Question

[Kit Sigmon]

No I live in my own apartment. My mom does babysit every now and again but not regularly. Also I made a mistake on the year of my birth when creating my profile so I am about to turn 29. Not 30! Nor yet!
My mom does want me to so things her way though and has said " the bible say honor your mother?" I think to her that means "obey your mother no matter what!"

Both of you should know by now that obeying one's parent(s) doesn't mean we are to forego what the Word of God teaches that lying
is wrong.
Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak
truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body."

Proverbs 12:22
"The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy."


King Solomon didn't obey his mother Bathsheba in this matter, even though he
did say he wouldn't refuse her prior to hearing her request...1 Kings 2:13-25.

 

[Christie insb]

Say no and don't do it. Who does she want you to lie to? Tell her that if she wants to lie to someone she can deal with her problems herself and not involve you.

I agree. As an adult honoring your mother doesn't mean obeying her all the time. A lot of family dysfunction involves lying or deceit of some kind and this is not going to help anyone, your mother included.

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

The bible says to honor your mother and father. It also says thou shalt not lie. What if your mother tells you to lie?
Personally, Im not down with that. Yes, I have lied before, but that is not by any means a reason to do it again! That's just twisted logic. Well, you've done wrong in this regard before, what's once more?....ummm...no. Even if you have committed the same grievous, the same sin thousands of times you can still repent.
Edit: by the above statement I did not mean commit the same sin over and over, ask forgiveness but Not change your behavior, and do it over and over some more. True repentanence involves change.

Yeshua said that loving God and your neighbor are the main commandment...all the Law and Prophets hang on these. The 10 Commandments have the first 4 for loving God while the others are how to love your neighbor. If you notice, honor your father and mother is the 1st of those regarding your neighbors. Good parents are the first to teach good values regarding how you treat others...

 

[Monna]

I moved abroad when I was 20. Some years later my parents and brother came to live with me for a year. I was incredibly impressed (and pleased) that they always respected the fact that it was my home, my house and never used the fact that they were my parents to push me around and do things their way.

I was never put in a situation where I had to disobey their command to jump off a cliff ... but I doubt that you, BIF, would have a guilty conscience disobeying your mother if she told you to jump off of one. So why do you experience a conflict of conscience when she asks you to lie - wasn't she one who taught you when you were little not to lie? I'm getting a feeling that there is something deeper here....

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

I moved abroad when I was 20. Some years later my parents and brother came to live with me for a year. I was incredibly impressed (and pleased) that they always respected the fact that it was my home, my house and never used the fact that they were my parents to push me around and do things their way.

I was never put in a situation where I had to disobey their command to jump off a cliff ... but I doubt that you, BIF, would have a guilty conscience disobeying your mother if she told you to jump off of one. So why do you experience a conflict of conscience when she asks you to lie - wasn't she one who taught you when you were little not to lie? I'm getting a feeling that there is something deeper here....

She doesn't want me to lie to her. But to others, especially if its to save face, she encourages it.

 

[Monna]

She doesn't want me to lie to her. But to others, especially if its to save face, she encourages it

Do you actually mean that she wants you to tell her all your "little secrets?" But she doesn't want you to blab about hers?

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Do you actually mean that she wants you to tell her all your "little secrets?" But snt you to blab about hers?

Ok...here is what happened. I invited a friend to Thanksgiving dinner. My mother was very unhappy about this ( even though she does not know the person at all) she told me to tell my friend that I wont to be home for Thanksgiving so I couldn't have him over after all. I said but that is a lie. She said so what you have lied before! Just do it again! And I said well doing something wrong in the past is not a reason to continue doing it. In fact it's a reason to stop.
My mother would not appreciate if I told that to her. She would not like if I lied to her and said I would not be home for Thanksgiving so I could not have her over. She would not like it if I told any lie to her. But she will tell me to lie to someone else especially if it spares her any embarrassment.

 

[ValleyGal]

You are an adult and are entitled to invite whoever you want for Thanksgiving. Seems a petty thing she wants you to lie about and very controlling, too. Please check out the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It sounds like she really needs to learn that you are not accountable to her, and she can't call the shots.

 

[mukk_in]

QUOTE="Beautyinsteadofashes, post: 72017813, member: 398357"]The bible says to honor your mother and father. It also says thou shalt not lie. What if your mother tells you to lie?
Personally, Im not down with that. Yes, I have lied before, but that is not by any means a reason to do it again! That's just twisted logic. Well, you've done wrong in this regard before, what's once more?....ummm...no. Even if you have committed the same grievous, the same sin thousands of times you can still repent.
Edit: by the above statement I did not mean commit the same sin over and over, ask forgiveness but Not change your behavior, and do it over and over some more. True repentanence involves change. [/QUOTE]
I don't think that you should lie even if your mom told you to do so sis. Parental advice is only relevant if they're in the Lord. Practical and solid wisdom can be given by even unbelieving parents (like mine for example) but that doesn't make it godly. Hope that helps. God bless your family child .

 

[Elliewaves]

I second the boundaries book. You are an adult. If the gathering was at her house, then it's within her rights (although rude) to ask you to uninvite someone if she doesn't want them there. She doesn't have to ask you to lie to do that. If it's at your place, she has no say over who you invite and really it's quite inappropriate (and imbalanced) for her to ask you to lie or even uninvite someone to Thanksgiving dinner if you have invited them to your own home.

 

[redleghunter]

What I will be doing tomorrow

How important is the situation?

Is it a situation where she made an excuse to not hurt your feelings because she wanted solitude for a day. Or a lie to avoid you?

If the former you could just say ok mom understand you need some space just say so. The latter you honor your mother by confronting the lie.

 

[JesusIsLord_]

There's a story in the Bible, in the book of Acts, where two apostles are arrested. They are told by the authorities "we will free you, but don't talk about that Jesus anymore". They left and continued to talk about Jesus to everyone. So the authorities got them and asked "have we not told you to stop talking about Jesus?", they replied "It's best to obey God than to obey men."


The Bible tells us to submit to the authorities, but when authorities command us to sin we must obey God rather to then. So if your mother tells you to lie but God says "don't lie", then obey God. Acts 5:29

 

[Emmy]

Dear Beautyinsted. God is Love, and to lie is certainly not to love. It is a sin to lie, and in Matthew 22: 35-40; Jesus tells us: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy hearts, with all thy souls, and with all thy minds. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself. In verse 40 we are told: On these 2 Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. God is Love, and God wants loving sons and daughters. To lie is certainly NOT LOVE, and the Bible tells us: Give up all selfish and unloving words and manners. Love God and love each other. That is what God wants from us. Love is very catching, and love will always be ready to be as we would love to be. Jesus our Saviour died that we might live, Jesus is the WAY, the only WAY. Let us all try to be as our Heavenly Father wants us to be. Loving and forgiving. Life will be worth living. Love grows quickly, and love chases Satan and his followers away. Why not ask God for Love, ( Matthew 7: 7-10 and then thank God and start living as God wants us to live. Love will always be on our side if we want it to be. I say this with love, Beautyinstead. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.
.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

How important is the situation?

Is it a situation where she made an excuse to not hurt your feelings because she wanted solitude for a day. Or a lie to avoid you?

If the former you could just say ok mom understand you need some space just say so. The latter you honor your mother by confronting the lie.

She wanted me to lie to my friend and tell him I would not be home for thanksgiving so he could not come after all. She said this because she does not like him. But she has never met or spoke to him.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

You are an adult and are entitled to invite whoever you want for Thanksgiving. Seems a petty thing she wants you to lie about and very controlling, too. Please check out the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It sounds like she really needs to learn that you are not accountable to her, and she can't call the shots.

Yeah she kinda believes I should do everything she says because she is my mother. But moms are human like everyone else. They are not perfect. They are not all knowing. They can be wrong. Sometimes even a mom has to humble herself and admit shexwas wrong to her kids. That's my opinion anyway. I have no prob telling my kids mommy is sorry.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

you're not required to obey the command of an earthly authority if that command leads you to commit sin.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

She wanted me to lie to my friend and tell him I would not be home for thanksgiving so he could not come after all. She said this because she does not like him. But she has never met or spoke to him.

yeah, you shouldn't do it.

 

[Grandliseur]

The bible says to honor your mother and father. It also says thou shalt not lie. What if your mother tells you to lie?
Personally, Im not down with that. Yes, I have lied before, but that is not by any means a reason to do it again! That's just twisted logic. Well, you've done wrong in this regard before, what's once more?....ummm...no. Even if you have committed the same grievous, the same sin thousands of times you can still repent.
Edit: by the above statement I did not mean commit the same sin over and over, ask forgiveness but Not change your behavior, and do it over and over some more. True repentanence involves change.

Isn't honoring your father and mother showing them consideration as they get older with perhaps helping with expenses, with shopping, with preparing a nice meal once in a while. It surely is not lying for them, or some such other wrong thing. But, then lying is not always lying, not everybody has the right to secrets. David was not reprimanded for telling enemies lies. God has many times told us things that are true, but surely in no way is the whole truth about the matter. That is up to us to find out by study at times.

As for me, I am living a very lonely isolated existence, so it is nice when I get a visit from my son and his family with perhaps a little goodie. All I wish for my son and his family is that they are happy and that things are going well for them. No need for anything else, except a little help with this or that on occasion
--
edit:
I saw your dilemma described. There are ways of telling people off in those situations without lying, as I am sure you know. But, who you choose to have as friends is your business; except, bad association spoils useful habits, and if you engage in immorality, that makes God angry. If you just want to get married, that is simply not your family's business strictly speaking.

 

[*LILAC]

Ok...here is what happened. I invited a friend to Thanksgiving dinner. My mother was very unhappy about this ( even though she does not know the person at all) she told me to tell my friend that I wont to be home for Thanksgiving so I couldn't have him over after all. I said but that is a lie. She said so what you have lied before! Just do it again! And I said well doing something wrong in the past is not a reason to continue doing it. In fact it's a reason to stop.
My mother would not appreciate if I told that to her. She would not like if I lied to her and said I would not be home for Thanksgiving so I could not have her over. She would not like it if I told any lie to her. But she will tell me to lie to someone else especially if it spares her any embarrassment.

If Thanksgiving is in your house, you can invite whomever you wish. If it's in her house, it's best to respect her wishes.

 

[ValleyGal]

Beauty, what did you end up doing?