madison1101 said:
Hi there,
I am not doing too well tonight. Last night I relapsed really bad with bingeing and even some purging. Hadn't purged in over a year.
I had a really bad meeting with my assistant principal today and was basically told everything I am doing wrong as a teacher. I feel so ashamed, I want to binge and purge again right now. I tried praying and couldn't.
Sorry.
Relapse is painful and frustrating and it hurts me to see others have to go through this process. I've had my ups and downs with relapsing. On one end of the scale, a relapse may send me into a deep depression and at the other end, I can shrug my shoulder and tell myself, "oops, I relapased again. But it's just a relapse and that's all it is. I need to keep pressing forward and not let this pull me down."
When relapsing pulls me down, it's usually because I want so much to be completely recovered. The relapse becomes such a big let down and I feel like I have made no progress at all. That's not true. That's just the negative self-talk that sneaks in.
I am glad you had a friend to lift you up when you needed lifting. Thank God for friends!
I am learning that to avoid the big downs when I relapse, I have to take my recovery one day at a time. Each day without a relapse is a success. One day of relapse is just one day of relapse and no more and no less. So I can say yesterday I didn't relapse, today I did, but tomorrow will come and it's another day.
I listened to a female marine who was captured by the Iraq military in Desert Storm recite her story after her release. She endured much abuse, including sexual abuse, but she said she was trained not to let that bother her. She asked herself, "is what's happening now life threatening?" She said her answer always came up "No." Therefore, she didn't let it tear her down.
When I relapse, I sometimes ask myself "is this life threatening?" The answer comes up "no" every time. So then I tell myself "because it is not life threatening, I am not going to sweat this relapse. It's just a nuisance relapse."
I can take things personal when someone criticizes me, even when it is constructive criticism. I take it as a form of rejection, when I shouldn't. I find that it's the negative self-talk and feelings of rejection that I let creep in that puts me into a downward spiral and ultimately I relapse.
Lately, I have been using the question, "is this life threatening?" I find that it redirects my thoughts and feelings before they have a chance to go to a negative place.
Tomorrow is anther day. Today you relapsed. It's just one day, okay? You made it through nearly 365 days before this relapse. That's awesome. 1 out of 365 days. That is a great batting record. Keep up the great work.
Gentleness and kindness your way,
InHisgripkim
My heart feels for you. But apologies re not in order. You slipped but quickly did what you needed to pick your self up. A whole year that is great. So let's look at it as during that time you learned alot of tools to help you come out of a relapse faster then before. So now maybe this time you'll make it to two years or longer. 
I will keep you close to thought and in my prayers.
