Question --- Texting guy friends

[sk8brdkd]

So, I have a few guy friends. Through text, it's very very difficult to get conversations going. One of them is a newer friend I made back in July. The other guy I've been friends w/ for a few years, yet, I find it the same w/ both. Texting them and trying to get conversations going is extremely tough. The one friend, I usually hear from him once a day at the moment and it's the same stuff. How are you doing? How was your day, etc. and then the conversation drops off. If he comes up w/ something that happened throughout his day, I'll ask him questions to try to continue the conversation but, often times when I bring up something in text about my day, instead of him asking me questions, i either don't get a response or i'll get a 1 worded response and that's it and then i'm stuck to, what do i do next??

Is this normal for guys to not carry on a conversation via text or to just have small talk? If it isn't, what can I do to try and get a conversation going. I don't know what else to ask him and this is bothering me.

Whenever I see these 2 guys in person --- always separately, they are both very good talkers and it's never quiet btwn us and we're always talking --- i don't know how to get them both to talk through fb or through text too --- it's just odd to always have the same small talk type of conversation through text.

I'm just curious as when I normally text my girl friends on the phone, our conversations flow pretty well normally and go into detail but, is it just not normal for guys to go into detail via text or something?

Also... the 1 friend, he has called me a couple times and i had called him 2 months ago when i was having an issue w/ my ex --- but when i speak to him on the phone, normally, the conversation does flow pretty well.

It just doesn't sit well w/ me not having good conversations via text w/ them.

 

[Hamlet7768]

It depends on the person. They may prefer face-to-face interaction to texting. Or they may be busy at the times you're texting. I'd take it as a sign to interact face-to-face more with your friends, guys and girls.

Honestly, in my friend group (guys and girls) half the conversation is memes and reactions to memes. The rest of it's complaining about work, trying to plan hangouts, and reacting to the weird things we find at our respective jobs.

 

[Soyeong]

So, I have a few guy friends. Through text, it's very very difficult to get conversations going. One of them is a newer friend I made back in July. The other guy I've been friends w/ for a few years, yet, I find it the same w/ both. Texting them and trying to get conversations going is extremely tough. The one friend, I usually hear from him once a day at the moment and it's the same stuff. How are you doing? How was your day, etc. and then the conversation drops off. If he comes up w/ something that happened throughout his day, I'll ask him questions to try to continue the conversation but, often times when I bring up something in text about my day, instead of him asking me questions, i either don't get a response or i'll get a 1 worded response and that's it and then i'm stuck to, what do i do next??

Is this normal for guys to not carry on a conversation via text or to just have small talk? If it isn't, what can I do to try and get a conversation going. I don't know what else to ask him and this is bothering me.

Whenever I see these 2 guys in person --- always separately, they are both very good talkers and it's never quiet btwn us and we're always talking --- i don't know how to get them both to talk through fb or through text too --- it's just odd to always have the same small talk type of conversation through text.

I'm just curious as when I normally text my girl friends on the phone, our conversations flow pretty well normally and go into detail but, is it just not normal for guys to go into detail via text or something?

Also... the 1 friend, he has called me a couple times and i had called him 2 months ago when i was having an issue w/ my ex --- but when i speak to him on the phone, normally, the conversation does flow pretty well.

It just doesn't sit well w/ me not having good conversations via text w/ them.

Hello,

When we normally to someone face to face, there is a lot nonverbal communication, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and what they are doing, which do not get communicated, so I've found that is can be easy misinterpret why someone is not responding to a text. Perhaps they missed the text, or they haven't checked their phone, or in the middle of watching a movie, or some other activity. Perhaps they don't excel at small talk, or they don't enjoy small talk, or they prefer not to have conversations through texting, or they are not aware that you are wanting to have a more involved conversation.

There could be any number of reasons for not responding that have nothing to do with you, but we often tend to read into that whether there is something wrong with us. Did we say something wrong? Are we pestering them? Are they angry with us? Do they not like us? I find these sorts of questions make it really easy to read into it something that isn't there, so I find it best to try to avoid doing that and to be direct as possible. I can tell you that men do not excel at reading the minds of women and if you want a more involved text conversation you're probably going to have to let them know.

 

[Citanul]

Are you the one texting them every day? Because it could be that they just don't have that much to say since the last time. People's working days can often be quite routine, so maybe they're not interested in giving the same answers to the same questions.

But maybe you should ask them about it. It could be that they're just not into texting, which doesn't necessarily have anything to with their gender.

And the other thing that just occurred to me - are they single? Because if they're not then I can understand why they might not feel comfortable having lengthy text conversations with another woman while they're dating someone else.

 

[kittysbecute]

It sounds like they just aren't into texting.

 

[bekkilyn]

I can't speak for those guys, but I know that one of the last things I'd want is someone texting me to death and expecting immediate responses, especially if it's just meaningless "Hi, how's the weather?" type of stuff.

Because then they're just going to respond, "Fine." And you'll send, "No, really." And they'll send, "Cloudy." And you'll send, "Maybe the sun will come out soon." And they'll send, "Maybe." And you'll send, "Wonder what the weather will be like tomorrow..."

Then they'll just get a new phone and not tell anyone what the new number is.

Seriously though, lots of people don't bother much with texting.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It's low interest in talking to you. If they were into you they would give you more. If you want to be in a relationship with one of them this isn't the way. Otherwise just accept they aren't interested in what you are saying. You've done all you could do but if they aren't willing to invest any time in you then i'd suggest you stop investing time in them.

 

[Citanul]

I can't speak for those guys, but I know that one of the last things I'd want is someone texting me to death and expecting immediate responses, especially if it's just meaningless "Hi, how's the weather?" type of stuff.

Yeah, this bugs me too, as well as "What are you up to?" - I briefly dated someone who was very much into sending that, and while I appreciated that she was showing interest, it got to the point where it felt like I was having to account for my time.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Yeah, this bugs me too, as well as "What are you up to?" - I briefly dated someone who was very much into sending that, and while I appreciated that she was showing interest, it got to the point where it felt like I was having to account for my time.

I’m friends with this one girl who would ask me that question several times a day wanting to know what I’m doing. I got so annoyed by that question bc I felt like you that I stopped answering it bc I’m up to whatever I’m doing. I never asked her what she was doing. Bc her life is hers. I shouldn’t meddle in her business asking that question a few times a day/everyday

 

[sk8brdkd]

Are you the one texting them every day? Because it could be that they just don't have that much to say since the last time. People's working days can often be quite routine, so maybe they're not interested in giving the same answers to the same questions.

But maybe you should ask them about it. It could be that they're just not into texting, which doesn't necessarily have anything to with their gender.

And the other thing that just occurred to me - are they single? Because if they're not then I can understand why they might not feel comfortable having lengthy text conversations with another woman while they're dating someone else.

He’s normally the one to text me asking me how I’m doing, etc. so I tell him the truth but in a simple format. Example: doing well but had a difficult day at work, etc.

The other day, I decided to text him bc I hadn’t heard from him all day. All I said was, how was your day? Didn’t get a response so I just didn’t text him til he sent me a picture of this cat with a cute saying underneath and I told him that made me smile. But that was it.

He is single as am I. I usually hear from him once a day and I would normally leave it up to him to text me. I don’t want to be overbearing or text him too much. And it’s just difficult via text bc I really don’t know what to talk to him about. There’s work, his motorcycle, his upcoming plans. Sometimes I try to incorporate all that and try to start a conversation with something like that.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Hello,

When we normally to someone face to face, there is a lot nonverbal communication, such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and what they are doing, which do not get communicated, so I've found that is can be easy misinterpret why someone is not responding to a text. Perhaps they missed the text, or they haven't checked their phone, or in the middle of watching a movie, or some other activity. Perhaps they don't excel at small talk, or they don't enjoy small talk, or they prefer not to have conversations through texting, or they are not aware that you are wanting to have a more involved conversation.

There could be any number of reasons for not responding that have nothing to do with you, but we often tend to read into that whether there is something wrong with us. Did we say something wrong? Are we pestering them? Are they angry with us? Do they not like us? I find these sorts of questions make it really easy to read into it something that isn't there, so I find it best to try to avoid doing that and to be direct as possible. I can tell you that men do not excel at reading the minds of women and if you want a more involved text conversation you're probably going to have to let them know.

You’re right about that. Yes often times after the how are you texts, that’s it. I’d Love to ask him something else but I often have no clue what to say lol or yes, I think up the questions u mentioned. I guess a lot of it is in your mind. In my mind I’m thinking, maybe he’s pulling away but since he’s the one who normally starts the texting, if he was pulling away, he wouldn’t still be texting me everyday.

 

[sk8brdkd]

It's low interest in talking to you. If they were into you they would give you more. If you want to be in a relationship with one of them this isn't the way. Otherwise just accept they aren't interested in what you are saying. You've done all you could do but if they aren't willing to invest any time in you then i'd suggest you stop investing time in them.

Then why would they start initiating the conversation if not interested? The one guy often wants to hang out, go to dinner, movies, etc. but it’s just text that’s hard

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Then why would they start initiating the conversation if not interested? The one guy often wants to hang out, go to dinner, movies, etc. but it’s just text that’s hard

Either way you have to pull back and let them pursue you.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

Sk8, I don't know how old you are, but I've found most people older than, say, 25-28 consider sending and receiving text messages annoying.

Another angle: The male sex in general feels no need to maintain connections with people throughout the day (or even week) for that sole purpose. Males are perfectly happy dropping connections (or marking them low priority) whenever they're not crucial to completing some specific task or achieving a specific outcome.

 

[Sketcher]

Small talk over text quite honestly seems like a waste of time because it does not seem purposeful.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Most people have one or two interests that once you get them started, you might not be able to get them to stop talking. If you can work out what those interests are you're more likely to get a conversation. For example, topics such as the weather may not generate much of a response unless the person is into meteorology, or they have an interest in a sport or leisure pursuit that is highly weather dependent. This won't necessarily apply when you're chatting face to face, as it's a different ball game.

Also, and this might upset the sweeping generalisations police, men and women often like talking about different kinds of topics. Many women like discussing emotions, relationships, and people, whereas men often prefer to steer clear of those areas unless they are in a very close intimate relationship with someone.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Sk8, I don't know how old you are, but I've found most people older than, say, 25-28 consider sending and receiving text messages annoying.

Another angle: The male sex in general feels no need to maintain connections with people throughout the day (or even week) for that sole purpose. Males are perfectly happy dropping connections (or marking them low priority) whenever they're not crucial to completing some specific task or achieving a specific outcome.

hmm i didn't even think that. I figured most people enjoy receiving texts. I'm in my 30's and i love receiving texts lol. Well, from how you and a couple others explained this, I get it now, sorta of. I actually saw my 1 guy friend yesterday and again in person, things were great. We had constant conversation throughout the afternoon/evening that we hung out. It's just hard for me to get used to the little texting.

 

[sk8brdkd]

Either way you have to pull back and let them pursue you.

I'm trying to. Though, I still catch myself texting the 1 bc I can relate more to him then my other friend.