Questions re Quiverfull

[Meshavrischika]

I'm just curious on some philosophies of "quiverfull"...

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?

2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I myself was told to wait 5 years because of the toll it took on me...

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent? (I would think this would be imperative but what do I know)

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )?

These are questions posed in all seriousness without any ulterior motive or judgement attached so please forgive me if they were not asked in a P.C. kind of way. I just want to know more about your philosophies...

 

[annaapple]

I'm just curious on some philosophies of "quiverfull"...

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?

2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I myself was told to wait 5 years because of the toll it took on me...

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent? (I would think this would be imperative but what do I know)

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )?

These are questions posed in all seriousness without any ulterior motive or judgement attached so please forgive me if they were not asked in a P.C. kind of way. I just want to know more about your philosophies...

Good Q which deserve serious answers - but you'll find lots of QF people have different answers to those Q. There isn't a man-made rule you have to follow, just what's right between you, dh and God. For US the answers would be:

1. No, but then things like medical insurance are not an issue in Europe. I would be happy to exchange 'stuff' for children. But if we were really worrying about where next week's groceries were coming from, I might feel different. But you will find many amazing QF stories about God really providing when the need was great.

2. This relates to an issue which I had - I didn't have to wait, but I have had 2 sections already, so I can't just keep getting pregnant. The answer God gave me was to trust Him, I wouldn't get pregnant more than I could handle. But each person has to find their own answer through prayer (I believe). Poor health is a valid reason to prevent conception, imho.

3. For us, the conviction to become QF and me becoming a sahm coincided - God's timing? Even before that, I thought 2 kids + work was kind of the limit, in terms of being able to give kids the attention they deserve. But that's me and my limitations - what do I know about what others can handle?

4. I'm not sure I get the Q, but if you mean, should you be QF till you get to a certain number of kids and then say, that's enough, my answer would be no. The whole point is letting God decide when enough is. But that could still be a decision to prevent conception through e.g. NFP because of ill health, or financial constraints. I know that doesn't really make sense, but I guess for me being 'Quiverfull' is really just a way of expressing what my attitude to a range of things is:

• I believe children to be a blessing and a gift from God, and should not be thought about in terms of commodities
• I believe God has called me to trust Him more, and this is one area where He is 'working on' me
• I believe my 'ministry' at the moment is to learn to be the best mother and wife I can be
• God first and the rest will follow in its own way

But I repeat: that's where I'm at. The same things will not apply for other people who call themselves QF

Sabertooth always has good things to say on this topic.

And there are some other threads here which also cover some of these issues in more depth.

 

[Meshavrischika]

I figured there'd be lots of answers. I appreciate your trust in God.

 

[annaapple]

I don't think He appreciates my lack of trust in Him... *grimace*

I'm working on it.

 

[CelticRose]

No, finances were not a consideration ~ but health care is not the issue here that it is in the states. It was more contraception & I just do not get along well together.

I worked partime when my older kids were in school & my youngest began homeschooling but her dad was then home although I was responsible for her schooling. Eventually God ensured I was home again full~time & I was HS more kids as well.

Menopause seems to be the stopping point. But, hey, we only got given 5. No contracption doesn't necessaruly mean you have dozens of kids.

 

[Meshavrischika]

that's a relief (i'm sure in some cases)... i'd be scared because it only took me about 2 months to become pregnant with both girls...

I think I meant more financial as in day to day income for food/lodging/etc... not so much insurance. There's such a wellfare state in the US I'm not too worried about the actual birthing cost.. more maintenance costs

 

[CelticRose]

One of the older threads in here has tips for reducing household running costs: things like buying play clothes 2nd hand, bulk buying, coOPs ~ that sort of thing. There were some good ideas in there.

 

[jgonz]

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?
No, we didn't. We knew that if G-d was going to give us kids, He would provide for them (and He has, abundantly. )

2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?)
I was never told to wait between children, but there is a decent space (and a couple of longer spaces) between all my kids. G-d knew what I could handle and what I couldn't... I also practiced ecological breastfeeding (breastfeedng on cue, day & night, exclusively (no supplementation, no pacifiers) which delayed my fertility between children. The longest I went before getting my period/fertility back was 17.5 months.

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent?
I don't think that it's "required" per se, but it's probably the most common. I am a stay at home mom, but that was because DH & I agreed it was best (plus it would have been More expensive for me to work! )

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )?
The only secure stopping point is menopause... and apparently I'm on that road... As screwed up as my cycles are now, it would be a Real miracle from G-d if I got pregnant again.

 

[sparassidae]

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?

This has not been an issue for us. We have 'struggled' financially for most of our marriage, but that does not mean we go hungry. We eat simple food, have camping holidays etc, but as someone else said, if it was a choice between stuff or children, I would choose children.

I hear plenty of people say they couldn't afford more than 1 or 2 children. I guess if overseas holidays, new cars, big screen tv etc are your priorities, then yes, you can't afford more than 2 children.


2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I myself was told to wait 5 years because of the toll it took on me...

This hasn't happened. The soonest my period returned (see Jgonz' bfing info) was 11 months post partum. It's gotten longer each time, so there is a bigger gap each time. But I think delaying pregnancy if there is a health issue like that is okay.

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent? (I would think this would be imperative but what do I know)

I am a SAHM. I think of it as part and parcel of the sort of person I am, like those sorts of things tend to go together. I can't imagine trying to keep this household running if I was working (not to mention missing my children terribly).

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )?

Menopause is definitely a stopping point. I think your faith (or lack thereof) is also a stopping point. As in, "how much do I trust God?". We are struggling with this at the moment, I am more willing than DH to trust God in this area right now.

 

[Meshavrischika]

Just another question for everyone: how close together are all your kidlets? (age wise)

 

[CelticRose]

There are 4 yrs between my oldest & my twins, 2 yrs between my twins & my oldest girl, 6yrs between the 2 girls.

 

[Meshavrischika]

That seems pretty reasonable. Did you do any NFP or did you just wing it the whole time? (Leave it up to the Creator)

 

[CelticRose]

I was on the pill when I fell pregnant with my twins. That was the last time we used contraception, except occassionally condoms but that was rare as neither of us like them. I don't think the pill ever worked as a contraceptive for me. I was sick the whole time I tried to use it so don't believe It worked. I was given lots of different ones to try, including the low dosage one & they all had the same effect on me. I was violently ill. Origonally I was on them to control post pregnancy bleeding when my periods returned (not till I stopped BF, so that was 1 yr)which took several years to sort out & only really fixed itself with the next pregnancy. We gave up on the contraception thing once we moved out of the tent ( not as bad as it sounds; we were in the process of a move & there was a slight glitch) & that was only 2 more babies, plus 2 miscarriages.

 

[sparassidae]

2 years (almost exactly) between #1 and #2
2 yr 3 mo between #2 and #3
2yr 6no between #3 and #4

We were feeling ready for another one by the time my periods returned each time, so there was no reason to use contraception. EXCEPT we used NFP to assist conception of #2 and #4, and NFP to avoid conception in one month for #3, because we didn't want 3 children with their birthdays in Christmas week. 2 is fun enough thank you.

 

[beverhome]

I do not have a large family as others with only five.

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?
No but we have increased in our finances since we started having kids and I decided to stay at home.

2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I was neve told to wait..nature waited a few yrs inbetween some and not others.

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent? (I would think this would be imperative but what do I know) I would stay at home if I only had 1 or 10. But that is just me.

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )? I am on the fence about having more so I may not qualify as a open quiverfull person. But I am leaning very strongly toward more. Most people when I tell that to look at me like I need the people in the white coats to come get me.

]

 

[Meshavrischika]

I don't think you need the straight jacket just yet

I do wonder why you think 5 is not many children. I find myself overwhelmed at times with 2 (my youngest is a bulldozer and is in her terrible 2s).

How do you feel about women putting their health at rish to be quiverfull (I can only think about Melanie in Gone with the Wind dying because she was pregnant, I know this is extreme, but it's what I think about)? I know that some jewish communities feel it is your responsibility to care for your health first... I don't see many christians following that kind of directive though.

Did you and your husband agree on this philosophy before you got married, or after some debate and soul searching?

 

[CelticRose]

Well, we believe the mum's health is paramount, especially as she's the main caregiver. We didn't start out this way, we just sort of ended up this way. No great debates. No soul searching. I just kept falling pregnant so we went with the flow...

 

[sparassidae]

If it was a choice between me and the baby (or potential baby) then we would 'choose' me.

I hope we are never in that situation.

 

[Naomi4Christ]

I'm just curious on some philosophies of "quiverfull"...

Not quiverful, but I do have five children ...

1. Do you take into account financial status before continuing to have children?

When we had our children, we were not planning on educating them privately. We can easily afford them all if we were using the state system, and I have had to return to work. However, it's all working out

2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I myself was told to wait 5 years because of the toll it took on me...

Can't imagine having that conversation with a doctor. It's none of their business.

3. Do most families that practice the "quiverfull" lifestyle have a stay at home parent? (I would think this would be imperative but what do I know)

Large families are more likely to have a SAHM, because of practicalities. Lots of children mean a virtually permanent maternity leave, especially if you are committed to breastfeeding. Once the youngest child is at full-time school, there is more scope for the mother to work. Even then, if there are no financial hardships, a lot of women will prefer to be at home, particularly to be able to tackle problems with her teenage children (teenagers really benefit to coming home to a parent rather than an empty house). A lot of SAHMs can get really absorbed in community life, especially church, even when her children are out during the day.

4. Is there ever a secure stopping point, or is not having a stopping point the point (too many points )?

My house is full, my car is full, and I have a new job that I am depending on to provide the education for 3 of my kids. This is a very secure stopping point.

As I said, we are not quiverful. We planned each of our children individually. We knew we would have 2 or 3, but broodiness set in to give us the fourth - probably with a certain amount of impulse. The fifth was a bonus baby

 

[Meshavrischika]

Quote:
2. What do you do when the doctor says you have to wait 1-2 years between kids (is this even a problem most of the time?).. I myself was told to wait 5 years because of the toll it took on me...
Can't imagine having that conversation with a doctor. It's none of their business.


In my case, the M.D. said I could seriously jeopardize my health doing it again... so it was a medical reason I did not (and the fact I was not too keen on having 2 at home at the same time anyway)