Remain or Not

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

I don't mean to sound like a dork, but "getting drawn back to her" is a choice you're making too.

You have choices and a freewill.
God bless you.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

What will it take to save your marriage, and your soul? Would you consider switching jobs / moving to get yourself physically away from her? I'm married to a man, and have to fight some days to not walk out the door, and keep things together. How much easier might it be said to be to simply hang up the phone on a person in your life? If I can stay married, you can break this off, and say "no". Not through self's ability or will power, but in the power and strength that Christ Crucified gives us. Look at love; what does it look like?Usually not like getting our way, living happily ever after by the world's standards, or getting to a place where our lives look like what we want them to. Quite the opposite, man. But if we make serious efforts cut out distractions, trust in Christ, and let Him weed our lives, we'll make it.

You can do this. Fleeing the Church is not going to save you, help you stop sinning, or save your marriage.

 

[Open Heart]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

I am sympathetic. I fell in love with someone when I was married too. It's very, very difficult to make a clean break. It has to be absolute. No contact whatsoever. The moment you look at one text, you're history. You've got to block the number, the website, etc.

SLAA. Get in touch.

 

[Goatee]

Thanks people.

Divorce is happening. Half way through it now.

I dont want another relationship too. I am just all mixed up emotionally and physically.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Thanks people.

Divorce is happening. Half way through it now.

I dont want another relationship too. I am just all mixed up emotionally and physically.

I am so sorry.... Is your wife willing to stay with you? This is incredibly sad. It's a marriage, friend. Truly, it's not easy. But she will always be your wife, just like my husband will always be my husband. Please, trust in the selfless and immaculate heart of Mary, and seek her assistance in this matter. Nothing is impossible, and everyone can become a great saint. You have people on here who care for you very much, too. Please, seek spiritual help and counseling on this issue, if you haven't already; please don't shrink away from the Church and try to handle your life alone.

 

[Open Heart]

Divorce is happening. Half way through it now.

Oh, I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sorry.

My friend, you are in an ADDICTIVE relationship. SLAA. For me, the reason I fell for someone else is that my husband withdrew his love for me, and it was like a vacuum in my heart, aching to be filled. Not having someone else illicitly meant living with constant pain.

 

[pdudgeon]

Thanks people.

Divorce is happening. Half way through it now.

I dont want another relationship too. I am just all mixed up emotionally and physically.

divorce can be stopped at any time up until the final decree. if you're half way through there is still time to back off. if your wife instigated it, do whatever is necessary to get her to withdraw the case.
You can do this and save the marriage-- you are not without power in this matter--but you have to act on it decisively.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

Peace be with you, Goatee.

Call upon these Saints to assist you in your struggles. They will understand you. Petition them everyday.


You pray to St. Mary of Egypt to petition for you to the Blessed Virgin Mary.


You also pray to St. Angela of Foligno to petition for you to St. Francis of Assisi.


You do this everyday. Treat Salvation like a Necessity. Do it while you are living.


I will pray for you as well, Goatee.


St. Mary of Egypt: Prostitute
St. Mary became a prostitute at age 12 and engaged in the “oldest profession” for over 17 years until her dramatic conversion. It occurred during a pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Exultation of the Holy Cross. She had joined the pilgrimage merely to seek out more customers but decided that she wanted to see the relic of the cross the pilgrims were venerating. She tried to enter the church but a mysterious force kept her from crossing the threshold. Seeing a statue of the Virgin Mary, she begged for forgiveness and promised to renounce her sinful life if she could enter the church. She was able to do so and turned away from prostitution. She became a desert hermit, fasting, praying and living alone for 47 years. St. Mary is the patron saint against sexual temptations. Her feast day is April 1st.


Mary of Egypt - Wikipedia



St. Angela of Foligno: Vain, Materialistic Adulteress
St. Angela was recently canonized by Pope Francis, but she spent most of her life seeking wealth, material possessions and pleasure. Angela was born into a wealthy Italian family and married a man of high social standing. She had several children but was more interested in acquiring wealth and status then caring for her family. At around age 40, she experienced a conversion and realized how empty and shallow her life had become. Sadly, just three years later, Angela’s mother, husband and children died. She sold all her worldly possessions and joined a secular Franciscan order, founding a women’s religious group to serve the poor. St. Angela is the patron saint of widows. Her feast day is celebrated on January 8th.


A Life of Wealth, Sex and Vanity

St. Angela of Foligno (c.1248-1309) was beautiful, wealthy, and vain. As a rich man’s wife she wallowed in luxury. Her passions were expensive clothes and flashy jewels, extravagant meals and rare wines. She dressed and acted in ways that would provoke envy among women and sexual desire among men. When she was not indulging herself, she spent hours gossiping with her friends and maligning her neighbors.

In her autobiography Angela discloses that in 1285 she did something so bad that for the first time in her life she began to live in fear of Hell. Her biographers speculate that Angela committed adultery, and given the intensity of her guilt and shame that seems likely.

Near despair, she prayed to St. Francis of Assisi to help her. As Angela prayed the saint appeared to her. “Sister,” St. Francis said, “if you would have asked me sooner I would have complied with your request sooner. Nonetheless, your request is granted.” That same day Angela offered a sincere confession to a priest.

As she stepped from the shadowy interior of the church into the bright sunlight of the piazza, Angela resolved to begin a new life. She sold her fine clothes and jewels to relieve the suffering of Foligno’s poor. After the death of her husband, she gave away all her wealth, associated herself with the Franciscans, and with a handful of other holy women dedicated herself to tending the poor and the sick.

St. Angela’s life teaches us a timeless lesson about our weakness and God’s mercy. All that he requires is that we repent and make a sincere effort to do better in the future.


Angela of Foligno - Wikipedia


God bless you, Goatee.

 

[Open Heart]

Goatee:

I don't usually petition saints on a daily basis. I bring them out when I am really battling something big. Here are my two mainstays:

St. Jude -- Patron Saint of Lost Causes. I ask for his prayers when I feel like there is just no hope, when I am despairing. Being ensnared by a sin would be an example of that.

St. Michael -- When I feel that I'm not just sinning, but really trapped in a sin, that Satan is working overtime, I need someone to really kick some demonic butt. I need someone in my corner who will at least reduce the temptation to my biology or whatever, without those powers and principalities adding their pressure.

 

[Stabat Mater dolorosa]

Walk with Mary is my advice to all who find themselves struggling.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

Have you gone to confession yet? Or have you stopped being a Catholic, thinking that somehow you can avoid the truth and it will all turn out OK somehow. You clearly know you are at a decision point.

 

[Open Heart]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

Time has passed. How are things going?

 

[Goatee]

Time has passed. How are things going?

Not good. I failed again this week! Twice! I am so gutted.

 

[brinny]

Tried.......extremely difficult. I always get drawn back to her.

Thanks.

I hate myself.

She's your kryptonite, mon.

Runnnnnnnnnnn, mon, runnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!

Yer addicted to "pretty poison".

Run fer yer life.

Contact the sex addict resource that was mentioned earlier. You gotta get some remedial support from others who understand the struggle.

THEY are life (through God...He uses them mightily)

She = death.

Praying for you brother, and stop hatin' on yerself...that's part of why you do this, so you can hate on yerself some more afterwards.

 

[Tomm]

Those sins might be a consequence of long time bad habits. Perhaps you are
so used to them that you didn't know they were bad habits.
What you need to do is to cultivate good habits that help you counter
them.

 

[Open Heart]

Not good. I failed again this week! Twice! I am so gutted.

I am so sorry. As you can see, I have not forgotten you. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Goatee]

I am so sorry. As you can see, I have not forgotten you. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so so kindly. I love you lot on these awesome forums.

Its not a consequence of bad habits.

I have only ever been with one woman in my whole life...........until i met this other lady who i had known for 6 years or so.

Marriage was falling rapidly. Wife has said many many times that she has no feelings for me. This for at least 10 years. Wife and I only made love once in 10 years and that was almost 10 years ago.

We are getting divorced. Three quarters of the way through it now.

I am not a sex addict.

 

[Open Heart]

Thank you so so kindly. I love you lot on these awesome forums.

Its not a consequence of bad habits.

I have only ever been with one woman in my whole life...........until i met this other lady who i had known for 6 years or so.

Marriage was falling rapidly. Wife has said many many times that she has no feelings for me. This for at least 10 years. Wife and I only made love once in 10 years and that was almost 10 years ago.

We are getting divorced. Three quarters of the way through it now.

I am not a sex addict.

I see. So it is more like you existed in a vaccuum for love, and this other woman met that need. I understand. I've been there, I sure have.

If your wife has deprived you of sex for ten years and says she doesn't love you, then it sounds like divorce may be the best thing. Good luck on that, and the annulment process.

It could very well be that being with this woman is simply premature. Sins are not original. They are doing what is right at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person, or for the wrong reason.

Don't give up. It won't always be this rough. And it is rough right now because you are a man of conscience. Do you realize that most men would do exactly what you are doing and wouldn't blink twice? It says something very good about your character that you are concerned about this.

 

[Goatee]

Not looking for annulment.

 

[Open Heart]

Not looking for annulment.

Wow. You are dedicated. But you are putting yourself into a tight spot. I will continue praying for you. You have a rough road ahead of you. It can be done; it's just a really hard, long road.

I really messed up when my husband and I were breaking up, and for a while after my divorce. I worried about hell. I felt ashamed and stopped going to church, which looking back was a big mistake--I really fell into decadence for many years. I convinced myself that everyone was rottenl But I eventually just hated who I had become enough that I was willing to give it to God completely--I had met a man who was virtuous and he gave me back my hope. I repented and changed with the help of God's grace. I've been celibate ever since, which has been 17 years now.

Because you are a man of conscience, I know you are a good person. Eventually with God's help this will be overcome.