question about 2 girl friends of mine....

[inthisskin22x0]

Their both best friends. Their Chrsitians, but one of them has a computer full of men and inappropriate contentography. I confronted her and she said she has a problem she had for 4 years. Her problem is Lust. My other friend has a drinking and partying problem. She hangs out with the wrong crew. How can i help them? This problem is getting worse in both sexes.

What would you do?

 

[CShephard53]

Well, first off their actions show that Christ isn't the number 1 priority, otherwise they'd be getting help on their own. So calling them Christians would be a bit odd in my opinion. Secondly, you can't do anything until they are willing to realize that they need help. Which you cannot bring about on your own. I'd find and give them resources to change. For lust, I'd recommend LFL- lust free living. Google it. I'd also recommend www.settingcaptivesfree.com. I wouldn't know where to start with partying and hanging out with the wrong crowd besides confronting them and telling them they are in trouble- why and how they are in trouble if they continue down that path- how messed up their life can get, etc. Also I'd mention that the Christian faith is an active faith- it requires participation.

 

[inthisskin22x0]

They both sid they need help. But It's hard. Cause i never dealt with the issue of lust. and partying. I as a mature 17 year old, I don't party, drink, and do taht stuff. So its hard.

 

[Johnnz]

They both need to rethink a lot of issues. One probably has not fully and healthily integrated her sexuality into her life and values. The other needs some mature processing of her values too. Both will need someone to help them through some not altogether uncommon young persons' issues. Nothing will happen unless they want to change.

John
NZ

 

[Ramii]

You need to let them know your concerns and that you are available to be a close friend when they are ready to make some important changes; seeking Godly counsel would probably be a good start for them.

When they initially look at you funny, perhaps chastise you for being 'so judgemental'...you need to hold your ground (God hates a luke warm witness); speak to them out of concern - but keep your words simple and gentle.

Then, when they (OK, if they) choose to overlook your concern (which they most likely will do initially) - you must, and this is the hard part - and the only part you have control over, you must set a personal boundary between yourself and them. This, you make clear, is because you have strong objections/concerns to behaviors that WILL come between them and God.

You must stand for their highest potential. You must be strong and keep them in your prayers even as you carefully and quietly move away from them and their destructive behaviors.

They'll know where to go when they need a true friend.

Peace.

 

[OceanFloor4]

First of all I want to say that I think that it is very possible that your friends are indeed Christians as they claim. No Christian ever lives like God is #1 in their life all the time - it's simply impossible to do. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone struggles with sin, and everyone is guilty of putting other things before God *repeatedly*, including Christians.

For your friend with a problem with inappropriate contentography - if she admits the problem and wants to rid herself of it (which is sounds like she does, but has never been able to by herself), then try to get her to agree to an accountibility system. There are a number of free computer programs available that help keep people accountable to a friend, relative, pastor, or whoever - for what they are putting in front of their eyes on the computer. Lust is a very difficult thing to battle by one's self - I've found that accountability to others and accountability to God are the best methods to helping that situation.

For the friend with the drinking and partying problem - I think that this is more serious. This is a lifestyle conflict. You've got to put your foot down and make sure that she knows that you firmly believe that that kind of lifestyle is not a godly way of living. Drinking, partying, and hanging with the wrong crowd is a HUGE stumbling block in one's relationship to God. If she knows this, but does not have the desire to change, then she needs to re-evaluate whether she should continue calling herself a Christian. However, if she does have the desire to change, then there are a number of things you can do. It's very difficult to get out of a habit of drinking or a habit of hanging out with certain people. I'd suggest first to pray for her, perhaps pray together, that God would help her change. Secondly, you could try to help her ger more involved in activities within the church. Being a Christian isn't boring. There's plenty of fun things to do and plenty of important things to do. Help her get to know a better group of people to hang out with. If you need to go to a person of authority in the church to help her out, go ahead - they're there for a reason.

Hope that helps

 

[LilLamb219]

OceanFloor4 has given great advice!!!

On top of that, be an example to your friends as best you can. But don't be arrogant or self-righteous about it as that would push them away.

 

[Sketcher]

Pray for them first and foremost. Keep doing so.

Don't think that you can change them overnight, that will just lead to a big burnout.

Without giving their identities away, take this before your pastor or youth pastor. They have probably seen stuff that was as bad or worse than this, unless they are very new to the job.