Problem with turning my life around

[JayH87]

I'm not new to being a christian, as a matter of fact i've been one since I was 5 years old i'm 25 now. Around the age of 22 you can say I fell into backsliding, at this time I was partying in strip clubs just about every weekend, I was with different women all the time and to top it off I was addicted to porn. Why was i doing all this? well simply put as a kid all the way through school and some of college I never was invited to partied, I could never interact with girls so when I got old I was introduced to this lifestyle and fell in love with it, it felt like doing wrong was making me whole. Since then, i've come out of that lifestyle and came back to Christ but the change is wearing me down harder than anything else in my life.

It is now to the point where this entire Christian journey can be summed up in one quote "Serve God and suffer mentally until a point of constant agony or Live free and be happy but have God be unpleased with your actions." Many times I just want to go back to my old lifestyle just so I can know what happiness is, just to not have it lingering in my head anymore.

It is now to a point where sometimes it is just too much to handle, I pray and ask God for help and for me just to know what true happiness is. I just do not know what to do or where to go anymore because it's now like be unhappy with serving the Lord even though it is right or go back to your old life be happy but suffer with the guilt

i really need help with this if anyone knows this feeling

 

[parsley]

Is it really as horrible as you describe? most people I know were overjoyed to become Christians -- they felt as though a heavy burden was lifted. I wonder if you have been so focused on doing things right, that you are forgetting to connect with God and see the life He has for you.

Part of looser living can include how people treat you -- so if you are with a church of straight-laced or legalistic people, they might be scrutinizing your every move. Try to find a coffee house or other informal gathering where you see Christians when they are not just pew-sitting.

And remember to ask God to meet this frustration with a solution! Then listen for His ideas.

 

[JayH87]

I wonder if you have been so focused on doing things right, that you are forgetting to connect with God and see the life He has for you.

you're exactly right, soon as i read this I was like "THIS IS IT!!!" maybe it's how I see God and Christianity that has me feeling this way. No doubt I was happy to come out of that previous life where I honestly used to wake up feeling that God hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. But the problem is now that I feel like I am no longer happy with anything and that if i make one false move I go back to the feeling of God hating me.

 

[nate_1989]

I know how u feel man I am in the same position. To be honest at times if feels "unfun" to be a christian and lonely....atleast to me. But honestly that life is gross, how many times I have woke up hungover, broke, and full of shame is un countable, all for one night of "fun" I am trying to turn my life around and stop womanizing and going out...I know god will give me the life I want if I turn to him. I mean he said he would give us the desires or our heart and I want a happy, healthy, fruitful, life with a wife and the ability to not be completely poor...we have that opportunity in America when in places like liberia their are christians who have no such opportunity...god blessed us just by letting us be born here!

 

[Ark100]

Parsley is right. I also don't think serving God is a sad and boring thing. Its joy. Having the love of God in your heart and knowing Jesus is pure joy. Indescribable as well. Its not the kind of joy you get in the 'world'

Temptations do come, which is what I think is happening with you. You may be getting these impressions in your mind reminding you of how cool you felt and happy you were in the world when you used to party etc, but you should simply dismiss them and pray. God has called you to Himself and stick with Him.

I dont see how serving God can be equated with constant mental agony except if you are in between. like not hot or cold, just floating in between both? Its hard when you are that way.

Serving God with all your heart and allowing the Holy Spirit guide, lead and help you is joy and happiness. Building a close relationship with God through reading His word, prayer, meditation, praising Him, speaking to Him like a child to their Father and more. God has a plan for each of His children but you have to maintain the relationship with Him. When worldly desires and temptations come, pray against them and resist. God has better for ya

 

[dennis1777]

Real happiness cannot be found in sin. And life involves suffering whether you follow the light of Christ or spiritual darkness. You just need to trust in God, pray more. Don't be anxious about feeling blissful in this life. Though God can send consolations or comfort can come from the comforter (The Holy Spirit). Trust in God, study and pray to know Him and His path for you. Sit and listen (meditate). Find a Church for fellowship, support and guidance.

 

[Pal Handy]

I'm not new to being a christian, as a matter of fact i've been one since I was 5 years old i'm 25 now. Around the age of 22 you can say I fell into backsliding, at this time I was partying in strip clubs just about every weekend, I was with different women all the time and to top it off I was addicted to porn. Why was i doing all this? well simply put as a kid all the way through school and some of college I never was invited to partied, I could never interact with girls so when I got old I was introduced to this lifestyle and fell in love with it, it felt like doing wrong was making me whole. Since then, i've come out of that lifestyle and came back to Christ but the change is wearing me down harder than anything else in my life.

It is now to the point where this entire Christian journey can be summed up in one quote "Serve God and suffer mentally until a point of constant agony or Live free and be happy but have God be unpleased with your actions." Many times I just want to go back to my old lifestyle just so I can know what happiness is, just to not have it lingering in my head anymore.

It is now to a point where sometimes it is just too much to handle, I pray and ask God for help and for me just to know what true happiness is. I just do not know what to do or where to go anymore because it's now like be unhappy with serving the Lord even though it is right or go back to your old life be happy but suffer with the guilt

i really need help with this if anyone knows this feeling

An unsurrender life that tries to walk on two sides of the fence at
the same time will feel exactly as you do.

God is not into you suffering and yet you suffer because in your heart
you still desire your sins more than you desire God's will and blessing for your life.

What needs to happen in your life?

Do you need to come to utter ruin through your sinful lifestyle before
you will stop sitting on the fence go all the way with God?

God's way is not the way you describe it.

God's way, when we go all in, is wonderful, blessed, full of Joy,
peace and God's love and opens the doors to a life of Godly contentment and
fulfillment in a deep and personal relationship with God our heavenly Father through Jesus Christ.

God has so much for you but you can never receive it as long as you are
undecided upon which side of the fence you will come down on.

One side is satans way of sin and death while the other side is life and life
abundantly through Jesus Christ.

I don't care how wonderful you think you had it on the devils side,
you will never know the fullness of God's side till you get off the fence
and decide to make Jesus Christ your Lord.

Life goes by quickly and you have already used up a good portion of it
and what will you have when you come to the end and take inventory
of your life? Sexual conquests and self gratification while leading people to hell?

These sexual expoits will not give you any comfort or ease your mind or
cause you to be confident as the day approaches when all
men will stand before God and give an account of their lives.

These women you have used, what will their fate be?

Have you lead them toward God through Christ or to the devil and hell?

I don't think you have truly come to a place where you have repented for your sins and so
until you can, your way will be hard and you will suffer as
you are suspended between two worlds, two road, two ways in which
one leads to blessing and eternal life while the other leads to hell.

Somehow you need a breakthrough in your life.

Somehow you need to make a choice on one way or the other and I pray
that you will choose God instead of the expressway to ruin and destruction.

God will not be mocked, whatever a man sows, he will reap....

I can tell you this from experience as a certain fact, your sins will
bring you down if you choose to continue in them.

God will not be mocked.....when He says that sin lead to death, it will lead to death.

If you really want God and not religion then seek Him by inviting Him into your life
without conditions or restraint.

Can you tell God that you give your life completely to Him in Christ to do
whatever it takes to take away your desire for sin and to replace it with His
love, joy, peace, will and purpose for your life?

Can you give God permission to posess you body, mind, soul and spirit?

If you want to find the fullness of God in your life, this is the level He requires
to go further and find the life and life abundantly He wants for you.

Can you go all in?

 

[BFine]

"But the problem is now that I feel like I am no longer happy with anything and that if i make one false move I go back to the feeling of God hating me."


*Then you renew your mind often on the truth found in the Word of God.
Believe it.


Identity:
John 1:12 I am a child of God.

Romans 8:1-2 I am free from condemnation.

Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.

Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.

Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God.

Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.

Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.

2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.

Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.


*If you have sinned you can and should repent of that sin.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

While I wasn't sleeping around or anything I was a TERRIBLE christian in my teen years until a few years ago. I became a christian at 9, but after my seizure and brain injury I got mad at people and then God because my life had gone down hill. I got into porn, swearing, watching gory things...etc. I loved fighting people online and overall being somewhat of a troll.

It wasn't until a sister in Christ helped me get my life back on track that I realized I was digging my hole deeper and God had nothing to do with it. I had to change my lifestyle to how I was as a preteen. Someone who loved God, was happy no matter what went on...etc. Now that I am that person again I look back ath those bad times and think "Wow, what was I thinking!".

 

[quitespirit]

I'm not new to being a christian, as a matter of fact i've been one since I was 5 years old i'm 25 now. Around the age of 22 you can say I fell into backsliding, at this time I was partying in strip clubs just about every weekend, I was with different women all the time and to top it off I was addicted to porn. Why was i doing all this? well simply put as a kid all the way through school and some of college I never was invited to partied, I could never interact with girls so when I got old I was introduced to this lifestyle and fell in love with it, it felt like doing wrong was making me whole. Since then, i've come out of that lifestyle and came back to Christ but the change is wearing me down harder than anything else in my life.

It is now to the point where this entire Christian journey can be summed up in one quote "Serve God and suffer mentally until a point of constant agony or Live free and be happy but have God be unpleased with your actions." Many times I just want to go back to my old lifestyle just so I can know what happiness is, just to not have it lingering in my head anymore.

It is now to a point where sometimes it is just too much to handle, I pray and ask God for help and for me just to know what true happiness is. I just do not know what to do or where to go anymore because it's now like be unhappy with serving the Lord even though it is right or go back to your old life be happy but suffer with the guilt

i really need help with this if anyone knows this feeling

I think I know this feeling. It sounds like (and all those highlighted words I made red to show how often you mention your feelings) you struggle between feelings and principle. I have been meditating on this issue in my own life all day, and you sound like me.

I see you struggle back and forth between your feelings (in red) and your principle (in blue). I'm reading a book right now called 'Living Beyond Your Feelings' that I am finding helpful in seeing what makes me tick, those thoughts that take hold that direct me to do what feels good instead of what IS good.

I pray you seek God to enlighten you in these things you mention above. He is the one who can show us where he wants to work and He is the one who does the work. Our job is to be willing to obey and to take the steps forward when he shows us. Trust Him. Believe His promises. Draw near to the throne of grace. I wish you well.

 

[damascusroad]

Well said, quitespirit .............

That battle between the sinful and Spiritual nature goes on forever. Which one gets the upper hand is the thing we watch for. When "I" is the Spiritual nature, one gets along well. When "I" is the feelings, the emotional nature, the sea gets rough.

 

[quitespirit]

Thanks Damascusroad.

OP, wanted to mention also- A goal for our Christian lives doesn't need to be happiness. Happiness is circumstantial. We can have something greater than happiness, we can have joy. Joy is great because it can not be taken away from us. Joy can be experienced in the midst of pain and suffering, and we are promised pain and suffering. Happiness won't follow into your trials.

Joy comes from trusting God and His promises, and knowing He has our back- even when we are not happy. We won't be happy all the time. What if you got your heart broken while so concerned with the feeling of happiness? If you chose to let your feelings drag you away from God, you would not only suffer a lack of happiness but a hole in your life where joy in the Lord should have been. There is one thing missing from all our lives, and only one. A relationship with the Lord. We tend to lose focus in the here and now, forgetting there will be a there and then.

I'm leaning on a verse that says where our treasure is there our heart will be. If your treasure is in the momentary and fleeting pleasures of the world than when it is taken away you will suffer great loss. It will also never be enough to satisfy.

But if you stash your treasures in the things of God you will find great gain, a guaranteed return on your investment, joy, peace, and every good fruit of the spirit. It almost makes it sound silly to chase the pleasures of this world.

 

[damascusroad]

I'm leaning on a verse that says where our treasure is there our heart will be. If your treasure is in the momentary and fleeting pleasures of the world than when it is taken away you will suffer great loss. It will also never be enough to satisfy.

But if you stash your treasures in the things of God you will find great gain, a guaranteed return on your investment, joy, peace, and every good fruit of the spirit. It almost makes it sound silly to chase the pleasures of this world.

And all God's children SHOUTED, AMEN!

 

[daddywalt]

Advice from outsider: you need to remove yourself from the temptations. Get off the grid, put up the walls to keep yourself from the constant reminder of the temptation. You need to purge yourself first. Smokers don't quit then keep a pack of smokes in their pocket, same goes for you. I used to live in a town with 7 strip club bars like you mentioned. 2 towns north and not a single bar offering illicit shows. Set the parental controls on your computing devices and lose the passwords or have a friend/ family member type one in. Next get back to nature. Go camping, go on a road trip, visit relatives in another state and pray as you go. This will cause a reset of the mind by breaking all of your routines. A long time ago my church group had a nice trip, we got cabins, went canoeing and just immersed ourselves in God for a long weekend and it can have a huge impact. Come home to a clean home free of reminders and make new routines. I recommend exercise, I remember a similar situation when I needed to curb that energy and pressure. Pushing myself physically was very successful in curbing the routines and mindset, also gave me muscle and physique. In all honesty, you'll never get a better workout in, then the one where you are trying to repent from the impure desires. Just a quick 2 cents before I head to bed. Good luck and God bless.

 

[parsley]

..Cause a reset of the mind by breaking all of your routines...get back to nature.

(-: Ooh I'm ready, I could use some nature right now.

But honestly that life is gross, how many times I have woke up hungover, broke, and full of shame

lol.

God has a plan for each of His children but you have to maintain the relationship with Him.

decide to make Jesus Christ your Lord...Can you tell God that you give your life completely to Him in Christ to do
whatever it takes

*Then you renew your mind often on the truth found in the Word of God.
Believe it.

Now that I am that person again I look back ath those bad times and think "Wow, what was I thinking!".

(-:

struggle back and forth between your feelings (in red) and your principle (in blue).

Nice work organizing!

When "I" is the feelings, the emotional nature, the sea gets rough.

I have been on trips with too many emotion-based people, and egad nothing gets done. We spend all our time bickering over who wants what and who didn't get to do what. Drama! Not fun.

I grew up in a home where decisions were top-down and not questioned, so we didn't expect to get our way... but things were still reasonable. We still had fun within the confines of our parents' decisions, and no time was wasted saying, "But I don't want to."

A lot of people grow up running the show, getting their own meals and fixing their own computers; they have not learned to trust the possibility that putting their lives in someone else's hands might turn out okay. It's a scary thought for anyone.

No doubt I was happy to come out of that previous life where I honestly used to wake up feeling that God hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. But the problem is now that I feel like I am no longer happy with anything and that if i make one false move I go back to the feeling of God hating me.

Spend some time in the Psalms. Go through the verses BFine gave you too. Try even reading out loud, so you can hear yourself say them with conviction. (Sounds silly, I know.)

We all fall into stages where we think we know what Christianity is about, and start presenting our own version to people, forgetting that God has very real, interactive ideas. We think we can write fan fiction "for" God, and it will be as good as the original.

For any of us, it boils down to: Do you want what God has for you, or do you want to invent what you imagine what God wants? Christianity is very real, very alive...but difficult to see unless one doesn't slow down to look and listen.

John 3:3

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

Ask yourself if you are just seeing the sign over the moat, or the grass inside the kingdom.

Set aside what you know about the phrase "born again," and think about a process of total rebirth. Being willing to start fresh and take on a completely new life. Beyond the decision to agree with God's philosophy, attend services, and get labeled by friends, there is so much more going on. We don't just buy into it, get a warranty and see if it has recalls.

Explore what's there. Go after it like you want to learn more. Ask God to show you things you have never seen. Ask Him to use you to improve people's lives. Ask Him to show you who He really is.