Self-hatred

[Nilloc]

I've suffered from depression and social anxiety for some years now, and self-hatred was a frequent by-product. I've been in counseling and on medication since last fall, which has definitely helped, but some times I still fall back into my self-hating thoughts. This happened just several weeks ago, when my body became use to the medicine and it started to wear off. The doctor upped the dosage and I've been in a really good mood for a few weeks. I'm trying to more social now; I got on Facebook and am trying to talk to people from high school. I even messaged a girl I had a crush on (I didn't confess my feelings or anything, just being friendly).

My worry is that when ever I get off the medicine, I'll fall right back into my self-hating thoughts, along with the laziness and despair. I've seen that I can't handle myself without the medicine, so I don't know what I'm gonna do.

 

[BFine]

Have you discussed this with your counsellor, if so what
was recommended?

 

[Nilloc]

She says that I shouldn't go off the medicine until I'm comfortable around others and then I won't need the medicine since I'll see all of my justifications for hating myself are wrong. I just have a very hard time seeing this happen.

 

[BFine]

Some stuff takes awhile, it took me awhile to get off meds
for depression but it did happen.
I learn to look to the Lord to supply for my real needs...I built up
my relationship with Him so much that I stopped worrying about
other people's opinions etc. I stopped trying to please people who
didn't actually care about me at all.
I stopped acting worldly so I could have a lot of friends..
I stopped trying to be like someone else and just be "me".

When I stopped all that, I found I hadn't anything to be depressed
about.

I live one day at a time.
My day begins with prayer/seeking the Lord and it ends the same way.
I also spend time in the Word of God during free time through out my day.
I get into exploring/researching scripture -- and applying it in my life.

I cut out a whole lot of worldly stuff too.... no Cable TV, I greatly reduced the
number of secular movies that I will watch, cut out much of the music and
reading material also.
Too much junk food isn't good for you, neither is too much worldly entertainment
and ungodly friendships etc.

I always recommend getting connected with a prayer partner(s) or Christian mentor
at church. Having a good spiritual support base is beneficial.

 

[Ark100]

I think you have been given some good advice there ^.
Connect with people who are truly close to God and are prayer warriors, have them pray with you.
Draw close to The Lord. There is nothing impossible for Him to do. Really there is nothing he can't do if you trust in Him and rely on Him.
The medicine is obviously doing more harm than good.
It does give you temporary healing and good feeling but in the long run, do you know what else it is affecting in your body and system?
Are you able to trust in God to heal you completely? Are you able to rely on Him and let Him do the work?
Also get rid of things that may aid the anxiety and depressed feelings. If there are people around you who do no good for you, cut them off, gently but let them go.
If there are things you read, watch or listen to which causes you more depression, cut them off.
When you draw close to God, and delight yourself in Him genuinely. He will rise up and shine in your life. Read His word, meditate on His promises and love, know deeply that no matter what happens, God LOVES you.
If the world does not care, the LORD cares about you. He does.
Regardless of what people have said or done to you, The Lord does not and will not change His mind about you and what He has planned for you will come to pass.
You are His child. Always remember this.
What is better in this world than to know you belong to The Almighty God? He can help you if you rely on Him and put your trust in Him.
One day at a time, one step at a time, trusting, believing, and thanking Him for the things you have not seen yet even though you have asked for it.
I pray The lord helps you.

 

[BFine]

How are you doing?