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How do we know which is a debate thread and which isn't? Some time back it was common to put [Debate] (and other) type tags on threads to make their intent clear.
Maybe we can try something like that.
I have noticed people doing that. It's a good idea.
I have noticed people doing that. It's a good idea.
That's a second and a third on that one!I like that idea too.
Sex threads of any kind are not supposed to be posted in the main Marrieds section. Why they left a portion of the SoP out addressing that, I don't know. But, I do believe they will be addressing that with the pending changes.
If one reads the SoP for the personal topics sub-forum, it clearly states there that sex-related issues in marriage can be addressed in the Struggles with Sexuality sub-forum of Recovery.
I am far from a prude, but I honestly don't get what all the stink and bother is about posting about sex. I have no desire to discuss my sex life, in any aspect, on the internet.
I do think there needs to be a place where people struggling can feel safe to find help and support. But, I don't think it needs to be in an area as unstructured as this one. Recovery is much better suited to address those issues, IMO.
I realize that this post is from the second page and it may have been responded to already, but I don't think sexual issues within a marriage should go to a "Struggles with Sexuality" forum. To me that type of forum is more suited for those confused with their sexuality. An example would be someone struggling with homosexual thoughts.
Really, you can make that case for any subject being discussed here.It was put there b/c of the stricter constraints on posting. I don't think allowing them here is appropriate b/c the issues being posted about get swallowed up by people arguing about what the problem *really* is and what they think is the best way to address the problem. Rarely does the OP get any real help/support/advice that brings a way to find resolution to their situation. So, what good does it do to allow them here? None, IMO.
Actually that brings up a important point, WWC. I think what is happening is that the vocal minority who enjoys debating is monopolizing this CF sub-forum. I personally don't have a problem with that because I'm part of that vocal minority so when I see threads like the OP's I think, "what's the problem?"
My recommendation for those of you who don't enjoy debate threads is to create your own non debate threads and stay out of the debate threads! If you think you will be offended, don't click it! If you want to change the forum atmosphere then you must be more vocal by creating your own threads. You have the tools and the "create new thread" button. Use it!
WWC is right. People come to this forum for many different reasons. The people who seem the most vocal in this sub-forum are the ones who came to the forum for a good healthy debate. Personally I don't see anything wrong with that.
That's my impression of that sub-forum as well. And really.....quite often, since so many marriage issues end up being manifested into sexual issues, it really isn't the "sex" that's the actual topic or struggle. Does that make sense? It is more "struggles with marriage"....."struggles with trying to merge lives with another person that has different ideas than I do" that comes out in the sexual relationship. Besides....what happens in this sub-forum normally, is that concepts are discussed....not personal situations.I realize that this post is from the second page and it may have been responded to already, but I don't think sexual issues within a marriage should go to a "Struggles with Sexuality" forum. To me that type of forum is more suited for those confused with their sexuality. An example would be someone struggling with homosexual thoughts.
Really, you can make that case for any subject being discussed here.
From what I'm seeing there isn't much that can be discussed here that doesn't get swallowed up. I just don't see why the sex threads are singled out.
I think what needs to happen is that staff should include provisions for these threads in the guidelines they roll out for this forum. I agree with Boidae and the others. That just isn't an appropriate forum.
I have noticed people doing that. It's a good idea.
I have noticed people doing that. It's a good idea.
I like that idea too.
That's a second and a third on that one!
Any staffer reading this, can you pass that along to the folks working on guidelines for us?
How do we know which is a debate thread and which isn't? Some time back it was common to put [Debate] (and other) type tags on threads to make their intent clear.
Maybe we can try something like that.
the thing about marking "debate" is that technically debate is a rule violation, we are not supposed to debate, only discuss. Me....Id have thought if you were going to try and make a disticntion without a difference at least it would say we cant "argue" just "debate"...and then a whole "debate" ensued about the difference between debate and discussion.
If you were to eliminate debate, it goes a little like dallas outlined , hers specifically about sex, but I will say in general
if we have no debate, there will be threads where people say X is wonderful, others agree.....dead
there will be threads where someone says "i need help with X", others will say pray join church read these books and here are some hugs, oh, and get counseling.....dead
there will be threads about "your favorite ___________ (food, book, movie)"
And finally there will be the facebookish update threads with statements of status in real time.
None of these are truly engaging, meaning lots of inter-related posts back and forth, sure the status update ones can go on and on for dozens of pages, but there is no fellowship (to me) in people talking right past one another saying what they are doing....thats just my opinion, that some like it is fine....id just thought at least I come to forums to actually engage, not to proclaim some small thing Ive done and leave, but to engage back and forth, learn, teach, ask, explain, be convinced, convince, change my mind, change others minds,
I agree. I'm under the impression that's the nature of forums.the thing about marking "debate" is that technically debate is a rule violation, we are not supposed to debate, only discuss. Me....Id have thought if you were going to try and make a disticntion without a difference at least it would say we cant "argue" just "debate"...and then a whole "debate" ensued about the difference between debate and discussion.
If you were to eliminate debate, it goes a little like dallas outlined , hers specifically about sex, but I will say in general
if we have no debate, there will be threads where people say X is wonderful, others agree.....dead
there will be threads where someone says "i need help with X", others will say pray join church read these books and here are some hugs, oh, and get counseling.....dead
there will be threads about "your favorite ___________ (food, book, movie)"
And finally there will be the facebookish update threads with statements of status in real time.
None of these are truly engaging, meaning lots of inter-related posts back and forth, sure the status update ones can go on and on for dozens of pages, but there is no fellowship (to me) in people talking right past one another saying what they are doing....thats just my opinion, that some like it is fine....id just thought at least I come to forums to actually engage, not to proclaim some small thing Ive done and leave, but to engage back and forth, learn, teach, ask, explain, be convinced, convince, change my mind, change others minds,
This is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it, but it is *just* an opinion.
This is your opinion and you are certainly entitled to it, but it is *just* an opinion.
I agree, Cons. For whatever it's worth.....I saw NOTHING wrong with what you said. You didn't belittle those that like the "fellowship" threads....you had the "to each his own" attitude--not trying to convince anyone to change.Thats your opinion and you are entitled to it
sheesh
I was clearly saying it was just my opinion....thats what "to me" means, and a couple other qualifiers I put there....so, er, why the need to do this?
i was literally expressing a personal preference which is by definition my opinion.
Its like if I said "I like ice cream" and you replied "thats just your opinion"
goodness, and this from the person who says no debate.....if someone cant even express an opinion and not be reminded its an opinion, then yea....maybe you should stay away from debates
Id actually like to know what I said thats wrong though.....
It's called fellowship. And threads like that can and often are highly rewarding and serve as an almost purely "drama free" zone. They've been called "hang out" threads here at CF for some time. I remember some from the past that were very popular and really did have lots of back and forth interaction. Often highly informative or entertaining tangents are born from threads like that.Excellent post. Some see these "debates" as bad as having leprosy. I personally see things like "thread drift thread" that way, they are less engaging that saying how ya doin while passing a stranger on the street, actually they seem like face bookish status updates, and I will make a guess that they stem sorta from that same urge, its just a guess, I have zero issue with someone who wants to read and post in them, but to me its like
"my souffle finally survived a rowdy game of Wii in the game room YEAH! "
and a response unrelated
"My niece Jody got her braces off"
as less than interesting
I was wondering about that. I wasn't sure if this forum allowed actual debates or not. Meaning formal ones more or less. Discussions I would think would be encouraged. But again, tags might be helpful. Even a [Praise] tag or something like that might let people know criticism won't be welcome there on that particular thread.the thing about marking "debate" is that technically debate is a rule violation, we are not supposed to debate, only discuss. Me....Id have thought if you were going to try and make a disticntion without a difference at least it would say we cant "argue" just "debate"...and then a whole "debate" ensued about the difference between debate and discussion.
If you were to eliminate debate, it goes a little like dallas outlined , hers specifically about sex, but I will say in general
if we have no debate, there will be threads where people say X is wonderful, others agree.....dead
there will be threads where someone says "i need help with X", others will say pray join church read these books and here are some hugs, oh, and get counseling.....dead
there will be threads about "your favorite ___________ (food, book, movie)"
And finally there will be the facebookish update threads with statements of status in real time.
None of these are truly engaging, meaning lots of inter-related posts back and forth, sure the status update ones can go on and on for dozens of pages, but there is no fellowship (to me) in people talking right past one another saying what they are doing....thats just my opinion, that some like it is fine....id just thought at least I come to forums to actually engage, not to proclaim some small thing Ive done and leave, but to engage back and forth, learn, teach, ask, explain, be convinced, convince, change my mind, change others minds,
It's called fellowship. And threads like that can and often are highly rewarding and serve as an almost purely "drama free" zone. They've been called "hang out" threads here at CF for some time. I remember some from the past that were very popular and really did have lots of back and forth interaction. Often highly informative or entertaining tangents are born from threads like that.
In all seriousness, I'd invite you to participate in threads like that. I think you in particular would benefit.
So your evaluation is just not accurate.
I was wondering about that. I wasn't sure if this forum allowed actual debates or not. Meaning formal ones more or less. Discussions I would think would be encouraged. But again, tags might be helpful. Even a [Praise] tag or something like that might let people know criticism won't be welcome there on that particular thread.
Just thoughts.
I agree, Cons. I would think that whenever ANYONE posts, it is understood that what we are posting is *JUST* our opinion. It sort of goes with out saying, doesn't it? There doesn't seem to be a need for disclosures at the end--like the pharmaceutical commercials.
But....that is JUST my opinion.
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