sex and being single

GQ Chris said:

That is because the only lawful way for a Christian to have sex is within Marriage. Fornication is clearly forbidden even though there are professed Christians here who deny that.

Scripture doesn't demonize sex, fornication is clearly sin.

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And yet gluttony, avarice and pride all get free rides, in modern Christendom. How delightful.

Blueforest said:

And yet gluttony, avarice and pride all get free rides, in modern Christendom. How delightful.

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They shouldn't but just because some get a "free ride" doesn't then mean that sex should be lowered to those standards. People are right in placing high morals around sex, it is so important and fundamental to marriage and expressions of unity and love... if anything, we should be striving to place those other sins fundamental to who we are and how we express love, self-control, treat our bodies (God's temple) etc to the same level... not to start lowering things because of tunnelvision....

Blueforest said:

And yet gluttony, avarice and pride all get free rides, in modern Christendom. How delightful.

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Of course not, never said that.

GQ Chris said:

Of course not, never said that.

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No, but the way Christians harp about things like sex, yet sloth around as severely overweight pastors fleece the flock, indulge themselves at Wendy's after service and brag about how "righteous" they are for their latest missions trip say otherwise.

I say it's hypocritical.

Blueforest said:

No, but the way Christians harp about things like sex, yet sloth around as severely overweight pastors fleece the flock, indulge themselves at Wendy's after service and brag about how "righteous" they are for their latest missions trip say otherwise.

I say it's hypocritical.

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Obviously overeating/gluttony is sin as well, but fornication is so commonly accepted even amongst professed Christians.

There is a huge difference between making a mistake and fornicating and willfully living in fornication.

Also, you're talking about them Baptist Pastors, they love them some fried chicken.

GQ Chris said:

Also, you're talking about them Baptist Pastors, they love them some fried chicken.

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Actually I'm not, but I know they do.

I made a whole other topic about gluttony in the advice forum. It's amazing the kind of crap Christians attempt to justify.

GQ Chris said:

Also, you're talking about them Baptist Pastors, they love them some fried chicken.

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You can't generalize that all of one denom. is one thing and all of another denom. is another. I've been to church functions and my pastor leads by example. We do enjoy good food, but I don't see any gluttony or overindulgence.

Edit: We make the best apple crisp in Vermont according to people at the annual "Sale on the Green"

Blueforest said:

Don't worry, when some of these twenty-somethings get to be your age, OP, they will understand what you were getting at.

Being single and 25 is much different than being single at 45.

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12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. - 1 Tim 4

bonniejo, have you tried any online dating sites? I know that www.christiandatingforfree.com is free, and I personally like it. If you are able to become noticed by more of the world, you might have a better chance of bumping into the guy you are looking for.

Also, I understand the desire for sex, but don't forget that you can have loving (non-sexual) touches from men who are friends. What I mean by that is if you make a close guy friend, he could be there to give you a hug or to hold you sometimes, or cuddle if he is cool with that. You are worth being loved for who you are, and God would embrace you simply because you deserve and/or need it. A man walking in the image of God is capable of doing the same. Cuddling doesn't have to mean anything romantic, even kids cuddle with their parents. It's just establishing between the two of you that you are just friends and that the cuddling isn't intended to go any farther.

Also, if you're having trouble in the area of sexuality, I have two suggestions. One- realize that a lot of sexual desire can be misplaced desire for joy and happiness in your life that isn't showing up in other areas. Are you emotionally starving/hungry? Then praying for more satisfying relationships will help. Are you unfulfilled in your job and wish you had a better one? That increased stress could be increasing your desire for a happiness to replace the stress, and since your body knows the high that comes from sex, it could be increasing your desire for sex merely because it wants an escape. In this case, praying for a better and more fulfilling job could be the solution that is needed. Do you feel undervalued? Not feeling like you have much purpose in life could cause sadness which could cause sex to seem more desirable as a way to feel better. Praying for God to reveal your giftings and callings in life could help, and also praying that he uses you in them more. But, in the end, if you are still having sexual desire issues, I would suggest self-manipulation (the M word). If you explore around in that area a bit, you might be able to make it more enjoyable/exciting, which would lessen the need for a man while you wait for the right one to come along.

Wish you well.

Blueforest said:

And yet gluttony, avarice and pride all get free rides, in modern Christendom. How delightful.

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Everyone ,who's heart is still thumping (beating), is either smoking,snorting,shooting,or something. Everyone of us are flawed people.
We ALL have our habits. I know a couple of christains in their forties who are virgins,good for them. HOWEVER,somtimes they curse like sailors. Do you think God is pleased with that? So,to you Blueforest,I say AMEN!

GQ Chris said:

Also, you're talking about them Baptist Pastors, they love them some fried chicken.

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Blueforest said:

Actually I'm not, but I know they do.

I made a whole other topic about gluttony in the advice forum. It's amazing the kind of crap Christians attempt to justify.

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thankful_in_VT said:

You can't generalize that all of one denom. is one thing and all of another denom. is another. I've been to church functions and my pastor leads by example. We do enjoy good food, but I don't see any gluttony or overindulgence.

Edit: We make the best apple crisp in Vermont according to people at the annual "Sale on the Green"

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How did I get dragged into this convo? lol








but seriously, gluttony is overindulgence, look at Roman feasts, eating and drinking exorbitantly until they would vomit, and do this days in a row. this is gluttony, but having an extra chicken leg at sunday supper is not.

yes, obesity IS a problem in this country, but it is not 100% completely due to unhealthy living. We've always had obesity, but due to the abundance of food in this country more people have the problem. but do remember that some people have medical problems that affect the metabolism and such. I deal with some issues myself, and it's best to not accuse someone who is overweight of gluttony, or being grossly indulgent before taking the situation into consideration.

thank God for red herrings. Without them... people may actually be able to stay on topic or something and not find lame excuses for sin. How horrible would that be?

bonniejo66 said:

Hi everyone. I have a question that I hope can be answered here. As a christian I know I am to wait to have sex until I get married. Before becoming to the Lord, I have had previous relationships that were sexual. My question is now that I am a christian, what if I never get married? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life and never have sex again? I am single and only 45 and the thought of living the next 40 years or so and not having sex seems impossible. I have no problem waiting for marriage to have sex, but what if God's will for me is to remain single? I always thought that by this age I would be married, but that turned out not to be the case. It has been years since I have been intimate with a man and to be quite honest, I am getting to the point that I am beginning to doubt that God really understands or even cares about my heartache and longing to be with a man. Its not just the sex I miss, it's the intimacy that comes with being in a loving and fullfilling relationship. I am tired of married christians who say "maybe its Gods will for you to be alone" or " someone will come into your life some day". Really?? Someday has turned into 45 years of being alone and I cant take it much more. I would rather just die and go on to heaven and be with Jesus than spend the rest of my life alone with out the possilblity of being married. So any thoughts on how any of you handle this would be greatly appreicated. If I dont ever have my prayer of being married answered, what is the point of praying? I have given up the secular way of life believing that God will answer my prayer, but what if He says no. I cant live the rest of my life without the loving touch of a man. How do I get rid of the desire of being married and having a sex with a man? And please dont say just pray. I have been and the answer is always no. I dont want to disappoint God but I cant keep living like this. Its killing me inside. Thanks for reading this.

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Hmmm not sure if I can say anything without getting an infraction. I guess I find your situation a shame, something that never had to happen in the first place...

This whole thread feels like a minefield. You have to watch where you walk or get blown up...


I'm a 24 year old single virgin, I say this so you know where I am coming from. My advice is to work out the immediate physical frustration with exercise, a hobby or something healthy that will take your attention away from sex.

Long term advice would be to start dumping out things that might be in your life that are tripping you up. Such as romance movies/books, daydreaming and such. Take a break from things you see pulling you in the wrong directions. Next is to take a step back and realize that this is a sin area like any other. The Bible is your weapon of choice to combat your temptations. Whether you stay single or get married, you will face and fight temptations on multiple levels. This is just one of them so deal with it now and come out stronger for it.

More practical stuff steps you could seek is accountability with another woman, memorize "escape verses" (when you face immediate temptation, have one verse to hold onto as a first defense) and keep WANTING to not give in.

The only solution is to stop being so self-centered. I don't mean that as a slam against you; it really is the only way to turn away from a strong habitual desire, for any person. Start building relationships with other people. Do things with and for others. Make an effort to value other people's desires. The problem with sex outside of its proper context is that it is entirely self-indulgent, so the only solution is to direct your thoughts and actions outward rather than inward.

bonniejo66 said:

Hi everyone. I have a question that I hope can be answered here. As a christian I know I am to wait to have sex until I get married. Before becoming to the Lord, I have had previous relationships that were sexual. My question is now that I am a christian, what if I never get married? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life and never have sex again? I am single and only 45 and the thought of living the next 40 years or so and not having sex seems impossible. I have no problem waiting for marriage to have sex, but what if God's will for me is to remain single? I always thought that by this age I would be married, but that turned out not to be the case. It has been years since I have been intimate with a man and to be quite honest, I am getting to the point that I am beginning to doubt that God really understands or even cares about my heartache and longing to be with a man. Its not just the sex I miss, it's the intimacy that comes with being in a loving and fullfilling relationship. I am tired of married christians who say "maybe its Gods will for you to be alone" or " someone will come into your life some day". Really?? Someday has turned into 45 years of being alone and I cant take it much more. I would rather just die and go on to heaven and be with Jesus than spend the rest of my life alone with out the possilblity of being married. So any thoughts on how any of you handle this would be greatly appreicated. If I dont ever have my prayer of being married answered, what is the point of praying? I have given up the secular way of life believing that God will answer my prayer, but what if He says no. I cant live the rest of my life without the loving touch of a man. How do I get rid of the desire of being married and having a sex with a man? And please dont say just pray. I have been and the answer is always no. I dont want to disappoint God but I cant keep living like this. Its killing me inside. Thanks for reading this.

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Well if you never get married I guess you have to suppress you're evolutionary drive to procreate, because if you did God would be mad at you. Not sure why... something to do with being selfish or something... I never really understood it myself even when I was a Christian. No one ever gave me a satisfactory answer.

bonniejo66 said:

Hi everyone. I have a question that I hope can be answered here. As a christian I know I am to wait to have sex until I get married. Before becoming to the Lord, I have had previous relationships that were sexual. My question is now that I am a christian, what if I never get married? How am I suppose to live the rest of my life and never have sex again? I am single and only 45 and the thought of living the next 40 years or so and not having sex seems impossible. I have no problem waiting for marriage to have sex, but what if God's will for me is to remain single? I always thought that by this age I would be married, but that turned out not to be the case. It has been years since I have been intimate with a man and to be quite honest, I am getting to the point that I am beginning to doubt that God really understands or even cares about my heartache and longing to be with a man. Its not just the sex I miss, it's the intimacy that comes with being in a loving and fullfilling relationship. I am tired of married christians who say "maybe its Gods will for you to be alone" or " someone will come into your life some day". Really?? Someday has turned into 45 years of being alone and I cant take it much more. I would rather just die and go on to heaven and be with Jesus than spend the rest of my life alone with out the possilblity of being married. So any thoughts on how any of you handle this would be greatly appreicated. If I dont ever have my prayer of being married answered, what is the point of praying? I have given up the secular way of life believing that God will answer my prayer, but what if He says no. I cant live the rest of my life without the loving touch of a man. How do I get rid of the desire of being married and having a sex with a man? And please dont say just pray. I have been and the answer is always no. I dont want to disappoint God but I cant keep living like this. Its killing me inside. Thanks for reading this.

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It is pretty simple no matter what you believe about sex and being single, or with someone before marriage. You either stand by the views that you choose to believe, or you don't. Face the consequences either way with whatever choice you choose to make. You may struggle with it, you may not. Good luck.

Balugon said:

One- realize that a lot of sexual desire can be misplaced desire for joy and happiness in your life that isn't showing up in other areas. Are you emotionally starving/hungry? Then praying for more satisfying relationships will help. Are you unfulfilled in your job and wish you had a better one? That increased stress could be increasing your desire for a happiness to replace the stress, and since your body knows the high that comes from sex, it could be increasing your desire for sex merely because it wants an escape. In this case, praying for a better and more fulfilling job could be the solution that is needed. Do you feel undervalued? Not feeling like you have much purpose in life could cause sadness which could cause sex to seem more desirable as a way to feel better. Praying for God to reveal your giftings and callings in life could help, and also praying that he uses you in them more.

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What I thought when I saw the thread. Just had no idea how to say it.

King Solomon was a Man who gratified all his sexual desires and was still left unsatisfied.