Questioning if I'm really saved/born again

Sunflower Garden said:

I’ve been questioning if I have been really born again at all lately. When I converted my freshman year and had genuine positive change / fruit / felt connected to God in my life, I still justified and defended homosexuality (saying it wasn’t a sin, but there was mistranslation issues) without any conviction. I did the same with watching horror movies, reading creepy stories, listening to some bad music, reading Harry Potter...well, there was some, but I denied and ignored it. I continued on like this for two years until now…would a true believer really do that?

What if I was saved for a really short time but then my name was quickly blotted out of the book of life? When I first stumbled upon the Romans verses that condemn homosexuality, I was shook because I didn’t know they were in there, and I was flat out angry at God. I felt like I felt hatred towards Him.

I backslid so bad my sophomore year, too. Not just sexual sin, but idolatry too. (Will elaborate more if needed). I repented of this backsliding but I keep questioning if it was truly sincere because I’m struggling to feel bad or convicted about anything I do. I think I have mental assent…I feel like my faith is merely a mind thing and no longer a heart thing anymore. I think I lost my faith/salvation because of the blatant sin I was living in for a while without true repentance until (I hope) recently.

I also feel like I’ve been becoming too spiritually apathetic/neutral and hard-hearted lately.
I feel hopeless. “It’s so unlikely you’ll end up saved anyway, so why even try?” I already feel like it’s too late for me, that faith has left my heart, that I’ve lost my relationship with God. And I feel like I don’t care enough about it. I keep seeing 6 appear three times in a row and I’m scared it means there are demonic omens following me.

What if I’m not elect, not one of God’s chosen people? What if that’s why I’m getting no results from all this striving?
I also fear I may have blasphemed the holy spirit (unpardonable sin) when I was younger, I was very angry at God, full of hate, and I think at one point I told Him I wanted nothing to do with Him or at least thought it in my heart.

I know fear and doubt are sins…I don’t know how to get out of this. I feel like I’ve lost all my faith, all my trust, all my belief that He loves me…and that I can’t ever restore that now. I'm still trying to seek God daily but it feels so dry now, and that discourages me from trying to seek real spiritual change because I feel like nothing WILL change. I feel like I’m going to die forever and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t feel better no matter what.

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All this confusion might be as a result of sin and unbelief in your heart.

PLEASE READ WITH ALL YOUR HEART WHEN YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO REFLECT

Hello, i will advice you to hear the sermons of Leonard Ravenhill on "repentance", "the bride prepared" and other sermons. We can have the "wish" and "will" to stop sinning but unless we make a conscious and firm decision to die to our sins in the death of Jesus Christ and live in His resurrection power (that is, believing that He did not only die but resurrected) we might end up living our lives with an unaccomplished "will" to "stop sinning". For this we need to

1. Acknowledge that there are sins in our lives.
2. Know (list) them and decide what we want to do about them.
3. Do we really want to get rid of these?
This is the point where we realise if we are "willing whatever cost it makes" to live a life of repentance.
4. Always pray and seek God vehemently to help us live a life which pleases Him (to glorify Him) and to stop sinning.
5. While doing the above start replacing bad habits with good habits.
Christian life requires discipline in all things (praying, sleeping, working, eating, etc) and self-denial.
If you live with the purpose of following Christ, you will suddenly see that other things are no distraction to you anymore since you are disciplined and have an aim at hand. If you set your mind on Christ and on the things that are above and discipline yourself and crucify your flesh [put your fleshly desires (gluttony, love of materials, sexual immorality) under subordination], you will also see that this is the battle in the Christian life (because the flesh and the spirit fight against teach other) and you will be more focused on Christ.
The flesh and the spirit fight against each other because our spirit wants to follow Christ but our flesh (old man) refuses to die with Jesus on the cross and therefore how can the new man come if the old has not died?
Jesus gave the parable in Luke 5:36-39 kjv

36 And he spake also a parable unto them; No man putteth a piece of a new garment upon an old; if otherwise, then both the new maketh a rent, and the piece that was taken out of the new agreeth not with the old.

37 And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish.

38 But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.

39 No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better.

This is the reason why you find it difficult to stop sinning. You are used to your old lifestyle or sinful nature (vs. 39).

No matter what many people tell you, it is still YOUR DECISION to renounce your old nature and follow Christ.

Even Jesus himself said REPENT. No one can be forced to, but all must make a choice.

Joshua said to the unrepenting Israelites (in the book of Joshua 24:15 kjv) who followed other gods just like we follow the world, its ways and its sins:

15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

So what is your decision?
You can have all the WILL and WISHES in the world but unless you make a decision and stand firm, repentance will be difficult.

Stay blessed, think and pray about it.

Sunflower Garden said:

Wait, do you think art is bad? I don't understand.

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Do not listen to junk like that, i have been in art for 30+years. Painting landscapes, still life's and even drawing a nude female on occasion.

If a person has trusted in the Messiah for the free gift of Gods Eternal Life, they have received the free gift of God, Eternal Life. And have been born again, they are a child of God never to lose this free gift of Eternal Life they have received by any sinful actions they may do.

They may severely damage their eternal life and any rewards by living a sinful life but they will not lose their eternal life.

Read the Gospel of John it clearly states many times how to receive Eternal Life.

John 20:30,31
And truly Jesus did many other signs in the presence of His disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.

that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

“He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

She said to Him, “Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

Sunflower Garden said:

That's another thing I forgot to mention, I was baptized but I don't think it was valid. It was before I became a true believer (age 11, became agnostic just months after) and pouring, not immersion. I'm trying to find immersion baptism near me but I wanna figure out if I'm really born again yet.

I'm struggling to trust Christ as I should, I used to feel really connected to Him and now I don't and I question if there was ever a relationship at all. I'm so focused on what I feel, but fruit feels absent in my life lately too.

I have talked to my pastor (currently going to a presbyterian church because I can't attend the lutheran one in my area, but it's biblical and teaches the gospel including the harder parts so I like it). He says he thinks I'll be fine and the fact that I'm worried means the Spirit is working in me, but truth be told I don't think I've sensed the Holy Spirit in a long time..
Besides, I don't wanna keep bothering people with the same old thing.

I am talking to way too many people about this actually, like, multiple people. I wonder if this has gotten to a point where I seek the counsel of men over the counsel of God, mostly because I don't feel like I can hear God right now...I wonder if this is a matter of repentance.

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Do art about this struggle your in many can relate.

It’s not over till it’s over.

Keep seeking you hardened yourself with abominations, be faithful until God trusts you again. It takes time for Him after.....
Many times Gods timetable is not ours, but He is faithful if you are.

Sunflower Garden said:

That's what worries me...I'm scared I'm not really living all out for God...I'm going to to an expensive art school right now and ever believer around me tells me this is God's plan for me, but I can't stop thinking that if I don't make religious art, then I'm just following selfish ambition. I just feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to please God because I'm so focused on myself. I feel like I'm not truly a slave to God like I should. Please pray for me.

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Sunflower,
You are being hit with all kinds of doubts and attacks. Because you arent doing religious art makes you wonder about ur salvation? Look at all the thoughts ur being bombarded with.

FACT... Jesus died for your sins and rose to give YOU eternal life. He didnt die for a certain group of people. 1 John says he died not only for our sins, but also for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD.
WHOSOEVER believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. FACT.

That FACT does not depend on your emotions. I dont care if a mountain falls on your head. BELIEVE Him. Dont wonder around in the wilderness for years wondering in unbelief as the Israelites did in the wilderness. UNBELIEF is your BIGGEST enemy. And unbelief is what keeps people from obtaining Gods promise!

Everyone goes thru times they dont feel him around. NO ONE is perfect, which is why we have a Savior! If you sin, you repent. 1 John 1 says if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ THE RIGHTEOUS ONE. It says he is FAITHFUL and just to forgive us our sins to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. HE IS THERE. Dont let your emotions dictate your relationship with Him.

So it doesnt depend on you picking your life apart. You are no longer a slave to sin, but ur flesh will fight against the things of God because we are told they are in opposition. You will never be perfect and righteous on your own. JESUS is the ONLY righteous one. Its HIS righteousness you depend on, not your own.

Ephesians 6 shows you to have the Helmet of Salvation on. Its a helmet to protect your mind from attacks of the enemy, thoughts telling you that you are not saved. GET YOUR HELMET ON loved one! The devil doesnt want you to believe you are saved. He wants you to give up on your hope. He is a LIAR and a THEIF who comes to STEAL from you.

REMAIN in faith. The book of Hebrews shows warns us to enter into his REST by faith in Christ. He says those who dont belief cannot enter his rest. You are scurrying and not resting and trusting Him. YOU WILL NEVER be good enough in your own righteousness, none of us will be. You sin? Then you get on ur face and repent. He is FAITHFUL. He would have thrown us all away by now because there is NO ONE righteous, no not one Romans says.

Dont fall after the example of the Israelites in unbelief. He LOVES YOU. Get that and dont back down!!!!!!!! Enough of the wondering. Get your helmet on beloved!

Sunflower Garden said:

I’ve been questioning if I have been really born again at all lately. When I converted my freshman year and had genuine positive change / fruit / felt connected to God in my life, I still justified and defended homosexuality (saying it wasn’t a sin, but there was mistranslation issues) without any conviction. I did the same with watching horror movies, reading creepy stories, listening to some bad music, reading Harry Potter...well, there was some, but I denied and ignored it. I continued on like this for two years until now…would a true believer really do that?

What if I was saved for a really short time but then my name was quickly blotted out of the book of life? When I first stumbled upon the Romans verses that condemn homosexuality, I was shook because I didn’t know they were in there, and I was flat out angry at God. I felt like I felt hatred towards Him.

I backslid so bad my sophomore year, too. Not just sexual sin, but idolatry too. (Will elaborate more if needed). I repented of this backsliding but I keep questioning if it was truly sincere because I’m struggling to feel bad or convicted about anything I do. I think I have mental assent…I feel like my faith is merely a mind thing and no longer a heart thing anymore. I think I lost my faith/salvation because of the blatant sin I was living in for a while without true repentance until (I hope) recently.

I also feel like I’ve been becoming too spiritually apathetic/neutral and hard-hearted lately.
I feel hopeless. “It’s so unlikely you’ll end up saved anyway, so why even try?” I already feel like it’s too late for me, that faith has left my heart, that I’ve lost my relationship with God. And I feel like I don’t care enough about it. I keep seeing 6 appear three times in a row and I’m scared it means there are demonic omens following me.

What if I’m not elect, not one of God’s chosen people? What if that’s why I’m getting no results from all this striving?
I also fear I may have blasphemed the holy spirit (unpardonable sin) when I was younger, I was very angry at God, full of hate, and I think at one point I told Him I wanted nothing to do with Him or at least thought it in my heart.

I know fear and doubt are sins…I don’t know how to get out of this. I feel like I’ve lost all my faith, all my trust, all my belief that He loves me…and that I can’t ever restore that now. I'm still trying to seek God daily but it feels so dry now, and that discourages me from trying to seek real spiritual change because I feel like nothing WILL change. I feel like I’m going to die forever and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t feel better no matter what.

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Hm...Joseph Prince have the exact same problem as you when he is in the youth. You should watch all his sermons and you will be more assured.

Maria Billingsley said:

This type of thinking is the work of the deceiver. The elect are those who stay the course..

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The elect are ALL the born again.
Discipleship, as you are confusing with Salvation, is not proof of being born again.
The only proof of salvation is if you are born again.
The only reason you will go to heaven, is if you are born again.

The Thread's Op is experiencing the usual condemnation because they have not been what they think they need to be, so that God will keep them.
So, that isn't a spiritual issue, that is a Theological issue, related to not understanding the Grace of God, or the Gift of Salvation.