Seeking advice

[cintasatu]

Hello all,

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am a 24 year old graduate student and I came to Christ at the age of 17.

I need some advice regarding a recent long term relationship. I was with my ex-gf since 2010 until she decided to end things last Christmas. We were both very much in love and had a very open and trusting relationship. We respected, cared, and loved each other deeply. We had talked a lot about marriage, kids, life etc.

We were doing long distance for the last 2 years since I have been overseas. Her reason for ending things was that she felt like she only saw me as a best friend instead of a boyfriend.

I was devastated after this as I loved her with all my heart. It's been about 5 months now and she 2 months ago she started seeing someone else. My issue is that I have not been able to move on. I can not stop thinking about her and believing that she is the one for me.

I've been praying a lot asking God on what to do because I feel lost. I prayed asking God that it is in His plan that we re-unite again in the future, but I feel selfish for asking that. I've also been asking God to guide me in the right direction and help me move on if that is His plan for me.

I'm really confused and not sure how to proceed. I've been praying a lot and I trust the Lord.

Thank you and God bless

 

[Chryssi]

I've been in the same boat. ..kinda. I know it is hard to "get over" someone and honestly, time and God's presence is the only answer. Praying for her to be back in your life isn't what you should be praying for (I've tried it). You should pray for God's will over your life. That if it is in his will that you too will be together again. Pray for God to give you peace and comfort knowing that he has a plan for you. It may not involve this girl, but in the end, God knows what is best for you. It's ok to pray and ask God to help you get through this tough time. But remember, God will never put you in a situation that he thinks you can't handle. Everything happens for a reason, remember that.

 

[cintasatu]

Thank you Chyrssi.

I have been seeking a lot of comfort in God's presence lately by praying multiple times a day - basically whenever I feel anxious or depressed. I do pray asking for his will to be fulfilled and that she is part of that.

I've been asking Him to guide me down the right path whether it is to move on or keep her in my heart. I guess it's going to take some time before I know what His will is for me.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[Chryssi]

God is the only one who can truely mend a broken heart. I'm glad I coud offer something.

 

[iambren]

Write her. Tell her how time has made it clear how much she meant to you. Lay out the steps that you are willing to take to resume your relationship, make it more workable, and if she has any interest for the two of you.
If not you trust that God will bless both of you and your service to Him.

 

[cintasatu]

Thank you for your reply iambren.

I have told her several times how much she means to me, but she's in the 'stubborn phase' so I've decided to give her space. Also, she's currently seeing someone and I wouldn't want to damage their relationship.

One of the issues we faced was distance since I am in another country. I am working on returning to the US first and getting myself together before approaching her again. I trust that the Lord will guide me in the right path.

Thank you.

 

[LinkH]

That's a tough situation, and I certainly feel for you about it. I'd probably be thinking the same way if I were you. But something else to consider is that 'lust' is a form of coveteousness. I believe you could covet a woman without thinking about sex by wanting her as your own when you don't have any rights to her. It's something to think and pray about. She's not your wife. She's another man's daughter. She's dating someone else, apparently, which makes it hard for you to try to reconcile with her.

Keep praying. If the Lord wants you together, he can work it out. You talked about how good your relationship was with her, but apparently, her desire to marry you and her commitment to you wasn't strong enough to last while you were overseas. Don't you want to marry a woman who is crazy about you? You certainly don't want to have to beg a woman to love you. Sometimes relationships can face trouble before they turn into marriages. So I'm not saying it's hopeless. But she is seeing another guy. If she isn't married to him, either, I suppose you could write or contact her. But if she doesn't seem interested when you talk about being committed to you, maybe she's just not that into you these days. Maybe you can find someone who is.

When you pray about it, also be willing in your heart to give up the whole relationship, and pray if it isn't going to turn into marriage that God will deliver you from inappropriate feelings and desires. Pray and get healed up from the hurt. Maybe you can find a godly, faithful, committed wife in the country you live in or somewhere else. It's okay to do some pursuing when you are looking for a wife, but it doesn't do much good if the woman you are pursuing doesn't want to be caught. Why not pray for the Lord to help you find a woman who will really appreciate you?

I know what it's like to have a relationship with someone, a relationship that seems wonderful, with a wonderful person, but that person isn't really interested in something serious and long-term. It may feel good, but if she's not interested, I can also tell you that it is much better to have a relationship with someone really seriously interested in committing to you for life. You want someone who will be thrilled to be with you for the rest of your life. If God has a better relationship for you down the road, you need to be willing to let go of some of the feelings and desires.

Btw, does your username mean "love one"?

 

[cintasatu]

Hey LinkH,

Thank you for your reply.

It's just been tough to let go because over the last 2 years we were really committed and had made plans for marriage, family etc. and she was absolutely in love with me. There were definitely no commitment issues or trust issues. But I feel like the distance has had an effect on her feelings. It's been a little over 2 years since I've seen her so she says she sees me as more of a best friend than boyfriend.

I've been praying asking God that it is in His will that we end up together and if not I pray asking Him to help me move on from the pain and feelings of love. I guess only time will tell. I haven't contacted her as I feel it is not right to interfere with her current relationship and it will only push her further away from me.

If she isn't the one then I hope God can help me let go of my feelings and desires for her. It's been tough because our relationship was built more on an emotional connection rather than physical.

And yes my username translated word for word means "love one", but the phrase means "one love" =).

Thank you again for your reply.

 

[LinkH]

Cintasatu,

I'm still trying to figure out how cinta satu would be 'one love' since satu isn't a regular adjective. Doesn't the number come before noun? "Minta satu jus mangga'. Satu comes before the noun and the adjective 'mango' comes after it.

Sorry, back on track here. Are you from Indonesia or in Indonesia and from another country? I'm biased because my wife is from Indonesia. Like anywhere, you have to look and maybe even be a bit picky, but I think Indonesia is a great place to find a wife. There are lots of women who love God. Virginity seemed to be the norm among the unmarried when I was there. People, including women, are very family oriented. Women appreciate being diligent around the home, raising children. It's a good place to find a marriage and family oriented woman.

 

[cintasatu]

Haha good point. I feel like bahasa Indonesia is quite liberal when it comes to where the words are placed in a sentence. For example, there is not past, present, or future tense.

With the phrase you mentioned, you could say "Minta satu jus mangga" or "Minta jus mangga satu". I never took a class to learn the language - just picked it up from having lived here so my grammar isn't perfect haha.

So my situation is a bit complicated. Is there a way to PM you since I don't want to post all the details here?

 

[Inkachu]

Cinta - you're already doing what you need to be doing. Praying, listening to God, and letting Him handle the situation. The only thing I'd add is that you be willing to let this girl go if that is what needs to happen. Clinging to someone who doesn't want you will only push them further away.

God bless

 

[cintasatu]

Thank you Inkachu,

I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may have to let her go and I've been praying asking God to help me get through with as less pain as possible.

I know He doesn't give us more than we can handle, so I'm sure I can get through this with prayer and blessings.

Thanks