I
InTheFlame
Guest
Jason - praying for you.
You seem pretty mixed up at the moment. Your desires and God's will are getting kinda confused.
A friend of mine was having trouble with drinking. He knew he was drinking too much, too often, but found he really couldn't stop the behaviour. So he prayed, and asked God for help, to take the desire to drink too much away from him. God did, that night... and he's never had a problem since.
Now let's look at my experience. I was borderline alcoholic and only realised it when I decided to join the Salvation Army - which involved giving up alcohol. I craved it so badly... for about a year. Every time I walked past a bottle shop I wanted to go in and buy alcohol. Every time I felt down, I wanted to go get something alcoholic to drink. I prayed so hard for God to take those desires away. He didn't. He let me go through them, even though I'm VERY sure he didn't want me to go back to alcoholism!
So what am I trying to say? God doesn't always intervene to take away desires for something he doesn't approve of. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he expects us to recognise them as wrong and seek his help in working through them. I suspect it has to do with letting us deal with as much as he knows we're capable of dealing with, with his help. So just because God hasn't taken away your desire for a romantic relationship with this person, doesn't mean it's what he wants for you. And an additional point - if you pray 'God, please take these feelings away from me!' and then deliberately lapse into daydreams about a person... you're not co-operating whole-heartedly with God.
So, first off, let's look at your problem. You're 'in love' with your female friend.
Well, one positive is that she IS a friend... she's someone who's at least partially compatible with you, otherwise you wouldn't be friends.
One issue I see is that you two are in a kind of pseudo-relationship already. You're seeing each other very often, and it sounds as though you don't spend much time with other friends. In this sort of situation it's almost standard practice for at least one person to start having romantic feelings.
Another problem is that you seem to be a mess of emotions right now. Emotions are NOT good guides for behaviour. You need to be thinking when you look for someone to date or marry. This means looking at her very rationally... working out what her positives and faults are, and how that might impact you if you were in a relationship. eg -
- Does she tend to 'fall in love' easily?
- Does she lie to people?
- Is she selfish at times? (if the answer's no, look harder - everyone's selfish sometimes) When?
- How does she react when someone points out a shortcoming of hers? Does she pray about it and work on it if needed? Does she get angry or defensive?
- Does she have female friends?
- Does she have a mentor?
Keep in mind that love has got to do with your actions towards people. A test of love is NOT the fact that you can't think about anything else. That's just a sign of infatuation.
I found the book Boundaries in Dating (or Boundaries Before Marriage) by Drs Cloud and Townsend really good in helping me sort out my feelings and work out whether a potential relationship (with someone I was infatuated with) had a chance of actually working out. One key point it made was - if this girl isn't interested in a relationship, will you still want to be friends and only friends forevermore? If not, you're probably in the friendship for the wrong reasons, and in one way you're lying - pretending to be a friend when what you really want is a romantic relationship.
Another point it made was whether YOU are ready for a relationship. Are you mature enough? Do you have the self-control and selflessness to put another's well-being (physical and emotional but ESPECIALLY spiritual) above your own desires?
Hope that helps. God bless.
You seem pretty mixed up at the moment. Your desires and God's will are getting kinda confused.
A friend of mine was having trouble with drinking. He knew he was drinking too much, too often, but found he really couldn't stop the behaviour. So he prayed, and asked God for help, to take the desire to drink too much away from him. God did, that night... and he's never had a problem since.
Now let's look at my experience. I was borderline alcoholic and only realised it when I decided to join the Salvation Army - which involved giving up alcohol. I craved it so badly... for about a year. Every time I walked past a bottle shop I wanted to go in and buy alcohol. Every time I felt down, I wanted to go get something alcoholic to drink. I prayed so hard for God to take those desires away. He didn't. He let me go through them, even though I'm VERY sure he didn't want me to go back to alcoholism!
So what am I trying to say? God doesn't always intervene to take away desires for something he doesn't approve of. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he expects us to recognise them as wrong and seek his help in working through them. I suspect it has to do with letting us deal with as much as he knows we're capable of dealing with, with his help. So just because God hasn't taken away your desire for a romantic relationship with this person, doesn't mean it's what he wants for you. And an additional point - if you pray 'God, please take these feelings away from me!' and then deliberately lapse into daydreams about a person... you're not co-operating whole-heartedly with God.
So, first off, let's look at your problem. You're 'in love' with your female friend.
Well, one positive is that she IS a friend... she's someone who's at least partially compatible with you, otherwise you wouldn't be friends.
One issue I see is that you two are in a kind of pseudo-relationship already. You're seeing each other very often, and it sounds as though you don't spend much time with other friends. In this sort of situation it's almost standard practice for at least one person to start having romantic feelings.
Another problem is that you seem to be a mess of emotions right now. Emotions are NOT good guides for behaviour. You need to be thinking when you look for someone to date or marry. This means looking at her very rationally... working out what her positives and faults are, and how that might impact you if you were in a relationship. eg -
- Does she tend to 'fall in love' easily?
- Does she lie to people?
- Is she selfish at times? (if the answer's no, look harder - everyone's selfish sometimes) When?
- How does she react when someone points out a shortcoming of hers? Does she pray about it and work on it if needed? Does she get angry or defensive?
- Does she have female friends?
- Does she have a mentor?
Keep in mind that love has got to do with your actions towards people. A test of love is NOT the fact that you can't think about anything else. That's just a sign of infatuation.
I found the book Boundaries in Dating (or Boundaries Before Marriage) by Drs Cloud and Townsend really good in helping me sort out my feelings and work out whether a potential relationship (with someone I was infatuated with) had a chance of actually working out. One key point it made was - if this girl isn't interested in a relationship, will you still want to be friends and only friends forevermore? If not, you're probably in the friendship for the wrong reasons, and in one way you're lying - pretending to be a friend when what you really want is a romantic relationship.
Another point it made was whether YOU are ready for a relationship. Are you mature enough? Do you have the self-control and selflessness to put another's well-being (physical and emotional but ESPECIALLY spiritual) above your own desires?
Hope that helps. God bless.
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Why must you.....nevermind i'm nosy. I'll keep praying for you bro.
