Self-medicating

[citizenthom]

Hello to the Board. I'm a recovering alcoholic, heading into my sixth sober month after five years where I didn't go to bed with less than a fifth of gin in my system. A major key to my recovery was finally uncovering a somewhat unexpected mental health condition for which, by all indications, I had been self-medicating with alcohol for much of my adult life to varying degrees.

In my prior attempts at recovery, my doctors had treated me for symptoms of anxiety and anxiety-related depression--which I certainly had, but they were, it turns out, symptoms and not the actual disease. What finally got me on the road to recovery was a diagnosis of, of all things, ADHD. Most people (including myself until recently) don't connect ADHD with emotional disregulation, but it turns out that's part of the deal. I've been on Adderall since about a month after I went through rehab, and I've barely had so much as a craving for alcohol.

My purpose posting here is twofold:

1. To inquire whether anyone else has had a similar experience, where identifying some underlying issue with brain chemistry or physical malady was a key to recovery; and

2. To offer, perhaps, a perspective some others who struggle with addiction issues may not have considered--maybe even some hope for people who have continued to backslide like I did before my diagnosis and treatment.

 

[Dave-W]

Hello to the Board. I'm a recovering alcoholic, heading into my sixth sober month

Congrats! and Welcome!

 

[YJM]

Hi Thom,

Great of you to be here!

I was a very heavy drinker for 6 years after my marriage broke up. A typical weekend would have seen me down 3-4 bottles of Jack, plus a couple hundred tablets. An average week would have seen me drunk 5 days out of 7.

I lost days at a time, lost my health, job, family, driving license...the lot.

I was given a £24,000 payout from work and drank it away inside 9 months.

Anyway that's the brief and inglorious background. I quit overnight by a decision of my will after a failed overdose attempt on 18th March 2011. I went through the whole detox / sweats / tremors / sickness for days but just kept on.

When I consider myself, and how I behaved I don't say that I had an illness. I don't consider myself in recovery. I drank because I wanted to drink - in my case my "illness" was that I was making a wrong choice and being a selfish idiot.

Personally I don't believe in alcoholism as a disease. It's a decision of the will.

That's not meant to sound harsh, that's just the way that *I* see the world and I'm happy for others to have other opinions.

I'm still a smoker. I still self-medicate with codeine. I'm desperately addicted to both. An average day sees me take 20 codeine. Do I have an addiction? Yes. Do I want to quit? Not at this moment...sadly my will and heart aren't in the right place to quit.

I know that I self medicate with codeine because my heart, my inner me is in pain. I believe until those things are sorted out then I would struggle to be free from the pain killing that I do.

Don't know if this is helpful in any way? Maybe the confused ramblings of a lunatic but it's my story and I thought I'd like to share it with you.

PS - I have NEVER publicly admitted to a codeine addiction in over 25 years....you have no idea how big a step it was to say that.

Be blessed

David

 

[Arthur B Via]

Hello to the Board. I'm a recovering alcoholic, heading into my sixth sober month after five years where I didn't go to bed with less than a fifth of gin in my system. A major key to my recovery was finally uncovering a somewhat unexpected mental health condition for which, by all indications, I had been self-medicating with alcohol for much of my adult life to varying degrees.

In my prior attempts at recovery, my doctors had treated me for symptoms of anxiety and anxiety-related depression--which I certainly had, but they were, it turns out, symptoms and not the actual disease. What finally got me on the road to recovery was a diagnosis of, of all things, ADHD. Most people (including myself until recently) don't connect ADHD with emotional disregulation, but it turns out that's part of the deal. I've been on Adderall since about a month after I went through rehab, and I've barely had so much as a craving for alcohol.

My purpose posting here is twofold:

1. To inquire whether anyone else has had a similar experience, where identifying some underlying issue with brain chemistry or physical malady was a key to recovery; and

2. To offer, perhaps, a perspective some others who struggle with addiction issues may not have considered--maybe even some hope for people who have continued to backslide like I did before my diagnosis and treatment.

Very familiar with this my friend but mine was, strangely enough, a DNA test that revealed a severe lifelong deficiency in the essential chemical Methylfolate... DNA tests can be like a blood test on steroids when used in this way, and once on this supplement, it was as though the lights came on. I never felt "right" and this test, sent by God, changed everything. I encourage everyone to have this test as it's not much money and could help. God bless... ☺

 

[Sarah G]

Congratulations on your six months, Thom.

 

[Petros2015]

I'm about 4 1/2 years sober in AA, was also medicating some mental illness which I take prescription medication for. I didn't realize I needed this until as I sobered up it became clear I was having increasing mood swings and underlying serious issues. I take Lexapro and Risperidone now, and that has helped me stay sober. So has working the 12 Steps and identifying other underlying non chemical addictions, seeing a therapist outside of AA.

Recovery is a battle for the soul so bring in everything you can is my advice. "Live a spiritual life, or die an alcoholic death" is the underlying choice and path of the 12 steps. But there are certainly many of us that have underlying mental illness or other conditions like ADHD which we have been 'treating' with drugs. There's no spiritual solution for ADHD just like there's no chemical solution for dishonesty or selfishness. The important thing is to keep pursuing all paths.