Question re: living together before marriage

[Acceptance]

I know it's not a good idea for a couple to live together before they're married, however I was wondering if the Church (all personal opinions aside) considers it a mortal sin to live with someone of the opposite sex if you're not engaging in any type of sinful activity (i.e. having sex)? Say, for example, the couple was living together for financial reasons.

 

[Paul S]

No, it's not a mortal sin, since the couple is not having sex. However, it can lead to the sin of scandal, and it's a very big occasion of sin.

 

[Acceptance]

What's the sin of scandal?

 

[Carrye]

Even if you are not having premarital sex, living together is sinful. As my pastor explained it, it's a choice to sin every day. Also, it can bring scandal upon the Faithful.

From the Kansas Bishops.

 

[colleen]

I agree with Paul. If by couple you mean a boyfriend/girlfriend as opposed to just two good friends I think the problem gets even worse. At that point you are playing at being husband and wife (even if you aren't having sex), and all parts of marriage should be saved for married life.
Colleen

 

[Acceptance]

As my pastor explained it, it's a choice to sin every day.

Could you explain that further?

 

[D'Ann]

I agree with Paul. If by couple you mean a boyfriend/girlfriend as opposed to just two good friends I think the problem gets even worse. At that point you are playing at being husband and wife (even if you aren't having sex), and all parts of marriage should be saved for married life.
Colleen

Well said. I wasn't sure how to say it. Thanks.

 

[Acceptance]

I agree with Paul. If by couple you mean a boyfriend/girlfriend as opposed to just two good friends I think the problem gets even worse. At that point you are playing at being husband and wife (even if you aren't having sex), and all parts of marriage should be saved for married life.
Colleen

I appreciate what you're saying, but does the Church consider this to be a mortal sin?

 

[Carrye]

Could you explain that further?

Because two people are choosing to live together before marriage (a sinful activity if nothing else because of the scandal aspect), then they are each choosing to sin in this way each and every day.

 

[Paul S]

What's the sin of scandal?

Causing other people to think you're sinning, and then doing something like going up for Communion. It then looks like the Church is condoning premarital sex. That doesn't always happen, but the possibility's there.

 

[BillH]

Could you explain that further?

Especially if it's a person that you have some romantic involvement with, there will always be the constant temptation to commit the sin of engaging in sexual relations. Hence, you're having to constantly fight the temptation. Hence, while it's not sinful in itself, it places in you a condition where you might commit a sin.

The sin of scandal part comes from those people who assume that because you're living together, you MUST be sleeping together. If you're known as a Catholic, then it reflects poorly on the faith if people assume that you're living an un-Christian lifestyle.

 

[Acceptance]

The sin of scandal part comes from those people who assume that because you're living together, you MUST be sleeping together. If you're known as a Catholic, then it reflects poorly on the faith if people assume that you're living an un-Christian lifestyle.

Thank you, this is a very clear way to describe the scandal thing.


But what if no one really knows you're living together? If you each own your own houses, have all your mail go to your own address, keep you own phone number, don't tell people you're living together for the sole purpose of trying not to represent "another lapsed Catholic"? Is it still considered Scandelous if you don't announce it? Consider that you never have to lie about it because no one ever asks.

 

[BillH]

But what if no one really knows you're living together? If you each own your own houses, have all your mail go to your own address, keep you own phone number, don't tell people you're living together for the sole purpose of trying not to represent "another lapsed Catholic"? Is it still considered Scandelous if you don't announce it? Consider that you never have to lie about it because no one ever asks.

If you're able to do it in such a way that nobody knows, then I suppose that it won't be scandalous. However, this might be quite difficult to do in practice.

 

[Acceptance]

If you're able to do it in such a way that nobody knows, then I suppose that it won't be scandalous. However, this might be quite difficult to do in practice.

I know, typing it up, I felt like I was writing a hypothetical, but it is a very real situation...unideally.

I recently stumbeled upon the AM Catholic radio station, and in the Catholic Answers program there was a lot of discussion about this, but of all the sin that was associated with living together before marriage, I couldn't really come up with much relating my situation. Pretty much the only reason we do it is because our houses are about 40 minutes apart from each other and he works 2-11:30pm, 6 days on, then 3 off. So we would literally never see each other other than a couple days a month if we didn't "live together".

 

[BillH]

I know, typing it up, I felt like I was writing a hypothetical, but it is a very real situation...unideally.

I recently stumbeled upon the AM Catholic radio station, and in the Catholic Answers program there was a lot of discussion about this, but of all the sin that was associated with living together before marriage, I couldn't really come up with much relating my situation. Pretty much the only reason we do it is because our houses are about 40 minutes apart from each other and he works 2-11:30pm, 6 days on, then 3 off. So we would literally never see each other other than a couple days a month if we didn't "live together".

Ouch! I know the feeling...

Do you have any family members and/or married and/or male friends that live nearby? If so, my suggestion would be to see if he could stay with them during his three days off so that you could spend a lot of time together then.

 

[Robbie_James_Francis]

Good question. I had always thought that cohabitation was sinful...but now I think about it, I don't think that it is unless it is a definite occasion for sin.

Rob

 

[Acceptance]

Ouch! I know the feeling...

Do you have any family members and/or married and/or male friends that live nearby? If so, my suggestion would be to see if he could stay with them during his three days off so that you could spend a lot of time together then.

This would be a great idea, except his father just died of cancer (at 56) and his mom is in dire need of him now, and has been the past year or so since his dad passed (you know, fix the roof, tear down the pool, clean the gutters, mow the lawn -- not to mention his mom has fallen into deep depression, but that's another issue all together). Anyhoo, there's no way he'd be able to up and go for those 3 days, plus I'm usually at work during the day.

-- I feel like I'm making excuses for everything, but it's really the honest truth. I do appreciate your guys input because it's a quasi-unique situation that I've been seeking a genuine answer to. We do plan to get married, but like anything that takes some money (however small the mass is).

 

[Carrye]

-- I feel like I'm making excuses for everything, but it's really the honest truth. I do appreciate your guys input because it's a quasi-unique situation that I've been seeking a genuine answer to. We do plan to get married, but like anything that takes some money (however small the mass is).

Honestly, I'd talk to your pastor and get his advice. I can tell you what the Magisterium says, but applying it is the task of you in conjunction w/ your pastor.

 

[Acceptance]

Honestly, I'd talk to your pastor and get his advice. I can tell you what the Magisterium says, but applying it is the task of you in conjunction w/ your pastor.

A good peice of advice.

 

[Robbie_James_Francis]

Honestly, I'd talk to your pastor and get his advice. I can tell you what the Magisterium says, but applying it is the task of you in conjunction w/ your pastor.

Excellent advice.

When in doubt...ask your priest!!!