Sex threads? Always? Really? Ugh!

[FaithPrevails]

And yet again,the complete purpose of the thread is set aside for people to continue In their "well I think I am right and that's that" attitudes.

And this my fellow forum users was exactly my point!

My post was actually intended to speak to your frustration. When you mix people who have a healthy sex life and/or attitude about sex with people who don't or who are married to someone who doesn't, then sparks are going to fly.

Which is why I think it's best just not to discuss it here.

 

[EmilyF]

Actually the sex threads that inevitably lead to fighting and the seemingly fighting about gender roles are why I've been avoiding this section of the forums. I think that there are some really interesting people here and people who have a lot of insight but it's fatiguing to read the fighting.

Jane, I've never seen you do it, but there are a few posters who use the forums to vent their unhappiness and to place the blame for their marriages on their spouses and members of the opposite sex.

I'd like to spend time here but I just can't take it. Marriage is a messy, complicated and difficult journey that is so vastly difficult even in the best of times. There's a lot of judgement and hatred and close mindedness that gets spewed. I think that there is sometimes some over sensitivity. It's off putting.

 

[beckyjustbecky]

Oh I understand and appreciate your comment.

My issue is that it's always the same names popping up be it defending or opposing a healthy/unhealthy sex life when the topic was directed at something entirely different. Which would be ok and fine if people could use a forum respectfully enough to allow other posters to have an opinion and maybe not agree with it but also not try to "make" that person see how "wrong" they are.

Again, my issue is only that Christians should behave in a Christ-like manner, especially when being watched by non-believers. Thts not saying I am perfect or claiming to be, but there's a lot to be said for treating people respectfully.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Oh I understand and appreciate your comment.

My issue is that it's always the same names popping up be it defending or opposing a healthy/unhealthy sex life when the topic was directed at something entirely different. Which would be ok and fine if people could use a forum respectfully enough to allow other posters to have an opinion and maybe not agree with it but also not try to "make" that person see how "wrong" they are.

Again, my issue is only that Christians should behave in a Christ-like manner, especially when being watched by non-believers. Thts not saying I am perfect or claiming to be, but there's a lot to be said for treating people respectfully.

I totally and completely agree.

 

[beckyjustbecky]

Actually the sex threads that inevitably lead to fighting and the seemingly fighting about gender roles are why I've been avoiding this section of the forums. I think that there are some really interesting people here and people who have a lot of insight but it's fatiguing to read the fighting.

Jane, I've never seen you do it, but there are a few posters who use the forums to vent their unhappiness and to place the blame for their marriages on their spouses and members of the opposite sex.

I'd like to spend time here but I just can't take it. Marriage is a messy, complicated and difficult journey that is so vastly difficult even in the best of times. There's a lot of judgement and hatred and close mindedness that gets spewed. I think that there is sometimes some over sensitivity. It's off putting.

What this poster said! I second, third and fourth that!

 

[roseread]

It'd end up getting closed.

I think it is considered titillating, and to be honest, for people in a sexless marriage it probably would be titillating. I think it's probably better that they don't allow threads like that.

I'm in a sexless marriage, and I think it would be a silly reason not to have a pro-sex thread. Believe me, a thread like that would not push me over the top. Living in a sexless marriage is. Not allowing pro-sex threads is not going to make my situation worse.

 

[JaneFW]

I'm in a sexless marriage, and I think it would be a silly reason not to have a pro-sex thread. Believe me, a thread like that would not push me over the top. Living in a sexless marriage is. Not allowing pro-sex threads is not going to make my situation worse.

LOL. Exactly!

 

[mkgal1]

I really don't understand why it's so depressing that just a few of us insist that healthy relationships and emotional intimacy need to be present in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Is that so discouraging? Lol.

That's really been my question all along. Can someone PLEASE explain that to me? I sincerely do NOT get it.

 

[McScribe]

That's not all that's being said. When need is taken to mean only things you cannot live without, it makes it hard to ask for anything. When as I have you've lost the relationship it feels like you question things enough, are hard enough on yourself without wondering if you also did that badly.

It's like you can't talk about it in simple terms. It's like you are supposed to say "I would like a hug" rather than "I need a hug." When my ex would say that to me it meant she was having a hard day. That's all. Saying you need sex to me is just meant to say that you need that mutual expression of love.

I've even done it. Was it wrong for example for me on one occasion when I was kind of tired and not in the mood to put myself in the mood for my ex? (rare occasion) I don't think so. I didn't feel used. I felt tenderness and love towards her. But according to some posters it sounds like I should have resented it. And I don't get it.

 

[mkgal1]

Moved to "Sex is a need" thread

 

[dorig59]

I really don't understand why it's so depressing that just a few of us insist that healthy relationships and emotional intimacy need to be present in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Is that so discouraging? Lol.

I really don't understand why when people talk about enjoying/needing sex, that its assumed to be shallow or that their marriage is based only on sex, or that they don't have a healthy relationship already with great emotional intimacy. "LOL"

 

[dorig59]

Also, to address the OP specifically, sure, I get what everybody is saying about all the arguing & stuff, and "lack of civility," and why can't us Christians do better. And sometimes I get very uncomfortable with all the acrimony that arises.

Having said that: where else are we gonna go to discuss this stuff? There are some people here that are in great pain because of bad marriages/ relationships/situations, for one. And there are people who are misunderstood & get frustrated by that. Most people can't take the time and/or money to go find some counselor or maybe their spouse won't go even if they could.

And I'll tell you something else, acrimony or not, when one of us has an urgent need & comes back here for prayer & support, we all gather together with no questions, and we support one another like you've never seen.

And a misconception people have about Christians is that we're these perfect little people. We're not any better than anybody else. We're just FORGIVEN and we know it & thank Him for it.

 

[beckyjustbecky]

Ok so it was ME that you were addressing, you didnt actually address anything that I've pointed out.

I didn't suggest we need to be "perfectly married" but a little respect toward one another would go a very long way!

My issue is about respect and allowing people to live and le live without getting self righteous an dismissive to anyone who has an opinion different to theirs.

 

[chaz345]

I really don't understand why it's so depressing that just a few of us insist that healthy relationships and emotional intimacy need to be present in order to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Is that so discouraging? Lol.

Actually EVERYONE agrees that a healthy relationship and emotional intimacy is necessary for a healthy sex life. Where the sticking point is is that some don't seem to accept the idea that it's circular, that sex is required for a healthy relationship and emotional intimacy too. NOT that sex will create those things from zero but that it is an ingredient in them as much as it is a reflection of them.

 

[EmilyF]

Also, to address the OP specifically, sure, I get what everybody is saying about all the arguing & stuff, and "lack of civility," and why can't us Christians do better. And sometimes I get very uncomfortable with all the acrimony that arises.

Having said that: where else are we gonna go to discuss this stuff? There are some people here that are in great pain because of bad marriages/ relationships/situations, for one. And there are people who are misunderstood & get frustrated by that. Most people can't take the time and/or money to go find some counselor or maybe their spouse won't go even if they could.

And I'll tell you something else, acrimony or not, when one of us has an urgent need & comes back here for prayer & support, we all gather together with no questions, and we support one another like you've never seen.

And a misconception people have about Christians is that we're these perfect little people. We're not any better than anybody else. We're just FORGIVEN and we know it & thank Him for it.

I don't think that these things shouldn't be discussed. It's just that the infighting is too much for me. I have a non-marital topic that I want to discuss. I need some people to discuss it with. I don't feel like I can without people being jerks to each other and further more, being a jerk to me.

It's quite possible to discuss these things with an air of civility and an open mind and heart, knowing that not everyone is exactly like we are.

No, we don't have to be perfect but it often seems like people aren't even tryng to be nice or respectful. Quite frankly, it's a bit like watching my sons fight with the foot stomping and whining just hidden under a cloak of supposed adulthood.

I am wondering if anyone cares to discuss anything other than sex or the male vs female aspects of marriage. To me, it's not even that it feels like only marriage negatives are being discussed but that the same thing is being rehashed over and over.

Its like this: can married women wear sneakers? Why do women start to wear sneakers as soon as they get married? Why don't women wear sexier shoes once they married? Why can't men love us even though we wear sneakers? Why can't men just understand that sneakers are comfortable? Are black sneakers OK? What about orange sneakers? Why does my husband look at other women when I wear sneaker? Is there porn about sneakers? [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] Who would be into that? If you've only worn sneakers a few times, your opinion isn't valuable.

Clearly there was some hyperbole in that. But really, how many times do things need to be rehashed?

I was on this board several years ago at the start of my marriage. I enjoyed it. My marriage was rocky right from the start and I could ask questions and and I could get things off of my chest AND I could take my mind of of things for a bit.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I am wondering if anyone cares to discuss anything other than sex or the male vs female aspects of marriage.

Yes!

 

[beckyjustbecky]

Me three!

 

[JaneFW]

So, other than Faith, I dont see anyone posting new threads ..?

Emily, I'd love to hear whatever it is you wanted to discuss. If it is related to "life", which I assume it is - lol - you can post it on the married forum, according to the rules. I have had success with threads by just establishing in the OP that the thread is not about -- and please don't bring -- into it. People will tend to respond to those requests, and if they don't, you can always remind them "this is not about --, it is about --".

 

[Created2Write]

I guess the "Beauty of Sex" thread doesn't count as one that's new?

 

[hijklmnop]

I really don't understand why when people talk about enjoying/needing sex, that its assumed to be shallow or that their marriage is based only on sex, or that they don't have a healthy relationship already with great emotional intimacy. "LOL"

You didn't need to mimic me to get your point across.