Reps for Groan Ups

[drstevej]

Here's the deal. Post your corny one liners. If you read one and groan, you owe the person a rep.

 

[drstevej]

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

[drstevej]

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

[ctay]

How can you stop a skunk from smelling??




















Hold its nose.

 

[drstevej]

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 

[Nadiine]

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

 

[sweetMelody]

why did the turkey get invited to play in the band?















he had the drumsticks!!!

 

[drstevej]

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

 

[drstevej]

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

[Chaplain David]

take what you want but eat what you take

 

[Chaplain David]

you're not leaving this table until you clean up that plate

 

[Chaplain David]

A peanut walks into a police station to make a complaint claiming he was a salted.

 

[Chaplain David]

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

 

[Chaplain David]

A sandwich walks into a bar, The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here".

 

[Chaplain David]

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road".

 

[Chaplain David]

What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh!

 

[sweetMelody]

good Ones!

 

[ctay]

I suppose you've heard the one about Gandhi? We all know about Gandhi but did you know he walked barefoot everywhere, such that he had the most tremendous callouses on his feet? And when he wasn't on hunger strike he didn't actually eat very much, but if he did he was a vegetarian. So he wasn't a big man, but the vegetarian diet gave him a mild case of bad breath. But despite his frailty, he was obviously a man of great strength and spirituality.


Anyway, he came to be known as "the super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis".

 

[drstevej]

A man who lived on the beach purchased two porpoises. The person selling them told him that they were special porpoises and if he would feed them seagulls every day they would live forever.

The man put the porpoises in his pool and every morning went to the beach, shot a few gulls, and fed them to the porpoises.

One day a lion escaped from a nearby zoo and wandered to the man's house and fell asleep in front of the gate leading into the porpoise pool.

When the man came to feed the porpoises he saw the lion. He was in a quandary. If he did not feed the porpoises they would die; If he woke up the lion he might die. After mulling it over he decided he had to risk it.

So he quietly stepped over the lion. As soon as he stepped over the lion he was arrested.

What the Man charged with?

Transporting gulls across an escaped lion for immortal porpoises.

The Mann Act made it a felony to transport or aid in the transportation of a woman in interstate or foreign commerce “for the purpose of prostitution or debauchery, or for any other immoral purpose, or with the intent and purpose to induce, entice, or compel such woman or girl” to immoral acts. (i.e. Transporting girls across a state line for immoral purposes.)

 

[sweetMelody]

What do you call a Snowman in the tropics?

Puddles.