Relationships

[mike116]

Hi! Im new, first post! Since Ive been saved, Ive been wanting to date ONLY equally yoked followers. Problem is, yet they claim to be a follower, their actions speak otherwise. It seems they are more eager to hit the sack than living Gods Word. I now believe in sex after marriage. Is there anyone out there that have gone down this road and actually found success? Ive been holding out on dating just for this reason. IS there any relationships here that are God-centerd? Is this possible or am I just having high standards? Thanks and sorry if this is posted in the wrong topic.
Mike116

 

[xfullbeliever777x]

Hi everyone. .Ok well im not to sure if Im doing this right probably not but I want to start a thread based on relationships between cousins. When Im talking about relationships, I'm referring to Love type relationships. Oh and before you read on this is not based on my own personal life, I have a few friends who are in relationships between their 1st and 2nd cousins. I have read Leviticus 18 but what I know of Leviticus is it to be very straight forward as well as a book of law. Every other scripture that I get lead to does not go against the relationship between cousins yet it does mention other family members for example son and step mother involving themselves in a relationship. The reason for this question is purely based on the fact that because I can't find anything to state otherwise I do not see these relationships as a biblical problem. .

 

[TheGuide]

Hi! Im new, first post! Since Ive been saved, Ive been wanting to date ONLY equally yoked followers. Problem is, yet they claim to be a follower, their actions speak otherwise. It seems they are more eager to hit the sack than living Gods Word. I now believe in sex after marriage. Is there anyone out there that have gone down this road and actually found success? Ive been holding out on dating just for this reason. IS there any relationships here that are God-centerd? Is this possible or am I just having high standards? Thanks and sorry if this is posted in the wrong topic.
Mike116

There are certain men in the church who are there because the women are easy pry. These men know women are looking for mates and, thus, are vulnerable. Church isn't the only place to meet Godly men, so widen your scope to include a fun course or social club. Also, when you find him, enjoy your friendship first and see where that goes. If it blooms into love then consider that he, like the men you've encountered, may become anxious to go further. Which is why I frown on a planned-out wedding that may not happen for months (or even a year). Just because women can wait don't mean men can or even want to. So if he proposes elope, then plan a blow-out party complete with a wedding dress and photographer.

 

[Zoe of Elyon]

Hi Mike! As a newlywed who waited until her wedding night (as did my husband - he is the only man I ever dated but he had a girlfriend or two before we met), I can tell you that there are girls out there who share your convictions. Unfortunately, they are a lot fewer than they were 30 or 40 years ago. But I happen to know there are a lot of girls who are asking the same question you are.

It is good that you have high standards! Don't ever lower them, and don't date a girl who doesn't share your convictions. Now, maybe you meet a girl who made mistakes in her past but wants to do things God's way now; that's different (at least that's what I think).

I waited a long time to meet my husband. Sometimes I wondered if the man of my dreams could possibly exist. We met on a message board (not this one), he transferred to my college, and we started dating. (By the way, Christian colleges are literally the place good Christian girls go to get their "MRS.") Six years later and we're coming up on our first anniversary! My husband was 29 when we got married, not much older than you I see.

God has a plan for you. He knows exactly what kind of girl you need, and He knows how to bring you together. God bless you, brother.

 

[Zoe of Elyon]

Hi everyone. .Ok well im not to sure if Im doing this right probably not but I want to start a thread based on relationships between cousins. When Im talking about relationships, I'm referring to Love type relationships. Oh and before you read on this is not based on my own personal life, I have a few friends who are in relationships between their 1st and 2nd cousins. I have read Leviticus 18 but what I know of Leviticus is it to be very straight forward as well as a book of law. Every other scripture that I get lead to does not go against the relationship between cousins yet it does mention other family members for example son and step mother involving themselves in a relationship. The reason for this question is purely based on the fact that because I can't find anything to state otherwise I do not see these relationships as a biblical problem. .

Hi Believer, to start a new thread, go to a forum section where you think this topic will fit and click the "new thread" button.

 

[Thaddeusintokyo]

I share your pain... I wish I had married someone more open to spiritual matters

 

[brittany111]

Being a girl who sometimes wonders the same things. I must say that Zoe has given you some good advise. My desire is to find a man with a heart after God's and I refuse to back down on that. I would rather be single than married to someone who does not share the same beliefs that I do.

 

[adelgal]

Recently dated a christian man. yes i am a christian woman with a past but wanting to do the right thing in regards to not having sex before marriage now that i have returned to god.
all i have discovered how can you compete for a christian man when he can have the perfect virginal christian girl who is not damaged goods or has never put a foot wrong and of course comes from the perfect christian home.
lets face it i am damaged goods with a past from a dysfunctional background. cmon christian men out there of course you would pick the perfect christian woman. when he finished with me my thought was god does not even think i am good enough for a christian man. no point and given up wishing for a christian man as they are judgemental and dont see you as wife material.
stick with the perfect girls then ok and if you feel we are not good enough due to being damaged goods then please dont lead us on.

 

[Zoe of Elyon]

Adelgal, you are not "damaged goods" any more than every human being on the face of the earth is - we've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and we are all saved by grace alone. And this is something a lot of people don't realize, but I'm pretty sure most families have some level of dysfunction in them. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church all my life, and even went to a Christian school and a Christian college, but that didn't cover the fact that my upbringing left me with huge scars I had to deal with later, or the fact that my dad left my mom while I was in college.

Now, if this guy you dated was really leading you on, dating you with no intention of ever marrying you, that was a huge error on his part and I hope he will one day realize what a terrible thing that was for him to do. On the other hand, for myself, I don't think at 19 (the age I started dating) I would have been able to date, say, somebody who was divorced or widowed, simply because those life experiences were so far beyond me that I would not have had the same level of maturity as somebody who had been through one of those situations. I think we all have different needs at different stages of our lives, and God can guide us to the right person for whatever stage we are in.

My cousin had a baby when she was 17. The guy she was with at the time was a drug addict (I don't know, maybe he still is) and unfaithful to her, and when he eventually asked her to marry him she said no. Now she's engaged to a guy who is a Christian - who has also made similar mistakes in his life but seems to be on the right path now - and who sounds like a really great guy. She had to wait a little longer than she wanted - her daughter is now 7, and she thought that while she had a kid no guy would ever consider marrying her - but she found the right guy at last and I'm so happy for her.

Some people out there are not worth dating, for one reason or another. And that doesn't necessarily apply only to those who are bad people. I'm sure there are some people out there who are perfectly nice good people, that are still not worth dating because you know from the beginning that it won't work out. Obviously you don't know whether you'll end up marrying a person when you just start dating them, but on the other hand, if you know in advance that you wouldn't marry a person, it's foolish to go out with them.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but the point is, don't give up or lower your standards just because you dated one guy who was a jerk.

 

[Sketcher]

Hi! Im new, first post! Since Ive been saved, Ive been wanting to date ONLY equally yoked followers. Problem is, yet they claim to be a follower, their actions speak otherwise. It seems they are more eager to hit the sack than living Gods Word. I now believe in sex after marriage. Is there anyone out there that have gone down this road and actually found success? Ive been holding out on dating just for this reason. IS there any relationships here that are God-centerd? Is this possible or am I just having high standards? Thanks and sorry if this is posted in the wrong topic.
Mike116

I haven't yet, but I know believers who made a commitment to purity before marriage, and got married afterwards. If you consider that a success story, there you go. Of course, the story doesn't end at marriage, the realistic way to look at it is that's when the challenge really begins.

My advice to you is to keep seeking to grow in the Lord, do all the right things - get mentored by a truly Godly man, involve yourself in service, learn the Bible, actively pray and seek God in all you do. And don't compromise on what's important about a woman. So many people lose track of that and get together with a woman who isn't saved, or who is saved but not practicing. That's never a good idea, no matter how attractive she is at first.

Recently dated a christian man. yes i am a christian woman with a past but wanting to do the right thing in regards to not having sex before marriage now that i have returned to god.
all i have discovered how can you compete for a christian man when he can have the perfect virginal christian girl who is not damaged goods or has never put a foot wrong and of course comes from the perfect christian home.
lets face it i am damaged goods with a past from a dysfunctional background. cmon christian men out there of course you would pick the perfect christian woman. when he finished with me my thought was god does not even think i am good enough for a christian man. no point and given up wishing for a christian man as they are judgemental and dont see you as wife material.
stick with the perfect girls then ok and if you feel we are not good enough due to being damaged goods then please dont lead us on.

I agree with not leading anybody on, that's dishonesty. Christians are not to be dishonest. What I suggest to you is to be very honest - not saying you fall short of that now, but lots of Christian women, virgins or not, fall well short of what it means to be honest, so you can set yourself apart from the pack that way. If you've had a bad upbringing, I recommend that you get proper Christian counseling to help you heal. Whether or not you do marry, that will benefit you. And if you do, your husband would appreciate that. The fact is, there are a lot of Christian men out there who will happily overlook your past. What they pay attention to is how you treat them in the present.

 

[Bouke285]

Jesus has a thing for losers ;D

 

[Eishiba]

I know its hard to not worry about these things but I'd say just sit back and let God find you someone. Pray daily about it. He knows your heart and your desires. I'm sure he is building the right man or woman for you. In fact, that very person might be wondering if God has someone for them as well.

 

[adelgal]

Since my last post things have turned around positively. A good friend out of the blue suggested I get in contact witht the christian man I was seeing. I was quite surprised by my friend's advise as they had been quite vocal and honest that I was best rid of this person. My friend reminded me that I was missing this person and what harm would it do to be in contact even just to say hello. Anyway nothing to lose! So after some thinking I decided to write a email to "john" ( not his real name!). I received a lovely reply that he was also missing our frienship and never intended to cause me any hurt and would love to catch up for coffee! Since then we have swapped email letters and talked about being friends. He is encouraging me to do the Alpha course and is more than happy to get the information for me for the next course coming up. I dont know what is going to happen with our friendship but I do know that God is there somewhere. I am scared but God is there to give reassurance and help. Thankyou for the prayers of support.