Scars and Dating

[explodingboy]

Well bit of a random one, but this really seemed like the better place to put this than well anywhere else.

I've been on a couple of dates lately, and I kinda sort of intended to mention it last weekend but you know, time flies when your having fun, and I'm now in the predicament of either telling them via - internet or come Easter there going to be staying for the weekend.. and I kinda said I'd cook them dinner which isn't something I'm able to do with long sleeves.

So I suppose this is sort of my attempt to reach out for ideas on how to bring it up in the best way.. short of being caught with my sleeves up as that is going to be unavoidable.

 

[Solus Christus]

Well, it all depends on if you're comfortable telling them. Only one person has ever seen my scars(as they're easily hidden), and I think I told him one of the first times we ever talked. While I don't think it's something that should be included along with your name when you first meet somebody, I think it shouldn't be something that worries you for maybe more than a minute or two. Personally, I would do the cooking with my sleeves rolled up, and if they ask about them, or are obviously curious, I'd tell them a little bit about them. It doesn't have to be your entire life story, just as much as you're comfortable with telling.

 

[bubblefish]

If you are planning on telling someone I think the best way (for me anyway) would be to tell them in person if you are comfortable. However, there is also nothing wrong with emailing someone or writing them a letter if you are uncomfortable talking about it in person.

If it were me, I would warn them before hand that there was something important and serious I wanted to talk about and then sit down with them quitely and talk, without other distractions. Be prepared for questions and also the possibility that the other person may also get upset or worried because of it.

I can't really say the best way to approach it for you as I don't know them but I do wish you luck! It is definitely not an easy thing to talk about.

 

[explodingboy]

Thanks for the replies all, I guess I've been getting abit paranoid about this of late..

Well I'm seeing them for 4days over Easter, and it's pretty much a given they're going to end up seeing the scars at some point, There really that obvious these days. Which among other issues has been stressing me about of late, and the fact that my ex used to freak out over well pretty much everything has made it hard to open up to new people of late.

 

[Tundras]

I agree with what everyone has said so far. You only have to tell her about the scars if you feel ready to and certain you want to disclose your history with her. Otherwise, I wouldn't mention it. If they're only semi-noticable, she may not notice. If she does notice and asks, you can always say something like, "It's a long story." Or even, "Oh, I hurt myself." (People are so used to hearing this apply to accidental injury. They rarely seem to grasp the connotation this statement would have for a self-injurer.)

When you do decide to tell her, set the tone you want your history to have for the rest of the relationship. If you make it awkward, it'll always be awkward. If you make her as comfortable as possible, are sensitive and open, it'll likely always be a sensitive but open area of discussion.

 

[explodingboy]

Well in my case they're very noticeable, despite their age they've essentially stayed thick and red/purply so my left arm stands out a mile away, and being on the outside of my arm very hard to hide.

I guess maybe I'm worrying abit to much about everything because I'm really nervous about having to introduce to my family next week..

 

[svl3p]

i know this thread is old, but wondering how everything went

 

[explodingboy]

i know this thread is old, but wondering how everything went

I'd sort of entirely forgotten it was here, but thanks for the question.

Well I kinda wimped out of actually bringing it up as a conversation piece, but we spoke about it all later online a day or two later.

It's been good really, I haven't felt pressured by anything, I've been mostly open and honest about it.

 

[svl3p]

that's good, I'm so glad to hear...i remember I was soooo scared to tell my now-husband about my scars when we were dating...but he was and still is very supportive. I'm glad you are able to be open and honest about them!

 

[Criada]

I'm glad you have been able to be open about it - makes things so much easier.
Have you talked to your parents yet? Praying they are supportive!

 

[explodingboy]

I haven't unfortunately.. It's not so much that I'm worried they wont be supportive, if anything they're more likely to overreact too positively and make a big deal out of it.

I realize I will have to tell them.. but I certainly have no intention of doing so while I'm still living at home. For starters, I get on better with the family when I'm not living with them.

 

[Rai1234]

good to hear! again this thread was a while ago but i think this will be good for others in a similar position to see.

i have had similar experiences, people have always been supportive and the fear was always much worse than the outcome. it also gets easier with time to talk about and the anxiety decreases. i think the way you approach it (ie. level-headed versus panic-y) also makes a difference.