I believe I already know the answer to this, I just would like some confirmation or other opinions.
I met someone online and the conversations and praying together seemed like an answer to my prayers. But I was hurt in the past, so I was cautious.
He gave me 4 days notice before flying in, which happened to be the weekend before my birthday. I paid for a hotel for him, cancelled the plans I had with people, and got suggestions of things to do with him so his visit would be pleasant.
I was unsure about him within 10 minutes of meeting - he got extremely anxious when his luggage, from a plan which had just landed, was not ready to be picked up. When he did see it, he reached over another person to grab it, and if he said excuse me or anything to her, I didn't hear it, and by the look on her face I don't think she heard anything either.
He said he was hungry so I took him to a restaurant after midnight. I didn't eat anything and told him several times I was usually in bed by this time. Instead of ordering the food to go, he wanted to sit and talk with me until 3am. I tried to be as pleasant as I could, and paid for his meal.
After helping him get situated in his room, he said he wanted to make the most of the weekend and asked if we could get started at 8:30am. I told him there was no way when I was going to be driving. I didn't get home until after 4am.
The next day at 8:30am he called and stated that he was dressed and ready to go. I flew out of bed, got ready and spent the entire day with him, paying for everything but one meal, until almost 10pm at night. When we were at a Shrine praying, I got a message to wait and not start a relationship with him.
The next day he called at 8am that he was dressed and ready to go to church that started at 8:30am. I flew out of house and took care of and paid for everything that day. We ran into someone I knew that wished me a happy birthday, and it seemed that it was only then that he remembered my birthday was Tuesday. He never said happy birthday to me, just asked what I was doing on Tuesday with a smug look like he knew what day it was, but didn't actually say anything. I was with him until I dropped him off at the airport at 4:30, and was so happy to see him go.
By this time I already thought he was selfish and inconsiderate. And things got extremely weird. I went home and slept because I was exhausted. He was upset that he was texting me before, after, and during the night and I didn't respond. I told him I was sleeping.
On my birthday, he sent a long text message that he was exhausted and people told him he didn't look like himself, and that he had been puking since getting home because he was so worried he screwed things up.
I told him there were things we needed to talk about, but I didn't want to talk about serious things on my birthday. I couldn't live like how things were that weekend and didn't know if he was nervous or was always like that.
He interpreted this as me saying he ruined my birthday.
A few days later I got a lengthily email on how he needs reassurance from his better half, was so sick and throwing up from nerves all week because he thought he ruined things with me, and he went through the whole weekend of all the things that upset him and that he wish were different. He then told me that morning he thought of proposing to me.
He posted on Facebook, clearly forgetting we were friends, that I wrote him off, he needed prayers for being alone, and posted a song about learning to be lonely.
I was at a loss for words. I told him it was selfish to expect someone else to reassure him all the time and if that is what he needs from someone, I wasn't it. I told him how hard I worked and tried to give him a good weekend, and that his thoughts to propose seemed inappropriate because I had made him miserable with worry since we met.
I told him about my experience at the shrine and that God told me to wait, probably because I am in the middle of testing to get certified for my career. It took me years to start to take these tests, and not that i have not only started taking them, but even started passing, that I need to finish what I started.
We did talk and he said he would get help for his anxiety, and support me with my health and career goals and we would try to meet again.
Instead he changed his Facebook settings so I cannot see any of his posts, stop responding to my texts, and started logging onto the site we met again.
My pastor says all these are not good signs, and if I told him I was following God to wait and he didn't respect that, then I do need to let him go.
Was there something I could have done better to not be in this situation? I do believe I now know why God told me to wait, but I didn't think the things that happened would happen, especially when this guy tells me how much he prays to God for answers. If he prays as much as he says he does, why couldn't he also hear God telling him to wait, or at least to not promise me support and then turn around and start looking without telling me he didn't want to wait?
I met someone online and the conversations and praying together seemed like an answer to my prayers. But I was hurt in the past, so I was cautious.
He gave me 4 days notice before flying in, which happened to be the weekend before my birthday. I paid for a hotel for him, cancelled the plans I had with people, and got suggestions of things to do with him so his visit would be pleasant.
I was unsure about him within 10 minutes of meeting - he got extremely anxious when his luggage, from a plan which had just landed, was not ready to be picked up. When he did see it, he reached over another person to grab it, and if he said excuse me or anything to her, I didn't hear it, and by the look on her face I don't think she heard anything either.
He said he was hungry so I took him to a restaurant after midnight. I didn't eat anything and told him several times I was usually in bed by this time. Instead of ordering the food to go, he wanted to sit and talk with me until 3am. I tried to be as pleasant as I could, and paid for his meal.
After helping him get situated in his room, he said he wanted to make the most of the weekend and asked if we could get started at 8:30am. I told him there was no way when I was going to be driving. I didn't get home until after 4am.
The next day at 8:30am he called and stated that he was dressed and ready to go. I flew out of bed, got ready and spent the entire day with him, paying for everything but one meal, until almost 10pm at night. When we were at a Shrine praying, I got a message to wait and not start a relationship with him.
The next day he called at 8am that he was dressed and ready to go to church that started at 8:30am. I flew out of house and took care of and paid for everything that day. We ran into someone I knew that wished me a happy birthday, and it seemed that it was only then that he remembered my birthday was Tuesday. He never said happy birthday to me, just asked what I was doing on Tuesday with a smug look like he knew what day it was, but didn't actually say anything. I was with him until I dropped him off at the airport at 4:30, and was so happy to see him go.
By this time I already thought he was selfish and inconsiderate. And things got extremely weird. I went home and slept because I was exhausted. He was upset that he was texting me before, after, and during the night and I didn't respond. I told him I was sleeping.
On my birthday, he sent a long text message that he was exhausted and people told him he didn't look like himself, and that he had been puking since getting home because he was so worried he screwed things up.
I told him there were things we needed to talk about, but I didn't want to talk about serious things on my birthday. I couldn't live like how things were that weekend and didn't know if he was nervous or was always like that.
He interpreted this as me saying he ruined my birthday.
A few days later I got a lengthily email on how he needs reassurance from his better half, was so sick and throwing up from nerves all week because he thought he ruined things with me, and he went through the whole weekend of all the things that upset him and that he wish were different. He then told me that morning he thought of proposing to me.
He posted on Facebook, clearly forgetting we were friends, that I wrote him off, he needed prayers for being alone, and posted a song about learning to be lonely.
I was at a loss for words. I told him it was selfish to expect someone else to reassure him all the time and if that is what he needs from someone, I wasn't it. I told him how hard I worked and tried to give him a good weekend, and that his thoughts to propose seemed inappropriate because I had made him miserable with worry since we met.
I told him about my experience at the shrine and that God told me to wait, probably because I am in the middle of testing to get certified for my career. It took me years to start to take these tests, and not that i have not only started taking them, but even started passing, that I need to finish what I started.
We did talk and he said he would get help for his anxiety, and support me with my health and career goals and we would try to meet again.
Instead he changed his Facebook settings so I cannot see any of his posts, stop responding to my texts, and started logging onto the site we met again.
My pastor says all these are not good signs, and if I told him I was following God to wait and he didn't respect that, then I do need to let him go.
Was there something I could have done better to not be in this situation? I do believe I now know why God told me to wait, but I didn't think the things that happened would happen, especially when this guy tells me how much he prays to God for answers. If he prays as much as he says he does, why couldn't he also hear God telling him to wait, or at least to not promise me support and then turn around and start looking without telling me he didn't want to wait?
