Rules

[Tumbleweed64]

What is everybody'd idea of the "perfect" first date?

 

[HoosierCanuck]

What is everybody'd idea of the "perfect" first date?

NHL Hockey game (preferably Vancouver and anyone) because I get so wrapped up in it that the other person would see the 'real me' and probably be scared off. If he wasn't scared off....then there's potential! haha

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I don't really have one perse, just as long as we're doing something that allows us to talk and get to know each other, but here are a few examples...

~over coffee at a bookstore or coffeeshop
~at an outdoor jazz concert or movie in the park

 

[Femme Savante]

This is what I think. I hear people all the time say "My dating rules are this, this and this". When I get married "I want to live in this house, it is to be this color, and so on"....

Peoople seem to forget that when you get involved with someone else that they might have their own ideas about things. Perhaps a little bit of compromising is in order.

I have a term for people who have all these rule and ideas, and aren't considerate of what others want.. "High Maintenace"

Precisely.

FS

 

[Femme Savante]

I was just reading the "Things Kept 'Til Marriage Thread" in the singles forum....http://www.christianforums.com/t1147408-things-that-are-kept-til-marriage.html

I thought it was VERY interesting that many posters had "rules" for each step - dating - courtship - engagement - marriage. I'm not even talking about sex because its a given that that should be saved until marriage, but rules concerning things such as saving their first kiss until the wedding day, saying "I love you" on the day you propose, not sitting together frequently, etc.

Let me know what you think

Okay, once again with my background : I'm 30 years old and I live with my family. I have just spent the past six years of my life as a full-time student pursuing a double B.A. in Mass Media and French Language. While I was a full-time student, all I did was study, research, go to class and write papers ; I didn't have the time or energy for a social life. But now that I'm down to one class, I have a social life again (oh, happy day). And I've been dating a lot. And I don't have any "rules" at all for dating. The only "condition" on the men who date me is they meet my parents, because they have to pick me up and my parents will be at home. Whatever happens, happens. I'm an affectionate & tactile person so if I like a guy I'm pretty demonstrative. I date adult men with self-control so nothing untoward happens.

I think the deal with a lot of young adults who haven't dated much, and all the rules they impose on dating, engagement and marriage, has two parts :

1. By imposing a lot of legalistic rules on something new and strange and frightening, they feel like they have control over the situation. Thus they feel less insecure.
2. They can't leave the love of their life in God's hands. They're afraid of what might happen if they just let go and trust God.

As Mary-Chapin Carpenter wrote :

Some people need to know what to expect

Need to keep control, need to keep one step
Ahead of every chance, as if chance decides
Who it's gonna pass, who it will reward
They don't understand, chances don't keep score
They just find us when we're there to find

. . . Its not as if it comes down to your turn
that someone somewhere feels you've earned
You just learn to wait for sudden gifts of fate

You can celebrate, gifts are never late
You just learn to wait for sudden gifts of fate.

("Sudden Gift Of Fate", A Place in the World, [font=Courier New, Courier, mono]October 1996)[/font]



​

FS

 

[Tumbleweed64]

Okay, say I'm "out of the loop", or maybe just kinda dense but what does "High Maintenence" mean, exactly

 

[HoosierCanuck]

my definition of high maintenance is someone who you constantly have to 'baby' for fear of making them upset or angry. someone who needs a lot of everything to be satisfied...or worse yet....even if given the world so to speak, they still aren't satisfied. someone who behaves like these pathetic Hollywood 'divas.' lol

 

[OhhJim]

Okay, say I'm "out of the loop", or maybe just kinda dense but what does "High Maintenence" mean, exactly

Well, it means exactly what each user intends for it to mean. That's the nature of expressions like this.

When I use it, it means a woman who I have to spend a lot of money on, in order to keep her happy. I don't pretend to define what someone else means. It's just that "high maintenance" is more descriptive than AWWIHTSALOMOIOTKHH, you know?

 

[Tumbleweed64]

Well, it means exactly what each user intends for it to mean. That's the nature of expressions like this.

When I use it, it means a woman who I have to spend a lot of money on, in order to keep her happy. I don't pretend to define what someone else means. It's just that "high maintenance" is more descriptive than AWWIHTSALOMOIOTKHH, you know?

k, gotcha

 

[HoosierCanuck]

It's not just women who are high maintenance....men can be just as bad but in different ways since they are 'typically' the breadwinner. I used to work with a guy who is one of the most high maintenance jerks I've ever met.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

It's not just women who are high maintenance....men can be just as bad but in different ways since they are 'typically' the breadwinner. I used to work with a guy who is one of the most high maintenance jerks I've ever met.

LOL - At my salon, there are men in there all the time getting pedicure.. Imagine you and him fighting over who gets that massag chair.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

LOL - At my salon, there are men in there all the time getting pedicure.. Imagine you and him fighting over who gets that massag chair.

Yikes!

 

[OhhJim]

It's not just women who are high maintenance....men can be just as bad but in different ways since they are 'typically' the breadwinner. I used to work with a guy who is one of the most high maintenance jerks I've ever met.

When you say he is high maintenance, what do you mean? That you had to spend a lot of money on him to keep him happy?

 

[HoosierCanuck]

When you say he is high maintenance, what do you mean? That you had to spend a lot of money on him to keep him happy?

No way dude! I wouldn't give this idiot the time of day. He's arrogant and only thinks of himself among other wonderful attributes. I say he's high maintenance because the fool that got ahold of him probably has to sacrifice A LOT to keep him happy. Money isn't the only thing high maintenance people 'need' to be happy. High maintenance in my opinion also is a control issue. He has to be in control and he is (in his mind) always right. I get the impression you always have to be right too from some of the posts I've seen.

 

[Tumbleweed64]

LOL - At my salon, there are men in there all the time getting pedicure.. Imagine you and him fighting over who gets that massag chair.

LOL, I would win

 

[harmmony]

Rules

I was just reading the "Things Kept 'Til Marriage Thread" in the singles forum....http://www.christianforums.com/t114...l-marriage.html

I thought it was VERY interesting that many posters had "rules" for each step - dating - courtship - engagement - marriage. I'm not even talking about sex because its a given that that should be saved until marriage, but rules concerning things such as saving their first kiss until the wedding day, saying "I love you" on the day you propose, not sitting together frequently, etc.

Anyway, don't get me wrong, I believe in purity and a person knowing their bounderies (especially in terms of temptation) but could we sometimes be sabatoging our efforts by having so many rules or expectations? Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment as well?

Let me know what you think?

I'm not sure that it was meant to be, but I have found most of this discussion highly amusing, in a good way.

Which is pretty much how I feel about all the rules and regulations some people put in place for themselves when dating. It makes you wonder what's the difference between 2 people being friends or in a relationship, if they don't even hold hands or kiss. How do you fall in love with someone you don't spend any time with, or sit with in church, or touch or interact in with in an intimate way (and I'm not saying intimate = sexual either, it can be emotional and spiritual or even physical without being sexual). And while we're at it, hey, why don't we just have arranged marriages if we aren't even going to have any real physical contact with our intended. And the mere idea of holding back 'I love you' until a predetermined time, just unbelievable, sounds like emotional manipulation to me.

I agree with what beauty for Ashes said originally and I agree 100% with the poster who says this is legalism, I think it's legalism gone crazy - dare I say extremism. Can someone please quote the scripture that says - no kissing, hugging, touching, being alone together etc. until marriage. I also noted that most the posters in this forum who had a list of rules were quite young (compared to us 'matures') and may just be a little naive about the real world and relationships in general, just a thought.