Roomate Issues

[Living4Him03]

Last semester my roommate thought I was upset with her. I would come back from classes or volunteering or whatever and feel so tired. So, I was not talkative or really friendly. Also, when I have personal problems going on I am not the type to share them with a roommate whom I do not know well. One night she confronted me and told me she was sick and tired of me. I told her that she does not know me and she shouldn't assume I'm mad at her because I come back to the room and am upset. We sat and talked and seemed to work things out. I assured her that if something is bothering me that has to do with her I will just tell her. Things worked out pretty well for the rest of the semester, I even helped her out when she was sick.

Well, this semester I brought my TV back to the room. She has a tv as well. Our room is kind of small but not so small that two tvs can't work in the room. When she comes in and I am in the room watching tv, she will usually turn hers on and turn it up louder or just sit there and act like she wants to watch something but can't cuz my tv is on. I have no problem with two tv programs going at once. She hasn't mentioned anything, but by the way she is acting I think that ticked her off. I also think she is ticked that I am not that friendly. My intention is not to become great friends. It is to get my degree and get a job and find a church home, etc.! Not that I have to be rude or anything, because I still say hi sometimes and will talk with her at times. However, I am just not that talkative. I also think she is upset because of not being able to have her friends up here when I am studying at night. She is undergrad and I am grad and I have more reading to do. When she wants to have a guy over she will just bring him up here and not tell me about it, even if i'm in a tank top and shorts that are short! But, I don't get mad at her about it. However, if I wanted to bring a guy to visit, I would inform her.

We are very different people and I think she feels like I can't relate to her because I am white and she is black. I know that sounds silly, but I have heard her laugh about me with her guy friend she brings over here sometimes. Sometimes I feel like she wants a black roommate because she just can't relate to me. Anyone have some good advice? Besides talking how can I show I'm trying my best? Sorry this is so long!

 

[Living4Him03]

One thing to add to that, am I being awful to not want to be friendly? Is it wrong to not become friends with her?

 

[fishstix]

The only way you're going to solve any of those problems is by talking it out with her. Let her know what bugs you, ask her what bugs her. Then try to compromise.

 

[JillLars]

Maybe you could try looking for an apartment on your own, living with roomates in the dorms sucks. My fiance figured out that his dorm room was costing him over 1000 dollars a month. You could rent an apartment for a lot less than that. Its just an idea, I understand you not wanting to be all friendly and just wanting to get things done, I am the same way, but I've never lived in the dorms, I don't think I'd handle it very well.

 

[aggie03]

I think there are a great deal of things that Christ said which impact directly on this relationship that you're discussing. I would suggest going back and reading these things, reflecting on them, and then deciding how God wants you to act, not how you want you to act.

I sure that there are many other places, but I'll list what I know off hand in hopes that they might help

Matthew 5:43-48 ASV

Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy: (44) but I say unto you, love your enemies, and pray for them that persecute you; (45) that ye may be sons of your Father who is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sendeth rain on the just and the unjust. (46) For if ye love them that love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? (47) And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the Gentiles the same? (48) Ye therefore shall be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I would really recommend going through and reading the entire "sermon on the mount" several times through. Jesus wasn't preaching lofty idealism, but practical living instructions for those who would call themselves His. If we are to be a Christian, then must live as Christ. Matthew 5,6 and 7 are pretty good illustrations of how that should be done.

There are some other passages as well :

Galatians 5:19-26 ASV

Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, (20) idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties, (21) envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) meekness, self-control; against such there is no law. (24) And they that are of Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with the passions and the lusts thereof. (25) If we live by the Spirit, by the Spirit let us also walk. (26) Let us not become vainglorious, provoking one another, envying one another.

Enmities, strife, wrath...these are things that you should strive in all ways to avoid. I would memorize this passage if you get the chance and haven't done so already - it's a good one

I think you should also keep in mind though, that even if you do all these things it might not fix the problem. You could be the nicest person in the world, showing love and meekness at every opportunity - and your roommate may still strive to find something wrong with you. If that's the case, I really don't know what to do.

I've been in a situation like this before, and God's instructions worked. I'll pray that they work for you as well . In the meantime, read your Bible daily, pray, and meditate on the word of God.

Oh, yeah, it might also be a good idea to sit down with her and actually go through all these things that you're feeling. I can't believe I almost forgot that one . This could just be a simple misunderstanding that a good long chat will clear up. And if you get the chance, take the opportunity to talk with her about God - she may be missing that in her life

Hope some of this helps.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks for the advice, especially Aggie03. I know that she is a Christian or at least claims to be because her Dad is a minister, she has a bible with her that she sometimes reads, and she goes to church on Sundays (although clubbing on Sat. lol). I think she wants to join a sorority or something, so she goes to some of the frat parties. I think she is still mad at me from last semester or is mad about the tvs or something. The thing about being too nice is that you get walked all over. While I respect that she lives here too and I try to make it a good place for her, she has to respect me as well. This morning I slept in late and she acted like she was upset that she had to be quiet so that I could sleep. Last semester when she confronted me she told me that she was upset about having to be so quiet when i was sleeping in til noon (which i don't sleep that late, but anyway). I explained that I never asked her to be more quiet than she already is and that it doesn't bother me. I guess she still thinks that i bothers me. I think I just need to pray about it and read scripture and let her come to me with her concerns, because Im fine, but I feel like she is the one who has some issues with me. I feel like it's her responsibility to speak up and say "hey, i don't like this" ya know? She sure stood up last semester when she was upset! Maybe she thinks I'm mad cuz I'm not friendly. But, how do you explain that you are not mad, just that you aren't very talkative and just don't feel like you have to get to know her?

Living with a roommate is crazy in the dorms, cuz you don't get to choose who you live with, the dorm I live in is cheap, thus really old, and you are thrown into this room with some girl you don't know. I have only had one roommate I had some things in common with lol. There are all kinds of issues that arise. She used to say hello every time she came in the room and bye when she left, but I'm not accustomed to that. It was really fake-ish and I don't know why she says it. She can leave when she pleases and doesn't need me to know that she's gone. Now she has just stopped saying hi, but it seems like she did it because she thinks I am just being rude. Ugh. Oh well, if it gets worse I will just ask if there is something wrong whether with me or if she is dealing with some personal crisis or something. Your prayers would help! Thanks!