have brotherly love towards a woman, you won't want to try to use marriage to force her to change her belief system, nor would you want to marry her out of lust. That's a rather selfish way to go about it, to be honest.

A Christian should marry when they (both of them!) feel that it is God's will that the two marry, that God ordained for it to be. How can you have this, when the one person doesn't even believe in God?

Should a Christian Date A Non-Christian?

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