Really, Why in the heck does God still keep me alive?

[1Brokenheart]

I am glad you are doing better!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Beautiful Flower I just saw this thread. I want you to know you are valuable, you are a treasure in fact. God created you and loves you. Many people here love you. You are a blessing. Even in your pain your beauty overflows from your heart.

I am hoping maybe you can find a ride to church... I am praying for you!

 

[aflower4God]

I am glad you are doing better!

Thank you dear brother

Beautiful Flower I just saw this thread. I want you to know you are valuable, you are a treasure in fact. God created you and loves you. Many people here love you. You are a blessing. Even in your pain your beauty overflows from your heart.

I am hoping maybe you can find a ride to church... I am praying for you!

Thank you as well my dear sweet sister.
God bless you both.

 

[sk8Joyful]

(((hugs))) Thank you
I am glad that you three care enough to reply, out
of the 65+ people who viewed the thread,
I guess not many people like me either on here. I am glad that you three care,
Well today I went to the mall and looked for the dress that I am going to wear when I leave,
Maybe someone can start a thread when I am dead,
since not many people like me. Those who don't like me can celebrate.

Dear sister,
Often... I've wanted to share something GOOD with you, but
U made it clear you ONLY want, what U want to hear. Nothing else.
So I'm one of the 60-some people who did not DARE to post, how sad.

But reclaiming my Courage let me share something Praiseworthy with you:
This 22 yr. old Korean man, was sold to an orphanage, at age 3.
(I can relate, because my bio-parents left me as a New-born, with others too).

After he was beaten for 2 years, as a 5 yr. old LITTLE-boy he ran away, and
raised himself for 10 yrs. by selling gum in the street & sleeping on public toilets.
Can you even imagine that kind of HARDship!
He had everything going Against!! him, circumstantially.
(Again I can relate, for different reasons, but also agonizing circumstances).

He taught himself all his schoolwork, & went to school for his 1st. time in hi-school.
One day in a nightblub, he heard a singer &, as he said: "he sang soo sincerely",
and
from that day on, this boy began to also SING with PASSION.
He couldn't afford any lessons, so he just practiced on his own.
Again I can relate to this underlined part, because (aside
from college), I too am self-taught in most of my many skills.

After 2 decades alone, some people heard him, and Encouraged him
(unlike like *you* are encouraged here in CF every single day), and
so he applied to the Korean National Talent Show... Now listen to him:
Homeless Boy Steals The Talent Show - YouTube

You have NO idea some of the challenges I have had
to survive, endure, and most importantly overcome. No! idea.

Of the 100 CF-"friends" that supposedly I've had, all
but maybe 10 never bothered to Celebrate with me.
Most DONT care!
So should I give the others the satisfaction, of killing myself - What do you think?

Whose am I? - Who from His Perfect LOVE created me & you & all of us...
Who gave His Life, that we might exist, live, and live Abundantly... passionately

Did you pay attention at the very end, when the 3 Judges were at break,
one said: "Regardless of his hard life, he Passionately runs towards what he wants
And even talented ones, rarely have THIS PASSION..."

I tell you sister: such passion is everything! for it comes from your SOUL.
Your soul IS the PASSION - I know this
for I put my whole soul & heart into my endeavors as well

So sister, pick a challenge, and overcome it; so
some man will walk the earth to find you and passionately share life with you

I pray us all EVERY happiness forever...

 

[aflower4God]

Dear sister,
Often... I've wanted to share something GOOD with you, but
U made it clear you ONLY want, what U want to hear. Nothing else.

So sister, pick a challenge, and overcome it; so
some man will walk the earth to find you and passionately share life with you

I pray us all EVERY happiness forever...

I know you mean well my dear sweet sister but KNOW that I did not post this thread only to hear what I WANTED To hear, If that was the case many people would have said "yeah you are SO right, you need to run off to the woods, how much can you sell, how much is the bus fairs to the woods, I have some suggestions try living in this part of the mountains, I heard is has fresh water and you can thrive on that til it is your time to go home...." BUT they do not say that, they speak the truth and I am glad.
I know your heart is in the right place with your advice and I thank you for that BUT PLEASE don't listen to GOSSIP that says that I only want to hear what I WANT to hear. PLEASE cause GOSSIP IS EVIL and OF THE DEVIL and it has made some people turn their backs against me. I have lost friends cause of stupid pety evil GOSSIP!
Anyway thank you for the KIND words of support.

 

[Angeldove97]

So what changes have you decided to make in your life to accomplish your goals? You can't put the blame on God-- He opens paths up to us, but we, ourselves, have to do the walking. If you're miserable with how life is Sweetie, you need to make changes and stick to those changes.

I don't feel safe walking outside either by myself-- I bought myself an elliptical, I turn on Pandora, and I work out. The exercise makes me feel better, so my depression and anxiety is lessened.

I want to do more than just work, work, work, work-- so I found an online volunteering position at CF. It's a wonderful ministry~ humbling and hard work, but I love it.

I don't always want to go out to church~ I know of a few sites that I can watch the Mass daily and I even watch a MJ Sabbath service online. MANY churches have set up web-cams in their churches so if you can't safely go to a church, you can at least still observe what is going on, listen to the pastor, etc.

Being in a relationship won't necessarily bring happiness-- I put too much emphasis on finding the right guy and that became my first love over God. I would be depressed and destroy myself if my boyfriend at the time was not happy with me. I stopped caring so very much about finding Mr. Right and GOT RIGHT with God and made that relationship #1. And you know what happened? God sent Mr. Right into my life when I got right with Him. We're married now and it's a lot of hard work-- my husband is important to me, but my #1 love is still God. It seems like you were harboring some anger towards God because of your choices and your life-- I would personally want to focus more on that relationship than expecting that God will bring you someone right now.

Making healthy choices is hard-- it is easier to sit at home for safety reasons than to take a risk and get out there. But you do have options-- you just need to let yourself take the steps (with Christ along your side) to a better, happier, and more fulfilling life.

 

[sk8Joyful]

So what changes have you decided to make in your life to accomplish your goals?
You can't put the blame on God-- He opens paths up to us, but
we, ourselves, have to do the walking. If you're miserable with how life is Sweetie,
you need to make changes and stick to those changes.

Being in a relationship won't necessarily bring happiness--
I stopped caring so very much about finding Mr. Right and GOT RIGHT with God and made that relationship #1. And you know what happened?
God sent Mr. Right into my life when I got right with Him.

We're married now and it's a lot of hard work-- my husband is important to me, but my #1 love is still God. It seems like you were harboring some anger towards God because of your choices and your life
I would personally want to focus more on that relationship than expecting that God will bring you someone right now.

Excellently said! - for Truth...

And Flower, I didn't get anything from 'gossip', but straight from you.

Agreed with the poster above: what changes...
have you decided to make in your life to accomplish your Worthwhile goals?

 

[Angeldove97]

And dearest Sister please don't think my post is anything but fully filled with love for you. It took a good 10 years for me to get past my abusive relationships and start building my relationship with God up. I still have lots of "bad" days where I put myself down and think I'm a failure~ but I continue to work on myself and with God's help I am stronger and happier with my life. I am blessed to be fully alive and live upon the path He has called me to walk.

I only want that for my blessed Sister as well~ you are NOT meant to go off to the woods and give up on life. God has strongly put that in my heart and I hope you know that deeply within your own soul and never speak of doing such things again. It breaks our Lord's heart to see you feel this way.

 

[Catherineanne]

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Thank you
I am glad that you three care enough to reply, out of the 65+ people who viewed the thread, I guess not many people like me either on here.
I am glad that you three care,
Well today I went to the mall and looked for the dress that I am going to wear when I leave, Maybe someone can start a thread when I am dead, since not many people like me. Those who don't like me can celebrate.

Don't.

You know that you are very much loved here; you know that. How can you suggest you only have three friends because you have only had three replies? It is really, really hard to know what to say in response to your post; how do you know that the other 62 are not praying for you at this very moment?

Dear Flower, you know that you are loved; you have so much love to pour out on everyone else here, I wish you could see the effect of that on those of us who you endlessly support, and pray for.

It is not for you to decide when your work is finished; that is only for God to decide. You know that as well.

I have not worked for more than ten years, and I probably will never work again. I am agoraphobic, and spend most of my time at home. I have thought as you do; I have been tempted as you are, but, with the Grace of God, I will leave my life in his hands, where it belongs.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.



Lord, have mercy,
Christ, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.

 

[Catherineanne]

I know you mean well my dear sweet sister but KNOW that I did not post this thread only to hear what I WANTED To hear, If that was the case many people would have said "yeah you are SO right, you need to run off to the woods, how much can you sell, how much is the bus fairs to the woods, I have some suggestions try living in this part of the mountains, I heard is has fresh water and you can thrive on that til it is your time to go home...." BUT they do not say that, they speak the truth and I am glad.
I know your heart is in the right place with your advice and I thank you for that BUT PLEASE don't listen to GOSSIP that says that I only want to hear what I WANT to hear. PLEASE cause GOSSIP IS EVIL and OF THE DEVIL and it has made some people turn their backs against me. I have lost friends cause of stupid pety evil GOSSIP!
Anyway thank you for the KIND words of support.

Flower, I want to make sure you get this message very clearly, so I will say it again. I don't always get here every day; it depends how I am, but I am often thinking of you, and my other friends here. The number of responses to any post does not reflect how much you are loved.

It is not for you or me to decide when our life is to end. No matter how much pain we are in, if we do that the pain will not end; it will spread to those who love us, like ripples in a pond. If we hold on, until God himself calls us home, then we will take the pain with us when we finally die, and we will be able to lay it at the foot of the cross.

If we do not wait, the pain gets passed on to those who love us. Your pain will be shared out among your friends here; those who have posted, me, and everyone else who has ever supported you and loved you. We will have to carry your pain as well as our own; this is the tax on love.

You can choose the answer to this one, but I think your faith in God will not let you make the wrong choice. The woods are not for you; you may not go there; God himself will stop you. Not dramatically, not with a thunderbolt, but quietly and calmly he will say, not yet. Not until your name is called, and he takes you home by his own choice.

One day he will call your name, and the Lord himself will say to you, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant.' Isn't that worth waiting for?

God be with you, Flower.

 

[cflittlestar]

Dear sister,
Often... I've wanted to share something GOOD with you, but
U made it clear you ONLY want, what U want to hear. Nothing else.
So I'm one of the 60-some people who did not DARE to post, how sad.

But reclaiming my Courage let me share something Praiseworthy with you:
This 22 yr. old Korean man, was sold to an orphanage, at age 3.
(I can relate, because my bio-parents left me as a New-born, with others too).

After he was beaten for 2 years, as a 5 yr. old LITTLE-boy he ran away, and
raised himself for 10 yrs. by selling gum in the street & sleeping on public toilets.
Can you even imagine that kind of HARDship!
He had everything going Against!! him, circumstantially.
(Again I can relate, for different reasons, but also agonizing circumstances).

He taught himself all his schoolwork, & went to school for his 1st. time in hi-school.
One day in a nightblub, he heard a singer &, as he said: "he sang soo sincerely",
and
from that day on, this boy began to also SING with PASSION.
He couldn't afford any lessons, so he just practiced on his own.
Again I can relate to this underlined part, because (aside
from college), I too am self-taught in most of my many skills.

After 2 decades alone, some people heard him, and Encouraged him
(unlike like *you* are encouraged here in CF every single day), and
so he applied to the Korean National Talent Show... Now listen to him:
Homeless Boy Steals The Talent Show - YouTube

You have NO idea some of the challenges I have had
to survive, endure, and most importantly overcome. No! idea.

Of the 100 CF-"friends" that supposedly I've had, all
but maybe 10 never bothered to Celebrate with me.
Most DONT care!
So should I give the others the satisfaction, of killing myself - What do you think?

Whose am I? - Who from His Perfect LOVE created me & you & all of us...
Who gave His Life, that we might exist, live, and live Abundantly... passionately

Did you pay attention at the very end, when the 3 Judges were at break,
one said: "Regardless of his hard life, he Passionately runs towards what he wants
And even talented ones, rarely have THIS PASSION..."

I tell you sister: such passion is everything! for it comes from your SOUL.
Your soul IS the PASSION - I know this
for I put my whole soul & heart into my endeavors as well

So sister, pick a challenge, and overcome it; so
some man will walk the earth to find you and passionately share life with you

I pray us all EVERY happiness forever...

Oh my... he is self taught? and still he can sing like opera, wow, he is very very talented.

I wish him well from now on, after so many hardship he been thru.

p.s. I saw another video of his, with ppl posted comment:
"so beautiful if i sing people cry too but then in a different way.."

 

[sk8Joyful]

Oh my... he is self taught? and still he can sing like opera, wow, he is very very talented.

I wish him well from now on, after so many hardship he been thru.

Yes, this was the Inspiration for my post:

1. Everyone goes thru muck, some of us way worse, than others.
so what!!
2. When I 1st. came to CF over 5 yrs. ago, I thought: "Goody
Here we can Encourage & CheerLead ... each other, via
courage and strength and tenacity employed (bad circumstances) to OVERcome ..........
why?
to PRAISE ... God!

 

[mandelduke]

You know I am VERY frustrated..WITH GOD!
I can't think for the life of me why the heck does God have me still alive.
I am like a bump on a log really I am
Really, let me list the reasons.
- I am stuck at home for 50 hours a week while my best friend works, I am too depressed to do anything anymore cause I feel I have nothing exciting to wake up to.
- I can't walk around this neighborhood cause it is unsafe
- No way I can volenteer how can I get there, I tried that route.
- The SSD are taking their time, heard no word from them.
- My best friend/only friend does not want to move, she scared it si going to be worse if we move to a better community where as I can walk around.
- No Churches are close by for me to go to and if they were how would I get there cause I have no transportation.
- The only thing I have is the internet
- I have a hard time keep friends (daily e pen pals) either they listen to rumors or they hate my pureness, (why does God keep me around then)
- I tried the dating thing and I thought i recently found the right guy I asked him a question (simple question about his pic) he has stop all communication with me and has blocked me, he said he does not like me.
- I can't go to any support groups cause they are far away from my home and again transportation issue (I WISH I could go to one BELIEVE ME that is what I NEED) And I could meet people there.

It has been two years of my life that I have been living like this, my question and frustration is WHY DOES GOD CONTINUE TO KEEP ME A LIVE? WHAT PURPOSE DO I HAVE LIVING...I mean lets use logic here I would have found some purpose by now, after 2 years!!!!
I litterally have nothing to wake up to, that I am really excited about.
I am so so frustrated with God.
I am 38 never married, never been in love and I think that is a simple request/prayer.
NO I am not looking for a pitty party just want to vent how I am so mad at God right for keeping me a live when there are other people in this world who are sadly dying who NEED to be alive cause they are worth something, they have kids, or they have someone who loves them or they are studying to be something, they are able to work, or they are still very young and have a HUGE future in front of them. As for me I AM IN THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry to complain about the same thing. I am sorry for talking about leaving (the woods), but what else am I suppose to do, I am tired of it all.
One simple request to fall in love with some guy, to have something to look forward to when I wake up, instead of the pills I take.
Plus I am too sensitive to be alive, REALLY I AM. People (well most people) hate that, you know my sensitivity. And I am not "cool" enough.
Again I AM SO SORRY for the negative post, I am just fed up, SO VERY VERY FED UP at this point!.
I am probably going to get a lot more views than replies but at this point I don't care cause I am IN THE WAY!
Perhaps Jesus will listen to you all and maybe he will answer the prayer for me to GO HOME, there is NO PURPOSE FOR ME HERE.

I ask God that very question, well I was praying for God to take me home. This was after my 18 year daughter died suddenly. Everyone I loved from my youth has gone to be with the Lord. And I suffer from chronic pain. God told me not to ever pray for death again, he was not through with me. So I have never prayed that prayer again
Psalm 39:5
You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah
James 4:14
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

 

[aflower4God]

Flower, I want to make sure you get this message very clearly, so I will say it again. I don't always get here every day; it depends how I am, but I am often thinking of you, and my other friends here. The number of responses to any post does not reflect how much you are loved.

It is not for you or me to decide when our life is to end. No matter how much pain we are in, if we do that the pain will not end; it will spread to those who love us, like ripples in a pond. If we hold on, until God himself calls us home, then we will take the pain with us when we finally die, and we will be able to lay it at the foot of the cross.

If we do not wait, the pain gets passed on to those who love us. Your pain will be shared out among your friends here; those who have posted, me, and everyone else who has ever supported you and loved you. We will have to carry your pain as well as our own; this is the tax on love.

You can choose the answer to this one, but I think your faith in God will not let you make the wrong choice. The woods are not for you; you may not go there; God himself will stop you. Not dramatically, not with a thunderbolt, but quietly and calmly he will say, not yet. Not until your name is called, and he takes you home by his own choice.

One day he will call your name, and the Lord himself will say to you, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant.' Isn't that worth waiting for?

God be with you, Flower.

(((((((((((((((((((((CATHERINE))))))))))))))))))))))) You are always full of love, compassion and logic. I remember what you said about the angel stopping you from going to the woods, well you had this image of you taking off to the dark thick wooded area and there was this angel that would NOT allow you to pass, I have that image in my mind ever since you told me that, and that is not the only thing that I have learned from you, your wisdom has had a profound affect on me. I am SO BLESSED that God has you in my life. PRAISE JESUS FOR YOU

Oh my... he is self taught? and still he can sing like opera, wow, he is very very talented.

I wish him well from now on, after so many hardship he been thru.

p.s. I saw another video of his, with ppl posted comment:
"so beautiful if i sing people cry too but then in a different way.."

WOW thank you so much for your support VERY SWEET OF YOU!!!!!!!

I ask God that very question, well I was praying for God to take me home. This was after my 18 year daughter died suddenly. Everyone I loved from my youth has gone to be with the Lord. And I suffer from chronic pain. God told me not to ever pray for death again, he was not through with me. So I have never prayed that prayer again
Psalm 39:5
You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah
James 4:14
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

Thank you my dear sweet brother for your advice. GOD BLESS YOu and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU

 

[aflower4God]

And dearest Sister please don't think my post is anything but fully filled with love for you. It took a good 10 years for me to get past my abusive relationships and start building my relationship with God up. I still have lots of "bad" days where I put myself down and think I'm a failure~ but I continue to work on myself and with God's help I am stronger and happier with my life. I am blessed to be fully alive and live upon the path He has called me to walk.

I only want that for my blessed Sister as well~ you are NOT meant to go off to the woods and give up on life. God has strongly put that in my heart and I hope you know that deeply within your own soul and never speak of doing such things again. It breaks our Lord's heart to see you feel this way.

((((((((((((((((((((Angeldove)))))))))))))))))))))) thank you so much for your kind loving words. I will try not to talk about running to the woods again, I can do my very best to try not to on here, maybe I will keep a private diary so it will not hurt anyone again. I do NOT want to see anyone sad. It breaks my heart. I am trying hard not to let these things get to me, THANK YOU again and LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU!!!

Don't.

You know that you are very much loved here; you know that. How can you suggest you only have three friends because you have only had three replies? It is really, really hard to know what to say in response to your post; how do you know that the other 62 are not praying for you at this very moment?

Dear Flower, you know that you are loved; you have so much love to pour out on everyone else here, I wish you could see the effect of that on those of us who you endlessly support, and pray for.

It is not for you to decide when your work is finished; that is only for God to decide. You know that as well.

I have not worked for more than ten years, and I probably will never work again. I am agoraphobic, and spend most of my time at home. I have thought as you do; I have been tempted as you are, but, with the Grace of God, I will leave my life in his hands, where it belongs.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.



Lord, have mercy,
Christ, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.

this is so sad to hear this my dear sweet loving sister Catheranne, you have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH to give to the world, at least you are here on CF helping me and many others. YOU ARE A BLESSING AND I AM SOOOOOOOOO GLAD that you are here with us, you are so wise and loving. THANK YOU my dear sweet sister once again for your kind words once again and it breaks my heart that you had to suffer like this. YOu are too sweet and loving to go through that, you all are

 

[Catherineanne]

this is so sad to hear this my dear sweet loving sister Catheranne, you have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH to give to the world, at least you are here on CF helping me and many others. YOU ARE A BLESSING AND I AM SOOOOOOOOO GLAD that you are here with us, you are so wise and loving. THANK YOU my dear sweet sister once again for your kind words once again and it breaks my heart that you had to suffer like this. YOu are too sweet and loving to go through that, you all are

Flower, everything that you say to me, I could say equally to you; you are an inspiration to me; your love and compassion, your endless hopes and prayers for other people.

You are a ray of sunshine in my world, even though I have never met you, and we live many miles apart. If I were to find out tomorrow that anything had happened to you, that ray of sunshine would be gone forever; I pray that this never happens. We need you far too much, dear little Flower.

Perhaps one day the Lord will make it possible for us to meet; who knows? What a day that would be!!! It is worth a lot of struggles now to look forward to such a meeting. Who knows what the future has in store for us, if we only wait for it, and trust the Lord?

 

[aflower4God]

Flower, everything that you say to me, I could say equally to you; you are an inspiration to me; your love and compassion, your endless hopes and prayers for other people.

You are a ray of sunshine in my world, even though I have never met you, and we live many miles apart. If I were to find out tomorrow that anything had happened to you, that ray of sunshine would be gone forever; I pray that this never happens. We need you far too much, dear little Flower.

Perhaps one day the Lord will make it possible for us to meet; who knows? What a day that would be!!! It is worth a lot of struggles now to look forward to such a meeting. Who knows what the future has in store for us, if we only wait for it, and trust the Lord?

AWE thank you so much my dear sweet loving sister, What you feel is EXACTLY how I feel about you. WOW it would be fabulous if we could meet one day and like you said with the Good Lord in charge ALL THINGS are possible No matter what we will meet one day Thank you so much for uplifting me and your encouraging words of support. YOU ARE A HUUUUUUUGEEEEEEEE blessing!!!! God bless you and IF you ever need me I am a PM away.

 

[livinginChrist]

Flower,
Sweetie I have felt the exact same way you do now. I have prayed and cried out to our Father to take me home I have even had plans on how i would go out....BUT...I realized that I had friends on a website called livinginblackandwhite.com to help and pray with and for me as well as friends from my church and family pray for me I so do know what you are going through please hang in there it is NOT worth it to kill yourself you have to many people on here as well as family I'm sure that would miss you PLEASE feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone. I will pray for you.

Father,
I come to you and ask you to heal aflower4God from what she is going through and help her to know she IS LOVED by YOU and all that are on here.

liveinginChrist

 

[aflower4God]

Flower,
Sweetie I have felt the exact same way you do now. I have prayed and cried out to our Father to take me home I have even had plans on how i would go out....BUT...I realized that I had friends on a website called livinginblackandwhite.com to help and pray with and for me as well as friends from my church and family pray for me I so do know what you are going through please hang in there it is NOT worth it to kill yourself you have to many people on here as well as family I'm sure that would miss you PLEASE feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone. I will pray for you.

Father,
I come to you and ask you to heal aflower4God from what she is going through and help her to know she IS LOVED by YOU and all that are on here.

liveinginChrist

((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))) THANK GOD THAT YOU ARE ALIVE, and thank you for your kind words, I have that link that you gave me and lurking at it. You are a blessing and LOTS OF LOVE to you sweet sister.

 

[livinginChrist]

((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))) THANK GOD THAT YOU ARE ALIVE, and thank you for your kind words, I have that link that you gave me and lurking at it. You are a blessing and LOTS OF LOVE to you sweet sister.

your welcome aflower4God you might like the site it has helped me. I pray that you find love and friendship on the site like I have.

Blessings,
livinChrist