Proper gender roles in marriage and how is a man to act from an Orthodox perspective?

[SingularityOne]

What do you find appealing about feminism?

Oh, I find nothing at all appealing about feminism. I'm trying to get rid of the propaganda from my thoughts, desires, and actions so that I can become a truly human man in Christ-Crucified (Authentically/Vulnerability myself in Christ - No longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me). I want to get rid of the spirit of the world/flesh/satan in me and abide by the Spirit of God.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression. My disposition has its challenges. Not only in the men I attract. But also the calling I've received. There are those who encounter me and think, yes, I've found the one I sought! They are envisioning a white picket fence and a life full of domestic bliss. And while I can provide that in spades. They dismiss my vocation.

They say to themselves. Culinary training, dinner parties, interior decorating, organic farming, culture, volunteering, and she can manage my money and social calendar! But he fails to consider the reason behind their presence. He sees himself alone. His counterpart is similar. He views me as an asset that could aid his growth and success. This is true and something I would eagerly perform. But once again, God is left out of the picture.

Some of my experiences relate to marriage and others are wholly for my vocation. I've created a lifestyle where my actions point to my calling and can also serve my spouse. It will never be said that I've given the best of myself to others and neglected to give him the same.

The biggest issue I face is the mistaken belief my life will revolve around them. I don't think it's meant to insult. I suspect there's a mixture of selfishness and an earnest desire to have a partner who enjoys her service and his leadership. That's understandable.

I think headship is a struggle for both. The Christian men I encountered were egalitarian in their person. They demonstrated leadership in the church but in their relationships, it was very different. I've met secular men who didn't struggle in this way but their absence of faith is not an option.

I've found that the "leadership" in our society is very "avoidant" in nature and buried in shame and fear of truly being authentic with the other. However, this isn't what true servant leadership is. I never really understood what "servant leadership" was until this thread (It being centered around humility).

Are you saying that you find men that want "you to revolve around them" instead of "you both revolving around God"?

It sounds like there is a preconceived vision of what the dynamic will look like before the relationship begins based on the "white picket fence and a life full of domestic bliss", but then they don't think your vocation abides by that vision they have.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like you have thought through this quite a bit.

Remember Paul's words, "I buffet my body and make it my slave." There are some challenges we can release with ease and others that we must continue to lay down. The pesky things won't stay on the altar! ;-)

Exactly. It's a struggle, but something that I need to put on the altar.

 

[bèlla]

Oh, I find nothing at all appealing about feminism. I'm trying to get rid of the propaganda from my thoughts, desires, and actions so that I can become a truly human man in Christ-Crucified (Authentically/Vulnerability myself in Christ - No longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me). I want to get rid of the spirit of the world/flesh/satan in me and abide by the Spirit of God.

That is a noble goal and it can be done. Hold close to Him. Pruning is helpful. When I came to faith I laid everything down. I gave up my connections and offered them to the Lord. If He redeemed them we were meant to walk together and if He didn't it was better not to do so.

For many years my conversation was limited to 3 people including my daughter. I spent a lot of time in fellowship with the Lord. I grew immensely during that period. I always say, He talks a lot. We're just too busy to notice.

I've found that the "leadership" in our society is very "avoidant" in nature and buried in shame and fear of truly being authentic with the other. However, this isn't what true servant leadership is. I never really understood what "servant leadership" was until this thread (It being centered around humility).

I don't believe you can lead as the Lord instructs if your flesh is in the way. You will always move in the direction that's greater. If self exceeds God it will win every time.

Are you saying that you find men that want "you to revolve around them" instead of "you both revolving around God"?

Yes. Secular and Christian.

It sounds like there is a preconceived vision of what the dynamic will look like before the relationship begins based on the "white picket fence and a life full of domestic bliss", but then they don't think your vocation abides by that vision they have.

This is why we must pray for wisdom and discernment. There are many landmines in our path to prevent us from effectively serving God's kingdom.

I know my vocation. I've focused on know the purpose of my existence. I don't believe I could make significant decisions with that knowledge beforehand. And I sift everything through my purpose to determine if it lines up with the Lord or if its engagement will lead me astray.

I have no judgment of the gentlemen I mentioned. I know they are inappropriate for me. To engage with them would mean I've chosen flesh over God. This is why I advocate having discussions beforehand. Many enter marriage with the belief the other will change. They are working at cross purposes and divided. Embracing the person as they are is a must.

Exactly. It's a struggle, but something that I need to put on the altar.

I have my own but God is faithful. You'll be okay.

 

[HosannaHM]

Thankful for this conversation everyone. I got caught up in a not-so pleasant talk in another forum(with some rather strong feminists), but this one has been quite the opposite.

I’m thankful for brothers and sisters challenging each other and wanting to draw from the word of God, even though this is such a delicate subject in today’s climate. I have been encouraged.

 

[buzuxi02]

Run from feminists. In marriage the more traditional a woman the better. Better a traditional woman of pagan background than a Christian feminist.