Sexual Disappointment

[Dave-W]

And anyway, my vow never mentioned sex. You must have had a strange ceremony!

The ceremony did not need to mention it, the Bible does that.

 

[Jon Osterman]

The ceremony did not need to mention it, the Bible does that.

As I have pointed out before, you are completely misreading that. It is quite clear from context that Paul is saying you should be helping your spouse keep sexual desires at bay by providing them with their "conjugal rights". So if your wife is sexually frustrated you should help her alleviate that desire. There is no requirement to force yourselves on each other - if neither of you want or need to have sex, you don't have to.

It is supposed to be a mechanism by which you can prevent further debauchery, in circumstances where one partner would be tempted to find sexual gratification elsewhere. I m 100% confident that this is not an issue with my wife.

 

[Dave-W]

It seems to me that you and Sparagmos are advocating divorcing our spouses if we feel the sex is not up to our standards. That seems pretty shallow to me.

Not at all. I am urging you to OBEY THE BIBLE; and satisfy your wife FREQUENTLY, and delight in doing so.

The onus is on YOU to make that happen.

1 Cor 7: 3
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.​

You are COMMANDED to keep her satisfied and the only breaks from that are for prayer and must be agreed on by BOTH spouses. And the time is SHORT. (historically that would have been understood as 1-2 weeks MAXIMUM)

BTW, the "concession" was allowing them to take a break from relations.

 

[Dave-W]

There is no requirement to force yourselves on each other - if neither of you want or need to have sex, you don't have to.

NO - I am not talking about forcing anything.

But if BOTH of you do not want sex, then you both are wrong. God gave sexual relations as a delight and blessing and you are both rejecting His good gift. The Judaism that our Lord and the apostles grew up in considered it to be a major sin to not enjoy every blessing that God allows to a person.

 

[Dave-W]

It is supposed to be a mechanism by which you can prevent further debauchery, in circumstances where one partner would be tempted to find sexual gratification elsewhere.

That is Paul telling us what happens when this command is not followed, and is only the bare minimum requirement.

God is not a god of bare minimums. He is a God of abundance. Overwhelming delight. And if you are called to love your wife as Christ loves the church, you should carry that same attitude: abundance and overwhelming delight.

 

[Jon Osterman]

But if BOTH of you do not want sex, then you both are wrong. God gave sexual relations as a delight and blessing and you are both rejecting His good gift. The Judaism that our Lord and the apostles grew up in considered it to be a major sin to not enjoy every blessing that God allows to a person.

This is completely ridiculous and I can't believe you are saying this with a straight face. If neither of us want to have sex it would be unloving to force ourselves on one another. Sex is not a blessing for us because it is downright awful, and I don't believe that God wants us to be put through such uncomfortable misery on a regular basis. (Having a kid was bad enough. though thankfully we have agreed not to go through that again.) We are not Jewish and have no need to keep Jewish traditions.

 

[Dave-W]

We are getting off topic here (at least somewhat) This was the question of the OP:

How have you dealt with sexual disappointment? That might be either you or your spouse who expected something more.

The proper biblical attitude is to NEVER allow our spouse be put into the "disappointed" category, in as much as it is within our power to do so.

 

[Dave-W]

We are not Jewish and have no need to keep Jewish traditions.

I did not say you were. I am saying what Paul told his gentile Christian followers in Corinth. BUT - I am also giving you the background of his statements as an insight into his meaning and purpose.

 

[Dave-W]

Sex is not a blessing for us because it is downright awful, and I don't believe that God wants us to be put through such uncomfortable misery on a regular basis.

Can you give me any scripture where God says He wants sex to be "downright awful," or an "uncomfortable misery?"

It sounds to me like you are running afoul of this verse:

Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!​

 

[Dave-W]

. If neither of us want to have sex it would be unloving to force ourselves on one another.

Of course. And it is also very unloving to not seek healing and restoration in this area.

 

[Jon Osterman]

Can you give me any scripture where God says He wants sex to be "downright awful," or an "uncomfortable misery?"

You are really not getting the point. It doesn't matter what you think about it, or what you may dredge up and twist out of context from the good book. The bottom line is that I don't find sex enjoyable, and having to go through such acts with the regularity you suggest would be absolutely abhorrent. That isn't going to change, and I don't think it was God's intention to put me or my wife through that or indeed Paul's intention to recommend it. Really, be honest here, if Paul was posting in this thread, what do you think he would say? I don't think he would be supporting your position.

 

[Dave-W]

You are really not getting the point.

No - it is YOU who are not getting the point.

You are taking something God intended for good and your enjoyment, and turning into something bad. That is NOT God.

 

[Jon Osterman]

You are taking something God intended for good and your enjoyment, and turning into something bad. That is NOT God.

I am not doing anything other than being honest. I am not turning it into something bad - I am experiencing it as something bad. That is quite different. If it were something God intended for me to enjoy, then I would enjoy it, so clearly He does not!

 

[Dave-W]

I am not doing anything other than being honest. I am not turning it into something bad - I am experiencing it as something bad.

And from your previous posts in this thread you are promoting the idea we should also see it the same as you.

If it were something God intended for me to enjoy, then I would enjoy it, so clearly He does not!

You are discounting God's interest in healing and changing you and your marriage?

 

[Jon Osterman]

And from your previous posts in this thread you are promoting the idea we should also see it the same as you.

I did nothing of the kind. I simply presented my own view. What you get up to in your own bedroom is up to you and God.

You are discounting God's interest in healing and changing you and your marriage?

I don't need healing or changing, thanks, and neither does my wife. We are doing just fine.

 

[Dave-W]

I don't need healing or changing, thanks, and neither does my wife.

Ya know, I am not sure I can take that from you.
I would like to hear that from her.