Sexual Purity - Prayer Request

[wanderlust87]

Hi! I'm new here.

This is more of a prayer request as I do not have many people to reach out to.

I am recently engaged and had been saving myself for marriage but sadly we both gave into the flesh and had sex. It's caused a lot of guilt, shame, and regret on both ends, especially me. I know God has grace on us and has forgiven us, but it's been such a challenging road and I'm afraid of slipping up again. We are planning to get married in July but wonder if it's best to get legally married earlier.

Please pray for us in this, and if anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate hearing it.

 

[1watchman]

It would be best to proceed with the marriage soon, IF you are both prayerfully sure marriage is the best for you both --the right person and both knowing and trusting the Lord Jesus for everything. If you wait til you see a pregnancy it might be a problem for your future (as I'm sure you know).

If you are not both "born again" believers, then I would say you should pray forgiveness and part company now. One needs to honor the Lord Jesus above all things.

 

[ReesePiece23]

It's caused a lot of guilt, shame, and regret on both ends, especially me.

Well it shouldn't, it's not a failing. You love each other and it's perfectly normal, natural, and acceptable to have sex. It's your life, your relationship, and these are your experiences - no one else's. No one else has the right to define what's right or wrong on your journey.

If you both know in your hearts that you're the one for each other, then you should be happy for the intimacy you shared, not guilty, shameful or regretful. Having sex outside of marriage is no more of a 'sin' than me chowing down on twenty five cookies at four in the morning.

So, don't let this affect your love life, and your future marriage - you shouldn't feel guilty for expressing physical love. No, the timing may not have been perfect... But then, what is perfect in this world? Perfection is just another term for obsessive compulsive disorder in my eyes - of the sense that we can never be perfect.

And talking as a guy who has strived for perfection before, let me say, it only drew me further away from God and left me very unhappy.

 

[bethgirl1986]

Yeah, I can't go with that advice. I would say that the hypothetical eating 25 cookies at 4am (or any time of the day) is a sin, the sin of gluttony. Nobody NEEDS 25 cookies. The only reason someone would eat 25 cookies is a lack of self-control, which is one of the fruit of the Spirit which Paul commands us to have.

And even if someone thinks they can rationalize away their own concept of sin, there is still the issue of the authority of the written Word of God. And if the OP is convicted that she sinned, then nobody else should try to convince her otherwise. They should comfort her with Scripture and minister in the Holy Spirit, rather than their own logical reason.

So, wanderlust87, God forgives you. It would be best if you wait until marriage for further sexual activity. If you believe that this would be too difficult, and your fiance is a believer as well, then you should pursue marriage quickly. God loves you!

 

[Brianlear]

Some varying opinions here but one thing I know is that in modernity we have a great number of these situations where there is a long drawn out engagement where people have to fight their god-given sexual desires. In the old days people got married quickly and began having children. Today we do this funny thing where we painfully draw out the engagement. The bible does not speak about these situations, and I don't think that this sort of activity falls under lust or fornication. Some will disagree with me and that's fine. I think if you two are married before God--and that is a holy covenant that can come before any piece of paper is signed or ceremony on earth is had--then you should not feel too bad, but instead try to wait until the right time, which is when you will start having children.

People have this really strange belief that getting "legally" married is somehow the ticket to real, Godly sex. Where does that come from? Marriage is a COVENANT between a man, a woman, and God.