SlayveX said:
Here goes:
First off, allow me to lay out the current situation:
<some snippage here for brevity>
I guess my question to you guys is:
How does one convince a christian to have an abortion of a child that has the possibility of not being yours in the first place? If it's mine, I would be bound to love and care for the child as a parental necessity, which would, at this moment in life, destroy any chance of LIVING a life due to current financial and work related situations.
I refuse adoption
She refuses abortion.
Wow. Just.... wow.
What an amazingly screwed up situation all around.
Okay. My honest, absolutely bald, genuine opinion here is that you both sound very selfish and immature, and both need to start acting more like adults - both in this situation, and in the responsible prevention of situations like this happening in the future.
First of all, cheating on your partner, regardless of the reasons, is a rotten thing to do. (It sounds from your post like that may have been the case; if not, my apologies.) In any case, having multiple partners in a short period of time isn't a great idea - as you've both just found out.
Second of all, I have no idea what kind of birth control you guys were using, if any, but it seems to me on the surface of it that you both need to use it more effectively. Which could mean adopting a method in the first place, or using the one you normally use more intelligently, or using more than one method, or deciding not to have sex in the first place until you get your act together.
Thirdly, you don't get to tell your EX significant other what she can and can't do as far as abortion goes. I think it fair to discuss the issue with her,
if the child is in fact yours, but in the end it's up to her whether she aborts or not - and in the end, that's a matter that will weigh on her own conscience, for good or ill. Not on yours.
(The fact that she's decided to abort after all, having found out that it isn't your baby, suggests to me that she likely was going to try to use the kid to ensnare you into parenthood if it was yours. Another extraordinarily selfish thing.)
If the child isn't yours (and it seems that it's been established that it isn't), then it isn't any of your bally business what she decides to do. Abort, adopt out, raise it herself, or raise it with the actual father - not your kid, not your responsibility, not your parental right. Period.
Okay, and what was this whole "I don't want to have it but I don't want anybody else to have it either" thing? Here's the solution: if it were yours, and she decided to give it up for adoption, you'd have a decision to make. You could sign over your rights as a parent and let someone else adopt, or else you do the grownup thing and challenge the adoption and raise it yourself. Don't like it? Tough beans. I would've encouraged you to adopt, since it seems clear to me you don't want and aren't ready for a baby right now.
If she decides to abort, your baby or not, again - don't like it? Tough beans.
Look, if sex is happening, potential babies are one possible result. That's the way it goes. And babies will change your life, for better or worse, regardless of whether they were planned or not. And at this point in time, you don't get to be in charge of whether or not your ex aborts, adopts, or keeps the kid. Not fair? Tough. That's the way it is.
At least you have enough sense to realize that the two of you shouldn't be together and shouldn't raise a kid together - that's a good start. So is realizing that a baby isn't something that you want - at least you
know that and can take steps to prevent an unplanned pregnancy from happening again, with whomever your next partner is.
And once a kid comes into the picture, stop focusing on what's best for yourself and focus on what's best for the kid.
May she repent of this evil act, trully accept Jesus as her Savior and be forgiven.
