Self-harming feelings: How do you cope?

[GreyWolf]

When I hit my depressions, I often feel like hurting myself. Thoughts of suicide become hard to fight at times. (my other thread is pretty much all about this)

Since self-harming thinking is common for bipolars (I remember a stat that said that over 1/2 of bipolars seriously contemplate or attempt suicide once in their lives (though thank god most of them get through this safely) I thought I'd start a thread:

How do you cope when you feel suicidal/self-harming?

Here is what I usually do that helps.

1. I call a freind. Anybody. Sometimes even my Grandma. Depending on how close I am to them, I sometimes tell them I'm feeling suicidal, or sometimes I just talk to them for a while and say "I'm a little depressed, can we talk" It helps when I know people care about me.

2. Posting on forums. This is a new one for me, but its helping quite a bit. The support I'm getting here is really like a life preserver being thrown to me while I am drowning

3. This is a big one that helps: I write a list of things in my life I'm happy about. From little things to big things. Starting with the people I love, then things like "I have that next Dean Koontz book to read, I love my apartment, I'm going to Florida for vacation next year, etc." Soon I realize I have reasons to live, both little and big. I highly recommend this.

What do other people do?

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Self Harm..

Well, first I usually try to go into "throwing a fit" mode. kick scream and cry like a child would do when she or he is hurting. If that doesn't help, I call a friend, or listen to music or write, when these don't help, I scream as loud and as strong as i can, and then if none of the above helps, I SI

 

[1simus]

I generally just stare at my cell phone for hours thinking about calling someone but I never do. Think you're further along than me.

 

[Soulwings]

When I don't give in...

- read. Books are my friends, and they can take me to so many interesting, thought-provoking, and far away places, with interesting characters. There is nothing like being able to lose yourself in a good book in order to get away from feelings and the world for awhile.

- listen to music. I don't usually go for uplifting music when I am feeling crappy, but sometimes mediocre music (i.e., not uplifting but not depressive) helps. Loud music helps too. Something that I can focus on. And sometimes I do go for rocky praise music.

- journal. Either on paper or online, it sometimes helps. Sometimes, though, it exacerbates the bad feelings. That's when I stop... or else end up in a worse place than I would otherwise.

- come online. There are plenty of places to go to for distraction, my main one being CF. RYL is another (http://www.recoveryourlife.com, although it is aimed at a younger crowd, for the most part), although sometimes (usually) the posts there are very down and while helping people is good, it's not good to get dragged down with them. So most of the time I avoid going there when I am already feeling like crapppp.

- do art. I suck as an artist, but getting out the colored pencils or sharpies or even just a normal pencil and sketch... that helps. Or even scribbling with crayons (red and black predominating).

- write poetry. It usually sucks but it gets my emotions out on paper.


I rarely call anyone or talk with anyone. It's hard to get my SI/SUI feelings out there without people freaking out. Especially since I have been hospitalized four times in the past 2 years, it is likely for them to want to whisk me off to the emergency room for an immediate intake if I am feeling remotely suicidal.

Blah.

 

[GreyWolf]

You are so right about books! I LOVE to read. You aren't going to believe this, but I have over 3,000 books at home. 11 bookshelves triple stacked and several boxes in my closet. I used to volunteer at a library and they gave me first pick of all their discards and book donations. I also buy a lot of books on amazon (too many!) you can buy used books for one cent, but then they get you with shipping and handling. Who are your favorite authors? Books get me through alot! They are a great coping mechanism.

 

[forgiveable]

Have you been able to overcome it with the books?

 

[GreyWolf]

I don't know about 'overcome it' But they do help. I'm sure that reading has kept me from the abyss sometimes.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Actually I have a couple of techniques that I use:

1) I will say to myself "I'm going to wait 1 hour and see how I feel" and then I just keep putting it off. I know this is not glorious but I can remember a time when I just could not do it for a whole hour, so I went 15 minutes at a time all night long. Still here!

2) I write. Often I have stuff inside of me that I just HAVE to get out. Sometimes it's anger--rage really. Sometimes its deep sorrow. Sometimes I just need to SAY something as if someone is listening, so I write as if it's a letter and I write it exactly as it is in there. Often it's not pretty! Screaming, yelling, swearing, crying, all the parts of me that aren't really all that beautiful. But I put it down exactly as I feel it and sometimes the next day I burn it and sometimes the next day I keep it. That writing is FOR MY EYES ONLY.

3) Sometimes I'll listen to music and I have two kinds of music that works for me. One is like heavy metal, Evanesence, screaming kind of music with a lot of energy; the other is that blues or country music that is just so pathetic it MAKES you cry. Oddly enough for me a lot of times if I can cry I feel a little bit better. On the other hand, if it's the loud, screamy music, I usually turn it on REALLY loud, turn on the vacuum and scream to the song while I vacuum because it uses up energy. Isn't that SILLY?

4) Sometimes I'll do something quiet like read or pray, but not always. Sometimes I'll read a deeply good book like Lord of the Rings that's intense and highly descriptive but to be honest it just takes my mind off things temporarily. It sort of works.

5) Sometimes I'll purposely do relaxing things like meditate/pray or sip tea. I love herbal teas, so I'll try a new one or make a special one when I feel like...low let's just say. A lot of times I'm so wound up that I just need to chill out and then I get sleepy and it's okayish.

Sooooo...that's me! By the way



~Faithful

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Hey, I have an off topic cutting question.

You all remember the cut I did a few weeks back. The really deep one? Well is it normal to puss?

Long story made short, ... I just got out of the shower and took time to myself and then noticed the puss. It was oozing. Not bad, but it still did it so I put more peroxide on it.

It hurts to touch. Extremly tender to touch too. Red around the outside.

Is this normal?

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

I remember I used to have feelings of hurting myself, but they stopped they totally went away the only thing I can think of that made that stop, was I had at the time devoid myself of all stimulation and was doing nothing but trying to learn higher level mathematics with a mind that was mentally ill for God's sakes, so that was really bad, and I make sure now to not stress myself out and keep happy. Talking to people makes me happy and exercise makes me happy, also teaching math makes me happy, so I work all these things together do a little of each, and keep the grading to a minimum. It is important to stay sane that is for sure.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hey, I have an off topic cutting question.

You all remember the cut I did a few weeks back. The really deep one? Well is it normal to puss?

Long story made short, ... I just got out of the shower and took time to myself and then noticed the puss. It was oozing. Not bad, but it still did it so I put more peroxide on it.

It hurts to touch. Extremly tender to touch too. Red around the outside.

Is this normal?

I reckon only a doctor could tell you for sure, maybe you need to make an appointment to see a doctor?

 

[JesusFreak2008]

I reckon only a doctor could tell you for sure, maybe you need to make an appointment to see a doctor?

Nope. Not going anywhere during this hurricane.

I don't have health insurance either.

 

[Soulwings]

A-M - keep taking care of it the best you can. I don't know if it's normal for it to puss - depends what you call puss and what you don't. Mine ooze sometimes and puss sometimes, but they've always been fine. Use some type of antibiotic on it, and if you can stand the pain (heh), scrub it out and put more peroxide on it (this will, obviously, open it up again, but maybe that is what it needs).

Greywolf - I have over a thousand books as well I think!! I have a wall and a half in my room that are bookshelves (and they are overflowing!) as well as a stack of about 60 books on the floor. And that - of course - doesn't account for library books. I go to used booksales/stores and get books for under $3 there (and at the sales, sometimes for fifty cents)... books definitely are my friends. I've been reading a lot lately, because the semester is about to start and I won't have much time to read then, to my dismay. Anyway. Favorite authors? Goodness, I have so many. Elizabeth Goudge is an amazing "cosy" author, as is L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables series, among [many] others) and Louisa May Alcott (who cares if they are "children's" books? they relax me and that's what's important, right?). I love Wilkie Collins, the Bronte sisters, Jane Austen, and Charles Dickens (usually I can't stomach his stuff when I am feeling low, though - too hard to decipher! ). As far as "modern" fiction, Neta Jackson, M.C. Beaton, Jodi Picoult, Lillian Jackson Braun, Martha Grimes, P.G. Wodehouse... the list goes on (as do all of the lists, hehe). What about you?

And FW - someone who likes Evanescence! Cool! Do you have "The Open Door"? and what's your favorite song of theirs?

 

[JesusFreak2008]

A-M - keep taking care of it the best you can. I don't know if it's normal for it to puss - depends what you call puss and what you don't. Mine ooze sometimes and puss sometimes, but they've always been fine. Use some type of antibiotic on it, and if you can stand the pain (heh), scrub it out and put more peroxide on it (this will, obviously, open it up again, but maybe that is what it needs).

Greywolf - I have over a thousand books as well I think!! I have a wall and a half in my room that are bookshelves (and they are overflowing!) as well as a stack of about 60 books on the floor. And that - of course - doesn't account for library books. I go to used booksales/stores and get books for under $3 there (and at the sales, sometimes for fifty cents)... books definitely are my friends. I've been reading a lot lately, because the semester is about to start and I won't have much time to read then, to my dismay. Anyway. Favorite authors? Goodness, I have so many. Elizabeth Goudge is an amazing "cosy" author, as is L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables series, among [many] others) and Louisa May Alcott (who cares if they are "children's" books? they relax me and that's what's important, right?). I love Wilkie Collins, the Bronte sisters, Jane Austen, and Charles Dickens (usually I can't stomach his stuff when I am feeling low, though - too hard to decipher! ). As far as "modern" fiction, Neta Jackson, M.C. Beaton, Jodi Picoult, Lillian Jackson Braun, Martha Grimes, P.G. Wodehouse... the list goes on (as do all of the lists, hehe). What about you?

And FW - someone who likes Evanescence! Cool! Do you have "The Open Door"? and what's your favorite song of theirs?

I love Amy Lee and Evanescense. She is my idol. lol. I have the open door, my favorite songs are as follows:


Open Door (2006)

1. Call me when your sober
2. Lithium
3. Like You
4. Loose Control

Fallen (2003)

1. Everybody's Fool
2. My Immortal
3. Tourniquet
4. Imaginary (I love these two because they combine into one song almost)
5. Taking Over Me
6. Hello (This was my student recitals song. I wont 1st place)

My Voice sounds just like Amy Lee's. I'll have to record myself singing sometimes and upload it to you guys here to hear.

 

[FaithfulWife]

I have "Anywhere But Home" and my personal favs are:

1) Bring Me to Life
2) Going Under
3) Tourniquet
4) Missing

I also like My Immortal in a whole different way--in that it's such a love song.

Finally there's a song Amy Lee does that I just LOVE but I can't remember the name of it. It's about needing a hero and how we need someone to look up to and there is no one. Hmmm...

Anyway, yeah I love her stuff because sometimes she says so well, so poetically what I feel. Of course, I don't feel that way all the time--but sometimes I do! And it helps to be able to just SING loudly with her!

 

[Soulwings]

It really helps me to listen to her stuff too, but some of the stuff on "The Open Door" seems, erm, sexually twisted, if I am reading it right (i.e., Snow White Queen). My favorites on "The Open Door" are:
- Lithium (by far the best!!)
- Lacrymosa (I got to hear this song before it was released to the public )
- All That I'm Living For

Can't remember any others off the top of my head. "Fallen" has songs to which I can relate much better...
- Tourniquet
- Hello
- My Immortal
- Imaginary (my life in song)
- Bring Me to Life
- Taking Over Me
- My Last Breath

Yey for Evanescence.

And sorry for tangentializing the thread... hehe.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Hey--the topic of this thread is "how do you cope?" Well...I cope but putting on some Amy Lee, turning on the vacuum cleaner, singing LOUD with her, and vacuuming to use up energy. (rolleyes) I know it's a WEIRD way to cope but I don't care because it WORKS.

 

[JesusFreak2008]

Hey--the topic of this thread is "how do you cope?" Well...I cope but putting on some Amy Lee, turning on the vacuum cleaner, singing LOUD with her, and vacuuming to use up energy. (rolleyes) I know it's a WEIRD way to cope but I don't care because it WORKS.

I cope by singing to some Amy Lee at the top of my lungs like I'm doing now...don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos, your reality..lalala

 

[Soulwings]

don't say i'm out of touch, with this rampant chaos, your reality,
i know well what lies beyond this sleeping refuge,
a nightmare i built my own world to escape...

Yessss...

 

[thislifewithinmecries]

Well I guess I do several things, and mind you theses things are done after I have totally convinced myself that it is my time to go or it is time to cut.

1. Listen to music. In some cases this can be a bad thing because some of the music I listen to isn't the most up lifting. I usually turn to Casting Crowns thumbsup when I need that pick me up. They often speak of hard times and how putting it in the lords hands is helpful.

2. I look at all the things around me and think about how blessed I am. Coming from an abusive relationship, it helps me to look at my new (as of 4 years ago) boyfriend and think about how fortunate I am to have someone like him in my life. I also look at my kitten and think about how I nursed him back to health and how wonderful the sound of his purr is. Then I think about how all this would be left behind if I ended my life or accidentally cut too deep.

3. Journaling. This could be just a collage of feelings, not in sentence form, a poem, or actual entries. Writing has ALWAYS been there when all else fails.

I find it hard for me to read at times like this. I feel like I can't put aside the thoughts I have and indulge in a book. I am so happy for those of you who can. Lately I have been having some very serious suicidal idiation and I have told people that I never thought I would tell because it has been so clear in my mind that this is something that I could and would do. Rough times lately have been making me call on desperate measures and sometimes just crying for how ever long it takes to let out my emotion works. Sometimes crying is the only thing that works for me. This forum has definently helped. It eases my mind to know that I can ask for prayers from people that otherwise wouldn't know I exsisted; it helps me to think that my praying isn't alone and hopefully the lord will here that my prayers are backed by others praying as well. Oh yes, PRAYING gets me through things just like crying does, when all else fails I bow my head and pray for as long as I need to.

Thanks for posting this, it made me think about what I do to help myself.