Sexual struggling and lonliness

[Rebbeca]

I had always planned that I'd only date a Christian guy, because a guy who isn't Christian likely isn't going to agree to save sex for marriage. I have a terrible anxiety disorder and I feel dead inside most of the time. At work, my anxiety disorder was acting up a little sometimes and I work as a cashier. Apparently this guy coworker of mine mistaken it to be nervousness and thinks I was nervious because I like him. Likely because I may have seemed a bit anxious and keyed up when he was around coincidently. I was feeling a bit naseas and because of the anxiety I turned red. He so happen to be standing there, so of course he was a little misguided and thought it was in account of him. But he would give me such a kind look.
I wasn't sure what to do so I just acted no different toward him and said nothing about it.
But then suddenly out of the blue he started giving me a lot of attention such as standing close next to me. Suddenly our vibes connected. There is just something so pleasant about his vibe. It's just very warm and something very kind about it. But there's something sexually physical about the sensation. For some reason I felt unable to say anything and it just feels so blissful, my anxiety goes away and I feel warmth inside my normally dead inside heart. I can't help, but just feel an intense craving for more.
I was just caught off guard because I kinda don't even know him that well and we don't really talk.
This has sent me into a spiral and I'm being ripped into two.
This guy isn't a Christian, but he's a genuinely nice person. I can just tell There's just something so warm and kind about how affectionate he is. He's also always so calm.
I think I crave the affection so much because I didn't really get it growing up. My father was bipolar as well as an alcoholic and was often mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. I've subconsciously craved affection and attention. I've felt lonliness that hurts. but I've always just hardened myself and told myself I was strong and independent and all I needed was God.
But this kind of affection, genuine regard, and attention is something I've never felt in my entire life that I can barely resist it. I feel like it brings me back to life. But I'm sure I'm suppose to receive this kind of awakening from God, not from this. I need to break free before it gets out of control. It turns me so sexually on so much that I'd worried what it may lead to. But this guy is just so kind and I can tell it's sincere. I'm sure he means well. I pray about it a lot.
Has any of you ever been faced with this? What do you advise? Prayers would be appreciated.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome!

I understand the desire to be loved and having been lonely and not really received the love needed as a child growing up.

Our bodies were made with a desire for physical, emotional, spiritual and mental intimacy. So it's not surprising that between these two things you have found that you are struggling with someone that is showing you attention.

For safety of your choice to remain within your Christian values and desires, make sure to stay in places where there are people around so you don't catch yourself off guard to get yourself into a sexual situation.

Consider joining the accountability thread here and post about how you're doing with managing your thoughts/feelings and sexual purity in the accountability thread.

It's okay to be friends it sounds like, as you feel he is nice and kind, but try not to send mixed messages to him about wanting a relationship. He may or may not struggle with the same issues as you , being lonely and wanting a relationship, or even a close friendship.

Will be praying for you. Please keep us updated.

 

[Hanna123]

I had always planned that I'd only date a Christian guy, because a guy who isn't Christian likely isn't going to agree to save sex for marriage. I have a terrible anxiety disorder and I feel dead inside most of the time. At work, my anxiety disorder was acting up a little sometimes and I work as a cashier. Apparently this guy coworker of mine mistaken it to be nervousness and thinks I was nervious because I like him. Likely because I may have seemed a bit anxious and keyed up when he was around coincidently. I was feeling a bit naseas and because of the anxiety I turned red. He so happen to be standing there, so of course he was a little misguided and thought it was in account of him. But he would give me such a kind look.
I wasn't sure what to do so I just acted no different toward him and said nothing about it.
But then suddenly out of the blue he started giving me a lot of attention such as standing close next to me. Suddenly our vibes connected. There is just something so pleasant about his vibe. It's just very warm and something very kind about it. But there's something sexually physical about the sensation. For some reason I felt unable to say anything and it just feels so blissful, my anxiety goes away and I feel warmth inside my normally dead inside heart. I can't help, but just feel an intense craving for more.
I was just caught off guard because I kinda don't even know him that well and we don't really talk.
This has sent me into a spiral and I'm being ripped into two.
This guy isn't a Christian, but he's a genuinely nice person. I can just tell There's just something so warm and kind about how affectionate he is. He's also always so calm.
I think I crave the affection so much because I didn't really get it growing up. My father was bipolar as well as an alcoholic and was often mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. I've subconsciously craved affection and attention. I've felt lonliness that hurts. but I've always just hardened myself and told myself I was strong and independent and all I needed was God.
But this kind of affection, genuine regard, and attention is something I've never felt in my entire life that I can barely resist it. I feel like it brings me back to life. But I'm sure I'm suppose to receive this kind of awakening from God, not from this. I need to break free before it gets out of control. It turns me so sexually on so much that I'd worried what it may lead to. But this guy is just so kind and I can tell it's sincere. I'm sure he means well. I pray about it a lot.
Has any of you ever been faced with this? What do you advise? Prayers would be appreciated.

Hi Rebecca!

I was in the same situation as you. It worked out great; I married him.

First, you need to be honest with yourself. I know you are conflicted but did he really start paying attention to you "out of the blue" when you "Treated him like everyone else?" For example, did you act immodestly in front of him so he would lust after you? (I did the same thing; we are all sinners here.) You need to admit to yourself your feelings for him.

As far as him not being a Christian goes, I'm not sure it's as big a deal as mos on this board will make it. Given the asininity of some churches I'm surprised they have any semi-literate young men entering voluntarily at all. My husband had to travel about the same path to Christ as Carl Jung before him. Some men do.