Sexual Disappointment

[redblue22]

How have you dealt with sexual disappointment? That might be either you or your spouse who expected something more.

 

[Dave-W]

Pray. Study.
Try to be very understanding of every facet of why both you and your spouse are in that situation. If there is something you can do to change yourself, do it. Communicate your disappointment and frustration. (but not in a way that can be taken as condemnation)

And touch. A lot.

 

[Mudinyeri]

Personally, I have not dealt with it. Like any other problem in a marriage, communication would play a key role in the resolution. Once the issue is communicated and acknowledged, there are any number of ways to approach the changes necessary to improve the marriage.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

Just like anything else in a strong relationship - keep working on it. Do some research, ask questions, be forgiving and patient, and try different things until something works.

 

[dayhiker]

I have experienced sexual disappointment. I wish I had been up for talking about it. When I was young I still hadn't learned to have the touch talks.
Once I started having them, they actually were never as bad as I thought they would be.

 

[Greenlee]

How have you dealt with sexual disappointment? That might be either you or your spouse who expected something more.

Lower your expectations, have a sense of humor and have fun. People put too much emphasis on performing a certain way because I think that the media gives us certain ideas on what it should be like.

Start off by thinking about sex as the most selfless thing you can do for your spouse, so if you start out by being entirely selfless, it usually pays off at some point with greater mutual satisfaction.

 

[johndoo]

I have read and read and read.
We went to marriage counseling.
The online sex therapist was tried but we didn't do more than one session.

 

[Greenlee]

I have read and read and read.
We went to marriage counseling.
The online sex therapist was tried but we didn't do more than one session.

Well, since I really don't want to go into great detail about the nature of the problem, let me suggest staying well away from inappropriate contentography, take a break from sex for a short time, identify stressors in your life that may be interfering with the relaxation and insecurities, get plenty of physical exercise, do satisfying things together that don't involve sex like adventurous vacations, public service and really anything that triggers a sense of altruistic satisfaction.

Sex counselors often do not share similar values to people like us. Bear in mind that this is something that is as much a spiritual issue as it is an emotional and relational one.

 

[Dave-W]

Start off by thinking about sex as the most selfless thing you can do for your spouse, so if you start out by being entirely selfless, it usually pays off at some point with greater mutual satisfaction.

That depends on the reason for the lack of intimacy. If it is due to childhood sexual abuse (which at least 20% of girls experience) then any sexual contact or innuendo can be very hurtful. Counseling that covers that area can be like pouring salt into an open wound.

In that case, the most selfless thing you can do is abandon any hope of a sexual relationship.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

SMH...wow.

 

[Dave-W]

SMH...wow.

SMH??? What does that mean?

 

[Greenlee]

"Shaking my head"

 

[Greenlee]

It's something my teenage son does in response to me ALL THE TIME

 

[Dave-W]

wow.

W, this forum is for singles to ask us old married folk about marriage. So unless you are asking questions, this is not the place for your comments.

This is the opener of the Marriage Folder:

Hi Everyone,
I've been noticing more and more non-married members posting in this forum and I just wanted to remind us all that the Married Couples is just for currently married members that have the Married icon turned on for their account. It is okay to hide it- staff can still see it, but please be mindful of this rule.
http://www.christianforums.com/thre...rried-members-may-post-in-this-forum.7845353/

And from the "Statement of Purpose" for this sub-forum:

Fellowship forum for the purpose of answering questions from singles. Married members only can respond to the the thread. All responses must be made to the OP, and the OP can ask follow-up questions. Debate is not allowed in this forum. All of the site wide rules of Christian Forums apply (those rules can be found here).

 

[PeachieKeen]

Communicate. Try new things. Tell eachother what feels good and what doesn't. When you maybe didn't like it that much, explain what parts weren't good for you.

Sex is really like an intensive conversation with a giant payoff. The better you communicate, the better it's going to be.

 

[Dave-W]

Start off by thinking about sex as the most selfless thing you can do for your spouse, so if you start out by being entirely selfless, it usually pays off at some point with greater mutual satisfaction

That assumes the spouse wants satisfaction. It won't work for someone that has spent years devoiding themselves of any hint of "carnal desire."

 

[joshua 1 9]

Paul's advice was: "those who have wives should be as though they had none;" 1cor7:29 When I was single I tried to avoid any situation that may cause me to be interested in sex. That could mean to avoid going to the beach if people there have very little clothing on.

 

[Dave-W]

Paul's advice was: "those who have wives should be as though they had none;" 1cor7:29

That is because of this verse which precedes that:

26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is.

There was a persecution against christians going on.

Taking that verse out out of the proper context leads one to violate scripture. Sex is COMMANDED between spouses, both in the OT and in this very chapter. If you are to act like you are NOT married, then you are to avoid having sex, which violates this command.

When I was single I tried to avoid any situation that may cause me to be interested in sex. That could mean to avoid going to the beach if people there have very little clothing on.

So do you still "avoid any situation that may cause [you] to be interested in sex;" even with your wife? If you say you should act like you have no wife, you should.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Sex is COMMANDED between spouses

So Mary was not a virgin because God commanded her to have sex with Joseph?

I say this as a concession, not as a command. and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 1 cor 7:7

Matthew 19 "10 His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11“Not everyone can accept this word,Jesus answered, “but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way; others were made that way by men; and still others live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

 

[Dave-W]

So Mary was not a virgin because God commanded her to have sex with Joseph?

If she didn't have sex with Joseph after the birth of our Lord, yes, she would have sinned; and he would have sinned as well.

A married couple not having sex regularly was unthinkable in late 2nd temple period Judaism.