Seperated Man

[Newly Commited to JC]

First, I'd like to apologize because this is going to be a long message. I just want to let you understand my marriage. Keep in mind this is from my eyes. I know that she’s not completely at fault and that I didn’t always give my all...

I got married March of 2001 at 23 and she was 21. We only knew each other for 5 months before we got married and also did it without telling anyone. I know we were very young and rushed into marriage very quickly. I did love her, but when we got married we were already distant. She was going through major family issues with her Father and wanted to get out of her parents home. We both decided to get married and have her move out.

It was hard and rough since I was the only one with a Part-time job (but working full-time hrs) as well as going to school full-time and her going to school full-time as well. I worked through the night and went to school during the day and tried to get rest any chance I got. It quickly got extremely tough trying to support the both of us.

I had my doubts before getting into this marriage and my doubts grew as our marriage went along. I found letters and e-mails that she recently wrote for ex boyfriends saying that our marriage was over and that she didn't know where she's going from here. Also found explicit pictures that she was sending out to guys on the internet. This was after being married for a couple months. I’ve confronted her about the letters and she turned it on me and said that I’ve invaded her privacy and that pay back is a b*tch and that she was messing with their heads for what they’ve done to her. I was being blind to it. I also did not want to think that I’ve made a mistake in this marriage and didn’t want to fathom the thought of divorce.

I left everything I knew behind – my friends, my family, and some of my morals to accommodate her wants. I always suspected her infidelity, but then I finally found proof and confirmed it and found her car parked outside of a hotel after not being home all night. I told her that I was willing to put this behind us and move on from here, and we did, but didn’t really do much to keep it together. She kept on with the one that I found her with that night and my heart has moved on to someone else. Since then she’s been from relationship to the next.

We been separated for over a year now and we’ve been saying that we’re going to get file for the divorce throughout. The Papers never been filed and I moved down to So Cali almost 2 months ago. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been introduced to Jesus Christ and I am very excited to walk in the way that God wants us to. The one my heart has gone to is the one that introduced me to Jesus Christ, but we’ve also talked that this cannot happen because I have to work out my marriage and the same goes for her. This was one common point her and I had was that our marriages were pretty much ready for divorce.

Even though we’ve been separated, I’ve been supporting her financially and been there for her for a many things. I’m not in Love with her anymore, but I think deep down inside, since we are married, I continued to help her as well as avoiding confrontation. I know that God hates Divorce and I am willing to try and do what’s right. My heart for God and Jesus Christ is whole, but walking back into something that I’ve been trying to walk away for the last year is extremely hard for me. I’m asking all of you to pray for me to open my heart and walk into this with sincerity and not just because I have to. I have not spoken to my “wife” about this yet and I not sure how to go about this.

Please pray for me and feel free to comment or give me some advice.

Mark

 

[~Nikki~]

Whew! That's tough, but for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing.

I pray that God will give you His strength and His peace.

 

[Romans5]

WoW...well, NC2JC, just remember that I am on the same boat and am praying for you through all this!

...I just want to let you understand my marriage. Keep in mind this is from my eyes. I know that she’s not completely at fault and that I didn’t always give my all...

For starters, just remember that nobody's perfect-and to top it all off, neither of you knew or had faith in Christ throughout your marriage! Do think (but don't dwell) of the ways you contributed to the failing of the marriage and try and see things from her point of view BEFORE talking to her. You just may realize that you went about things all wrong--like I did with my husband. --I only suggest that because it'll be hard to move forward and try to fix your marriage if your mind is full of bitterness--I had to get of the bitterness by realizing my contribution to the failing of my marriage BEFORE humbly going before my husband, apologizing for those things, and tell him what I will change.

I also did not want to think that I’ve made a mistake in this marriage and didn’t want to fathom the thought of divorce...I told her that I was willing to put this behind us and move on from here, and we did, but didn’t really do much to keep it together...

Well, here's your chance to keep it together!

I left everything I knew behind – my friends, my family, and some of my morals to accommodate her wants. I always suspected her infidelity...

Unfortunately, we can't blame our spouses for our being co-dependent! It was something they couldn't possibly expect us to be...it's something that we allowed them to get used to and time and time again take advantage of. (See...this is why we're going through the Celebrate Recovery 12-step Program!)

...my heart has moved on to someone else...The one my heart has gone to is the one that introduced me to Jesus Christ, but we’ve also talked that this cannot happen because I have to work out my marriage and the same goes for her. This was one common point her and I had was that our marriages were pretty much ready for divorce.

...now here's one mistake we can't deny making...
but if anything good came out of it, i'd have to say it is that you're saved now!

Since then she’s been from relationship to the next...We been separated for over a year now and we’ve been saying that we’re going to get file for the divorce throughout. The Papers never been filed and I moved down to So Cali almost 2 months ago. Even though we’ve been separated, I’ve been supporting her financially and been there for her for a many things.

She didn't file the papers--but neither did you!
You've both been separated and in other relationships--but you have been supporting her!
Just remember that we serve an ALL-KNOWING God! He knew you were gonna commit your life to him before you did! This sounds to me like DiViNe iNTeRVeNTioN has allowed the both of you to NOT file divorce papers, and for you to continue supporting her. You're right--God hates divorce and my advice would be to look at these ties that you both still have together and move forward from there.

I’ve been introduced to Jesus Christ and I am very excited to walk in the way that God wants us to...I know that God hates Divorce and I am willing to try and do what’s right.

I am so very happy for you! It's a wonderful thing to now have a purpose in life and to know that you can live your life to glorify God! I suggest that you let your wife know of this and introduce her to the Lord as well! DON'T PUSH LIKE I DID...Just let her know that after all this time that has passed, this is one reason you want to make things work. Tell her of YOUR new-found faith and happiness! Tell her you love her-even if in your mind you think you only love her because shes a child of God as well...Be positive and TRUST IN GOD'S TIMING! Don't expect things to happen too fast, but don't wait to start the 're-conditioning' of your marriage.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Mark

Welcome to CF and the Body of Christ!! Praise God for your salvation.

You are definitely doing the right thing in trying to save your marriage. God does hate divorce. But now you're a new creature in Christ and your wife is still an unbeliever. Give her time to adjust to your newfound faith in Christ. I hate to say it, but you should expect her to fight it. Maybe she will also embrace Christ, but chances are that things will be very tough at first. Just remember that Jesus is always with you, will never leave you nor forsake you!

If you haven't already, I would encourage you to read 2 Corinthians 6 and 1 Corinthians 7. They speak alot of marriages that are unequally yoked. God wants us to live in peace.

I will pray for you to have strength and sincerity in your heart. For God to fill you with His love so you can truly love your wife again.

In Him,

Jill/WashedClean

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

One thing I just want to throw out there is that love is not somthing that just happens to people. In a good marriage both parties have to work at loving their spouse. It is something you do in your actions, and train your mind to do. If you just go on what you happen to feel at the moment or where desire leads, I doubt that you will stay in any marriage.

 

[Newly Commited to JC]

First, I'd like to apologize because this is going to be a long message. I just want to let you understand my marriage. Keep in mind this is from my eyes. I know that she’s not completely at fault and that I didn’t always give my all...

I got married March of 2001 at 23 and she was 21. We only knew each other for 5 months before we got married and also did it without telling anyone. I know we were very young and rushed into marriage very quickly. I did love her, but when we got married we were already distant. She was going through major family issues with her Father and wanted to get out of her parents home. We both decided to get married and have her move out.

It was hard and rough since I was the only one with a Part-time job (but working full-time hrs) as well as going to school full-time and her going to school full-time as well. I worked through the night and went to school during the day and tried to get rest any chance I got. It quickly got extremely tough trying to support the both of us.

I had my doubts before getting into this marriage and my doubts grew as our marriage went along. I found letters and e-mails that she recently wrote for ex boyfriends saying that our marriage was over and that she didn't know where she's going from here. Also found explicit pictures that she was sending out to guys on the internet. This was after being married for a couple months. I’ve confronted her about the letters and she turned it on me and said that I’ve invaded her privacy and that pay back is a b*tch and that she was messing with their heads for what they’ve done to her. I was being blind to it. I also did not want to think that I’ve made a mistake in this marriage and didn’t want to fathom the thought of divorce.

I left everything I knew behind – my friends, my family, and some of my morals to accommodate her wants. I always suspected her infidelity, but then I finally found proof and confirmed it and found her car parked outside of a hotel after not being home all night. I told her that I was willing to put this behind us and move on from here, and we did, but didn’t really do much to keep it together. She kept on with the one that I found her with that night and my heart has moved on to someone else. Since then she’s been from relationship to the next.

We been separated for over a year now and we’ve been saying that we’re going to get file for the divorce throughout. The Papers never been filed and I moved down to So Cali almost 2 months ago. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been introduced to Jesus Christ and I am very excited to walk in the way that God wants us to. The one my heart has gone to is the one that introduced me to Jesus Christ, but we’ve also talked that this cannot happen because I have to work out my marriage and the same goes for her. This was one common point her and I had was that our marriages were pretty much ready for divorce.

Even though we’ve been separated, I’ve been supporting her financially and been there for her for a many things. I’m not in Love with her anymore, but I think deep down inside, since we are married, I continued to help her as well as avoiding confrontation. I know that God hates Divorce and I am willing to try and do what’s right. My heart for God and Jesus Christ is whole, but walking back into something that I’ve been trying to walk away for the last year is extremely hard for me. I’m asking all of you to pray for me to open my heart and walk into this with sincerity and not just because I have to. I have not spoken to my “wife” about this yet and I not sure how to go about this.

Please pray for me and feel free to comment or give me some advice.

Mark

I wanted to give you guys an update on where I am with my wife.....I had her read this posting and talked with her....It was alot for her and it's difficult to go into this with her heart also not into it. I explained my belief and that I'm willing to whole heartedly go into this and try to work it out. She didn't give me a flat out no or yes, just that she has to think about this and that she will get back to me with her answer. It's a start. Please Pray for her and I.

​

 

[~Nikki~]

I truly believe that with a lot of work, you guys could have a fantastic marriage, because our God can do anything if we are willing to do what is right.

Please read this story...it shows how things can turn out for the best. The circumstances of the people in this story may not be the same as yours, but they worked at things and have a great marriage now...

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/002/9.44.html



God bless...