Running on Empty

[GrayAngel]

I was raised in a Christian home and was always interested in God and the Bible, and back in 2008, I experienced what many refer to as a "spiritual high." In that moment, at a Christian retreat with the youth of my church, I realized that I had been living my life on autopilot. I decided that from that point on, I would let God in my heart so He could transform and use my life.

Well, that spark lasted for a little while, but it gradually started to diminish as life continued to offer more and more disappointments, big and small. I've been struggling with depression for longer than I can remember now and it has been getting harder to see God's loving hand in my life, even getting to the point where I have grown angry at Him for the stuff He's sent my way. To me, it seems like I can never win, and it has caused me to doubt God's feelings toward me.

I've never stopped believing in God. There's been evidence of His existence all around me. I've seen Him working in other people's lives, even using me in some situations. What I question is His intentions for me, either as an beloved son, or as some stranger begging for crumbs outside His gates.

Recently, I've just been going through the motions. I go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, I volunteer in the media ministry there, and I perform music for services in prisons and a drug and alcohol rehab facility. I play the part like nothing's wrong, and I even try to convince myself sometimes. But it's just getting worse the further on I go.

I don't know what I can do. I pray and share my frustrations with God, but nothing changes. Music has always helped me to feel closer to Him, but it provides a temporary fix. It seems like the only thing I can do is pray for God to pick me up out of this ditch, but it doesn't seem like He wants to. I'm running on empty, and I am afraid of where this road may be leading me.

I don't know if there's any advice that could be given. Maybe I just need some prayer, and maybe some professional counselling.

Thousand Foot Krutch - So Far Gone - YouTube

 

[chaoticfirefly]

People will probably get mad at this but:

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Leave church and religious things for awhile and have some time to yourself. Seek counseling for your depression.

It's okay to be selfish for awhile and not do anything, just to take a break and relax. You don't want to burn yourself out. God will understand. Let him be your main focus still, but you can and are allowed to take a break.

 

[singpeace]

I was raised in a Christian home and was always interested in God and the Bible, and back in 2008, I experienced what many refer to as a "spiritual high." In that moment, at a Christian retreat with the youth of my church, I realized that I had been living my life on autopilot. I decided that from that point on, I would let God in my heart so He could transform and use my life.

Well, that spark lasted for a little while, but it gradually started to diminish as life continued to offer more and more disappointments, big and small. I've been struggling with depression for longer than I can remember now and it has been getting harder to see God's loving hand in my life, even getting to the point where I have grown angry at Him for the stuff He's sent my way. To me, it seems like I can never win, and it has caused me to doubt God's feelings toward me.

I've never stopped believing in God. There's been evidence of His existence all around me. I've seen Him working in other people's lives, even using me in some situations. What I question is His intentions for me, either as an beloved son, or as some stranger begging for crumbs outside His gates.

Recently, I've just been going through the motions. I go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, I volunteer in the media ministry there, and I perform music for services in prisons and a drug and alcohol rehab facility. I play the part like nothing's wrong, and I even try to convince myself sometimes. But it's just getting worse the further on I go.

I don't know what I can do. I pray and share my frustrations with God, but nothing changes. Music has always helped me to feel closer to Him, but it provides a temporary fix. It seems like the only thing I can do is pray for God to pick me up out of this ditch, but it doesn't seem like He wants to. I'm running on empty, and I am afraid of where this road may be leading me.

I don't know if there's any advice that could be given. Maybe I just need some prayer, and maybe some professional counselling.

Thousand Foot Krutch - So Far Gone - YouTube

My Child Gray Angel,
You wonder if I really love you and see you. Romans 5:8

I see you. I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

When you received the gift of my son Jesus,
you received me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

The day you came to know my Son Jesus,
I threw the biggest party heaven had ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is, “Will you trust Me?”
Proverbs 3:5

I am waiting for you.
2 Peter 3:9

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

​

 

[lindart]

My Child Gray Angel,​

You wonder if I really love you and see you. Romans 5:8 ​

I see you. I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1​

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2​

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3​

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31​

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27​

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28​

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28​

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5​

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12​

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16​

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26​

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14​

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13​

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6​

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44​

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16​

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1​

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1​

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11​

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48​

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17​

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33​

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11​

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3​

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18​

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17​

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40​

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5​

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41​

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3​

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29​

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4​

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13​

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20​

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17​

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4​

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18​

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11​

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4​

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4​

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23​

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26​

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3​

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31​

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19​

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19​

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10​

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32​

When you received the gift of my son Jesus,
you received me.
1 John 2:23​

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39​

The day you came to know my Son Jesus,
I threw the biggest party heaven had ever seen.
Luke 15:7​

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15​

My question is, “Will you trust Me?”
Proverbs 3:5​

I am waiting for you.
2 Peter 3:9​

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God​

This is beautiful, Singpeace.

 

[vespasia]

No one can survive in p/t or f/t forms of ministry unless they learn how to pace themselves and where to go to gain refreshment. Its simply not possible or sane to allow yourself to be pushed into giving all the time.

Firstly- see a doctor about the depression; that is enough to rob the joy out of anyones life and many people find meds useful to give them a break from feeling so low so they can look at what they need to change in their life to try and stay as well as they can. I for one would prefer anyone wrestling with that to be honest with me at church. Not so I can thorw rocks at them but so I can sit down and work out with them what things help and what things make them feel worse. I have been known to use the phrase 'sabbatical' to allow a person time to recover and remove the pressure they feel. A good leader knows when to pull some of the load off a persons shoulders and when they are ready to start work again.

Is there anyone in leadership in the church groups your involved with you could talk to about this?

I will certainly pray for you, I hope your medical doctor and church leaders can also help. For now you may find it helpful to look at the recovery forums; firstly so you know your not alone in dealing with depression and secondly because the staff there may be able to signpost you towards support near where you live.

May God bless you with what you need at this time and keep you close to Gods heart.

 

[opengate07]

My prayers are with you GrayAngel. I also have times in the valley. I cannot explain why this happens, maybe the enemy doing what he can to break our relationship with GOD. Get together with a Pastor or seek some quiet time to reflect on your emotions. May the Lord Bless you and keep you always. God is Faithful!
Faithful Father (Brian Doerksen) - YouTube

 

[SincereSeeker]

You sound very tired, Friend. And you know what? It's ok. I agree for you to take a step back, some time off and give yourself a break.

Take God with you on your time off. If anyone understands how it feels to be burnt out, it's Jesus. Keep talking to him and just be kind to yourself today.

Hugs,

Sincere Seeker

 

[Andres88]

How is your relationship with your church brothers and sisters?
Do you meet with them regularly for leisure and things other than active ministry?
Do you picture any way that might ignite your faith, even if that means stepping away from your ministry responsibilities for a time?
Is there anything that you particularly think is hindering your relationship with Jesus?
Are you having quality recreational/physical activity times?

These are questions that might be helpful to meditate upon. They surely did to me.
May God bless you richly.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

...Well, that spark lasted for a little while, but it gradually started to diminish as life continued to offer more and more disappointments, big and small. I've been struggling with depression for longer than I can remember now and it has been getting harder to see God's loving hand in my life, even getting to the point where I have grown angry at Him for the stuff He's sent my way. To me, it seems like I can never win, and it has caused me to doubt God's feelings toward me...

the cure for depression is to focus on what God has already given instead of what you haven't yet received (2Pet 1:1-4). not only have you 'missed hell', but God 'hath given you all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of or knowing of Him'. what God has sent your way is 'all things that pertain to life and godliness' - never assume that something bad might be from God - always stay on His side.

you're right; you can never win. but thank God He always wins, and through Him you always triumph! the Christian life is not a changed life where He picks you up, dusts you off, and tells you to 'see if you can get it right this time' - it is an exchanged life where we deny ourselves and seek to be led by God through the Holy Spirit in all things. as long as you are doing your best to be a Christian, you'll find yourself focused on how pitiful your own efforts are; strive instead to hear His leading and follow it according to His timing - and never ever let yourself think that He may be the source of something bad.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Gray Angel. God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. The Bible tells us to " Repent," to leave our selfish body behind,
and change into a loving freely and caring for all we know and all we meet:
friends as well as not friends. Start treating all you come across, as you love yourself: do unto all around you, as you would love to have others, do to you.
Jesus would give you His Love and Joy, and the Holy Spirit would empower you with His Love, also. " Ask and ye shall receive," ( Matthew 7: 7-8 then thank God and share all Love and Joy with your neighbour. Jesus gives us this wonderful advice: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself. ( Matthew 22: 35-40 God wants our Love, freely given and No conditions tagged on. Jesus also points out: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Just live your life as a loving child of God. God will see your sincere efforts, and God will approve
and bless you. Try to become a sign-post to God our Heavenly Father.
God will give you opportunities to witness for God, and your life will become
abundant, as Jesus promised us.
A Christian`s great weapon is Love and Compassion, Love will overcome all
enmity and wrong behaviour. We might stumble and forget at times, but then
we ask God to forgive us, and carry on Loving and Caring. Love is very catching, and soon we will change into the men and women which God wants us to become. Just carry on loving and caring, and Jesus our Saviour will help
and guide us all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. I say this with love, Gray Angel.
Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[HEsTiLLALiVe]

I think you (as well as myself and others) need to spend more time talking to God, rather than getting angry with Him, He is a really really Great and Compassionate Lover. Your only upset and dissapointed because Jesus hasn't been the Center of your life (I talk as one with some of the same former feelings). Here's a couple scripture to not just read but to meditate on:
Matthew 6:33
James 2:14
James 2:17-18
Hebrews 11:6
1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

God bless and Shalom

 

[manitouscott]

singpeace, thank you for your post!

Grayangel

God must think a lot of you to let you go through this time of growth "in the trough"

I suggest personal study of the bible, alone, in your prayer closet.
Pray to God even though it feels like you are praying to no one.

Praying for your refreshing brother.

 

[aiki]

I was raised in a Christian home and was always interested in God and the Bible, and back in 2008, I experienced what many refer to as a "spiritual high." In that moment, at a Christian retreat with the youth of my church, I realized that I had been living my life on autopilot. I decided that from that point on, I would let God in my heart so He could transform and use my life.

Well, that spark lasted for a little while, but it gradually started to diminish as life continued to offer more and more disappointments, big and small. I've been struggling with depression for longer than I can remember now and it has been getting harder to see God's loving hand in my life, even getting to the point where I have grown angry at Him for the stuff He's sent my way. To me, it seems like I can never win, and it has caused me to doubt God's feelings toward me.

Maybe you should consider the experience of the apostle Paul:

2 Corinthians 11:23-28
23 Are they ministers of Christ?--I speak as a fool--I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often.
24 From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one.
25 Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep;
26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;
27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness--
28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches.

Sounds to me like Paul had a very great deal about which to be disappointed and angry at God. But he wasn't. In fact, Paul writes,

Philippians 1:21-23
21 For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
22 But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell.
23 For I am hard pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.

Why wasn't Paul burned out and depressed like you are? Why was he eager to see his Lord rather than doubtful of God's good intentions toward him? Part of the answer, at least, can be found in what Paul writes as follows:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul knew that the hardships of life were what kept him dependent upon, pressed up close to, his Saviour. And it was only in such a dependent state that God's power could manifest itself fully in and through Paul.

I've never stopped believing in God. There's been evidence of His existence all around me. I've seen Him working in other people's lives, even using me in some situations. What I question is His intentions for me, either as an beloved son, or as some stranger begging for crumbs outside His gates.

Did Christ question the love of the Father when he faced the agonizing death of the cross? Wouldn't such a horrible situation be grounds to wonder about God's love for him? God utterly abandoned Christ at one point. Still, Christ did not despise or doubt the Father. Why?

John 3:35
35 The Father loves the Son...

Of this Jesus was absolutely certain. And because he was, he was able to endure the cross, despising the shame of it, and be the perfect instrument of God's redemption of humanity.

Until you settle deeply into the truth of God's love for you, you will be unable to walk with God well and to be used by Him as you would otherwise be. It is only as the love of Christ grips you that you will experience the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19
14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man,
17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--
19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

And it is only as you are filled with all the fullness of God that you will be a "vessel unto honor, sanctified and meet for the Master's use."

Recently, I've just been going through the motions. I go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, I volunteer in the media ministry there, and I perform music for services in prisons and a drug and alcohol rehab facility. I play the part like nothing's wrong, and I even try to convince myself sometimes. But it's just getting worse the further on I go.

That's because all of what you do in service to God must spring out of your love for Him. When you love God deeply it will be a joy to serve Him not tiresome drudgery!

I don't know what I can do. I pray and share my frustrations with God, but nothing changes. Music has always helped me to feel closer to Him, but it provides a temporary fix. It seems like the only thing I can do is pray for God to pick me up out of this ditch, but it doesn't seem like He wants to. I'm running on empty, and I am afraid of where this road may be leading me.

Many times believers ask God for what He has already given them. We simply do not reach out in faith and take what is our in Christ. Instead, we plead with God to answer our prayers, never realizing that we already possess in Christ the very things we desire and need.

I don't know if there's any advice that could be given. Maybe I just need some prayer, and maybe some professional counselling.

What ever did Christians do before "professional counselling"? I mean, surely the Word of God and the Spirit of God were not enough without a professional counsellor, right?

Selah.

 

[GrayAngel]

Thanks for all of your replies, people. I've been reading them, but I haven't taken the time to respond until now.

People will probably get mad at this but:

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Leave church and religious things for awhile and have some time to yourself. Seek counseling for your depression.

It's okay to be selfish for awhile and not do anything, just to take a break and relax. You don't want to burn yourself out. God will understand. Let him be your main focus still, but you can and are allowed to take a break.

This doesn't make me mad, but it doesn't compute with me. Church has often been the highlight of my week, more-so a few years ago, but still kinda sorta now. The music, fellowship, worship, and study in the Bible has been what's kept me afloat, helping me unwind after a stressful week. My ministries could be adding some extra stress, but I'm not sure how much help it would be to take a break from them. I'd probably take the extra free time and squander it.

 

[GrayAngel]

No one can survive in p/t or f/t forms of ministry unless they learn how to pace themselves and where to go to gain refreshment. Its simply not possible or sane to allow yourself to be pushed into giving all the time.

Firstly- see a doctor about the depression; that is enough to rob the joy out of anyones life and many people find meds useful to give them a break from feeling so low so they can look at what they need to change in their life to try and stay as well as they can.

I probably should. I'm afraid it might be expensive, though. And it might take some time experimenting to get the right dosage. Then there's, ironically, the risk of "thoughts of suicide" that are always on the label. It might help, but it might not. Worth a shot, perhaps.

I'm also worried that my family would be less than supportive and greet the unveiling of my hidden condition with skepticism. I think they may likely become defensive too, not willing to think that they are part of the problem, which they are.

I for one would prefer anyone wrestling with that to be honest with me at church. Not so I can thorw rocks at them but so I can sit down and work out with them what things help and what things make them feel worse. I have been known to use the phrase 'sabbatical' to allow a person time to recover and remove the pressure they feel. A good leader knows when to pull some of the load off a persons shoulders and when they are ready to start work again.

Is there anyone in leadership in the church groups your involved with you could talk to about this?

I have a spiritual mentor that I meet with every other week. I've been reluctant to speak with him about matters this personal, though, not that I don't trust him.

I will certainly pray for you, I hope your medical doctor and church leaders can also help. For now you may find it helpful to look at the recovery forums; firstly so you know your not alone in dealing with depression and secondly because the staff there may be able to signpost you towards support near where you live.

May God bless you with what you need at this time and keep you close to Gods heart.

I appreciate your prayers. Thank you.

 

[GrayAngel]

How is your relationship with your church brothers and sisters?

Over the last three years I've been with this church, I've met a lot of them, particularly the ones in our young-adult group. I've built friendly relationships with them, but I for some reason I seem to have a lot of trouble getting close to them despite my efforts. I often feel like I could disappear and none of them would really miss me.

Do you meet with them regularly for leisure and things other than active ministry?

The young-adults have a Bible study / fellowship thing every Sunday after church, and again on Wednesday nights in a more casual setting. I attend both when I can. Anything else is kinda rare, and my inconsistent work schedule often gets in the way.

Do you picture any way that might ignite your faith, even if that means stepping away from your ministry responsibilities for a time?

Not really.

Is there anything that you particularly think is hindering your relationship with Jesus?

Other than my persistent depression, which is more often turned on than it is off, there are a variety of things. I've put God and people first, but few people are interested in returning the favor. My homelife is very stressful, so there's not really any place to escape to. Although moving out might grant some measure of relief, that doesn't seem like a wise thing to do at the moment. It seems like everything is working against me, which makes it hard to see God's Providence.

I'm not sure how much of this is in my head and how much is real. I know that different people can encounter similar problems with very different attitudes, and I know where I fall in those categories: pessimists.

Are you having quality recreational/physical activity times?

Nope. My work involves a lot of movement and exercise, but I'm not sure if that counts. I'm not sure how other people fit these things into their schedules.

These are questions that might be helpful to meditate upon. They surely did to me.
May God bless you richly.

Thank you very much, and same to you.

 

[GrayAngel]

the cure for depression is to focus on what God has already given instead of what you haven't yet received (2Pet 1:1-4). not only have you 'missed hell', but God 'hath given you all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of or knowing of Him'. what God has sent your way is 'all things that pertain to life and godliness' - never assume that something bad might be from God - always stay on His side.

you're right; you can never win. but thank God He always wins, and through Him you always triumph! the Christian life is not a changed life where He picks you up, dusts you off, and tells you to 'see if you can get it right this time' - it is an exchanged life where we deny ourselves and seek to be led by God through the Holy Spirit in all things. as long as you are doing your best to be a Christian, you'll find yourself focused on how pitiful your own efforts are; strive instead to hear His leading and follow it according to His timing - and never ever let yourself think that He may be the source of something bad.

I don't think a lot of people know what clinical depression is. Without experiencing it yourself or being close to someone who has, you really can't. A mild form of depression is normal. If your puppy gets run over by a car, it would be normal to feel saddened for a while, but you get over it. Clinical depression doesn't get better; it persists for long periods of time. If my memory serves, I believe you would have to have been struggling with the problem for at least three months for it to be accepted as the medical definition of "depression."

Circumstances can make this condition better or worse, but they are not the cause of the depression. The problem is that the brains of depressed people are physically different. In these cases, the only cures are professional therapy, medication, a combination of both, or a miracle from God.

But on the subject of God being the source of bad things, technically, I agree that God is not the direct source of evil. However, God does use these things to bring good out of them. Evil is not a blemish on God's otherwise perfect plan, but it's an essential piece of it. After Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery, he found himself in the favor of the Pharaoh. He recognized God's hand in his destiny when the Hebrews came to him during a time of severe famine and he said to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, for the saving of many lives."

On the flip side, it is very easy to see God as the antagonist since He is in complete control. I have to continually remind myself that this is not the case. God uses the antagonist like an author of a novel, who works it all out for a better ending.

 

[GrayAngel]

Dear Gray Angel. God is Love, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. The Bible tells us to " Repent," to leave our selfish body behind,
and change into a loving freely and caring for all we know and all we meet:
friends as well as not friends. Start treating all you come across, as you love yourself: do unto all around you, as you would love to have others, do to you.

Hi, Emmy.

Part of the problem is that I'm not very fond of myself. My mind is constantly turning against itself, reminding me of every little mistake I've made, even digging fifteen years back or more. I'm very self-conscious, which would be a good thing if it wasn't so extreme.

I try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated, though, and based on what other people say, I think I do that pretty well. I do have a heart for serving, and I've done so in a large variety of ways. I wonder if it's become obvious that my heart isn't in it anymore, though. I don't think so. People tell me that I smile a lot, but they may be noticing something in me that they're not so quick to share.

 

[rosiemary]

I think you should speak to your mentor, be honest and tell him exactly what's on your mind. I often lose sleep over-thinking things I've said/done even years ago. Whilst we need to live a continued life of confession and repentance, losing sleep over mistakes is not a good thing. It shows we cannot forgive ourselves. I'm slowly working on forgiveness of myself because it's an area of my life I'm currently struggling with. As God forgives me, I must also forgive myself and move on. Else, we waste too much time dwelling on the past.

Also sometimes, it feels as if God is far away from us when actually He's always near. Sometimes He watches us silently but He will never leave us. Kind of like how a child can wander off from his mothers hands and think she's not following when in fact she's keeping her eye on her child even from afar.

 

[StormHawk]

... I don't know if there's any advice that could be given. Maybe I just need some prayer, and maybe some professional counselling.

What you had was like the "great joy" the people in Acts 8:8 had, but they still needed to actually receive the Spirit... it was known they had not ... (most "churches" don't understand the receiving of the Spirit!).

You too need to receive the over-flowing well of living water that he promised - what all the disciples received (Acts 2:4, 33, see also 10:44-48) - then you need "never thirst again" (John 4:13-14).

You can/should use that prayer language to draw on God's love (1 Cor. 14:2, 4, Jude 20-21).

Contact the nearest, no matter how far.