Remarriage Question

[McScribe]

Does anyone but me get sick and tired of hearing about the statistics, being offered in such a solemn way? Like being told that a second marriage has a poorer chance, that it is all simply awful? It's very discouraging. In fact it seems like there's almost nothing out there encouraging you to try and do well.

 

[actionsub]

Especially after they tell you that if you're divorced, your chances of heart attack, cancer, stroke, etc. go up and your life expectancy goes down.

Go figure.

I just try to remind myself that God is bigger than statistics.

 

[McScribe]

Yeah, tell me about it. And that your stepkids are likely to be failures and need shrinks for the rest of their lives.

That's a good reminder. I'm looking for sites that ARE encouraging. I think we could probably all use some.

 

[chaz345]

Don't personalize the statistics. Resolve to be in the group that does have a good outcome. You know what it takes to have a good marriage so just go do it.

The reason that second marriages tend to fail more often is that we're talking about people who didn't either know or didn't do what it takes to have a good marriage the first time, and given the "it's all the other person's fault" mentality that many divorcing people either start with or are pushed into by the divorce process, it's not likely that very many will learn from their mistakes. Some can though.

 

[dorig59]

I'm with you on this, McScribe. In addition to what you said, there are people in the Church that act like if you're divorced and, God forbid, married again, you're surely hell bound. I'd say God is a lot bigger than that.

 

[Easyk]

sin is from you as far as the east is from the west (pritty long way) and he forgets as he states when you ask for forgiveness.

 

[dorig59]

That's true, Easy. Divorce is just not some kind of unpardonable sin, like many other areas that some people get all hung up on.

 

[McScribe]

I agree that I probably shouldn't personalize the statistics, but in a way it's like hearing racist political statements that weren't meant to offend you. So I think Dori is right; it seems to make people uncomfortable.

 

[Luther073082]

Not that I'm divorced so I may not see it all, or perhaps maybe I just don't notice. But I've never gotten that impression from the churchs I have attended.

The only difference I'm aware of is my current denomination (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) does not typically allow men who have been divorced to become pastors. (I belive there are exceptions made on a case to case basis.)

Outside of that I've never heard of or seen divorcee's being treated as second class Christians. Remarried or not.

 

[Pompa Mike]

I don't know, I was divorced almost 9 years ago, in some way's my life is better and in some my life is worse, I'm not sure if I can place any of the good or bad on being divorced.

 

[McScribe]

Kind of a big deal Luther. It implies that you are therefore unworthy.

 

[Pompa Mike]

Kind of a big deal Luther. It implies that you are therefore unworthy.

I'm not sure if I understand. You mean it says that if you are divorced you are unworthy?

 

[Luther073082]

There is a group of Christians, (I not among them) that tend to belive that if one divorces and remarries. (Especially without any adultry during the first marriage) That the person who is remarrying is committing adultry every time they go home to their new spouse.

Now personally I think if that is the case, a church shouldn't even remarry in the first place. And some churchs don't.

Divorce is a tough subject, I think if a divorcee wants to become a pastor, the candidate committee needs to look at why the divorce happened and if said divorce took place before one's conversion to Christianity. And if they where repentant for the sins they had committed in leading to that.

 

[McScribe]

I'm not sure if I understand. You mean it says that if you are divorced you are unworthy?

According to what Luther said about Lutheran church leadership yes.

Christianity has centuries of wasted time worrying about crap like this while people are dying of disease hunger and war in the world.

 

[Pompa Mike]

There is a group of Christians, (I not among them) that tend to belive that if one divorces and remarries. (Especially without any adultry during the first marriage) That the person who is remarrying is committing adultry every time they go home to their new spouse.

Now personally I think if that is the case, a church shouldn't even remarry in the first place. And some churchs don't.

Divorce is a tough subject, I think if a divorcee wants to become a pastor, the candidate committee needs to look at why the divorce happened and if said divorce took place before one's conversion to Christianity. And if they where repentant for the sins they had committed in leading to that.

I'm sort of lost in this situation myself. I was married for 21 years, I've been divorced for 9. Long story short, My ex wife gave me her reasons for leaving, but the reality is that she was seeing another man and moved in with him and less than 5 months after our divorce was final they were married. Since my divorce I've sort of been bothered by the whole mess. I actually liked being married, I like women but I don't think I could remarry. Divorce hit me pretty hard.

 

[McScribe]

I can understand that. Of course it can be very painful and unpleasant.

 

[dorig59]

Not that I'm divorced so I may not see it all, or perhaps maybe I just don't notice. But I've never gotten that impression from the churchs I have attended.

The only difference I'm aware of is my current denomination (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) does not typically allow men who have been divorced to become pastors. (I belive there are exceptions made on a case to case basis.)

Outside of that I've never heard of or seen divorcee's being treated as second class Christians. Remarried or not.

When my husband was getting divorced, the people in the church he was going to at the time bombarded him with phone calls and emails telling him he was going to go to hell if he divorced, plus any manner of other horrible things would happen to him. We've been married almost seven years and God only blesses us continually. I am so humbled by that. He is SO good!

 

[dorig59]

I'm sort of lost in this situation myself. I was married for 21 years, I've been divorced for 9. Long story short, My ex wife gave me her reasons for leaving, but the reality is that she was seeing another man and moved in with him and less than 5 months after our divorce was final they were married. Since my divorce I've sort of been bothered by the whole mess. I actually liked being married, I like women but I don't think I could remarry. Divorce hit me pretty hard.

I understand, too. I was married for 22 years with six kids. Great marriage, really, until he went through one of those mid-life crisis things you hear about. Things were never the same again, I could never trust him again and things just fell apart. While I'm very happy now, I will never understand why he threw everything away like that.

 

[dorig59]

According to what Luther said about Lutheran church leadership yes.

Christianity has centuries of wasted time worrying about crap like this while people are dying of disease hunger and war in the world.

Your statement here, McScribe, is SO good and really gets to the point. So silly to waste time thinking about people getting divorced or how people dress or how you wear your hair or if you homeschool or not or what movies you go to, etc, etc, etc. The older I get, the more I realize the freedom and GRACE we have in Him. Now I'm not talking about being able to freely sin or anything like that, I'm just saying that many of these things are legalistic notions that distract us from the true matters at hand. You know?

 

[Pompa Mike]

I understand, too. I was married for 22 years with six kids. Great marriage, really, until he went through one of those mid-life crisis things you hear about. Things were never the same again, I could never trust him again and things just fell apart. While I'm very happy now, I will never understand why he threw everything away like that.

I can sure relate to that. I am happy today too, But there are a couple of things that really bounce my mind every now and then. Like you, I do not understand why she threw everything away like that. The other thing that gets me is how very blind I was to the situation that was right in front of me. I just didn't see it.