Ressentment

[Lord'sWarrior]

Sorry. I'm editing my post. Too much information.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

In short? SIN.

Some have been taught that by making such comments will some how toughen
up a guy and inspire him to do better.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Most people who say or do hurtful things, do so out of their own pain. We may never know how they were hurt, but you can nearly always be sure that they were, and that it is their own "feeling again" that drives them to go on, hurting others.

This is the power of forgiveness. By being able to forgive, you break the power of all that hurt and sin, and enable yourself NOT to pass it along to others, not even in your thoughts. God is pleased, and can heal you just a bit more as a result.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

Most people who say or do hurtful things, do so out of their own pain. We may never know how they were hurt, but you can nearly always be sure that they were, and that it is their own "feeling again" that drives them to go on, hurting others.

This is the power of forgiveness. By being able to forgive, you break the power of all that hurt and sin, and enable yourself NOT to pass it along to others, not even in your thoughts. God is pleased, and can heal you just a bit more as a result.

But can't they see they hurt me? When I hurt someone I ask them to forgive me. And I've done that and asked for forgiveness. Now my voice has been shut. I no longer defend my own views and points so I will not be accused of pushing my views on them. I'm almost broken like you break a horse with a whip.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

But can't they see they hurt me? When I hurt someone I ask them to forgive me. And I've done that and asked for forgiveness. Now my voice has been shut. I no longer defend my own views and points so I will not be accused of pushing my views on them. I'm almost broken like you break a horse with a whip.

My dear brother, I am very sorry that your parents are hurting you.

People who are cruel to others cannot see that they hurt other people.

My father is verbally abusive to me. He is verbally abusive to me because he has inner pain. My grandmother was verbally abusive to my father. She rejected my father. My grandmother's rejection hurt my father very deeply.

I am praying for you, my dear brother.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

My dear brother, I am very sorry that your parents are hurting you.

People who are cruel to others cannot see that they hurt other people.

My father is verbally abusive to me. He is verbally abusive to me because he has inner pain. My grandmother was verbally abusive to my father. She rejected my father. My grandmother's rejection hurt my father very deeply.

I am praying for you, my dear brother.

View attachment 203752

Thanks @Korean-American Christian . I pray that you can walk through it strongly too!
My father didn't have parents and was working alone in the city by the age of 10.
Thanks for all the insights give. A heavy heart is a burdensome thing. I pray to be free of this burden in Jesus name, for me and for all that feel like that.

Blessings!

 

[-Hannah-]

Each member of a family has his role; sometimes this role is defined not as much as the person's real personality but how the family system needs to see that person. Plus, when you want to discuss issues, you are doing it expecting a change. Your intention is good, but one system that already has its equilibrium will fight against change. What seems so simple for you might be difficult for others. For instance, something might have happened to your Father that justifies his behavior towards you; when you want to question his behavior you might be asking him to revisit life events that he is not prepared to revisit. Another example, that goes in other direction: when a problematic kid starts to change his behavior willingly, as soon as his grades go up and he is learning self-discipline, parents start to make his life harder, they get upset with his focus, they start to entice him with distractions. His role within their system is changing, his parents don't want to do the update (it would imply unwanted change for them), he is alone in his growth. Almost everyone had to learn to lower their expectations, regarding parents. You can substitute resentment with compassion. Maturity will help a lot.

God will fulfill your needs. Look in the right source; don't expect anything from anybody, as each person has their learning process and we have no idea in what stage they are and how our expectations will affect them.
God knows you, He was there with you when you listened to those hurtful things, He is taking care of you. He is the one who brings relief.

(Um olá de Santa Cruz, Torres Vedras.)

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

My dear brother, I am very sorry that your parents are hurting you.

People who are cruel to others cannot see that they hurt other people.

My father is verbally abusive to me. He is verbally abusive to me because he has inner pain. My grandmother was verbally abusive to my father. She rejected my father. My grandmother's rejection hurt my father very deeply.

I am praying for you, my dear brother.

View attachment 203752

Anyway. What one goes through shouldn't be the burden of another man, specially of a son. I always try to justify his actions when they don't have any excuse. When a person has their life settled and the other lives at their expenses, then the latter will be subjected to oppression. I speak only in my case. I cannot free myself. And being ill doesn't work on my favor.

And probably I'm just saying all of this out of anger. So you probably should dismiss most of it.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

Each member of a family has his role; sometimes this role is defined not as much as the person's real personality but how the family system needs to see that person. Plus, when you want to discuss issues, you are doing it expecting a change. Your intention is good, but one system that already has its equilibrium will fight against change. What seems so simple for you might be difficult for others. For instance, something might have happened to your Father that justifies his behavior towards you; when you want to question his behavior you might be asking him to revisit life events that he is not prepared to revisit. Another example, that goes in other direction: when a problematic kid starts to change his behavior willingly, as soon as his grades go up and he is learning self-discipline, parents start to make his life harder, they get upset with his focus, they start to entice him with distractions. His role within their system is changing, his parents don't want to do the update (it would imply unwanted change for them), he is alone in his growth. Almost everyone had to learn to lower their expectations, regarding parents. You can substitute resentment with compassion. Maturity will help a lot.

God will fulfill your needs. Look in the right source; don't expect anything from anybody, as each person has their learning process and we have no idea in what stage they are and how our expectations will affect them.
God knows you, He was there with you when you listened to those hurtful things, He is taking care of you. He is the one who brings relief.

(Um olá de Santa Cruz, Torres Vedras.)

Thanks. It means a lot.

(Um abraço de Cascais)

 

[-Hannah-]

A good summary of family dynamics is found in Koestler's "The Invisible Writing":

«Family relations pertain in a plane where the ordinary rules of judgment and conduct do not apply. There are a labyrinth of tensions, quarrels and reconciliations, whose logic is self-contradictory, whose ethics stem from a cozy jungle, and whose values and criteria are distorted like the curved space of a self-contained universe. It is a universe saturated with memories — but memories from which no lessons are drawn; saturated with a past which provides no guidance to the future. For in this universe, after each crisis and reconciliation, time always starts fresh and history is always in the year zero.»

 

[~Anastasia~]

But can't they see they hurt me? When I hurt someone I ask them to forgive me. And I've done that and asked for forgiveness. Now my voice has been shut. I no longer defend my own views and points so I will not be accused of pushing my views on them. I'm almost broken like you break a horse with a whip.

Prayers for you.

They may not see that they have hurt you. People are often blinded, seeing things only from their own perspective.

But this is why we must try to forgive, even if they aren't sorry. Otherwise, our healing is held hostage until their healing is complete, and what if they never change? You don't want to be in bondage to your resentments all your life, or allow them to come between you and God and prevent Him from helping you.

Know that God is able and willing to help. The first step is just a desire to forgive. You won't have to do it on your own, and it may take time. That's ok. But it is very important to be willing and desire to forgive. Even if they are never open to hearing your side, and never apologize. But do know that you have the help of God to do so, no matter how long it takes.

 

[Korean-American Christian]

Anyway. What one goes through shouldn't be the burden of another man, specially of a son. I always try to justify his actions when they don't have any excuse. When a person has their life settled and the other lives at their expenses, then the latter will be subjected to oppression. I speak only in my case. I cannot free myself. And being ill doesn't work on my favor.

And probably I'm just saying all of this out of anger. So you probably should dismiss most of it.

My dear brother, I do not dismiss anything that you say.

I'm very very sorry that you are being oppressed.

I am praying for you, my dear brother