Seeking a Wife

[dersaemann]

Hello dear brothers in Christ, this is my first post in this forum and I'm seeking advice regarding courting and marriage.

First, some background about me. I'm 27 yo, recently graduated from University and will start living away from my family. I feel like soon it would be a suitable time for me to find a Christian wife. But I have never even kissed a girl before, so I'm truly inexperienced when it comes to dating; it simply does not come naturally to me. I also suffer from some degree of social phobia.

Recently I got the attention of a couple of girls, whom I would consider marrying.

One of them claims to be a Christian, is in her early twenties and needs some 4 years to be done with University. Her appearance isn't anything spectacular, but I'm fine with the way she looks. We have matching personalities and we tend to converge on many topics. She has slightly alarming attitudes though: she likes to, once in a while, get extremely drunk; she has a Che Guevara pic as her cellphone background; and makes no efforts as a girl to hide her impure mindset (as enjoying dirty jokes the same way I, as a boy, enjoy them, for example).

We went on a sort of a date together. We didn't get to kiss, but she was showing clear signs that she was only waiting for me to make a move. So I guess she is into me.
I personally think there would be better options for me out there and I don't feel VERY attracted to her, so what I am supposed to do? Should I just try and settle for her or keep on looking? My other options at the moment aren't better, but I could also have a bit more patience.

Best regards

 

[Lost4words]

Dont rush into anything. I guess 27 and no girlfriend proves that but, be careful and prayerful of any that take your fancy. Dont dive in head first!

 

[royal priest]

Hello dear brothers in Christ, this is my first post in this forum and I'm seeking advice regarding courting and marriage.

First, some background about me. I'm 27 yo, recently graduated from University and will start living away from my family. I feel like soon it would be a suitable time for me to find a Christian wife. But I have never even kissed a girl before, so I'm truly inexperienced when it comes to dating; it simply does not come naturally to me. I also suffer from some degree of social phobia.

Recently I got the attention of a couple of girls, whom I would consider marrying.

One of them claims to be a Christian, is in her early twenties and needs some 4 years to be done with University. Her appearance isn't anything spectacular, but I'm fine with the way she looks. We have matching personalities and we tend to converge on many topics. She has slightly alarming attitudes though: she likes to, once in a while, get extremely drunk; she has a Che Guevara pic as her cellphone background; and makes no efforts as a girl to hide her impure mindset (as enjoying dirty jokes the same way I, as a boy, enjoy them, for example).

We went on a sort of a date together. We didn't get to kiss, but she was showing clear signs that she was only waiting for me to make a move. So I guess she is into me.
I personally think there would be better options for me out there and I don't feel VERY attracted to her, so what I am supposed to do? Should I just try and settle for her or keep on looking? My other options at the moment aren't better, but I could also have a bit more patience.

Best regards

It doesn't sound like you are familiar with what God has to say about this matter. Do you have a Pastor to guide you?

 

[dersaemann]

It doesn't sound like you are familiar with what God has to say about this matter. Do you have a Pastor to guide you?

Why do you say so? Right now I'm not physically frequenting any church, but I read and study the Bible regularly and have tried already seeking biblical information on the matter.

 

[Dave G.]

You're just putting up with this one by the sound of things, love isn't even an option yet. Never marry someone you don't love and who doesn't love you

 

[royal priest]

Why do you say so?

Because of this...

she likes to, once in a while, get extremely drunk; she has a Che Guevara pic as her cellphone background; and makes no efforts as a girl to hide her impure mindset (as enjoying dirty jokes the same way I, as a boy, enjoy them, for example).

Before searching for a wife, establish yourself in a local church where they and the pastor can help you mature in the faith and find a sober-minded, God-fearing girl to marry.

 

[dersaemann]

You're just putting up with this one by the sound of things, love isn't even an option yet. Never marry someone you don't love and who doesn't love you

how do I even get to love someone in this way without getting romantically involved with her? I know times have changed and secular dating has pretty much become the way of finding a spouse, but how can I know if I romantically love someone or not through righteous and pure ways?

 

[royal priest]

how do I even get to love someone in this way without getting romantically involved with her? I know times have changed and secular dating has pretty much become the way of finding a spouse, but how can I know if I romantically love someone or not through righteous and pure ways?

Your and her priority in finding a spouse ought to be centered around the Kingdom of God. You should be asking if this girl's number one priority is to live for the glory of God. Is she the type of person that puts God's will above her own and would, as your wife, put God's will above her husband's if need be. That's the type of girl that you , as a Christian, ought to be seeking.

 

[dersaemann]

Because of this...


Before searching for a wife, establish yourself in a local church where they and the pastor can help you mature in the faith and find a sober-minded, God-fearing girl to marry.

These are indeed the defects I've found in her. I'm very aware of the importance of sobriety and purity for God, besides being led by the right examples. That's why I pointed these out as alarming signs, but I don't think it is anything so crucial that I shouldn't be able to straighten her up if I actually had her as my wife. I myself am not saint, I just try to be.
But on the other hand you might be right, it would be better if could find me a girl that is already more pure and then I should keep on looking.

 

[WinterAngel]

Your and her priority in finding a spouse ought to be centered around the Kingdom of God. You should be asking if this girl's number one priority is to live for the glory of God. Is she the type of person that puts God's will above her own and would, as your wife, put God's will above her husband's if need be. That's the type of girl that you , as a Christian, ought to be seeking.

I could not have said it better.

Hello dear brothers in Christ, this is my first post in this forum and I'm seeking advice regarding courting and marriage.

First, some background about me. I'm 27 yo, recently graduated from University and will start living away from my family. I feel like soon it would be a suitable time for me to find a Christian wife. But I have never even kissed a girl before, so I'm truly inexperienced when it comes to dating; it simply does not come naturally to me. I also suffer from some degree of social phobia.

Recently I got the attention of a couple of girls, whom I would consider marrying.

One of them claims to be a Christian, is in her early twenties and needs some 4 years to be done with University. Her appearance isn't anything spectacular, but I'm fine with the way she looks. We have matching personalities and we tend to converge on many topics. She has slightly alarming attitudes though: she likes to, once in a while, get extremely drunk; she has a Che Guevara pic as her cellphone background; and makes no efforts as a girl to hide her impure mindset (as enjoying dirty jokes the same way I, as a boy, enjoy them, for example).

We went on a sort of a date together. We didn't get to kiss, but she was showing clear signs that she was only waiting for me to make a move. So I guess she is into me.
I personally think there would be better options for me out there and I don't feel VERY attracted to her, so what I am supposed to do? Should I just try and settle for her or keep on looking? My other options at the moment aren't better, but I could also have a bit more patience.

Best regards

I waited 31 years before I met my husband. Get connected in a church and pursue G-d. He does bring women along who are passionate about Him and seek to do His will. There are women out there who have waited, are still waiting, and are saving themselves for the man G-d has for them. I would know. I was one. You won't regret getting connected in a church with their singles. You'll find other like minded women there.

 

[dersaemann]

Your and her priority in finding a spouse ought to be centered around the Kingdom of God. You should be asking if this girl's number one priority is to live for the glory of God. Is she the type of person that puts God's will above her own and would, as your wife, put God's will above her husband's if need be. That's the type of girl that you , as a Christian, ought to be seeking.

I do think this is correct. I am only being put in doubt because of the difficulty of actually finding a decent wife and also because I'm not so young anymore and have been already outstandingly patient my whole life. It is definitely not for the lack of wanting a wife, that I have not yet found me one.

 

[dersaemann]

I could not have said it better.



I waited 31 years before I met my husband. Get connected in a church and pursue G-d. He does bring women along who are passionate about Him and seek to do His will. There are women out there who have waited, are still waiting, and are saving themselves for the man G-d has for them. I would know. I was one. You won't regret getting connected in a church with their singles. You'll find other like minded women there.

so I can give a bit more background on her story:
She was born in Germany and both her parents are Ukrainian. It does seem like her family, like many other Ukrainians, is deeply religious, but she, being a university student, like me, and living in a Germany that sadly got infested by marxist brainwashing, got corrupted here and there. She is officially from the Orthodox Church, which I also admire. So, given her church and family background, it seems to me that I wouldn't need to put so much effort into bringing a wholly godly life.
Could I find a more chaste girl in a Church in Germany/Europe? Most probably. How long would that take? I really don't know.

 

[Dave G.]

how do I even get to love someone in this way without getting romantically involved with her? I know times have changed and secular dating has pretty much become the way of finding a spouse, but how can I know if I romantically love someone or not through righteous and pure ways?

Through the mutual love of God.

 

[sea5763]

Take what I say with a grain of salt, because I'm 28 and have only had one boyfriend for 3 months. I think that it is fine to go on a couple more dates to see if you have feelings for her or not, just don't have sex with her before marriage while doing it. If you are going to get married, it should be with someone you are very very in love with, because it's a life long commitment and you only get to be with one. Of course the person doesn't have to be perfect. No one is perfect. But you should be very in love with this person because you should only get married once to one person. Once you are married you are committed to this person and there shouldn't be any other women in your life. I know its hard because it's been such a long wait and the fear that everyone else is already married or getting married, I get that. I find sometimes I feel very desperate and I'm sad about being single at my age and for the majority of my life, so I have to remind myself of the same thing too. But there is nothing sadder than an unloved wife.

Proverbs 30:21-23
21Under three things the earth trembles;
under four it cannot bear up:
22a slave when he becomes king,
and a fool when he is filled with food;
23an unloved woman when she gets a husband,
and a maidservant when she displaces her mistress.

 

[Sparagmos]

Hello dear brothers in Christ, this is my first post in this forum and I'm seeking advice regarding courting and marriage.

First, some background about me. I'm 27 yo, recently graduated from University and will start living away from my family. I feel like soon it would be a suitable time for me to find a Christian wife. But I have never even kissed a girl before, so I'm truly inexperienced when it comes to dating; it simply does not come naturally to me. I also suffer from some degree of social phobia.

Recently I got the attention of a couple of girls, whom I would consider marrying.

One of them claims to be a Christian, is in her early twenties and needs some 4 years to be done with University. Her appearance isn't anything spectacular, but I'm fine with the way she looks. We have matching personalities and we tend to converge on many topics. She has slightly alarming attitudes though: she likes to, once in a while, get extremely drunk; she has a Che Guevara pic as her cellphone background; and makes no efforts as a girl to hide her impure mindset (as enjoying dirty jokes the same way I, as a boy, enjoy them, for example).

We went on a sort of a date together. We didn't get to kiss, but she was showing clear signs that she was only waiting for me to make a move. So I guess she is into me.
I personally think there would be better options for me out there and I don't feel VERY attracted to her, so what I am supposed to do? Should I just try and settle for her or keep on looking? My other options at the moment aren't better, but I could also have a bit more patience.

Best regards

You sound like you are trying to decide whether to buy a new possession. A wife isn’t an object you acquire. And why should she be held to a different standard than you with in regards to an impure mindset?

 

[WinterAngel]

so I can give a bit more background on her story:
She was born in Germany and both her parents are Ukrainian. It does seem like her family, like many other Ukrainians, is deeply religious, but she, being a university student, like me, and living in a Germany that sadly got infested by marxist brainwashing, got corrupted here and there. She is officially from the Orthodox Church, which I also admire. So, given her church and family background, it seems to me that I wouldn't need to put so much effort into bringing a wholly godly life.
Could I find a more chaste girl in a Church in Germany/Europe? Most probably. How long would that take? I really don't know.

I also don't know how long it would take for you to find someone more lady like, (as your OP is hinting you're searching for not just a girl or a woman but a lady), if that is what your heart truly desires. G-d is the only one who knows. He is the one who grants the desires of our heart when it is in line with His will. Are there more chaste women in church out there? Absolutely. That goes without saying for any country. I know quite a few living in the Ukraine, India, Thailand, Romania, Germany, and Australia. Some are still waiting. Again I don't know how long it would take for you to find one. Only G-d knows.

You admire the fact she is from the Orthodox Church as it is her faith tradition. Great. I'm seriously glad that is her religious background. But here are some questions you need to ask yourself. Does she truly make G-d her everything? Does she live putting Him first, seeking to do His will above her own? Most importantly, does she have a relationship with Him and is not just religious? I can't answer these questions for you. However, by looking at her lifestyle you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt the answer to these questions. I saw it with my Ukrainian sister in Christ. I strive to make Him my everything as she has.

All have sinned and one is perfect. Would it be easy to just settle as you have put it? Yes. Would it be easier to practice a wholly godly life with her? Maybe. Am I saying to settle? Absolutely not. My advice is to start off as friends so you can get to know her better. Get connected with like minded believers.

If after all this, you find she does make Christ her all, is passionate about Him, seeks to do His will in all things, then to pursue her is your choice. Pray and ask G-d for guidance.

I am praying for you.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

That's why I pointed these out as alarming signs, but I don't think it is anything so crucial that I shouldn't be able to straighten her up if I actually had her as my wife.

 

[dersaemann]

I also don't know how long it would take for you to find someone more lady like, (as your OP is hinting you're searching for not just a girl or a woman but a lady), if that is what your heart truly desires. G-d is the only one who knows. He is the one who grants the desires of our heart when it is in line with His will. Are there more chaste women in church out there? Absolutely. That goes without saying for any country. I know quite a few living in the Ukraine, India, Thailand, Romania, Germany, and Australia. Some are still waiting. Again I don't know how long it would take for you to find one. Only G-d knows.

You admire the fact she is from the Orthodox Church as it is her faith tradition. Great. I'm seriously glad that is her religious background. But here are some questions you need to ask yourself. Does she truly make G-d her everything? Does she live putting Him first, seeking to do His will above her own? Most importantly, does she have a relationship with Him and is not just religious? I can't answer these questions for you. However, by looking at her lifestyle you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt the answer to these questions. I saw it with my Ukrainian sister in Christ. I strive to make Him my everything as she has.

All have sinned and one is perfect. Would it be easy to just settle as you have put it? Yes. Would it be easier to practice a wholly godly life with her? Maybe. Am I saying to settle? Absolutely not. My advice is to start off as friends so you can get to know her better. Get connected with like minded believers.

If after all this, you find she does make Christ her all, is passionate about Him, seeks to do His will in all things, then to pursue her is your choice. Pray and ask G-d for guidance.

I am praying for you.

Yes, you totally get me WinterAngel. And thank you so much for your mindful answer and prayers. I'm thankful also to all the other members who read and answered my post in a positive light.

The duty of a husband is to be the perfect gentleman, in every conceivable manner. The wife should likewise try hard to be the perfect, feminine lady.

I, knowing her better, also have a bit of doubt if God is truly her everything. Otherwise I wouldn't even be writing this post. It does seem reasonable to actually wait a bit more and look in the right places to find the wife God has planned for me. She will surely also have no doubt that I am the one for her.

I likewise pray for you, so that your marriage goes exactly in accordance to God's plans.
Godspeed, folks.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I agree with much of the responses here. However, I understand that sometimes guys just need the straight answer. So, guy to guy, my advice is that if you have any doubts, don't get married. Do not settle thinking that you can "set her straight". Your job is not to fix her or mold her to be your ideal wife. Your job as a husband is to love your wife in spite of her flaws. I am not saying that this person is not the one God has placed for you. But just because she is "Ms. Right" doesn't mean that you and her are "Mr. and Mrs. Right Now". Don't get married because you feel that it is the right time. Get married because you love the person so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. So I am telling you to wait and let the Holy Spirit "set her straight" and set you straight as well.