Relationship/boyfriend question

[rach]

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for eight months.  Most of our relationship has been long distance since I'm at school, we're over 900 miles apart.  Lately I feel like our conversations aren't as personal and this has caused me to feel like we're drifting apart and more fake like.  I asked him about it last night and he says he feels fine about us and that he thinks our conversations are fine.  Do you think I'm wanting something I can't get and should get over it?  Or do you think I have a problem or something?  Please give me some suggestions on what to do, or whether to just wait it out.

Thanks, Rach

 

[kat37]

maybe you should wait it out a little. it is probably the strain of a long distance relationship, plus i think sometimes closeness to a guy is lot different than it is for us, you know? plus if you're away at school and he is in school or working as well, there's probably the daily stress factor-maybe you guys talk mainly when you're both too tired , etc. hope it works out

 

[karla]

Will you guys see eachother over holidays and the summer? If you saw eachother over Christmas break - how were your conversations? Did you still feel like you two were drifting apart? Long distance relationships are hard and take a lot of work, but they can work out. I had the opposite type of relationship from yours. I saw my boyfriend during the school year and then he traveled home over the summer. It was difficult, but here we are 2 kids later and almost 5 years of marriage behind us and a lifetime ahead of us. You have to do your best to keep the communication going because that is all you have right now. At times it can be hard. Talk about what your feeling with him, I mean really talk. Don't let it just get swept under the rug with a "Well, I think things are Okay". Your relationship will be better if you are both willing to talk to eachother about your feelings and accept and respect that you might not feel the same way. I wish you much luck and hope that everything turns out for the best.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

My wife and I dated for a year and a half long distance. For us, we talked a lot. Ohhh the phone bills, and the letters we wrote were enough postage to cover the defense budget.
Distance has the advantage of getting very close to someone through communication. This is absolutely key to a relationship and it is also something that a lot of people never work on.
On the other hand, distance will test a relationship.
Why is he 900 miles away? How did you guys get together?

 

[Katz68]

My advice is to pray, pray, pray and pray some more. I do not say this lightly. I was in a long distance relationship and I did not do a lot of praying for our relationship just his safety well in Desert Storm. Silly me he came home and was killed. I pray over all my relationships with my husband, my children, and my friends. Long distance relationships can and do work if effort and love and prayer is pt into them. God Bless you.

 

[rach]

We went to the same high school, but didn't really hang out until the end of my senior year. We started dating a week after my graduation, God has some strange timing ) and have continued dating while he finishes high school and I'm out of state for college. When I went home for Christmas, everything was pretty much ok, we did a lot of stuff with our families and so didn't have much alone time to have any deep conversations, but I felt close to him then.

It's just been recently that things seem to be bad, and the weird thing is they don't seem bad to him, so that makes me think I'm overreacting or something.

I totally agree with you Kat37 when you say guys don't get as close as girls, but I still feel like we haven't been as close as before. We've also been busy lately so our conversations are shorter than usual, but it still seems different to me. This may be because I've been stressed out with school work, it all is frustrating me even more. It just seems like I'm not happy anymore ever.

Thanks for your help and listening, and it probably will turn out fine. I appreciate the support.

Rach

 

[minniemouse]

Long distant relationships do tend to put a distance (more than just the geographical sort) between two people. This does not mean that it cannot be overcome. I would suggest praying hard about it and putting it into God's hands and you will find in your heart that you then know what to do, one way or the other.

 

[brother friar]

If he is still in high school, it maybe that the relationship is just not the center of his daily life. The end of high school and being a senior can make a person feel real close to their friends at high school and a little more distant from those who are away at college.

I would not worry about it if he is just distracted or not as focused. Give it some time and ask him about the stuff in his life. A guy in high school really won't have a lot of a sense of what your life is like and may not be too anxious to ask questions.

My wife and I were apart 9 months of our engagement, and that was hard. I have been amazed, but the distance can work for you, not just against you.

 

[girlscoutdropout]

don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. i myself am in a long distance relationship. the phone is all we have. it's funny how your relationship and mine are so alike. me and my bf went to school together too, and didn't get together until the end of our senior year. actually, for most of the time we went to school together, i thought he was a little snot, and then one day i sat down and talked to him, and that was it. funny how that works, isn't it? anyways, during the first couple of months when you are still getting to know each other, there is a lot to talk about. but since you guys have been together for a while, you pretty much know each other pretty well. how often do you guys talk on the phone? i know when we first started college, i went into shock about how little we got to see each other, and had a hard time adjusting. now we only talk about 15 minutes or so when we get on the phone with each other. it's ok to just check up on each other once in a while. there isn't always a ton to talk about. and right now with the both of you at school and busy with classes, it's hard not to be tired and intellectually strained. so, i totally understand what you're talking about. it's good you told him you were concerned. i'm sure he understands, and i'm sure he misses you also.
i hope this helped!
God Bless!

 

[rach]

Thanks for all the help everybody, things have gotten much better and like you all said it was just a short phase or something. Thanks for all your opinions because it made me feel better and not think it's something we're doing wrong, but rather something that just happens.

To:Girlscoutdropout
Thanks for the advice, we usually talk almost everyday, but I know what you mean about not having things to talk about sometimes. That is one thing that really sucks about having relationships over the phone because you can't just spend time together and not say much. You either have to talk or not be able to have time 'together.' It was nice to go home for Christmas and just sit next to each other and watch TV or something and still be together but not have to talk. Anyway, if you find out any great tips for long distance dating let me know, and I'll do the same thing. It's cool to know someone in the same situation, especially when you guys started dating in the similar way. That's weird. Anyway Thanks again!!

 

[girlscoutdropout]

 

 

[girlscoutdropout]

i know what you're talkin about.. when me and my bf do see each other, we spend a lot of time just doing normal things, like cooking together, wasing dishes, watching a movie, or even just doing homework. everything is just so much better with him. we rarely go out and do the date thing.
anyhow, it's definitely cool to know someone in the same situation. i guess i really don't know of any really good tips.. but i'll let you know if i come up with some

 

[Dewjunkie]

Not to be a party-pooper, but....

Be wary of any "rifts" in a long distance relationship. My story was similar to yours, started dating a junior at the end of my senior year, I went to college (only 350 miles away, though), and we kept the long distance relationship alive through phone calls and 10 hours of driving to spend a day off together. We had our "rifts", but always worked through them, somehow. When she came to college, things were different, as I had changed quite a bit in my year away. As had she. We broke up over petty issues, and then got back together. We ended up getting married after I had joined the Navy. No biggie, we had done the long distance thing before, so me being at sea was not going to be a problem. But every time I was away, we both grew a little further apart. Human nature. At the end of our marriage, I barely recognized her personality, and I wasn't the person she remembered either.

I'm telling you this because you are young and have a long time ahead of you. A lot of things happen, and changing is one of them. Changing during a long distance relationship is a major one. Just be aware that 'little" things can snowball, especially when you're apart. I'm not telling you to go dump him, just be cautious at your age with this type of thing.

I'll shut up now.

 

[rach]

Thanks for your opinion Dewjunkie, that does make sense, and I will keep that in mind.

 

[LifeInYou]

Don't stress about it and don't do anything drastic, remember that if it's meant to be, it will be.

 

[Hewitt]

13th February 2003 at 02:56 PM LifeInYou said this in Post #15

Don't stress about it and don't do anything drastic, remember that if it's meant to be, it will be.

Excellent point

My advice is just lots of prayer and seeking God's will. In my opinion, that is the best solution to every problem and you will always get the best results if you stick to it.

 

[HigherPraiz]

About 9 years before I got married. I met this guy in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Everything was grand and this was great at the beach and even when we left. At the time I had lived in Baltimore with my family and he lived in Pittsburgh with his family. But its only four hours away so it worked for 6 months. But then we started to not talk alot on the phone and our conversations kind of fizzled out. But then I went to Pittsburgh to meet his family and such...But then I got home and we were planning our next visit and he never returned my phone calls, or anything...And I havent seen him or heard from him in over 9 years now.

My point to that is that if you truly think that you love each other wait it out and see what happens...If nothing is there you will know it. But if something is there then trust in the Lord and he will show you the way. Dont ever let yourself fall short in the Lord, because he will take that relationship right away. But if it is meant to be than it will work...If not there is not a whole lot you can do about it! Hopefully I helped?!?!