Self Pleasure

[TammieBird]

Ok, first I'm sorry for the rude title, but it was hard enough to talk about this without having to say it over and over again so I thought putting it in the title would 'get it out there'.
I'm not as new as I seem here, but this post and screen name will work for this... I'm not really able to talk to anybody about this cuz its embarrassing. I'm sure its something 'everyone' deals with, but it dosen't seem that way. Or if it does, it dosent make it easier to bring up...
Ok, I'm stalling...

I have some questions.
1. Is it wrong.
2. How/when is it wring - like 'officially'
3. How do you stop?

I'm sure its probably wrong and all. I mean I used to lie and say it was good cuz it kept me away from temptations with boys and helped me learn things. It started long ago or me and I now see Ijust keep making excuses. I know its probably wrong, but 'where' does it say so?

If it is wrong, when is it wrong? I men for me, it starts at many different times and in different way... It can be a story I read in a book or on here that plants a thought in me that grows into doing that. Or a story that leads right to that. or a thought that pops in my head that grows into it. or a boy I like, or a way a certain man might look at me, or things that happen in chat rooms. anything really... I mean is it wrong hen it happens? when it leads up to it? when its only carried out to its intended end?

Like I say, I now see it as a long time habit that is hard to stop. Even when I do good at avoiding it, it wil happen on its own in my sleep (which can be very embarrassing . Or I'll wake up when its started and I wont have the stregth to stop...

Ok, this took a few days to write and a few days to have the guts to post.
thank you
TB

 

[straightahead]

Thanks for posting, Tammie.

I have a post up right now about arousal problems (I am married) and masturbation has been something I've been thinking about too. It's funny because it's something I've only really tried in the past few years, never had an interest in it before then. Part of me wants to rationalize that "How can I tell my husband what I like if I don't find out myself?" Then, other times, there is frustration because we use family planning that calls for us to abstain for a week when I am in my fertile time, which is also my time of being most easily aroused. Sometimes my husband will ask me to "pleasure" him during this time, and after he's asleep I'm all aroused and I feel it is unfair and justify touching myself to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Masturabation seems like one of those things that can't hurt you, but the Spirit does convict me after I do it and I feel regret. Sometimes I imagine sinful fantasies to go along with it, and that can't be a holy thing to do!

I can sympathize with your situation-- you are still young and it will probably be years before you are married (and as you can see with me, marriage doesn't mean your sexual needs are perfectly taken care of). Like anything, you don't want masturbation to take control of you. You want only the Lord as your master, not to be subject to any addictions. You could try to distract yourself when you are tempted. Putting on Christian music helps me sometimes when I am tempted. Just puts things in perspective. Also, think to yourself that your sexuality is just a small part of your whole person, and you don't want it controlling your entire self. You can control it, it is difficult, but you can. You can avoid chat rooms where you know there will be suggestive dialogue. If you do it in the middle of the night, half-asleep, I'd say that isn't really your fault if you didn't make a knowing choice.

Sex and [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] are designed to be enjoyed by two people who are giving pleasure to each other. There isn't much at all in the Bible that addresses the issue directly, but most Christians agree that it can become an obsession and an addiction. When I do it, I feel afterward that there was no dignity in the act. And like you said, when it involves fantasizing about someone you know, it cheapens the personhood of that guy by reducing him to a fantasy object.

I admire you for getting up the guts to post, and I understand-- it is hard for me to admit this stuff too. I do know that the Holy Spirit is very good at telling me when I have messed up, even though I might not enjoy hearing from Him, I know it is ultimately for my good and protection. Pray for strength and for your future marriage partner, that he will stay as sexually pure as possible for you. Let me know how you are doing. You never said if you thought it was wrong to touch yourself-- what are your thoughts? The feeling of sexual arousal is so exciting, it can be like a high that people seek out habitually. The Lord will help you not to let it take control over you. Blessings to you.

 

[TheDerek]

You asked whether Masturbation was wrong. No where in the Bible does it directly state that it is.

Personally, I believe that masturbation in itself is not a sin.

But you can't touch without sinning. I know from a guys perspective its imposible to touch without lusting. And lust is a sin. So masturbation leads us to sin.

 

[TammieBird]

You asked whether Masturbation was wrong. No where in the Bible does it directly state that it is.

Personally, I believe that masturbation in itself is not a sin.

But you can't touch without sinning. I know from a guys perspective its imposible to touch without lusting. And lust is a sin. So masturbation leads us to sin.

Thank youbot. Straight, you really spoke to me. It is as though I cant control myself at all anymore... LIke I siad, even when I do try to stop, I walk around crazed and in the end I wake up in the middle of-or end of doing it anyway. I've read your post a lot of time. It helped! thank you!
Eph, I dont know about how other girls, or even boys are with it and frankly, thinking about boys is no help to my situation LOL! But yes, I can say for me, it seems impossbale to do it without sinning too.
In fact, what made me post is the thoughts that go with it are darker and darker as years go on...
Thank you both again!
TB

 

[TammieBird]

I posted a peply but something happened and it isnt showing....
in short I said thank you to both of you....
Straight I printed your answer - it helped a lot to know I'm not allone and it is a fight and not my weakness.
Eph. Thank you too.. I cant speak for anyone else, specially boys (thinking of boys doing that is no help to me 8)~~) but I agree. For me, I cant do it with out sinning either. To be honest, part of the reason I posted is cuz the thoughts that go with it keep getting darker as time goes on.
Thanks again!
TB

 

[TammieBird]

Thanks for posting, Tammie.

I have a post up right now about arousal problems (I am married) and masturbation has been something I've been thinking about too. It's funny because it's something I've only really tried in the past few years, never had an interest in it before then. Part of me wants to rationalize that "How can I tell my husband what I like if I don't find out myself?" Then, other times, there is frustration because we use family planning that calls for us to abstain for a week when I am in my fertile time, which is also my time of being most easily aroused. Sometimes my husband will ask me to "pleasure" him during this time, and after he's asleep I'm all aroused and I feel it is unfair and justify touching myself to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Masturabation seems like one of those things that can't hurt you, but the Spirit does convict me after I do it and I feel regret. Sometimes I imagine sinful fantasies to go along with it, and that can't be a holy thing to do!

I can sympathize with your situation-- you are still young and it will probably be years before you are married (and as you can see with me, marriage doesn't mean your sexual needs are perfectly taken care of). Like anything, you don't want masturbation to take control of you. You want only the Lord as your master, not to be subject to any addictions. You could try to distract yourself when you are tempted. Putting on Christian music helps me sometimes when I am tempted. Just puts things in perspective. Also, think to yourself that your sexuality is just a small part of your whole person, and you don't want it controlling your entire self. You can control it, it is difficult, but you can. You can avoid chat rooms where you know there will be suggestive dialogue. If you do it in the middle of the night, half-asleep, I'd say that isn't really your fault if you didn't make a knowing choice.

Sex and [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] are designed to be enjoyed by two people who are giving pleasure to each other. There isn't much at all in the Bible that addresses the issue directly, but most Christians agree that it can become an obsession and an addiction. When I do it, I feel afterward that there was no dignity in the act. And like you said, when it involves fantasizing about someone you know, it cheapens the personhood of that guy by reducing him to a fantasy object.

I admire you for getting up the guts to post, and I understand-- it is hard for me to admit this stuff too. I do know that the Holy Spirit is very good at telling me when I have messed up, even though I might not enjoy hearing from Him, I know it is ultimately for my good and protection. Pray for strength and for your future marriage partner, that he will stay as sexually pure as possible for you. Let me know how you are doing. You never said if you thought it was wrong to touch yourself-- what are your thoughts? The feeling of sexual arousal is so exciting, it can be like a high that people seek out habitually. The Lord will help you not to let it take control over you. Blessings to you.

I dont know if its wrong....
I think t prolly is, but dont know. I know the body part of me has no interest in stopping, but the mind part of me isnt sure

 

[straightahead]

Trying to go about your day with your head full of sexual thoughts and a burning in your body is so hard... you just want a padded cell so you can throw yourself against the walls! It really is maddening. You need to start putting better thoughts in your head, that will help a lot. Start looking at beautiful things-- movies that don't involve sexual situations, books of paintings from the library, works of art, or go for walks in the woods or park. If you have a friend with children, or if you are an aunt or godmother, spend time with those kids. Their innocence and sweetness clears away the darkness of shameful fantasies, and we so often disassociate sex with babies (and breasts from breastmilk!). Our bodies are made for pleasure, yes, but also for the sacred task of bringing new life, new souls into the world. You could also start a project of your own to pour some of your energy into. Make bookends out of stuff you find or buy in a thriftstore... make magnets or postcards or abstract sculptures to decorate your room with. Visit a cool museum and get inspired. When your mind gets hit with sexual thoughts, try not to put more fuel on the fire. Imagine your mind as a revolving door and just flip your thoughts to something else.

If you have Netflix or something like that, here are some cool movies I've seen recently:
My Architect: A Son's Journey
Rivers and Tides (The Art of Andy Goldsworthy)
Step into Liquid (A surfing documentary, really cool!)

My favorite book about sex and sexual matters is "I Loved A Girl" by Walter Trobisch. You can read the first couple pages on Amazon if you look up the book. This book helped me and my husband to save sex for marriage.

Find things to inspire you and the fascination with sexual fantasies will diminsh. I'll be praying for you Tammie and thanks for your kind words.

 

[gengwall]

You asked whether Masturbation was wrong. No where in the Bible does it directly state that it is.

Personally, I believe that masturbation in itself is not a sin.

But you can't touch without sinning. I know from a guys perspective its imposible to touch without lusting. And lust is a sin. So masturbation leads us to sin.

First, this is not true. It is possible to touch without sexual fantasy. But it is very difficult. It is also addicting, at least in men (I don't know about female physiology that much).

From what you have described, it sounds like you have an obsession which needs dealing with. Look at a site called settingcaptivesfree. It has courses on dealing with and defeating habitual sexual sin. Be advised that it is a very "in your face" approach. But it helped me conquor my addiction to pornography and masturbation.

You also sound like the small percent of women who have a libido and "vision" that is similar to men. So, there are a number of things that you can do practically to help deminish your desires. The most important thing is control your eyes. Try to develope a habit of "bouncing" your eyes away from arousing stimuli. This also applies to the stories you read, the movies and tv shows you watch, and the conversations you have. You are really in a "flee from temptation" status right now. You might need to really adjust some of your lifestyle to have victory in this area.

Other than that, I qould echo what straightahead says. I'll be praying for you.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Ok, first I'm sorry for the rude title, but it was hard enough to talk about this without having to say it over and over again so I thought putting it in the title would 'get it out there'.
I'm not as new as I seem here, but this post and screen name will work for this... I'm not really able to talk to anybody about this cuz its embarrassing. I'm sure its something 'everyone' deals with, but it dosen't seem that way. Or if it does, it dosent make it easier to bring up...
Ok, I'm stalling...

I have some questions.
1. Is it wrong.
2. How/when is it wring - like 'officially'
3. How do you stop?

I'm sure its probably wrong and all. I mean I used to lie and say it was good cuz it kept me away from temptations with boys and helped me learn things. It started long ago or me and I now see Ijust keep making excuses. I know its probably wrong, but 'where' does it say so?

If it is wrong, when is it wrong? I mean for me, it starts at many different times and in different way... It can be a story I read in a book or on here that plants a thought in me that grows into doing that. Or a story that leads right to that. or a thought that pops in my head that grows into it. or a boy I like, or a way a certain man might look at me, or things that happen in chat rooms. anything really... I mean is it wrong when it happens? when it leads up to it? when its only carried out to its intended end?

Like I say, I now see it as a long time habit that is hard to stop. Even when I do good at avoiding it, it wil happen on its own in my sleep (which can be very embarrassing . Or I'll wake up when its started and I wont have the stregth to stop...

Ok, this took a few days to write and a few days to have the guts to post.
thank you
TB

1 and 2: It's really a moral grey area. I think of "self pleasuring" like having a dessert after a mealtime. Perhaps a few slices of cake a week make you happy .. but if you eat cake all the time you will gain a lot of weight, rather quickly. The same way spiritually. If you're not getting into the Word and praying every day, that is a big problem. You might start filling your daily life with things that aren't the healthiest things to do, like watching porn or reading smut. So the best answer is: be very careful with what you put in your mind.

3. With much difficulty! Some people who try to stop masturbating end up falling into one cycle of guilt after another. Obsessing about the guilt will do you no good. If you've acquired a porn addiction, it is probably a good idea. Otherwise, judge for youself. Being single is sometimes a tough pasttime, and masturbation helps quell your hormones for a time.

It can be a good thing and a bad thing ... which is why I say it's a grey area. However, if you give Satan a pathway into your life, it can become a very bad thing indeed!

My advice: trust in the Lord, and keep his commands, and don't stop praying and if you haven't yet, start reading in the Word regularly.

 

[mellani]

Tammie, I know exactly how you feel. And you're right, the thoughts do get darker and in my opinion, more extreme. The longer I struggle with this addiction, the more extreme my thoughts become when I touch. In order to feel the same way I did a few years ago I have to have explicit sexual fantasies, and afterwards I feel sick and twisted. It's like a drug and I keep looking for more extreme ways to get high. I feel separated from God, and although I know nothing can separate us from His love, my addiction does cause me to walk out of alignment with Him, causing me to become susceptible to the Enemy's weapons. There can't be anything good associated with masturbation if it causes this sort of pain and emotional sickness. Masturbation is wrong and is of the flesh, not of God.

 

[Johnnz]

The issue of imagery while masturbating often comes up. This is usually refered to as lusting. In that verse in Matthew about lusting Jesus was not referring to erections, 'getting the hots' or thinking about naked bodies as lust. There was a specific context to his teaching there.

Singles should also realise that married couples require more than just physical activity to get deeper pleasure from sex. Our minds are an essential component of satisfying our sexual life. So, not all imagery, imagination etc constitute lust, or are indicative of improper or unclean thinking.

Unfortunately, this issue is seldom spoken about openly, although there have been some very useful posts from time to time by some healthy couples.

John
NZ

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

In fact, what made me post is the thoughts that go with it are darker and darker as years go on.......
...................... To be honest, part of the reason I posted is cuz the thoughts that go with it keep getting darker as time goes on.

My dear, I am twice your age, and that is the understatement of the century.

 

[TammieBird]

Thank you all for you advise.
I think your right that my libito is different, prolly cuz of the darkness of the thoughts that go along with the habit.
On another post I vowed to quit with a lot of other people on here... I went a whopping 9 hours...
I will keep trying though. But thank all of you!

 

[gengwall]

Thank you all for you advise.
I think your right that my libito is different, prolly cuz of the darkness of the thoughts that go along with the habit.
On another post I vowed to quit with a lot of other people on here... I went a whopping 9 hours...
I will keep trying though. But thank all of you!

TammieBird - have you looked at the Setting Captives Free web site yet? Here is the page with their course.

settingcaptivesfree.com

They have a course (originally geared toward men but applicable to women as well) about getting free from pornography (and/or lustful thinking) as well as masturbation. They also have a course for teens on living a life of purity.

These courses are free and are online. You get a purity mentor who has been through the course and will help you every step of the way. In many respects, they are "tough love" but they have been effective for many people (myself included).

 

[Marie D]

we use family planning that calls for us to abstain for a week when I am in my fertile time, which is also my time of being most easily aroused. Sometimes my husband will ask me to "pleasure" him during this time, and after he's asleep I'm all aroused and I feel it is unfair and justify touching myself to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

IMHO it's sinful for you to touch yourself in this way. However, I don't think it's remotely wrong for your DH to pleasure you in return during that time, in fact from the Song of Solomon some people will say it's his duty to do so... .

 

[Marie D]

Please tell us, which people are they who say Song of Solomon calls it a duty.

Well I'm pretty sure I've read it here at Christianforums, and I think also on the Marriagebed website. And if not a duty then at least a good, Christian thing to do.

 

[gengwall]

Well I'm pretty sure I've read it here at Christianforums, and I think also on the Marriagebed website. And if not a duty then at least a good, Christian thing to do.

I sure haven't seen that take on SOS regarding manual manipulation, although certainly many interpretations of the imagery state that that is part of the sexual activity in the book.

themarriagebed.com does talk about sexual duty in a sense although they certainly do so in a context of intimacy and mutual love. Their take on 1 Cor 7 is that we are given the responsibility to meet our spouses needs (male or female, it goes both ways), but that obligation should be a joyful one. It is no chore, but something we should be quite happy to do and something that should bring us great satisfaction as well. But they are clear that we can not demand anything from our spouse. It must be given freely. So, duty may be the correct word but it has a bad ring to it for many people.