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reaching out

Discussion in 'General Struggles' started by heaLsEarch, Mar 28, 2020.

  1. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    Hi, I'm a 40 something lady who identifies herself as a sexaholic, but most people wouldn't understand as I do not act out in ways most people imagine sexaholics would act. I have a tendency to turn to men under emotional stress, but I have been sober for quite many years except under extreme stress when I had to fight the compulsion to seek one night stands.

    I was quite stable at a former work place where most co workers were gentle women. Now that place went bankrupt, I started working at a new place which seems to be filled with older women who can be quite harsh to each other. I learned 4 in 5 new workers leave because of harsh culture (work itself is a simple and most people can perform with practice), but the management leaders are loving people it seems and the pay is quite good. The problem is leaders are all men and I feel uncomfortable receiving their care every time I experience harsh exchanges with women. I developed a crush on one younger leader whom I seemed to have scared by my feelings. I feel very sorry and want to avoid leaders, but it is their job to watch over any potential troubles at a workplace and I seem to attract their attention because of my weak interpersonal skills. I'm basically a depressed quite person with anxiety issues and leaders are gentle with me. I fear potentially relating to leaders inappropriately although I grew older, lost youth, and I'm not fearing committing adultery or anything. The resulting problem will be only making a fool of myself and creating a possible sexual harassment case with my younger leader. Still it's painful and shameful for me and I want to do something about it.

    I do seriously consider applying for a different shift hour to avoid him and women workers who make me feel alone and drive me to turn to men.

    I gave up going to church, 12 steps meetings (I felt harassed by one member, but a moderator did nothing.) and suffer from depression and anxiety, meaning I have very little energy left to do anything other than work. I see no one outside of work which I believe is contributing to my crush on a leader. So I'm posting at CF again. Should I try a dating service or something though I don't consider myself very marriable.
     
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  2. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    I think a personal walk with the Lord is the first step. Next realize that you are not alone - 25% of women struggle with sexual dependency issues. I recommend taking this sexual addiction test: Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST)

    using the tools provided on the site.

    also maybe purchasing this book:
    https://www.amazon.com/Pure-Desire-Triumph-Others-Temptation/dp/0764215663

    I had a 30 year addiction to pornography that ended after realizing I had sexual addiction and sought the Lord over this.
     
  3. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    Thank you for your reply. I took the SAST and scored 6+ (likely suffering from sexual addiction). I was a bit disappointed to hear my first step is to be my walk with God instead of go find a dating service, but it makes sense. I feel empty in my walk with God, but nothing seems to work.

    I believe that God works miracles and answers prayers, but it seems I feel more alive when I'm with a non believing bf than when I'm with other believers or talking to God in prayer.

    I'm sorry I'm a slow reader and a writer, but thank you so much for great information (SAST and Pure Desire). Though Dr. P. Carnes may not be a believer or an addict himself, his insights are incredible.
     
  4. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    Yes, our walk with God should be first and foremost. You won't get much help here on sexual addiction. That is why I mention those tools. But as far as shoring up your christian walk I recommend twitter.

    I really invest into the younger generation on twitter, I see a zeal and a fire and a love that I had lost decades ago, so in trying to reignite my passion I followed several of them, here they are
    Twitter people I follow:
    Grayson Bearden (@GraysonBearden) | Twitter
    Michael Perrotti (@pike_merrotti) | Twitter
    Rylee Praytor (@rcpraytor) | Twitter
    coffeewithrach (@coffeewithrach) | Twitter
    Micah Davis (@micahidavis) | Twitter
    ally yarid (@allyyarid) | Twitter
    Ian Rinken (@Ian_Rinken) | Twitter
    Elizabeth Louise Faddis (@elfaddis) | Twitter
    Yvonne (@lovey_doveyy) | Twitter
    Shane Pruitt (@shane_pruitt78) | Twitter
    Nadia Louise Thomas (@nadialthomas) | Twitter
    Michala (@Michalawhite_) | Twitter
     
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  5. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    I know children can be full of life & it is so refreshing to be around them sometimes :relaxed:

    Thank you so much for replying :blush: I'm able to feel less strange now by knowing a quarter of women struggle with sexual dependency issues. Please pray so that I can experience a true relatinship with God and be a real Christian.
     
  6. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    Yes, follow those users, and read their posts regularly. You will be blessed for sure. But ultimately we need to as an act of our will decide that we no longer want the life of sin, and take our first steps forward.

    here is more stuff for your arsenal, a public awareness organization put out a documentary on the damaging aspects of pornography, I don't know if you struggle, but others reading this thread may be...

    Watch - Brain Heart World
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2020
  7. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    As was suggested above, one might either find some formula for therapy, or first call upon our Creator-God and trust Him. First one needs to KNOW God to do this latter effort, and that comes from such as shown in the Holy Bible ---please read such as John 1; John 3; then especially read John 14; etc. God will speak to a seeker who values His beloved Son: "Jesus, the Christ of God". He will give one peace and care to meet every situation, plus eternal life when one leaves this world. Look up always, friend!
     
  8. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    Thank you :blush: Please pray that God will help me see how God is the one who can fullfill me and whom I can love and trust. I belive it is a very hard thing to imagine for a love cripple.
     
  9. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    this video is good too, I suggest watching the whole series...

    I will provide two links, one to a purity session. and one to whole series

    Sex on the Front Lawn

    Single / Dating / Engaged / Married - Breakaway Ministries
     
  10. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    A personal relationship with the Lord Jesus is the way to our Creator-God (note John 3 & John 14 in your Bible (preferably the KJV Bible, I believe). Write me personally if you wish to discuss God's Word more fully.
     
  11. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    I've watched just the first hour of the program and it was great‼︎ I'm looking forward to viewing the whole series. Just as the speaker was saying, it is so true that sex can be an addiction in the same way coccaine creates an addiction. My food addiction (bullimia) which is common (1 in 3) with people with coccaine addiction was healed chemically by taking SSRIs so I believe sexual addiction can be healed just as simply as taking a pill.
     
  12. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    keep watching it, if you like it do the whole series. They allow you to download various forms of it, and you can even convert it to MP3 and listen to it in the car.
     
  13. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    Thank you for a kind offer. I don't have any questions or doubts in 4 gospels, but I'm apathetic even after reading all 4 gospels. I don't feel dislike towards Jesus, but I don't particularly feel any closer to Jesus, either.

    I have a fear that maybe I'm irredeemable which I can't shake off. I should seek a Christian therapist, but financially it is difficult right now.
     
  14. AWorkInProgress

    AWorkInProgress A fool becoming wise

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    Years ago I was listening to a guy from talk radio and he gave his testimony about seeking salvation. He did so many drugs and alcohol that when he saw the tub they used for baptism. He was afraid it was going to boil over from all that he has done.

    My own conversion, at was at the point where I knew doing things 'my way' had only lead me into the gutter and I couldn't make it on my own. I was so desperate to be free, and each church service I would go up from for the 'altar call' to get prayed over for salvation. It all came down to being in my bedroom knowing I had to let Jesus in my heart. My natural response was to clean up my mess, much like having a guest over and you want everything looking good. Yet I couldn't do it, no matter what I tried I was just a mess. Then something quickens me saying 'that's why I need to let him in'.

    My life has never been the same since. Like a contrast between my old life and the new one. Before I had no one I could go to with my problems, now I am never alone. It was a long process of healing, forgiving, and being disciplined. I am not the person I was back then. I can't take any credit for it, I was a scared boy holding tight to my savior the whole way. When I let go from time to time in my sin, he didn't let go of me.

    Jesus died on the cross to save sinners like you and me. You are not irredeemable until you are dead.
     
  15. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    It sounds somewhat like you have read the 4 Gospels in an academic way and missed the message to you personally. What do you think of the offer in John 14? Do you just dismiss it and not take heed to it? I hope not! God is speaking there to you (and all readers) ---please hear Him. If you want to be saved for eternity and not face the condemnation of our Creator-God when you die, then you might pray about the message therein, my friend. That was the first place I ever read in the Bible (over 60 years ago), and I heard Him speaking to me. I got down on my knees and received God's gift of love in His "...beloved Son". That proved a REAL blessing as the Holy Spirit filled my soul and gave me the assurance of His presence. The Lord Jesus has become my Savior and Lord of my life ---besides, my best friend.

    Don't test God, friend, but TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD, and the faith you have in Him will bring blessings forever. Keep seeking and believe. Write me anytime. - 1watchman
     
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  16. heaLsEarch

    heaLsEarch Member Supporter

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    Hello, I have re-read John 14 several times. The chapter seems to be explaining how to experience a spiritual awakening described by a founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and which I long to experience, but unable to.

    I have listed my thoughts in reaction to the gospel below which is very negative and twisted..

    First thing that comes to my mind is "I haven't got anyone that I'd like to spend an eternity with in heaven." I do not hate my broken family or extended families - they are (parents, grandparents, a dog, cousins, aunts, uncle) my special people, but an eternal life itself isn't a big attraction maybe because the life I know is the one cursed with mental illnesses (depression, addiction) almost all life.

    Then when I hear the gospel message that God loves and forgives everyone, I'm put off thinking "To God, are my childhood abuser and I the same sinner who He loves and forgives similarly?? Are we the same to God?" "If God says He forgives my childhood abuser and let him into heaven, I wouldn't want to be loved or be forgiven by God." "I may end up dying unsaved and denied access to heaven, but I'll take it."

    Theoretically I know God is holy and there will be no trace of sin in heaven or in anyone who is allowed into heaven, but I am allergic to cheap grace people seem to be enjoying. Some people seem to never understand what they have done to others, but claim God's grace.

    Maybe I'm being like a brother of a prodigal son who was against welcoming him back and I need to repent of my judgmental spirit. I've met many loving people to negate any negative experiences in life. Maybe I just can't enjoy life as a gift because God hasn't taken away my sexual obsession or a drive to act out which I feel must hide from others and take care of everyday trying to avoid the 1st drink.
     
  17. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    Well, I don't know what more I might say, friend, but what I know and have found in the Word of God, is "He that has the Son, has life, and he that has not the Son of God, has not eternal life" (note 1 Jn. 5:10-12). If the Gospel of John can be read and not accepted as the truth from our Creator-God, there is probably nothing more one can say about being saved for Heaven when they leave this world. Salvation of our soul is NOT JUST A BELIEF, but a relationship, so we need to make the Lord Jesus our Savior and Lord of our life and walk with Him daily. THEN we will overcome the flesh in us.

    I will be praying for you? Write me personally if you wish to know more of our God and His "...so great salvation" for us.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
  18. createdtoworship

    createdtoworship In the grip of grace

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    again check these links and watch the videos:
    OneTab shared tabs
     
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