Pushing myself...

[BlondieLashes]

God bless you rowantree and Tom! I need prayers! I feel completly agitated and just want to be left alone. My dear son just has difficult times too. I feel for him. He had a rough day at school. I am trying to teach him to use his words. I hate to even bring it up, but my marriage could use prayers too. I just want a calm, peaceful weekend.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Forgive me for posting again. I feel nauseated. I feel a weird feeling in my head and I feel little "electric" type shocks through my body. I know it's just me coming off of Abilify. I feel like crying.

I found out they gave my son sugar at school AGAIN! Will have to talk to the principal on Monday. I think this is what has caused his behavior this afternoon.

On top of this if my husband even mentions football this weekend I think I will scream.

 

[rowantree]

Oh Court. You have a lot going on. Will be praying for your marriage too. It is really hard to admit that there are problems there - had my own fair share and have always been reticent to want to say anything about it. But we will be praying. It is so hard when all you want is to be left alone. Again, I have that problem too - it drive you mad doesn't it? Some days I just can't bear to be bothered, and yet somehow or other, I get through.

God is with you Court - He must be for you to have gotten this far. I just know He will uphold you. Hang on in there. We will be here when you want to come tell us how you are doing. We are not going anywhere. Take care. xx

 

[Criada]

Praying that you have a peaceful weekend, sweetie.
It hurts when our kids seem to be attacking us, but in a way it is a good thing that he feels secure enough in your love to be able to vent and know that you will still love him, That's a lot of trust, and a sign of how good a mother you are!

Praying for your marriage too

 

[rowantree]

Court, we don't need to forigve you. You don't need to apologise. You post just as much as you need to. Use us as a lifeline. Even if we can't do much, we can be here and you won't be alone with this.

If you feel like crying, let it come. Is there any way at all that you can find a little bit of space for you? Just a little bit maybe? I know it's hard. I just sense that you need a little time. I pray you can get some.

That is just the pits that they gave your son sugar again. Don't know what to say as I am just horror struck that they would do that, especially when you have told them. So sorry that you will have to deal with this again. Praying that this time they truly listen and hear you and that they don't do that again. Beyond that I don't know what you can do. I am sorry that this has happened. It is not on.

How long does it take to get out of your son's system so he calms down again? I pray that it stops affecting him very soon.

Lord, please be with our dear friend Court and help her. You know what she is going through right now. Please just help her. Thankyou Lord. Amen

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thank you Criada and rowantree! I am still feeling lousy today. Went shopping with my son and husband for my son's halloween costume and some pants for school and went out to lunch. I was short-tempered the whole time because I plain old don't feel good. My head hurts. My stomach is messed up. My energy is low. It's a beautiful day and now that we're home I should go clean up the back yard and play with my son.... I just have no desire to do anything of the sort. I just want to feel better. I really, really want to be a better person. I want to feel well again. I need a different medication (obviously) and I am concerned because I have a low platelet count and may soon need to come of of Lamictal (another bipolar med) soon. If I am already reacting this way to coming off of Abilify I wonder how I am going to hold up to another med change. If it wasn't for my son I think I would check into a mental hospital until they straighten out my meds. I can't do that though as my husband has to work and there would be no one to take care of Andrew.

 

[rowantree]

Court, I so feel for you. I almost cried for you as I read this. To think of you as you did all of that, and going out for lunch and feeling so so bad. Ahd having no desire to do any of the things you have to do. Oh I know what you mean by that though. I've been there too. I understand your fear about coming off meds and starting with new ones also. I would have the same worries. I so wish I could say something really helpful, but just feel like a lame duck - caring so much and feeling for you and understanding all that you are saying, and yet able to do nothing or offer any advice.

Court, if it is enough that I care and would love to come and just give you a hug - then consider that done. The being alone bit though - I also know that feeling too.

Even if all that we can do is listen and care, we will continue to do that Court. Praying for you and looking forward to better days for you. I am sure that this will pass and that one day you will be feeling so much better. Maybe a bit hard to see that far ahead right now though. Sending love to you Court.

 

[BlondieLashes]

rowantree - Your hugs and caring are so appreciated. Thank you. My husband does not even understand what I am going through. I tried to talk to him about it today and his response was, "You have to keep going." Well, no kidding. I know that. I just need to feel better. I am starting to think my doctor had me wean off Abilify too quickly. I looked up the "correct" way to come off of it and he had me wean of much more rapidly than recommended. I feel really sick.

 

[TomCS]

I'm sorry Blondie,

 

[rowantree]

Court, could you go speak to your doctor again? It does sound as if this has all happened too quckly and I feel it might help if you felt you had more control over it all.

I am sorry your husband doesn't understand. Mine doesn't either. I know how hard that one is. I will pray that he become more understanding.

I know that you know you have to keep going. You have made a superhuman effort to keep going and I admire you so much for how you have done that. I so understand how you are exhausted with it now, though. I pray for strength for you now. I pray that you can manage to keep pushing forwards even though it hurts, and get throug this bad patch. We are right there with you even if we can't do much. We also understand what you are going through.

Praying for you today Court, that things improve somewhat and praying also that maybe you could get to talk to your doctor about all of this and how it is affecting you.

Lord, please help our dear and precious friend Court, and help her to get through this. Only with Your help can this be done. Thankyou Lord. Amen.

Lots of love to you Court and many prayers as always. Keep on coming in and letting us know how you are doing. I hope to be back later to see how you are doing. Take care.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Thanks Tom and rowantree! Thank you for the prayers. I will call my doctor tomorrow (Monday). I didn't sleep well last night....

 

[rowantree]

Hi Court. I am so pleased that you are going to see your doctor if you can. I am sure that if you felt more in control of this, you would feel a bit better. I am sorry you didn't have any sleep. I know what that does to me, so know what it must do to you too.

Praying for you still Court. Will check back in later this evening. God bless you . You are special and precious and very very very brave.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi rowantree! Yes, if I felt more in control of this I would feel a bit better. I just can't seem to rest and yet I'm exhausted. My legs are so restless when I lay down. I just feel agitated...

On top of it all my baby has come down with a 102 degree fever and feels miserable. I have to be in Mommy mode to care for him properly.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It means the world to me. You are a good friend.

 

[rowantree]

Oh Court. Why is it that always, so many things happen at once to us? It is that way with me too. As if you did not have enough to contend with. Oh wow! I will pray for you to have the strength to be in Mommy mode. Oh how hard that must be when feeling like you do.

The feelings you are describing do sound just like coming off meds. It is horrible. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I do hope and pray that you can still get to the doctors tomorrow, now that Andrew is ill. Sounds like the two of you need some TLC. I wish that you could get some Court.

Am still around - will be for most of the evening. Will check back in again later - and tomorrow as well.

Praying for you Court. You are doing so well though. Praying for more strength for you. xx

 

[paul becke]

Hi Court. I am so pleased that you are going to see your doctor if you can. I am sure that if you felt more in control of this, you would feel a bit better. I am sorry you didn't have any sleep. I know what that does to me, so know what it must do to you too.

Praying for you still Court. Will check back in later this evening. God bless you . You are special and precious and very very very brave.

I'll second that, Rowantree. One day, even if it has to wait for the next life, your son will find out just what you went through for love of him. Maybe in a strange way, his needs are your anchor. But with all the rest (not, unfortunately of the 'sleep' kind) you have to contend with, you've got a lot of extra tonnage to carry apart from that anchor!

 

[rowantree]

Court, just meant to say also that I am praying for Andrew. He is a very special little boy.

 

[Criada]

Aw, I'm sorry there's so much to deal with sweetie.
I'm glad you're going to the doc - praying that he can help you to get through this change without feeling so very bad.
Praying for Andrew too - he's a very blessed little boy to have you to care for him, sweetie - you are such a good mother

 

[BlondieLashes]

Paul, rowantree and Criada.... I am beginning to believe you are all angels that God has placed in my life! Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I really appreciate the prayers for Andrew too. He is my life!

 

[SplendidTree]

Hey there sister! Came here to post and looks like you literally just did. Glad to hear this and will keep praying.

Philippians 4:13. You are doing great!

 

[rowantree]

Paul, rowantree and Criada.... I am beginning to believe you are all angels that God has placed in my life! Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I really appreciate the prayers for Andrew too. He is my life!

Aww, Court. Andrew is such a lucky little boy. How wonderful that you have him in your life. Praying that things improve very soon. Let us know how Andrew goes and also how the visit to the doc goes, if you manage to get there. xx