Saving yourself for marriage

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

After recently starting to go to church again and acknowledging the presence of jesus/ accepting him as my lord and savior (mostly due to a period of high suicidal ideation and challenges im currently facing) Im starting to think about the fact that at 24 years old im still a virgin and instead of feeling guilt im starting to desire getting married. I used to really let it get to me because my friends would never stop busting my a** like it's a bad thing. Even believing them i tried a few times to lose it but they always ended with me backing out last minute because it felt wrong.. Lately im proud of being a virgin. Its incredibly hard to remain one, although self pleasure helps (i try to severely limit it and i confess it) I used to watch porn in high school but now it disgusts me. But now i believe 100% that because of gods power and relief he gave me, I can honestly say id be open to waiting as long as it takes to find a wife before giving it up even if it means 50. The reason i posted this is because i was amazed at the progress i made accepting god and was wondering if there was any other virgins out there facing the same battle. If you guys are here i would really like to hear any of your thoughts on the general topic of waiting and its benefits/struggles. Also how do i start looking for the right girlfriend?

Winken · Nov 30, 2017

She will be a Christian. She will open the Bible to Romans 10:8-13. She will read it to you. She will then read Romans 8:1. When you walk away from that, you walk away from her......and life.

salt-n-light · Nov 30, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
After recently starting to go to church again and acknowledging the presence of jesus/ accepting him as my lord and savior (mostly due to a period of high suicidal ideation and challenges im currently facing) Im starting to think about the fact that at 24 years old im still a virgin and instead of feeling guilt im starting to desire getting married. I used to really let it get to me because my friends would never stop busting my a** like it's a bad thing. Even believing them i tried a few times to lose it but they always ended with me backing out last minute because it felt wrong.. Lately im proud of being a virgin. Its incredibly hard to remain one, although self pleasure helps (i try to severely limit it and i confess it) I used to watch porn in high school but now it disgusts me. But now i believe 100% that because of gods power and relief he gave me, I can honestly say id be open to waiting as long as it takes to find a wife before giving it up even if it means 50. The reason i posted this is because i was amazed at the progress i made accepting god and was wondering if there was any other virgins out there facing the same battle. If you guys are here i would really like to hear any of your thoughts on the general topic of waiting and its benefits/struggles. Also how do i start looking for the right girlfriend?

I'm 26, and although I haven't had sex, I haven't truly waited also. Let me explain.

Before I would pride that I was a virgin, despite my sexual struggles, because technically that means that out of my own strength, I have been obedient and never had sex with another guy.I would probably be one of those people in the bible that would be like " Look at me, I've never fornicated", in which Jesus will proceed to then shatter my pride and say that if i've ever lusted in my heart for another I've committed that sin in my heart (Matthew 5:27-28). And with the porn, and the touching yourself, and obsession and fantasizing of others, and the lustful touching I've done, I haven't truly waited. In my heart, I've lost my virginity a long time ago.

All the benefits and struggles from waiting, was clear to me physically (less risk but harder because of flesh), but spiritually I've lied to myself, my heart wasn't acting on trusting God's promises, and even without sex with another person, I have personally faced sexual brokenness from the porn and touching yourself that to this day I'm healing from.

Praise God that you are overcoming your obstacles, but before you even rush to reward yourself for "waiting", I encourage you to examine your heart when it comes to your lustful desires, and if in your heart you have actually stayed sexually pure, and pray about it. Because its going to take beyond a physical virginity to have God be please, and for the future relationship to be of good fruit.

Be encouraged.

fat wee robin · Nov 30, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
After recently starting to go to church again and acknowledging the presence of jesus/ accepting him as my lord and savior (mostly due to a period of high suicidal ideation and challenges im currently facing) Im starting to think about the fact that at 24 years old im still a virgin and instead of feeling guilt im starting to desire getting married. I used to really let it get to me because my friends would never stop busting my a** like it's a bad thing. Even believing them i tried a few times to lose it but they always ended with me backing out last minute because it felt wrong.. Lately im proud of being a virgin. Its incredibly hard to remain one, although self pleasure helps (i try to severely limit it and i confess it) I used to watch porn in high school but now it disgusts me. But now i believe 100% that because of gods power and relief he gave me, I can honestly say id be open to waiting as long as it takes to find a wife before giving it up even if it means 50. The reason i posted this is because i was amazed at the progress i made accepting god and was wondering if there was any other virgins out there facing the same battle. If you guys are here i would really like to hear any of your thoughts on the general topic of waiting and its benefits/struggles. Also how do i start looking for the right girlfriend?

Start by changing you tag from 'atheist' to Christian .
On a moral level I think it is better to be in a loving relationship with a girl, women ,than doing what you say you do ,which is more immoral.

fat wee robin · Nov 30, 2017

Mskriskris said:
I'm 26, and although I haven't had sex, I haven't truly waited also. Let me explain.

Before I would pride that I was a virgin, despite my sexual struggles, because technically that means that out of my own strength, I have been obedient and never had sex with another guy.I would probably be one of those people in the bible that would be like " Look at me, I've never fornicated", in which Jesus will proceed to then shatter my pride and say that if i've ever lusted in my heart for another I've committed that sin in my heart (Matthew 5:27-28). And with the porn, and the touching yourself, and obsession and fantasizing of others, and the lustful touching I've done, I haven't truly waited. In my heart, I've lost my virginity a long time ago.

All the benefits and struggles from waiting, was clear to me physically (less risk but harder because of flesh), but spiritually I've lied to myself, my heart wasn't acting on trusting God's promises, and even without sex with another person, I have personally faced sexual brokenness from the porn and touching yourself that to this day I'm healing from.

Praise God that you are overcoming your obstacles, but before you even rush to reward yourself for "waiting", I encourage you to examine your heart when it comes to your lustful desires, and if in your heart you have actually stayed sexually pure, and pray about it. Because its going to take beyond a physical virginity to have God be please, and for the future relationship to be of good fruit.

Be encouraged.

I think that you are honest as God made us to be in a relationship which is loving and commited and even without a formal marriage ,is better than pornography or other demeaning stuff .
In fact because of the low level of pastoring in many churches people do not want to go before one to be 'married ' they do it themselves .
How many 'marriages ' end up in the bin ,while those self married last a lifetieme, (here in Europe ) or get married after they have children .

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

So

Winken said:
She will be a Christian. She will open the Bible to Romans 10:8-13. She will read it to you. She will then read Romans 8:1. When you walk away from that, you walk away from her......and life.

So if i read that passage il understand? I'm still new to the bible

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

Mskriskris said:
I'm 26, and although I haven't had sex, I haven't truly waited also. Let me explain.

Before I would pride that I was a virgin, despite my sexual struggles, because technically that means that out of my own strength, I have been obedient and never had sex with another guy.I would probably be one of those people in the bible that would be like " Look at me, I've never fornicated", in which Jesus will proceed to then shatter my pride and say that if i've ever lusted in my heart for another I've committed that sin in my heart (Matthew 5:27-28). And with the porn, and the touching yourself, and obsession and fantasizing of others, and the lustful touching I've done, I haven't truly waited. In my heart, I've lost my virginity a long time ago.

All the benefits and struggles from waiting, was clear to me physically (less risk but harder because of flesh), but spiritually I've lied to myself, my heart wasn't acting on trusting God's promises, and even without sex with another person, I have personally faced sexual brokenness from the porn and touching yourself that to this day I'm healing from.

Praise God that you are overcoming your obstacles, but before you even rush to reward yourself for "waiting", I encourage you to examine your heart when it comes to your lustful desires, and if in your heart you have actually stayed sexually pure, and pray about it. Because its going to take beyond a physical virginity to have God be please, and for the future relationship to be of good fruit.

Be encouraged.

Yea

Mskriskris said:
I'm 26, and although I haven't had sex, I haven't truly waited also. Let me explain.

Before I would pride that I was a virgin, despite my sexual struggles, because technically that means that out of my own strength, I have been obedient and never had sex with another guy.I would probably be one of those people in the bible that would be like " Look at me, I've never fornicated", in which Jesus will proceed to then shatter my pride and say that if i've ever lusted in my heart for another I've committed that sin in my heart (Matthew 5:27-28). And with the porn, and the touching yourself, and obsession and fantasizing of others, and the lustful touching I've done, I haven't truly waited. In my heart, I've lost my virginity a long time ago.

All the benefits and struggles from waiting, was clear to me physically (less risk but harder because of flesh), but spiritually I've lied to myself, my heart wasn't acting on trusting God's promises, and even without sex with another person, I have personally faced sexual brokenness from the porn and touching yourself that to this day I'm healing from.

Praise God that you are overcoming your obstacles, but before you even rush to reward yourself for "waiting", I encourage you to examine your heart when it comes to your lustful desires, and if in your heart you have actually stayed sexually pure, and pray about it. Because its going to take beyond a physical virginity to have God be please, and for the future relationship to be of good fruit.

Be encouraged.

Yes it definitely makes someone feel dirty but isnt it possible for god to make you feel whole again, especially after doing something that hard. Everyone has slipped. Even alot of people in successful relationships will have at least masturbated before.

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

fat wee robin said:
Start by changing you tag from 'atheist' to Christian .
On a moral level I think it is better to be in a loving relationship with a girl, women ,than doing what you say you do ,which is more immoral.

Sorry i havent used the account alot since i made it.. I must have forgot to change my religion. Forgive me father.

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

I know of girls that had an unthinkable amount of different guys in high school and they were able to feel pure again. Most likely less pure than had they waited but its still redeemable isnt it?

salt-n-light · Nov 30, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
Yea

Yes it definitely makes someone feel dirty but isnt it possible for god to make you feel whole again, especially after doing something that hard. Everyone has slipped. Even alot of people in successful relationships will have at least masturbated before.

Yes everyone has slipped and will slip, thats the whole point of Jesus doing what He did for us. By our very nature and merit we will slip, but we are now saved from its authority and damnation. Being whole is not a feeling, its a state, sometimes being whole doesn't feel pleasant to the flesh, but to the spirit it is freeing. Its living in Truth.

We have normalized and mainstream porn and touching yourself, even when we already know the shamefulness and dangers of it.To the point where its just casual talk or its weird if someone hasn't done it. Normalizing sin takes away the feeling of shame and the awareness of brokenness. But the Word calls it out for what it is, and pulls a mirror right in front of our faces to confront it at its core. Even the most "successful" relationships, if that is not checked, is like having a ticking bomb in the couples' room that wasn't properly diffused.

You can't be made whole, if you don't recognize that you are broken to begin with. Its harder to see that, if being broken seems normal to you, or a part of your identity.Its even worst if you know that you are, and chose not to confront it.

salt-n-light · Nov 30, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
I know of girls that had an unthinkable amount of different guys in high school and they were able to feel pure again. Most likely less pure than had they waited but its still redeemable isnt it?

Of course its redeemable, because purity isn't contingent on works or physical state. Being washed clean, means God will see you are pure, even though your past would say otherwise. As long as they recognize their wrongs, repent, and turn from them, Jesus will make them pure.

Although in some cases, the physical or emotional scars from it doesn't fully go away, the soul is redeemed and the heart is made whole. But there's alot less consequences and baggage to deal with, if you guard your heart and treat the body as a temple early on.

Winken · Nov 30, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
So

So if i read that passage il understand? I'm still new to the bible

Yes, indeed.

Tylerx95 · Nov 30, 2017

Mskriskris said:
Yes everyone has slipped and will slip, thats the whole point of Jesus doing what He did for us. By our very nature and merit we will slip, but we are now saved from its authority and damnation. Being whole is not a feeling, its a state, sometimes being whole doesn't feel pleasant to the flesh, but to the spirit it is freeing. Its living in Truth.

We have normalized and mainstream porn and touching yourself, even when we already know the shamefulness and dangers of it.To the point where its just casual talk or its weird if someone hasn't done it. Normalizing sin takes away the feeling of shame and the awareness of brokenness. But the Word calls it out for what it is, and pulls a mirror right in front of our faces to confront it at its core. Even the most "successful" relationships, if that is not checked, is like having a ticking bomb in the couples' room that wasn't properly diffused.

You can't be made whole, if you don't recognize that you are broken to begin with. Its harder to see that, if being broken seems normal to you, or a part of your identity.Its even worst if you know that you are, and chose not to confront it.

Well I'm just getting started.. So i intend to confront it. I realize even thinking of another woman in that way is a sin but only because of research into the religion.. All my friends
remain blind regardless of how many times i warn them how worth being with only one person is.. And how little hooking up is worth compared to eternal life

fat wee robin · Dec 1, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
I know of girls that had an unthinkable amount of different guys in high school and they were able to feel pure again. Most likely less pure than had they waited but its still redeemable isnt it?

We are living in a world that is disordered and has been since a long time ,so we are put in situations
where we almost have no choice .There is huge hypocrisy around 'sexuality ' ,as often those who push it in private ,act the perfect marries people in public .
In many ways it comes from why we have marriage in the first place ,and need to have laws at all in religion .
When God made Creation and humanity we were naturally tuned to God and His Creation .That is we loved and honoured Him as our Creator and Father ,and we would be given a compatible Partner ,a family and community .It was natural for us to Honour God ,hounour our parents or elders ,not steal from or be jealous from our community ,not kill or damage each other ,not be envous or desirous of what we were not given ,but when Satan through the couple called Adam and Eve allowed themselves to be tempted by Evil' ,they broke the natural and good 'unseen' laws which people who are in tune with the Holy Spirit of God act out naturally ,without even thinking about it .h nthis happened and creation was broken
all those with evil hearts ,many of them 'very religious ' were able to prey on the more innocent and by changing the societies in which we live to conform to their desires put temptation , and pressure ,in the paths of the those who want something better(often young ) ,but cannot find it because goodness is very rare ,and always has been .This is not new ,but hiding it is more difficult now and hypocrisy is more difficult to enforce .
While a marriage with someone compatible is the best thing possible ,it is often the softer kinder girls who give in ,not the good ones who are more self contained and self considering ,so of course one can be healed from this as often they are victims (not always of course ).It is no coincidence that Jesus was so'soft' on the prostitute and condemning of the religious hypocrites who 'created' them in most cases .
Whatever you have been doing can be healed totally ,in part by trying to make friends and care for others and be cared for by others ,making friends with the wounded ,wounded by false religious 'laws ' which are more to do with standing in SOCIETY than to do with the love of a God who loves to help the wounded and hates the false pretence . We are to go forward when we become concious of ourselves in our relationship with our Creator ,and not look back going one step each day .
"One day at a time sweet Jesus that's all I 'm asking of you "....a lovely song to by yourself .

fat wee robin · Dec 1, 2017

fat wee robin said:
We are living in a world that is disordered and has been since a long time ,so we are put in situations
where we almost have no choice .There is huge hypocrisy around 'sexuality ' ,as often those who push it in private ,act the perfect marries people in public .
In many ways it comes from why we have marriage in the first place ,and need to have laws at all in religion .
When God made Creation and humanity we were naturally tuned to God and His Creation .That is we loved and honoured Him as our Creator and Father ,and we would be given a compatible Partner ,a family and community .It was natural for us to Honour God ,hounour our parents or elders ,not steal from or be jealous from our community ,not kill or damage each other ,not be envous or desirous of what we were not given ,but when Satan through the couple called Adam and Eve allowed themselves to be tempted by Evil' ,they broke the natural and good 'unseen' laws which people who are in tune with the Holy Spirit of God act out naturally ,without even thinking about it .h nthis happened and creation was broken
all those with evil hearts ,many of them 'very religious ' were able to prey on the more innocent and by changing the societies in which we live to conform to their desires put temptation , and pressure ,in the paths of the those who want something better(often young ) ,but cannot find it because goodness is very rare ,and always has been .This is not new ,but hiding it is more difficult now and hypocrisy is more difficult to enforce .
While a marriage with someone compatible is the best thing possible ,it is often the softer kinder girls who give in ,not the good ones who are more self contained and self considering ,so of course one can be healed from this as often they are victims (not always of course ).It is no coincidence that Jesus was so'soft' on the prostitute and condemning of the religious hypocrites who 'created' them in most cases .
Whatever you have been doing can be healed totally ,in part by trying to make friends and care for others and be cared for by others ,making friends with the wounded ,wounded by false religious 'laws ' which are more to do with standing in SOCIETY than to do with the love of a God who loves to help the wounded and hates the false pretence . We are to go forward when we become concious of ourselves in our relationship with our Creator ,and not look back going one step each day .
"One day at a time sweet Jesus , that's all I 'm asking of you "....a lovely song to sing when you are alone .

I see there are quite a few mistakes in thiis piece as my computer stalls a lot on this site .

Tylerx95 · Dec 1, 2017

fat wee robin said:
I see there are quite a few mistakes in thiis piece as my computer stalls a lot on this site .

Yeah thats alright the internet likes to make things a challenge

Dawnhammer · Dec 1, 2017

Tylerx95 said:
All my friends
remain blind regardless of how many times i warn them how worth being with only one person is.. And how little hooking up is worth compared to eternal life

They are having sex though while you are speculating on unknown future with holier than thou attitude.

Some might say that this doesn’t necessarily lead to contentment in life.

Tylerx95 · Dec 1, 2017

Dawnhammer said:
They are having sex though while you are speculating on unknown future with holier than thou attitude.

Some might say that this doesn’t necessarily lead to contentment in life.

I like how you speak of having alot of sex with people you dont know as a good thing.. Temporary joy will fade. Being bi polar i would normally drop to the level of insulting someone simply for doing what they choose to with their body, and spread anger and misinformation but i am trying to follow gods plan and therefore il pray for your soul instead. The fact that i am a virgin is something i am content with and i hope you can say the same about your life in general in the future.

Dawnhammer · Dec 1, 2017

When they get older people usually grieve more for things they didn’t do than for whatever bad choices they made along the way while enjoying their lives.

Your story read more like you aren’t really enjoying yours and were looking for change. Go for it.

Tylerx95 · Dec 1, 2017

I am

Dawnhammer said:
When they get older people usually grieve more for things they didn’t do than for whatever bad choices they made along the way while enjoying their lives.

Your story read more like you aren’t really enjoying yours and were looking for change. Go for it.

I am looking for a change and that change is the satisfaction being dedicated to one person can bring. I intend to pursue marriage. If other people want to have endless hook ups than thats their choice but my friend isnt enjoying his life either and thinks it will help him. I was only trying to steer him in the right direction and prevent him from feeling less fullfilled than if he had a wife.

Saving yourself for marriage

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