What you're describing is pretty common and it happens because of Christians not having their needs met, and being taught sound Christian doctrine
The problem you have is not resentful thoughts – the problem is you're not experiencing God's love, you need deliverance ministry, you need healing of your heart wounds, and loving intimate healthy relationship with a marriage partner if you're the sort of desires intimacy, or at least benevolent agape type love with loving Christian friends for that minority of people or not the sort who desire intimacy .
The churches havecdone a terrible thing of word cursing each other, that is when things are said in the faith that have the affect of discouraging each other, dismissing each other's human needs, or making eachother feel condemned or hopeless about finding a spouse.
Also sound doctrine is rarely being taught, and effective deliverance ministry is almost unheard of. So the majority of Christians, even though they inwardly want a good connection with God and want to be experiencing Holiness and not be struggling with sexual sin, and want to be having their human needs met (such as their intimacy needs) in the only manner acceptable to God (of marriage), are instead being traumatized by bad doctrine and tortured by demons.
Tragically, when this is explained to many of the saints, they often resist the Spirit and the Word and will even persecute the person saying it.
Christians need a loving comforting relationship with God through the indwelling Holy Spirit, and to be out of sin and walking in Holiness, and for most Christians this requires deliverance, inner healing of heart wounds, and a healthy marriage is also extremely helpful for most Christians wherein the husband and wife do not deprive each other of intimacy.
Sound doctrine should be taught and practiced in the churches as well which includes many more things like as described in 2corinthians 6 and elsewhere, breaking all unbelieving friendships and coming out and being separate from the world, protecting the flock from wolves, Advancing the Gospel outwardly to the heavy laden and the poor in spirit from there. Christian should be meeting each other's love needs and finding marriage partners and most Christians, because we cannot thrive in unbelieving relationships.
Then when we understand what Christian life is and what churches he should be doing to help prevent each other from collapsing (which is what it sounds like you are experiencing right now, is a collapsed and overwhelmed and backslidden state), and then we take a look around and realize what's going on in the churches instead (as well as the surrounding sexually degenerate culture) then we understand what Jesus meant when he said many false prophets will rise up and the love of many will grow cold and those who stand firm to the end will be saved
But that said, we can still have a good outcome, and the best outcome possible for us. I see no reason why we shouldn't be able to have a positive relationship with God, be useful in advancing the Gospel, be walking in Holiness, and find a good marriage, and our other human needs met.
But I can say that there's no chance at all of that if we're not connected to other Christians who understand what's going on, that deliverance is necessary, and that love and encouragement are necessary, sound doctrine is necessary, and that those who struggle with their intimacy needs being unmet should be greatly encouraged about finding marriage partners .
The starting point, whether talking about an individual Christian, or a whole church, is confessing out sins to God and having true repentance and being washed and regenerated to the renewal of the Holy Ghost, ask God to reset you.
There are times where I feel so abandoned by God. Like He's there but would rather watch me squirm and suffer than rescue me. I have questioned God and had thoughts of cursing Him and giving up trying. It's such an uphill battle for me. Like trying to climb a mountain with my feet chained to two trucks. It's hard not to feel like 1984. Like I had one bad thought. I did one bad thing that started everything and now it's the ministry of love for me with O'Brien. I wish I thought of God the same way I did as a kid but.... I have no idea if I'm saved, if I was ever saved. I grew up thinking I only needed to fear evil and now that God is the ultimate terror I feel like I have unhealthy images of Him. I know I have to keep fighting but I feel so rejected by God. If He has rejected me it is because I am evil but how do I get out of these unhealthy views?
