Second thought

[Alexander1982]

For those who know me or read my posts before, you may be aware that I had desire to love somone, be in a relationship etc and all the usual prissy stuff that most of you also desire. For a while, I have been like this

"Love is the most valuable thing in the world, and I so desire to find the perfect wife and I want to live in a happy marriage"

But now things have changed and now I'm like

"Love/relationship/marriage seem to suck and is the world's biggest waste of time. Rock on singledom!"

Why the turn of the tide? Well it all started with the FIFA World Cup.

One of the most important thing in a man's life is his sport. Me and my soccer crazed fans are swept in the hype of the FIFA world cup. Me and my friend (David, who is married with kids) were planning to have a typical boys night out at my place for the England VS Trinidad match.

But David's fun was cut short when he had family duties (thanks to his "I-don't-like-soccer" wife), we were all disappointed that he couldn't come. (He had to take his wife for a night out). If David was single he wouldn't have to miss out on the World Cup.

And this started a deep reflection in me. I started to wonder - what is the big of marriage? I look around me and I see few positives. My mum and dad are fighting, David and Julia seem to be much more stressed, my aunt and uncle had to take care of their kids who are seriously giving a hard time, my older brother is divourced since he couldn't balance work and marriage.

I suddenly realise that marriage and relationship seem to suck! I start to wonder what is it's worth? In the past love has confused and brought me heartache and now I wonder is it really worth to desire? Is it really worthy of my intention.

I am so glad that half-asian girl rejected me because it potentially lead to a much more crap life. I now embrace single life with much profound joy. Relationships seem to suck and a waste of time! Love God completely? Well yeah that seem to be alright since He will love us perfectly. But to love another human being....hhhmmm well it brought us heartache - what is it's worth?

Oh and ladies please do not come between a man and his FIFA World Cup, it's one of most important thing in our lives and our great passion. It's a mortal sin to do so.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

well.......yea....

 

[Alexander1982]

well.......yea....

Is that an agreement or a nicer way of saying "um what?"

 

[TriptychR]

Just remember that you said this all when FIFA season ends.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Is that an agreement or a nicer way of saying "um what?"

It was my way of saying I didn't know what to say but wanted to say something. My first inclination was to respond with "lol" but then you might misinturpret that as me making fun of your post, when it was actually just a small point I found amusing. But you see I was too lazy to cut that part out and quote it so ....yea.

Overall, I agreed with some parts of post. I think it's easy to go from one extreme to the other in regards to this subject. But balance is key. It's great to be satisfied with being single because we should all find satisfaction in each moment as they are all a gift from God. But I wouldn't start thinking that love/marriage are all bad because that is just as unhealthy and untrue as thinking being single is horrible and one won't be happy until one finds a spouse.

so........ummm...yea

 

[fungku]

Oh and ladies please do not come between a man and his FIFA World Cup, it's one of most important thing in our lives and our great passion. It's a mortal sin to do so.

You're post was amusing, and I especially found that part funny (because I love soccer), but I think you just needed some venting to do, and you'll come around when you meet a nice lady. I think that bitter attitude will disintegrate

Be careful about bitterness though! There seems to be a lot of bitterness around these days!

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Ephesians 4:30-31
​

 

[Alexander1982]

Just remember that you said this all when FIFA season ends.

Oh don't worry there will be the Champions Leage, English Premier League, then the FA CUP and UEFA Cup

 

[Alexander1982]

It was my way of saying I didn't know what to say but wanted to say something. My first inclination was to respond with "lol" but then you might misinturpret that as me making fun of your post, when it was actually just a small point I found amusing. But you see I was too lazy to cut that part out and quote it so ....yea.

Overall, I agreed with some parts of post. I think it's easy to go from one extreme to the other in regards to this subject. But balance is key. It's great to be satisfied with being single because we should all find satisfaction in each moment as they are all a gift from God. But I wouldn't start thinking that love/marriage are all bad because that is just as unhealthy and untrue as thinking being single is horrible and one won't be happy until one finds a spouse.

so........ummm...yea

Cheers Beauty

 

[Irascible]

Well unless a soccer ball can bat its eyelashes, speak sweetly and hold you tight this is all just a bit of levity. You're a young guy with a powerful desire for feminine companionship and ultimately sex. I suppose the mind games are one way of dealing with stress. But they only delay the maturing process you need to go through before you'll be ready for a healthy relationship.

Incidentally... soccer sux! That is, unless a soccer ball can do all those things mentioned above. Then maybe I'd finally understand your passion for it.

 

[Alexander1982]

Ok Irascible you sorta disturbed me. I'm not only using soccer as the focus of this post.

But what I am trying to get across is that single life seem to be much more better then marriage, the FIFA World Cup was just a wake up call - strangely.

I original had the powerful desire for female companionship but the relationship and marriages around me made me think otherwise. I question myself "is this the life I really want?I mean my single life doesn't seem to be so bad, yeah it feels lonely - but the stress, fights and responsiblities of marriages seem to be much more worse"

 

[soonerteach]

Alexander, I know it is hard when you see others around you in unhappy marriages. Everytime I think of getting into another relationship I pause and think if the fact that I can count on one hand the number of couple I "think" have a solid marriage.
But the one thing I notice about the solid marriages is a real commitment to God from both partners in the solid marriages. Their stories are ones you can see God's hand at work from the first meeting, dealing with crisis and dealing with everyday things.
You are to young to give up entirely. You never know, God may have a serious soccer fan in the making just for you .

 

[Irascible]

Ok Irascible you sorta disturbed me.

You think I disturb you? You should see me in front of a mirror. You never saw so much bickering.

I question myself "is this the life I really want?I mean my single life doesn't seem to be so bad, yeah it feels lonely - but the stress, fights and responsiblities of marriages seem to be much more worse"

You're experiencing only a momentary reprieve from the angst. You can no more turn off your desire for feminine companionship than a horse can stop whinnying. Everyone has seen the heartache and trouble that comes with love, including all those ostensibly miserable married people around you. Yet they chose to go forward anyway. That's how powerful the desire is.

The trick to a reasonably happy love life is not in denying it. You can't. It's in learning and maturing to a point where you understand what a happy love life is and how to have one. Both that and wisdom start with the fear of the Lord. It doesn't start with getting turned inside out over a girl you hardly know. And it doesn't start with denial, which is why I say this bit of self-imposed reverse psychology is only delaying your development.

You're going from one extreme to the other. The center, a Christ centeredness, is where you need to be. And believe me when I say that this isn't condescension on my part. I and a good many people here have done exactly what you're doing. It's part of the sometimes lousy and sometimes awesome human experience.

 

[Alexander1982]

.
You are to young to give up entirely. You never know, God may have a serious soccer fan in the making just for you .

If she supports Manchester United I am soo not dating her!

Nah I'm kidding, even if she is it gives me the opportunity to taunt her alot!!

 

[soonerteach]

If she supports Manchester United I am soo not dating her!

Nah I'm kidding, even if she is it gives me the opportunity to taunt her alot!!

While I don't follow soccer, I LOVE college football. I am a huge OU Sooner fan. I dated a guy for a while who was from Texas and a die-hard Longhorns fan. We had a lot of fun with our rivalry!

 

[Alexander1982]

That's how powerful the desire is.

But in my situation, this desire has let me down....and I reflecting on whether this desire is really worth it?

I think you people think I am venting and being bitter about my unfortunate love life. But I'm not, what I am really saying is "wow I am soo lucky to be single and miss out on all of that miserable crap"

 

[Irascible]

But in my situation, this desire has let me down....and I reflecting on whether this desire is really worth it?

My point (which boy-howdy I thought I was clear on ) is that whether it's worth it or not is moot. You will bend to the siren's call. The difference, the choice you make now, is to prepare yourself to answer the call with wisdom or with foolishness.

At some point you will feel those feelings again. It won't be a choice. If you spend your time between now and then in denial, then that future situation has just as great a chance of dealing you a gut wrenching blow as the past situations did. Uncontrolled love will have her wretched way with you once more. But if between now and then you seek God's will and wisdom earnestly, then when the prospect of love comes calling once more it will be you that's in control.

So the answer is YES. Love is worth it, but only if you do it the right way. I didn't miss your point. What I'm saying is it's a point founded upon denial. Your sense of luck will evaporate in the face of her. You'll have no choice. You will have to deal with love again. The question is, will you be prepared?

 

[soonerteach]

Is the desire worth it?

Are you saying that everytime you are presented with a potential relationship you will walk away without seeing where it will lead? You are going to do this for the rest of your life?

Ok, again, being divorced I am NOT an expert in this field be any means, but if faced with the choice of reliving my marriage knowing the outcome, I would do it again. Mountian tops come with valleys. The experiences I had are definately worth it.

 

[TriptychR]

Well unless a soccer ball can bat its eyelashes, speak sweetly and hold you tight this is all just a bit of levity.

Of course it is. Everyone knows if you want those things, you need a volleyball.

But I'm completely agreeing with what you've said, Irascible. I've had times where I've thought, "Man, I'm an idiot to have wanted a relationship so badly!" And then a week or so later I was back to wanting a relationship that badly again. The chances of ultimately escaping the desire are very low. You may be happy with your football watching and friends right now, but eventually the friends go off and get married on their own and the football gets old. Then what will you be content with when that desire comes knocking again? That's where the Christ-centeredness comes in.

 

[joanna1]

Can i just say i'm a girl and i've watched every single FIFA world cup match that hasn't been during work hours. I love watching sports! All sports and athletes from all countries.

 

[eringilmour]

Did you relise that being married was all about not being selfish and putting someone else above yourself???

You see that is why marriages fail, we all get really excited about having the life partner, the lover and the best friend, but we all forget what it really means to give up our own wants and consider the wants of someone else, I am not saying that our desires are selfish i am saying that is what a marriage entail and that is what you sign up for.

I know that my Dad said to my mum that he would take her out for dinner last saturday night, but the football was on and Dad didn't want to take her out and my mum said thats fine..

So there you go it works both ways, or I just have a very selfless mother.....