Sex threads? Always? Really? Ugh!

[dorig59]

I think we discuss here a lot of other things besides sex or male vs female aspects of marriage.

 

[dorig59]

You didn't need to mimic me to get your point across.

Are you serious? THAT upset you? I wasn't trying to be nasty in any way. And you guys talk about how people get into arguments & stuff on here?? How ironic. You see how people can take offense or get defensive very easily. Sheesh.

 

[hijklmnop]

I didn't say I was upset. I just don't like mimickry, that's all.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Wait, does this thread count as one of those dreaded sex threads?

 

[beckyjustbecky]

Well it wasn't supposed to but evidently it has been turned into one,

 

[dallasapple]

What I find ironic..is there is a "positive sex thread" running now..It has 13 post..7 of which its the OP..saying "well said" and "I agree" etc..But this thread is many threads on top of that one..with 44 posts and counting.

Why ?There is a thread open for people to rave about how great and important sex is to them....and instead this one is the "popular' one of the two.

No one is on the 'positive sex" thread being negative..Why are the positive sex people over here arguing ?

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Actually EVERYONE agrees that a healthy relationship and emotional intimacy is necessary for a healthy sex life. Where the sticking point is is that some don't seem to accept the idea that it's circular, that sex is required for a healthy relationship and emotional intimacy too. NOT that sex will create those things from zero but that it is an ingredient in them as much as it is a reflection of them.

No what some people think and its JUST as healthy to think this way and IMHO the ONLY healthy way is that the sexual union is as a RESULT of a healthy relationship..then of course its PART of the relationship becasue well its the EXPRESSION of the love you feel for each other as a HUMAN being and everythign ELSE about them that has NOTHING to do with "sex".

YOU LOVE "each other" ..."an" (1) expression of that love how you FEEL about that person is through sex.

For ME there is nothing to be EXPRESSED "sexually" OR "recieved" sexually if the RELATIONSIP (the MEAT..the CORE) is not loving ..is not friendly..is not healthy...

There is nothign really to argue about..that "belief" system is alive and well with many people..and its a very HEALTHY and reasonable SANE and logical way to FEEL about having sex..or NOT havign sex.

The other way ..that you have sex no matter WHAT else is going on ..becasue "not having sex' will make it 'worse" if there are problems in the relationship or having far more sex than one person wants to because its your duty as a spouse to "supply" sex to the other one. and all that..Is FINE for some people..Many people find that disturbing becasue it goes completely agaisnt the idea of sex being about the RESULTS of a loving and caring RELATIONSIP the 99.99% of the relationship dynamics that is NON sexual..Including many people are GROSSED out having sex which is supposed to be about(for THEM) MUTUAL desire so doing so as an "obligation" to "take care" of the ones physcial need for sexual release is repulsive to THEM.

If that doesnt BOTHER someone else then its the LIVE and let LIVE idea again..

I think some people are getting their FELLINGS hurt that some think its GROSS...So the argument continues..Why?

I love FRIED chicken livers..Some people VOMIT at the thought of eating one..I dont care.I still enjoy my chicken livers..Someone telling me that eatign chicken livers..even the THOUGHT of eating chicken livers makes them gag..Isnt "personal"..I still eat chicken livers..and they can still abstain...I dont care what they think..sure its an interestign fact..I dont get why they dont love them too..but in the end..its not affecting me as long as I can get ahold of some chicken livers when Im craving them.

Dallas

 

[dayhiker]

Interesting thread ... arguing about arguing ... LOL For the most part he battering that on here with people expressing their views doesn't bother me one bit.

Thought I'd mention that sense we can't talk about the details of sex in marriage there is a web site about the Marriage Bed that is very pro sex in marriage where those things can be discussed.

One other thought I had. I've heard a few say over the years that the sex was the only good thing in their marriage. So while clearly the surest way to have good sex in a marriage is to treat each other with respect and have great communication as with all human relationships there are exceptions.

I'm with those that say live and let live. Relationships aren't a one shoe fits all thing. One of the things I love about God's creation both in nature and in people is the variety. Its an endless source of enjoyment for me to observe God's people.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Interesting thread ... arguing about arguing ... LOL

I'm with those that say live and let live. Relationships aren't a one shoe fits all thing. One of the things I love about God's creation both in nature and in people is the variety. Its an endless source of enjoyment for me to observe God's people.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Interesting thread ... arguing about arguing ... LOL For the most part he battering that on here with people expressing their views doesn't bother me one bit.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

What I find ironic..is there is a "positive sex thread" running now..It has 13 post..7 of which its the OP..saying "well said" and "I agree" etc..But this thread is many threads on top of that one..with 44 posts and counting.

Why ?There is a thread open for people to rave about how great and important sex is to them....and instead this one is the "popular' one of the two.

No one is on the 'positive sex" thread being negative..Why are the positive sex people over here arguing ?

Dallas

This is why:

Talking about positive sex stuff without getting too personal is boring. It basically just turns in to a bunch of people agreeing without getting specific which will basically go nowhere fast. If 90% of positive sex things aren't allowed being discussed and the remaining 10% of positive sex stuff that is discussed is shared by most everyone then why would someone want to continually pat each other on the back over the same shared experience? If you want to talk about positive sex things without the rules in a Christian environment then themarriagebed.com is for you. This forum isn't conducive to those discussions.

People don't come to a forum to agree with a bunch of other people and go their merry way. They come to a forum to challenge, be challenged, debate, and hopefully at the end of the day come out as a wiser person for having been there. That's why people are drawn to the topics which are more heated in debate.

 

[mkgal1]

I agree, DSRohe. I process better when I have someone to "bounce ideas" off of.....kind of like practicing tennis. It's not something you can really do on your own, or without some amount of opposition.

 

[dallasapple]

This is why:

Talking about positive sex stuff without getting too personal is boring. It basically just turns in to a bunch of people agreeing without getting specific which will basically go nowhere fast. If 90% of positive sex things aren't allowed being discussed and the remaining 10% of positive sex stuff that is discussed is shared by most everyone then why would someone want to continually pat each other on the back over the same shared experience? If you want to talk about positive sex things without the rules in a Christian environment then themarriagebed.com is for you. This forum isn't conducive to those discussions.

People don't come to a forum to agree with a bunch of other people and go their merry way. They come to a forum to challenge, be challenged, debate, and hopefully at the end of the day come out as a wiser person for having been there. That's why people are drawn to the topics which are more heated in debate.

I agree..thats why I dont get the complaints?That threads discussing sex have people on them who have anything "negative" to say about it.There are indeed many harmful or 'negative" aspects of sex that can go on inside a marriage.

And thats the truth..the bottom line is after 5 or 10 or 15 whatever..people get on an say "sex is awesome"! I love having sex! Sex is important to ME!then everyone agrees or tells a story even of how sex saved the day one time..and they all hi five and amen each other then the crickets start chirping.

And again I agree..this place CF doesnt welcome any "sharing of notes" or details of sexual practices..or lets say "red shoe diaries" type sharing of stories..thats neither good nor bad IMHO..there are other places and you named it the marriage bed..where you can TELL your private sexual experiences and listen to others tell about thiers.I was a membr there for a while I had tripped upon them by accident(years and years ago like 6 or 7) looking for any info on an issue I had..they helped me to a certain point..but after that there was nothing to say LOL!! other than sitting around reading about other people having sex in DETAIL including threads on what I consider "extreme" sort of sexual practices..and I eventually got the feeling "why am I here ..talking about sex in detail (specifics) and reading about strange people having sex?It got to be too much and I coudlnt figure out what the purpose was..other than to talk about sex all day long.Oh and there was also quite a bit of "negative" sex talk too..Like people wanting "more sex and spicier sex" complaining about their spouses..but it was all sex..and very detailed.IOW someone who has an issue with porn?Shouldnt be over there.Anyone who has a tendency to become addicted to things of a sexual nature should be warned that place is a danger for them.

I think the people complaining about CF..would be or should be happy as a pig in mud over there..

Dallas

 

[hijklmnop]

This is why:

Talking about positive sex stuff without getting too personal is boring. It basically just turns in to a bunch of people agreeing without getting specific which will basically go nowhere fast. If 90% of positive sex things aren't allowed being discussed and the remaining 10% of positive sex stuff that is discussed is shared by most everyone then why would someone want to continually pat each other on the back over the same shared experience? If you want to talk about positive sex things without the rules in a Christian environment then themarriagebed.com is for you. This forum isn't conducive to those discussions.

People don't come to a forum to agree with a bunch of other people and go their merry way. They come to a forum to challenge, be challenged, debate, and hopefully at the end of the day come out as a wiser person for having been there. That's why people are drawn to the topics which are more heated in debate.

Totally agree!!!!!

 

[hijklmnop]

No what some people think and its JUST as healthy to think this way and IMHO the ONLY healthy way is that the sexual union is as a RESULT of a healthy relationship..then of course its PART of the relationship becasue well its the EXPRESSION of the love you feel for each other as a HUMAN being and everythign ELSE about them that has NOTHING to do with "sex".

YOU LOVE "each other" ..."an" (1) expression of that love how you FEEL about that person is through sex.

For ME there is nothing to be EXPRESSED "sexually" OR "recieved" sexually if the RELATIONSIP (the MEAT..the CORE) is not loving ..is not friendly..is not healthy...

There is nothign really to argue about..that "belief" system is alive and well with many people..and its a very HEALTHY and reasonable SANE and logical way to FEEL about having sex..or NOT havign sex.

The other way ..that you have sex no matter WHAT else is going on ..becasue "not having sex' will make it 'worse" if there are problems in the relationship or having far more sex than one person wants to because its your duty as a spouse to "supply" sex to the other one. and all that..Is FINE for some people..Many people find that disturbing becasue it goes completely agaisnt the idea of sex being about the RESULTS of a loving and caring RELATIONSIP the 99.99% of the relationship dynamics that is NON sexual..Including many people are GROSSED out having sex which is supposed to be about(for THEM) MUTUAL desire so doing so as an "obligation" to "take care" of the ones physcial need for sexual release is repulsive to THEM.

If that doesnt BOTHER someone else then its the LIVE and let LIVE idea again..

I think some people are getting their FELLINGS hurt that some think its GROSS...So the argument continues..Why?

I love FRIED chicken livers..Some people VOMIT at the thought of eating one..I dont care.I still enjoy my chicken livers..Someone telling me that eatign chicken livers..even the THOUGHT of eating chicken livers makes them gag..Isnt "personal"..I still eat chicken livers..and they can still abstain...I dont care what they think..sure its an interestign fact..I dont get why they dont love them too..but in the end..its not affecting me as long as I can get ahold of some chicken livers when Im craving them.

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

but we are young naive newlywed's who "have a lot to learn" aparently.....


Its sad. Very Sad.

Whats "very sad" is that maybe you dont 'have a lot to learn"(hopefully about HURTFUL aspects of sex I pray you are SPAREd)..but if you think that people who have been married for a LONG time..have "no idea" about the joys of sex ..that is the "very sad" thing.That you dont think that I for example could Im sure ..challenge you to a "the best sex" race..and have MANY more "hot steamy awesome" sex stories to tell than Im sure MOST newlyweds including you then thats SAD.

Is "sad" that you think that people who have been ROUND the racetrack ..for 2x 3x 10x longer than you because its POSSIBLE they have experienced the negative side ..means they are CLUELESS and need to "talk about " or have anything to 'learn" about fantiasitc sex from newlyweds thats SAD>

The arrogance that you think..becasue the older married folk..just dont "get it " how great and "positive" sex can be..just because they arent boiling over with how hot their sex life is/has been /will be including it can and does get BETTER with AGE thats sad.Newlyweds do not posess some best kept "secret" we have ALL been newlyweds..just the older the ones that have been married MUCH longer have BEYOND that experience with SEX.

Dallas

 

[WalksWithChrist]

This is why:

Talking about positive sex stuff without getting too personal is boring. It basically just turns in to a bunch of people agreeing without getting specific which will basically go nowhere fast. If 90% of positive sex things aren't allowed being discussed and the remaining 10% of positive sex stuff that is discussed is shared by most everyone then why would someone want to continually pat each other on the back over the same shared experience? If you want to talk about positive sex things without the rules in a Christian environment then themarriagebed.com is for you. This forum isn't conducive to those discussions.

People don't come to a forum to agree with a bunch of other people and go their merry way. They come to a forum to challenge, be challenged, debate, and hopefully at the end of the day come out as a wiser person for having been there. That's why people are drawn to the topics which are more heated in debate.

You are leaving out fellowship. There are two (that I can think of) threads here that are straight fellowship that have gotten plenty of traffic.
Two examples off the top of my head that I've been posting in:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7507840/
http://www.christianforums.com/t7546452/

I don't even post in sex threads to begin with, so I thought my input might be neutral since I don't a "dog in the fight" so to speak. One thing really is the fellowship aspect as I mentioned. I can easily see how a positive thread about sex can be a springboard for fellowship. And as others have mentioned, it really doesn't make sense to have threads about sexual concerns but not ones that put it in a good light.

To the OP specifically, this is an ongoing problem we have in this forum. And I really don't think it's the sex threads specifically that are the problem. Some of us just have trouble discussing without getting heated or overly argumentative. Staff is working on this right now and I think they will be putting guidelines out soon.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

You are leaving out fellowship. There are two (that I can think of) threads here that are straight fellowship that have gotten plenty of traffic.
Two examples off the top of my head that I've been posting in:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7507840/
http://www.christianforums.com/t7546452/

I don't even post in sex threads to begin with, so I thought my input might be neutral since I don't a "dog in the fight" so to speak. One thing really is the fellowship aspect as I mentioned. I can easily see how a positive thread about sex can be a springboard for fellowship. And as others have mentioned, it really doesn't make sense to have threads about sexual concerns but not ones that put it in a good light.

To the OP specifically, this is an ongoing problem we have in this forum. And I really don't think it's the sex threads specifically that are the problem. Some of us just have trouble discussing without getting heated or overly argumentative. Staff is working on this right now and I think they will be putting guidelines out soon.

Yes I did leave out fellowship. I don't think most of the threads on sex are primarily there for fellowship, though. Maybe the people who are looking for fellowship are the ones who dislike the threads on sex because most of the time the only form of "fellowship" in those threads is of the debating variety. My advice to those people would be stay out of the threads on sex because even though you might not enjoy the debate, there are a lot of people (like me) who do.

But feel free to make threads of pure fellowship!

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Actually that brings up a important point, WWC. I think what is happening is that the vocal minority who enjoys debating is monopolizing this CF sub-forum. I personally don't have a problem with that because I'm part of that vocal minority so when I see threads like the OP's I think, "what's the problem?"

My recommendation for those of you who don't enjoy debate threads is to create your own non debate threads and stay out of the debate threads! If you think you will be offended, don't click it! If you want to change the forum atmosphere then you must be more vocal by creating your own threads. You have the tools and the "create new thread" button. Use it!

WWC is right. People come to this forum for many different reasons. The people who seem the most vocal in this sub-forum are the ones who came to the forum for a good healthy debate. Personally I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

Actually that brings up a important point, WWC. I think what is happening is that the vocal minority who enjoys debating is monopolizing this CF sub-forum. I personally don't have a problem with that because I'm part of that vocal minority so when I see threads like the OP's I think, "what's the problem?"

My recommendation for those of you who don't enjoy debate threads is to create your own non debate threads and stay out of the debate threads! If you think you will be offended, don't click it! If you want to change the forum atmosphere then you must be more vocal by creating your own threads. You have the tools and the "create new thread" button. Use it!

WWC is right. People come to this forum for many different reasons. The people who seem the most vocal in this sub-forum are the ones who came to the forum for a good healthy debate. Personally I don't see anything wrong with that.

How do we know which is a debate thread and which isn't? Some time back it was common to put [Debate] (and other) type tags on threads to make their intent clear.

Maybe we can try something like that.